Watching a live performance is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that enjoying a live performance is incredibly more tempting than experiencing a televised event. While I understand the reasons why some advocate for broadcast events, I would contend that attending live performances provides a more memorable experience.
Granted, it is understandable why some people propose that watching events on television can be advantageous. The primary reason is the convenience and accessibility. Indeed, introvert individuals are less likely to attend the crowd because they do not prefer the scream of the audiences and boisterous atmosphere. Moreover, televised events are accessible to those cannot attend the live performance, especially due to distance, cost or health reasons. In addition to this, modern technology can provide a wider and more precise spectacle with multiple camera angles and commentary. However, proponents of this scheme often fail to factor because they often lack the spontaneity and emotional connection that live performances provide.
Notwithstanding the aforementioned above, I am convinced that attending a live performance is more enticing. Perhaps the foremost reason would be the distinctive ambiance that cannot be replicated on television. Obviously, being physically present among a crowd generates a sense of community and excitement that enhances the enjoyment. For example, watching a live football match of World Cup, along with the cheering and screaming of spectators, is really a dramatic and unforgettable experience. Another good point is the proximate interaction with the celebrities. In a concert, the performers often show some gestures to interact with the crowd, allowing them to feel more involved. Moreover, the audiences stand a good chance of getting the signatures and even accessories from these famous people.
To conclude, while there are good grounds for watching broadcast events, I firmly side with advocates of live performance thanks to its unique and irreplaceable experience.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"incredibly more tempting" -> "considerably more appealing"
Explanation: "Incredibly" is too informal for academic writing. "Considerably" maintains formality while "more appealing" is a more precise and sophisticated way to express the idea.
"While I understand the reasons why some advocate for broadcast events" -> "While I comprehend the rationale behind advocating for televised events"
Explanation: "Understand" is a common verb but using "comprehend" elevates the language slightly. "Rationale" is a more formal term than "reasons," and "televised events" is a more precise term than "broadcast events."
"advantageous" -> "beneficial"
Explanation: "Advantageous" is slightly informal; "beneficial" is a more formal synonym that fits better in academic writing.
"crowd" -> "audience"
Explanation: "Crowd" is not incorrect, but "audience" is more specific and commonly used in formal contexts.
"boisterous" -> "lively"
Explanation: "Boisterous" has a slightly informal connotation. "Lively" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning.
"fail to factor because they often lack" -> "overlook because they frequently disregard"
Explanation: "Fail to factor because" is awkward phrasing. "Overlook because" is more concise and precise. "Lack" can be replaced with "disregard" for a more formal tone.
"Notwithstanding the aforementioned above" -> "Despite the aforementioned"
Explanation: "Notwithstanding" is overly formal and redundant with "despite." Removing "above" maintains clarity and conciseness.
"foremost reason would be" -> "primary reason is"
Explanation: "Foremost reason would be" is slightly wordy and less direct. "Primary reason is" is clearer and more concise.
"distinctive ambiance" -> "unique atmosphere"
Explanation: "Distinctive ambiance" is somewhat redundant. "Unique atmosphere" conveys the same idea more concisely.
"watching a live football match of World Cup" -> "attending a live World Cup football match"
Explanation: "Watching" is replaced with "attending" for parallel structure. "World Cup football match" is more precise than "live football match of World Cup."
"along with the cheering and screaming of spectators" -> "accompanied by the cheers and shouts of spectators"
Explanation: "Cheering and screaming" can be replaced with "cheers and shouts" for a more formal and precise description.
"really a dramatic and unforgettable experience" -> "truly a dramatic and unforgettable experience"
Explanation: "Really" is too informal; "truly" is a more appropriate adverb in academic writing.
"good point is" -> "another advantage is"
Explanation: "Good point is" is colloquial. "Another advantage is" is more formal and precise.
"audiences stand a good chance of getting the signatures and even accessories" -> "audiences have a high likelihood of obtaining autographs and even merchandise"
Explanation: "Stand a good chance" is informal. "Have a high likelihood" is more formal. "Signatures" is replaced with "autographs" for precision, and "accessories" is replaced with "merchandise" for clarity and formality.
"advocates of live performance thanks to its unique and irreplaceable experience" -> "supporters of live performances due to its unparalleled and irreplaceable nature"
Explanation: "Thanks to" is too informal. "Due to" is a more formal alternative. "Unique and irreplaceable experience" is replaced with "unparalleled and irreplaceable nature" for variety and sophistication.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument: the advantages of watching events on television and the benefits of attending live performances. It acknowledges the convenience and accessibility of televised events while arguing in favor of the unique experience provided by live performances.
- How to improve: To further enhance task response, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored. For instance, provide more detailed examples or explanations of why televised events might be enjoyable for some individuals despite the essay’s overall preference for live performances.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, asserting that attending live performances is more enticing than watching events on television. This position is consistently reinforced through various examples and arguments presented in the essay.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the thesis statement in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion. This can help to ensure that the reader understands the author’s viewpoint from the beginning to the end of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents and supports its ideas with relevant examples and arguments. It discusses the ambiance of live performances, the sense of community they foster, and the opportunity for proximity with celebrities to bolster its argument.
- How to improve: To further extend and develop ideas, consider elaborating on the emotional impact of live performances compared to televised events. Providing additional examples or personal anecdotes could strengthen the essay’s persuasiveness.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the relative enjoyment of watching live performances versus televised events. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly deviates, such as when discussing the accessibility of televised events.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that all points made directly contribute to the central argument of the essay. Limit tangential discussions and consistently tie back examples or explanations to the overarching theme of live performances versus televised events.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presents a clear position, extends and supports its ideas, and largely stays on topic. To further improve, consider providing more comprehensive coverage of each aspect of the prompt and strengthening the clarity and coherence of the argument throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. Each subsequent paragraph presents a distinct argument supported by examples and reasoning. The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer’s viewpoint without introducing new ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transition between paragraphs to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one main point to avoid potential confusion for the reader.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic, such as the advantages of televised events or the benefits of attending live performances. The structure of each paragraph is clear, with a topic sentence introducing the main idea followed by supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: While the essay generally employs paragraphs appropriately, some paragraphs could be more concise or focused. Consider revising to ensure that each paragraph contains only information directly relevant to its main idea, avoiding any tangential or repetitive content.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Examples include transition words and phrases such as "while," "moreover," and "to conclude," which help to signal shifts between different arguments and sections. Additionally, pronouns and demonstratives are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned concepts.
- How to improve: To further enhance cohesion, strive to incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices throughout the essay. This could include using synonyms or alternative phrases for commonly used transitional expressions to add variety and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently and appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary. Various synonyms and phrases are employed effectively to convey ideas, such as "advocate for," "spontaneity," "proximate interaction," and "commendable." These choices enhance the overall clarity and richness of expression.
- How to improve: To further enrich the vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced or nuanced terminology where appropriate. For instance, instead of using "good grounds," opt for alternatives like "compelling rationale" or "substantial justification" to elevate the sophistication of the argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary with precision, accurately conveying intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "distinctive ambiance," "dramatic and unforgettable experience," and "proximate interaction" effectively capture the essence of the concepts they represent.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates precision in vocabulary usage, there are occasional instances where clarity could be enhanced by selecting more precise terms. For example, in the sentence "Perhaps the foremost reason would be the distinctive ambiance," replacing "foremost" with "primary" or "most significant" could enhance clarity and specificity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory. Most words are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing proofreading techniques such as reviewing the essay multiple times, utilizing spell-checking tools, and paying close attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, developing a habit of consulting dictionaries or reference materials for unfamiliar words can aid in reinforcing correct spelling.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong lexical resource, exhibiting a commendable range of vocabulary with precise usage and satisfactory spelling accuracy. To further improve, focus on incorporating more advanced vocabulary, refining precision in word choice, and ensuring consistent spelling accuracy through diligent proofreading practices.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, ranging from simple to complex. Complex sentences are used effectively to convey ideas, such as "While I understand the reasons why some advocate for broadcast events, I would contend that attending live performances provides a more memorable experience." The essay also utilizes compound sentences, for instance, "Moreover, televised events are accessible to those cannot attend the live performance, especially due to distance, cost or health reasons."
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety and sophistication of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and utilizing different syntactic patterns. This could involve varying the placement of clauses within sentences or experimenting with different types of dependent clauses to add depth and complexity to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are some instances where errors occur, such as "Perhaps the foremost reason would be the distinctive ambiance that cannot be replicated on television," where "ambiance" should be "ambience," and "Thanks to its unique and irreplaceable experience," where a comma after "Thanks" would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Proofreading carefully to catch such errors is crucial. Additionally, reviewing specific grammar rules related to articles, verb agreement, and punctuation can help in minimizing these errors. For instance, paying attention to the distinction between countable and uncountable nouns, and ensuring consistent use of articles (e.g., "a live football match" versus "the World Cup") can enhance grammatical accuracy. Additionally, being mindful of comma usage, particularly in complex sentences, can aid in maintaining clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued that enjoying a live performance is considerably more appealing than experiencing a televised event. While I comprehend the rationale behind advocating for televised events, I would contend that attending live performances provides a more memorable experience.

Granted, it is understandable why some people propose that watching events on television can be beneficial. The primary reason is the convenience and accessibility. Indeed, introverted individuals are less likely to attend crowds because they do not prefer the lively atmosphere and the shouts of the audience. Moreover, televised events are accessible to those who cannot attend live performances, especially due to distance, cost, or health reasons. In addition to this, modern technology can provide a wider and more precise spectacle with multiple camera angles and commentary. However, proponents of this scheme often overlook because they frequently disregard the spontaneity and emotional connection that live performances provide.

Despite the aforementioned, I am convinced that attending a live performance is more appealing. Perhaps the primary reason would be the unique atmosphere that cannot be replicated on television. Obviously, being physically present among a crowd generates a sense of community and excitement that enhances the enjoyment. For example, attending a live football match of the World Cup, accompanied by the cheers and shouts of spectators, is truly a dramatic and unforgettable experience. Another advantage is the opportunity for proximate interaction with celebrities. In a concert, performers often show gestures to interact with the crowd, allowing them to feel more involved. Moreover, audiences have a high likelihood of obtaining autographs and even merchandise from these famous people.

In conclusion, while there are good reasons for watching broadcast events, I firmly side with supporters of live performances due to its unparalleled and irreplaceable nature.