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Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is reckoned by certain individuals that watching a performance with in the real timeline and real performers or players can be more joyous than that through a electronic device. I firmly contend with the sentiment since at-the-time events can bring more fulfillment for the audiences than a recorded video.
Granted, to get a ticket in order to be presented in a place to watch a performance is relatively challenging in many cases, especially when it comes to a well-known concert, the tickets might be unavailable quickly so the majority of people can not watch the show that they desire to. However, live performances can still bring various experiences to the audiences, namely the emotion, the real feeling and the crowd, constitute by some people, are what render them to follow performances on the stage.
Moreover, when attending a live show, the majority can have a opportunity to witness the whole timeline, including the interval, which is the time for them to have their commentaries on the performances. For instance, in a football match, the spectaculars can watch the full match even the time that the teams preparing their plan or sometimes to rewatch the mistakes of the players so that they can fully understand how impartiality be activated in the game, not to mention the bustling atmosphere covers the stadium, which every sport events should have. As a result, individuals still in favor of a live match or play whenever they have a chance since watching through a inadequate size screen such as the television can not provide them with such enjoyable experiences that the live show have.
In conclusion, watching live shows such as a play, concert or sporting event can bring more experiences that are pertinent to the feelings and humans and suitable atmospheres rendering people to yearn for such kind of entertainment, rather than the recorded ones that they can watch many times through an electronic device like a television


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is reckoned by certain individuals" -> "It is argued by some individuals"
    Explanation: The phrase "It is reckoned" is somewhat informal, and replacing it with "It is argued" maintains formality while conveying a similar meaning.

  2. "watching a performance with in the real timeline" -> "attending a live performance"
    Explanation: "Watching a performance with in the real timeline" is awkward and informal. Replacing it with "attending a live performance" is more formal and precise.

  3. "more joyous than that through a electronic device" -> "more enjoyable than watching through an electronic device"
    Explanation: The term "joyous" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "enjoyable" maintains the intended meaning while using a more formal term. Additionally, the phrase "that through a electronic device" is awkward, and the suggested alternative improves clarity.

  4. "I firmly contend with the sentiment" -> "I strongly agree with the idea"
    Explanation: "Firmly contend" is a bit formal and not the most common expression in this context. Replacing it with "strongly agree with the idea" maintains formality and improves clarity.

  5. "to get a ticket in order to be presented in a place to watch a performance" -> "to acquire a ticket for attendance at a live performance"
    Explanation: The original phrase is verbose and awkward. The suggested alternative streamlines the sentence while maintaining formality.

  6. "especially when it comes to a well-known concert" -> "particularly in the case of a renowned concert"
    Explanation: "Especially when it comes to" is a bit informal. Replacing it with "particularly in the case of" maintains formality and precision.

  7. "the majority of people can not watch the show that they desire to" -> "a significant number of people may be unable to attend their desired show"
    Explanation: The phrase "the majority of people can not" is slightly informal. The suggested alternative maintains formality while providing a more precise expression.

  8. "constitute by some people" -> "composed of individuals"
    Explanation: "Constitute by some people" is not a standard expression. Replacing it with "composed of individuals" is more formal and grammatically correct.

  9. "the emotion, the real feeling and the crowd" -> "the emotions, authentic ambiance, and the audience"
    Explanation: The original phrase is informal and redundant. The suggested alternative uses more precise terms while maintaining formality.

  10. "interval, which is the time for them to have their commentaries" -> "intermission, during which they can provide their commentaries"
    Explanation: "Interval" is better replaced with "intermission" for formality, and the sentence structure is refined for clarity.

  11. "the time that the teams preparing their plan" -> "the time when the teams prepare their strategies"
    Explanation: "The time that the teams preparing their plan" is grammatically incorrect. The suggested alternative corrects the structure while maintaining formality.

  12. "sometimes to rewatch the mistakes of the players so that they can fully understand how impartiality be activated in the game" -> "sometimes to review the players’ mistakes to better understand how impartiality operates in the game"
    Explanation: The original phrase is awkward and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "individuals still in favor of a live match or play" -> "individuals still prefer attending live matches or performances"
    Explanation: "Individuals still in favor of" is slightly informal. Replacing it with "individuals still prefer" maintains formality and conciseness.

  14. "inadequate size screen such as the television" -> "small screen, such as a television"
    Explanation: "Inadequate size screen" is a bit awkward. Replacing it with "small screen" maintains clarity while using more standard terminology.

  15. "enjoyable experiences that the live show have" -> "enjoyable experiences that live shows offer"
    Explanation: "The live show have" is grammatically incorrect. The suggested alternative corrects the structure while maintaining formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses all aspects of the prompt. It acknowledges the challenges of obtaining tickets for live performances and argues in favor of the joy and fulfillment derived from real-time events. The essay provides a balanced view on the difficulties of attending live events while emphasizing the unique experiences they offer.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider exploring potential drawbacks of watching performances on television and providing a more nuanced discussion of the challenges associated with attending live events. This could add depth to the analysis.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent stance, asserting that live performances bring more fulfillment than recorded videos. This position is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, providing a strong backbone to the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the stance in the introduction. This will provide a roadmap for the reader, enhancing overall coherence.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas logically, extending arguments with examples such as the challenges of obtaining concert tickets and the benefits of experiencing the entire timeline of a live event. However, some examples lack specificity and could be further developed for a more robust argument.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed and specific examples. Instead of general statements, offer concrete instances or anecdotes to illustrate points. This will enrich the essay and make the arguments more convincing.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the advantages of live performances over televised ones. However, there are moments where the focus slightly deviates, such as when discussing the challenges of obtaining tickets.
    • How to improve: To maintain a more focused approach, ensure that each example and argument directly relates to the superiority of live performances. Avoid tangential discussions that may distract from the central theme.

In summary, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, maintaining a clear position and supporting ideas with relevant examples. To improve, consider providing a more nuanced discussion of challenges, explicitly stating the position in the introduction, offering more specific examples, and avoiding slight deviations from the main topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction presenting the writer’s stance. Each paragraph is focused on a specific aspect of the argument, such as the challenges of obtaining tickets, the experience of attending live performances, and the benefits of witnessing the entire timeline. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider refining the transition between paragraphs. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly connects to the next, creating a seamless progression of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to structure the content. Each paragraph addresses a distinct point, contributing to the overall coherence. There is an evident introduction, body, and conclusion structure.
    • How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally effective, consider refining the topic sentences to provide clearer guidance on the main idea of each paragraph. This will enhance reader understanding.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices reasonably well. Transition words and phrases are used to connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to the overall coherence. Examples include "Granted," and "Moreover."
    • How to improve: To further enrich the use of cohesive devices, explore a wider variety of transition words and phrases. Additionally, consider varying sentence structures for added cohesion. For instance, integrating more complex sentences can enhance the overall flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To improve further, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, clarifying topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices for a more nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable range of vocabulary. There is an attempt to incorporate varied words, but some repetition is evident, and certain phrases lack sophistication. For example, the repetition of "performance" and "watch" could be diversified to enhance the lexical range.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, consider incorporating synonyms and more diverse vocabulary. For instance, instead of frequently using "performance," explore alternatives like "presentation," "spectacle," or "exhibition." Additionally, vary sentence structures to avoid repetitive patterns.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of precise and less precise vocabulary. For instance, phrases like "real timeline," "real feeling," and "real performers" could be considered somewhat vague. Precision can be enhanced by specifying the aspects of the timeline or feelings.
    • How to improve: Aim for specificity in your language. Instead of "real timeline," specify if it refers to the chronological sequence of events during the performance. Likewise, describe the "real feeling" by elaborating on the emotions experienced. Precision adds depth and clarity to your expressions.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, spelling is relatively accurate; however, there are instances of minor errors, such as "spectaculars" instead of "spectators" and "impartiality" instead of "impartiality being activated." Additionally, some sentences lack clarity due to grammatical issues, impacting overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your work to catch and rectify spelling errors. It’s also crucial to review sentence structures for grammatical accuracy. Consider using tools like spell-check and grammar-check to ensure the correctness of your writing. Moreover, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence construction to enhance overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates competence in vocabulary use, there is room for improvement in diversifying and refining word choices. Additionally, careful proofreading and attention to grammatical details will contribute to a more polished and coherent essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a mix of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures further. For instance, the essay often relies on straightforward sentence constructions, and there is a lack of complex or compound-complex sentences. While the ideas are clear, enhancing sentence variety could elevate the overall quality of expression.
    • How to improve: Introduce more complex sentence structures, such as compound or compound-complex sentences, to add depth and sophistication to your writing. Incorporate clauses, transitions, and varied sentence lengths to create a more engaging and nuanced narrative.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, with few notable errors. However, there are instances where incorrect verb tenses and word choices slightly impact the overall coherence. For example, "It is reckoned by certain individuals" could be revised to "Some individuals argue," improving clarity and conciseness. Additionally, there are occasional punctuation issues, such as missing commas in complex sentences.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to verb tense consistency, especially when expressing opinions or general statements. Review and revise sentences for clarity and precision. Ensure proper punctuation, including commas in complex sentences to aid readability. Consider a thorough proofreading to catch and correct minor errors that can affect overall accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory command of grammatical structures and punctuation, there is room for improvement in sentence variety and precision. Focus on incorporating a wider range of sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation to enhance the overall clarity and sophistication of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is argued by some individuals that attending a live performance, be it a play, concert, or sporting event, is more enjoyable than watching the same event through an electronic device. I strongly agree with this idea, as acquiring a ticket for attendance at a live performance can offer a unique and fulfilling experience, particularly in the case of renowned concerts.

While it is acknowledged that obtaining tickets for live performances can be challenging, especially for popular events, where tickets may quickly become unavailable, the authentic emotions, ambiance, and the presence of a live audience make the effort worthwhile. A significant number of people may be unable to attend their desired show, but the opportunity to witness real-time performances with genuine emotions surpasses the convenience of recorded videos.

Moreover, attending a live show provides the audience with the complete timeline of the event, including the intermission, during which they can provide their commentaries. In the context of a sports event, spectators can observe not only the gameplay but also the time when teams prepare their strategies. Sometimes, they may review players’ mistakes, enhancing their understanding of how impartiality operates in the game. The bustling atmosphere in the stadium during live events adds to the overall experience.

In conclusion, individuals still prefer attending live matches or performances, even though watching through a small screen, such as a television, may offer convenience. The enjoyable experiences that live shows offer, including real emotions, authentic ambiance, and the presence of a live audience, create a unique and irreplaceable form of entertainment.

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