We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology.
How do you think it will change in the future?
Is it good for us to rely so much on computers?

It is the fact that people becoming rely on computer-based technology much more than in the past because it helps us doing a lot of useful things in work or study and also entertain ourselves by social media. This essay will predict the future of this phenomenon and explore some drawbacks in spite of a positive effect on our lives.

To begin with, smart technology will become more popular to distinct ages in the further society because people are currently used to having smart devices for their own targets. We can easily see people tend to use smartphones alone when they are in public places such as bus stop, parks or even in elevators. Furthermore, computers items are potential to develop significantly and being used by human's invention supported by Application Intelligences. For instance, Chat GPT is one of the fastest way to solve all issues in different fields, although we just pay not too much money to have an account on this website.

Conversely, depending a huge amount of time on computers makes us lazier due to the quick information on the Internet. For example, Vietjack is a Vietnamese students's favorite app due to the detailed answers for exercises in various subjects of ministry's program. Therefore, they can not gain knowledge and persue education traditionally similar to the past, their future won't be bright and unluckily become the poverty because of jobless. In addition, our information can be leaked by smart tools, so it threat private life and we may not concentrate on our works lead to the decline of income.

In conclusion, computer-based technology not only helps people a lot by adapting our need but also brings much damage in life due to the development devices.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

1. "It is the fact that people becoming rely on computer-based technology much more than in the past because it helps us doing a lot of useful things in work or study and also entertain ourselves by social media."
   -> "It is a fact that people increasingly rely on computer-based technology more than in the past, as it assists us in performing various tasks at work or in studies, and also provides entertainment through social media."
   Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while using more formal language, avoiding the informal phrase "a lot of" and adopting a more structured expression.

2. "This essay will predict the future of this phenomenon and explore some drawbacks in spite of a positive effect on our lives."
   -> "This essay will analyze the future trajectory of this phenomenon and examine some drawbacks despite its positive impact on our lives."
   Explanation: The term "predict" is replaced with "analyze" for a more formal tone, and "explore" is replaced with "examine" for precision and formality.

3. "smart technology will become more popular to distinct ages in the further society because people are currently used to having smart devices for their own targets."
   -> "Smart technology will gain popularity across various age groups in the future society as individuals are accustomed to using smart devices tailored to their specific needs."
   Explanation: "More popular to distinct ages" is replaced with "gain popularity across various age groups" for clarity and formality. The phrase "currently used to having" is refined to "accustomed to using" for a more formal expression.

4. "We can easily see people tend to use smartphones alone when they are in public places such as bus stop, parks or even in elevators."
   -> "It is evident that individuals tend to use smartphones exclusively in public places, such as bus stops, parks, or even in elevators."
   Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity and formality. The phrase "We can easily see" is replaced with "It is evident that" to enhance academic tone.

5. "Furthermore, computers items are potential to develop significantly and being used by human’s invention supported by Application Intelligences."
   -> "Furthermore, computer devices have the potential for significant development and are utilized through human inventions supported by Artificial Intelligence applications."
   Explanation: "Computers items" is replaced with "computer devices" for accuracy, and "being used by human’s invention supported by Application Intelligences" is revised for clarity and formality.

6. "For instance, Chat GPT is one of the fastest way to solve all issues in different fields, although we just pay not too much money to have an account on this website."
   -> "For instance, Chat GPT is a swift solution for various issues in different fields, and acquiring an account on this website is relatively inexpensive."
   Explanation: The sentence is refined for clarity and formality. "Fastest way" is replaced with "swift solution," and the phrase "although we just pay not too much money" is revised to "and acquiring an account… is relatively inexpensive" for precision.

7. "Depending a huge amount of time on computers makes us lazier due to the quick information on the Internet."
   -> "Spending a significant amount of time on computers contributes to increased lethargy, owing to the quick accessibility of information on the Internet."
   Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for formality and precision. "Depending a huge amount of time" is replaced with "Spending a significant amount of time," and the cause-effect relationship is clarified.

8. "For example, Vietjack is a Vietnamese students’s favorite app due to the detailed answers for exercises in various subjects of ministry’s program."
   -> "For example, Vietjack is a favored application among Vietnamese students, offering detailed answers to exercises in various subjects aligned with the ministry’s program."
   Explanation: The phrase "Vietnamese students’s favorite app" is revised to "favored application among Vietnamese students" for clarity, and the structure is refined for formality.

9. "Therefore, they can not gain knowledge and persue education traditionally similar to the past, their future won’t be bright and unluckily become the poverty because of jobless."
   -> "Therefore, they cannot acquire knowledge and pursue education in a traditional manner as in the past; their future may not be promising and could unfortunately lead to poverty due to unemployment."
   Explanation: The sentence is restructured for clarity and formality. "Can not" is changed to "cannot," and the expression "persue education traditionally similar to the past" is refined for precision.

10. "In addition, our information can be leaked by smart tools, so it threat private life and we may not concentrate on our works lead to the decline of income."
    -> "Additionally, our information can be compromised by smart tools, posing a threat to our privacy and hindering our ability to concentrate on work, potentially leading to a decline in income."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for formality and clarity. "Leaked" is replaced with "compromised," and the phrase "so it threat private life and we may not concentrate on our works lead to the decline of income" is refined for precision and structure.

11. "In conclusion, computer-based technology not only helps people a lot by adapting our need but also brings much damage in life due to the development devices."
    -> "In conclusion, computer-based technology not only significantly aids individuals by catering to our needs but also poses substantial risks to our lives due to the proliferation of these devices."
    Explanation: The sentence is revised for formality and precision. "Helps people a lot by adapting our need" is replaced with "significantly aids individuals by catering to our needs," and "brings much damage in life due to the development devices" is refined for clarity and specificity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses all parts of the question, discussing the current dependence on computer-based technology, predicting its future, and highlighting both positive and negative aspects.

  • How to improve: To enhance completeness, the writer could provide a more structured response by explicitly addressing each part of the prompt in separate paragraphs. For instance, one paragraph focusing on the current dependence, another on future predictions, and a third on the pros and cons.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, acknowledging the positive impact of computer-based technology while also recognizing its drawbacks.

  • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, the writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. This will help readers clearly understand the writer’s stance on the issue.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development and support. For example, the mention of "Chat GPT" as a fast problem-solving tool is a good point but needs more elaboration and concrete examples.

  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should provide more specific examples, evidence, and elaboration for each point. This could involve expanding on the benefits of smart technology and providing real-world instances where it has positively impacted individuals or society.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the impact of computer-based technology. However, there are instances where the connection between the examples and the main topic could be clearer.

  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that each example or point directly relates to the essay’s main theme. Additionally, maintaining a clear and logical flow between ideas will enhance coherence and relevance.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of task response by addressing all parts of the prompt and maintaining a clear position. To improve, the writer should focus on providing more detailed development and support for ideas, ensuring a direct connection between examples and the main topic, and adopting a more structured approach to enhance overall coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a discernible attempt at organization. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic and outlines the essay’s main points. The body paragraphs follow a logical sequence, discussing the increasing popularity of smart technology and its potential drawbacks. However, the transitions between ideas are somewhat abrupt, impacting the overall coherence. For instance, the shift from discussing the popularity of smart technology to the drawbacks could be smoother.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases to create a smoother flow between ideas. Ensure each paragraph logically follows the preceding one, creating a more cohesive narrative.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the structure within paragraphs could be refined. For example, the second paragraph covers the increasing popularity of smart technology, but the points within could be more clearly delineated for better readability.
  • How to improve: Structure each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details or examples. This will enhance the effectiveness of each paragraph and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes some cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "furthermore," and "conversely," but their usage is limited. Additionally, there’s a lack of variety in these devices, impacting the essay’s overall coherence. For instance, the connection between the ideas in the second and third paragraphs is abrupt.
  • How to improve: Increase the variety of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. Include transitional phrases that provide a more seamless connection between ideas. This will create a smoother and more cohesive progression of thoughts, ultimately improving the essay’s overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While it covers some basic terms related to computer-based technology and its impact, there is room for improvement in incorporating a more diverse and nuanced vocabulary. For example, the repeated use of phrases like "smart technology" and "computers items" could be diversified for a richer expression.
  • How to improve: To enhance the vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and varied expressions. Instead of relying on generic terms, delve into more specific and specialized vocabulary related to technology and its implications. This could elevate the overall lexical richness of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally exhibits imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "due to the quick information on the Internet" could be more precisely articulated. Additionally, there is room for improvement in the use of terminology; for instance, "Application Intelligences" is unclear and might be a misspelling or a term not commonly recognized.
  • How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision in vocabulary usage. When discussing the impact of the Internet, specify the nature of the information that leads to laziness. Moreover, use recognized and accurate terminology. Instead of "Application Intelligences," consider using terms like artificial intelligence or specific applications that support your point.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "becoming rely" (should be "becoming reliant"), "persue" (should be "pursue"), and "lead" (should be "leading"). These errors, while not pervasive, do affect the overall impression of language proficiency.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay carefully before submission. Additionally, practice writing with a focus on common spelling pitfalls. Tools like spell-checkers can be valuable aids in identifying and correcting such errors. Developing a habit of revising and editing written work will contribute to improved spelling precision.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a mix of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. There is an attempt to use more complex structures, such as "For instance, Chat GPT is one of the fastest ways to solve all issues in different fields, although we just pay not too much money to have an account on this website." However, the variety is limited, and the complexity could be improved for a higher score.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences with subordinate clauses and a mix of sentence lengths. For example, the use of relative clauses or conditional sentences can add complexity and depth to your writing.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a range of grammatical issues, including verb tense inconsistency ("It is the fact that people becoming rely"), subject-verb agreement errors ("computers items are potential"), and misuse of articles ("smart technology will become more popular to distinct ages"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: Focus on improving verb tense consistency and subject-verb agreement. Proofread for articles and work on correct usage. Also, pay attention to punctuation, particularly in compound sentences. A careful review of these aspects during the revision process is essential. Consider seeking assistance from grammar resources or proofreading tools to identify and rectify these errors.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar and a willingness to use a variety of structures, improvements in sentence structure variety, verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score. Engaging in careful proofreading and incorporating more complex sentence structures will enhance the overall grammatical range and accuracy of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is a fact that people are increasingly relying on computer-based technology more than ever before. This is because it assists us in performing various tasks at work or in studies, and also provides entertainment through social media. This essay will analyze the future trajectory of this phenomenon and examine some drawbacks despite its positive impact on our lives.

Smart technology is expected to gain popularity across various age groups in future societies, as individuals are becoming accustomed to using smart devices tailored to their specific needs. It is evident that people tend to use smartphones exclusively in public places, such as bus stops, parks, or even in elevators. Furthermore, computer devices have the potential for significant development and are utilized through human inventions supported by Artificial Intelligence applications. For instance, Chat GPT is a swift solution for various issues in different fields, and acquiring an account on this website is relatively inexpensive.

However, spending a significant amount of time on computers can contribute to increased lethargy, owing to the quick accessibility of information on the Internet. For example, Vietjack is a favored application among Vietnamese students, offering detailed answers to exercises in various subjects aligned with the ministry’s program. Therefore, they cannot acquire knowledge and pursue education in a traditional manner as in the past, potentially leading to an unpromising future and unfortunate poverty due to unemployment.

Additionally, our information can be compromised by smart tools, posing a threat to our privacy and hindering our ability to concentrate on work, potentially leading to a decline in income.

In conclusion, computer-based technology not only significantly aids individuals by catering to our needs but also poses substantial risks to our lives due to the proliferation of these devices. As we move forward, it is crucial to strike a balance between the benefits and potential drawbacks of our increasing dependence on technology.