We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

It is true to say that it is impossible for us to support all the poor people in the world, however, we should not just limit our kindness in the perception that people should only be brood on their own area or countries. Instead of that, we should change the idea to let help people whenever you think you are capable of, and wherever you go or see the necessity of support
On the one hand, each person has their own journey, and we do not know who we will meet on the way of growing up. For example, Pham quang linh, an adolescent was borned in Nghe An Viet Nam, after high school, he has been to Agola for working, however seeing people there living underprivileged condition, he determined to bring the success of agriculture in Viet Nam to this place with hope of improving dwellers’ life here. He has created a number of jobs for people there as well as raising Viet Nam image in front of international friends . Not only that, with the fast development of the social media, he become a million view tik toker, his influence has spreaded out and raise the sense of community and value of sharing to motivate a lot of people start to do charity
In addition, in the past, some serious disasters had happened. For instance, the earthquake in Japan . This event was an emergency and should be prioritized, since they need support from the world to recover the economic loss. Another example is that during covid 19 pandemic, countries around the world shared resources, medicine, vaccines,… the prosperous countries help the small countries.This global cooperation saved countless lives and showed that our tolerance should not confined by borders
In conclusion, helping or giving is a beautiful action that should be multiplied in our communities. While we can not solve all the world ‘s problems, we can make a significant impact by extending our help whenever and wherever we can. This mindset not only enriches the lives of those we help but also enhances our own sense of purpose and fulfillment

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is true to say that" -> "It is indeed the case that"
Explanation: "It is indeed the case that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a statement in academic writing, enhancing the tone and avoiding the colloquial "It is true to say that."
"we should not just limit our kindness" -> "we should not restrict our philanthropic efforts"
Explanation: "Restrict our philanthropic efforts" is more specific and formal than "limit our kindness," which is vague and informal. This change aligns better with the academic style by using a more precise term.
"brood on their own area or countries" -> "focus solely on their local areas or countries"
Explanation: "Focus solely" is more precise and formal than "brood on," which is an idiom that is not suitable for academic writing. "Solely" also adds a sense of exclusivity that is clearer in this context.
"let help people whenever you think you are capable of" -> "assist individuals whenever you deem yourself capable"
Explanation: "Assist individuals" is more formal and specific than "let help people," and "deem yourself capable" is a more formal expression than "think you are capable of."
"On the one hand" -> "On one hand"
Explanation: In academic writing, "On one hand" is sufficient without the definite article "the," as it is not referring to a specific instance.
"Pham quang linh, an adolescent" -> "Pham Quang Linh, a young adult"
Explanation: "Young adult" is a more precise term than "adolescent," which is somewhat informal and less specific in this context. Also, proper nouns should be capitalized.
"borned" -> "born"
Explanation: "Born" is the correct form of the verb in this context, not "borned," which is a misspelling.
"Agola" -> "Angola"
Explanation: "Angola" is the correct spelling of the country’s name.
"living underprivileged condition" -> "living in disadvantaged conditions"
Explanation: "In disadvantaged conditions" is a more formal and precise phrase than "underprivileged condition," which is grammatically incorrect and less formal.
"dwellers’ life" -> "residents’ lives"
Explanation: "Residents’ lives" is a more formal and appropriate term than "dwellers’ life," which is less commonly used and less precise.
"become a million view tik toker" -> "became a million-view TikToker"
Explanation: "Became" is the correct past tense for "become," and "million-view" should be hyphenated for clarity and correctness. "TikToker" should be capitalized as it refers to a proper noun.
"raise the sense of community and value of sharing" -> "promote a sense of community and the value of sharing"
Explanation: "Promote" is more specific and formal than "raise," which is vague in this context. Also, "the value of sharing" is grammatically correct.
"should be prioritized" -> "should be prioritized immediately"
Explanation: Adding "immediately" clarifies the urgency and necessity of the action, enhancing the formality and specificity of the statement.
"shared resources, medicine, vaccines,… the prosperous countries help the small countries" -> "shared resources, medicines, vaccines, and the prosperous countries assisted the smaller nations"
Explanation: "Medicines" should be pluralized to match the plural "resources," and "smaller nations" is a more formal and precise term than "small countries." Also, "assisted" is more formal than "help."
"our tolerance should not confined by borders" -> "our tolerance should not be confined by borders"
Explanation: "Be" is the correct auxiliary verb to use in this context, and the phrase should be grammatically complete.
"helping or giving is a beautiful action" -> "helping or giving is a commendable action"
Explanation: "Commendable" is a more formal and academically appropriate adjective than "beautiful," which is too subjective and informal for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by arguing against the notion that we should only focus on our own communities and countries. The writer acknowledges the limitations of helping everyone but emphasizes the importance of extending help beyond local boundaries. The examples provided, such as the individual from Vietnam helping in Angola and the global response to disasters, illustrate a broader perspective on humanitarian aid. However, the essay could benefit from a clearer acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would enhance the depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve in this area, the writer should explicitly address the counterargument that suggests focusing solely on local communities. This could involve acknowledging the merits of prioritizing local needs before discussing the importance of global assistance. Including a brief discussion of the potential consequences of neglecting global issues could also strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position taken in the essay is generally clear, advocating for a broader approach to helping others. However, the clarity of the position is somewhat undermined by the initial phrasing, which could be misinterpreted as ambiguous. The use of phrases like "we should not just limit our kindness" could be more assertively stated to reinforce the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use more definitive language throughout the essay. Starting with a strong thesis statement that clearly outlines the position can help set the tone. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion can reinforce the stance taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as individual journeys and global cooperation during crises, which are relevant to the argument. The examples provided are compelling and illustrate the points well. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the mention of social media’s role in spreading awareness could be expanded with more detail on how this impacts community engagement.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key examples. This could involve providing more context or statistics related to the examples mentioned, such as the impact of the individual’s efforts in Angola or the specific outcomes of global cooperation during the pandemic. Additionally, integrating more diverse examples could strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of helping others beyond local communities. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper. For instance, the discussion about social media, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the main argument about extending help globally.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every paragraph directly supports the central thesis. This can be achieved by clearly linking each example back to the main argument and avoiding tangential points that do not contribute directly to the discussion. A brief outline before writing the essay could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points remain relevant to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a well-reasoned argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth, and focus, it has the potential to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the idea of limiting help to one’s own community. The introduction effectively sets the tone, and the body paragraphs provide examples that support the argument. However, the logical flow could be improved; for instance, the transition between the first and second body paragraphs could be smoother. The connection between the personal story of Pham Quang Linh and the broader topic of global assistance is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse readers about how these ideas relate.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing Pham Quang Linh, a sentence could be added to link his individual actions to the broader theme of global responsibility. Additionally, outlining the essay before writing can help ensure that each point builds on the previous one in a coherent manner.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct point, such as individual responsibility and global cooperation. However, the first paragraph could be split into two to better delineate the introduction of the topic and the thesis statement, allowing for a clearer structure.
- How to improve: Consider starting a new paragraph after the thesis statement to clearly separate it from the introductory remarks. This can help emphasize the main argument. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea, which will guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "In addition," which help to signal the progression of ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "this event was an emergency" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify why it is relevant to the discussion about global assistance.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "moreover," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas. This will create a more seamless reading experience and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "support," "underprivileged," "influence," and "charity" being effectively employed. However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks sophistication. For example, phrases like "help people" and "support all the poor people" could be varied with synonyms or more specific terms to enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and more advanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeating "help," they could use "assist," "aid," or "provide relief." Additionally, using phrases like "social responsibility" or "global solidarity" could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "brood on their own area or countries" is unclear and could be better expressed as "focus solely on their own communities or nations." Additionally, "the success of agriculture in Viet Nam" could be more precisely stated as "agricultural advancements in Vietnam."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should carefully choose words that accurately convey their intended meaning. It is advisable to replace vague terms with more specific alternatives. For example, instead of "living underprivileged condition," the writer could say "living in poverty." Furthermore, reviewing vocabulary in context can help ensure that the chosen words fit the intended message.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "brooded" instead of "brood," "borned" instead of "born," "Agola" instead of "Angola," "spreaded" instead of "spread," and "raise" instead of "raised." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as using spelling apps or tools that highlight errors. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times or reading it aloud can help catch spelling mistakes. It may also be beneficial to create a list of commonly misspelled words and review them regularly.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant examples, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences like "Instead of that, we should change the idea to let help people whenever you think you are capable of, and wherever you go or see the necessity of support" shows an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures are awkward or unclear, such as "we should not just limit our kindness in the perception that people should only be brood on their own area or countries," which could be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, the writer should practice using more complex structures and varying sentence beginnings. Incorporating more subordinate clauses and transitional phrases can help improve the flow and coherence of ideas. Additionally, revisiting the use of conjunctions and relative clauses can aid in creating more sophisticated sentences.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "borned" should be "born," and "he become a million view tik toker" should be "he became a million-view TikToker." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences and after introductory phrases, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For instance, "For example, Pham quang linh, an adolescent was borned in Nghe An Viet Nam, after high school, he has been to Agola for working," lacks appropriate punctuation to separate the clauses clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Reviewing basic grammar rules, such as verb tenses and plural forms, will be beneficial. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas and periods, will help clarify sentence structures. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and relevant examples, focusing on grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will significantly enhance the quality of the writing. Regular practice and revision can lead to improved performance in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is true to say that it is impossible for us to support all the poor people in the world; however, we should not just limit our kindness to the perception that people should only brood over their own areas or countries. Instead, we should change the idea to help people whenever you think you are capable and wherever you see the necessity for support.

On one hand, each person has their own journey, and we do not know who we will meet on the way of growing up. For example, Pham Quang Linh, a young adult born in Nghe An, Vietnam, after high school, went to Angola for work. However, seeing people there living in disadvantaged conditions, he determined to bring the success of agriculture in Vietnam to this place with the hope of improving residents’ lives. He has created a number of jobs for people there as well as raised Vietnam’s image in front of international friends. Not only that, with the fast development of social media, he became a million-view TikToker; his influence has spread and promoted a sense of community and the value of sharing, motivating many people to start doing charity.

In addition, in the past, some serious disasters have occurred. For instance, the earthquake in Japan was an emergency that should be prioritized since they needed support from the world to recover from the economic loss. Another example is during the COVID-19 pandemic, when countries around the world shared resources, medicines, and vaccines. The prosperous countries assisted the smaller nations. This global cooperation saved countless lives and showed that our tolerance should not be confined by borders.

In conclusion, helping or giving is indeed a beautiful action that should be multiplied in our communities. While we cannot solve all the world’s problems, we can make a significant impact by extending our help whenever and wherever we can. This mindset not only enriches the lives of those we help but also enhances our own sense of purpose and fulfillment.