When a country develops its technology. The traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this answer?
When a country develops its technology. The traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to keep them alive.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this answer?
Because technology is increasingly sophisticated, maintaining traditional skills and ways of life is no longer necessary. I acknowledge the undeniable benefits of modern technological innovations; however, they can hardly replace these skill sets and living traditions passed on for generations and should better co-exist
First, those refusing to preserve time-honored methods may pinpoint that machinery and other state-of-the-art machinery can outperform craft artists in terms of productivity and efficiency. They can work relentlessly to produce more sophisticated artwork with virtually no faults, whereas human counterparts tend to make mistakes regardless of how skillful and experienced they are. However, flaws bring the heart and soul to art pieces, making them more valid and authentic, while flawless works created by advanced tech like artificial intelligence seem mechanical and heartless. A prime example can be seen in Vietnam where most traditional villages are well-preserved. Despite a few mistakes, the craftsmanship here is highly valued since most works are manually created with great meticulousness and dedication without technological support, making every one of these masterpieces more real. That is why techniques passed down through generations should never be replaced no matter how advanced tech becomes.
Secondly, supporters of replacing old ways of living with technological advances argue that it is unnecessary to have family reunions on special occasions. Nowadays, as smartphones and other Internet-based electronics facilitate distance communication, users no longer need to travel long distances to get together with other family members like parents and relatives. They would have more time for work, allowing them to earn extra bonuses. Nevertheless, the desire to gather with family during important events provides a sense of belonging. After a long time of not seeing each other, striking up a conversation directly can allow family members to better share and understand each other’s life struggles or happiness. Face-to-face interaction can foster strong bonds among them, meaning that old-age practices are irreplaceable.
In my opinion, rather than eliminate cultural practices and old lifestyles, technology should be used to promote these intangible values. For instance, crafting artists can take advantage of digital marketing platforms to advertise their crafts and thus reach potential customers to increase revenues. By the same token, families can use mobile devices to capture memorable moments during their get-togethers. As a result, they have some valuable pictures to remind them of where they belong.
In conclusion, despite its useful functions, modern advancements cannot replace how humans produce works of art and live traditionally. Personally speaking, the co-existence of technology and tradition should be promoted as they all help facilitate humanity’s life.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Because technology is increasingly sophisticated" -> "As technology becomes increasingly sophisticated"
Explanation: The phrase "As technology becomes increasingly sophisticated" is more formal and aligns better with academic style by using the present continuous tense to emphasize the ongoing development of technology. -
"maintaining traditional skills and ways of life is no longer necessary" -> "the maintenance of traditional skills and ways of life is no longer necessary"
Explanation: Changing "maintaining" to "the maintenance of" shifts the focus from the action to the concept, which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"they can hardly replace" -> "they cannot fully replace"
Explanation: "Cannot fully replace" is more precise and academically formal than "can hardly replace," which is somewhat colloquial and vague. -
"machinery and other state-of-the-art machinery" -> "machinery and other advanced technologies"
Explanation: "Advanced technologies" is more specific and avoids the redundancy of "state-of-the-art machinery." -
"work relentlessly" -> "operate continuously"
Explanation: "Operate continuously" is more precise and formal than "work relentlessly," which can imply negative connotations. -
"virtually no faults" -> "nearly flawless"
Explanation: "Nearly flawless" is a more precise and formal way to describe the quality of the work produced by machines. -
"making them more valid and authentic" -> "rendering them more authentic and valuable"
Explanation: "Rendering them more authentic and valuable" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the less precise "valid." -
"heart and soul" -> "essence"
Explanation: "Essence" is a more formal term than "heart and soul," which is colloquial and metaphorical. -
"making every one of these masterpieces more real" -> "ensuring each of these masterpieces is more authentic"
Explanation: "Ensuring each of these masterpieces is more authentic" is clearer and more formal than "making every one of these masterpieces more real." -
"techniques passed down through generations" -> "traditions inherited from generations"
Explanation: "Traditions inherited from generations" is a more precise and formal way to describe the transmission of cultural practices. -
"supporters of replacing old ways of living" -> "advocates for replacing traditional ways of living"
Explanation: "Advocates for replacing traditional ways of living" is more formal and specific than "supporters of replacing old ways of living." -
"users no longer need to travel long distances" -> "individuals no longer need to travel long distances"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "users" in this context. -
"allowing them to earn extra bonuses" -> "enabling them to earn additional income"
Explanation: "Enabling them to earn additional income" is more formal and specific than "allowing them to earn extra bonuses." -
"old-age practices" -> "traditional practices"
Explanation: "Traditional practices" is a more precise and formal term than "old-age practices," which is vague and potentially confusing. -
"eliminate cultural practices and old lifestyles" -> "displace cultural practices and traditional lifestyles"
Explanation: "Displace" is a more precise verb than "eliminate" in this context, suggesting a replacement rather than complete removal. -
"take advantage of digital marketing platforms" -> "utilize digital marketing platforms"
Explanation: "Utilize" is a more formal synonym for "take advantage of," fitting better in an academic context. -
"to advertise their crafts" -> "to promote their crafts"
Explanation: "Promote" is a more formal term than "advertise" in this context, focusing on the marketing aspect rather than the advertising aspect. -
"to capture memorable moments" -> "to record memorable moments"
Explanation: "Record" is a more precise and formal term than "capture" in the context of documenting events. -
"have some valuable pictures" -> "possess valuable photographs"
Explanation: "Possess" and "photographs" are more formal and precise than "have" and "pictures." -
"Personally speaking" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more formal expression than "Personally speaking," which is somewhat colloquial.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument against the notion that traditional skills and ways of life are pointless in the face of technological advancement. The author acknowledges the benefits of technology while arguing for the preservation of traditional practices, thus addressing both sides of the debate. The examples provided, such as the value of craftsmanship in Vietnam and the importance of family gatherings, illustrate the author’s points well. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would enhance the depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the author could include a brief discussion of the potential benefits of technology in preserving traditional skills, such as using technology to document and share these practices. This would demonstrate a more balanced view and strengthen the overall argument.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that traditional skills and ways of life should coexist with technology. The author consistently supports this position throughout the essay, using phrases like "should never be replaced" and "old-age practices are irreplaceable." The conclusion reiterates this stance, emphasizing the importance of both technology and tradition. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive to reinforce the position.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and consistency, the author could use more definitive language when stating their position. For example, instead of saying "should better co-exist," they could assert that "they must co-exist." This would strengthen the author’s argument and make their stance more compelling.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the value of craftsmanship and the importance of family gatherings. Each idea is supported with relevant examples, which effectively illustrates the author’s points. The use of specific instances, like the traditional villages in Vietnam, adds depth to the argument. However, some ideas could be further extended to provide a more comprehensive analysis.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author could include more detailed examples or statistics that highlight the impact of technology on traditional practices. For instance, discussing specific cases where technology has helped preserve traditional crafts or cultural practices could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the relationship between technology and traditional skills without straying into unrelated areas. The author effectively ties each point back to the central argument, ensuring that all content is relevant to the prompt. However, there are minor instances where the connection between points could be made clearer.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the author could use transitional phrases to explicitly link ideas back to the main argument. For example, after discussing the importance of family gatherings, they could summarize how this supports the overall claim that tradition should not be discarded in favor of technology. This would enhance coherence and reinforce the essay’s focus.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific argument that supports the thesis, which is the coexistence of technology and traditional skills. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the value of traditional craftsmanship, while the second addresses the importance of family gatherings. This structure allows the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning easily. However, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother, as the shift from family gatherings to the role of technology in promoting traditions feels slightly abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link the ideas more explicitly. For example, at the beginning of the third paragraph, you could introduce the idea of technology as a facilitator of tradition with a phrase like, "Building on the importance of traditional practices, technology can also serve as a tool to enhance these values."
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which contributes to clarity. Each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and develops a single idea, making it easy for the reader to follow. The introduction and conclusion are also well-defined, framing the essay appropriately. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from a clearer topic sentence that explicitly states the main idea before delving into supporting details.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could start with a sentence like, "While technology facilitates communication, it cannot replace the emotional significance of family gatherings," to clarify the focus right from the start.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "first," "secondly," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. The use of examples, particularly the reference to Vietnam’s traditional villages, adds depth to the argument. However, there are moments where the repetition of certain cohesive devices, like "however," could be reduced to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To diversify the range of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases. For instance, instead of using "however" repeatedly, you could use "on the other hand," "in contrast," or "nevertheless" to maintain the reader’s interest and improve the flow. Additionally, using more complex cohesive devices, such as "not only… but also" or "in addition," can further enhance the sophistication of the writing.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument. By refining transitions, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the essay even further.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, effectively conveying the author’s arguments. Phrases such as "state-of-the-art machinery," "craft artists," and "intangible values" showcase an ability to use varied and topic-specific language. However, some vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "traditional skills and ways of life," which could be varied to enhance richness.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "traditional," alternatives like "heritage," "cultural," or "time-honored" could be employed. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to technology and art could further elevate the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "flaws bring the heart and soul to art pieces" is somewhat vague; while it conveys a sentiment, it lacks specificity about what constitutes "heart and soul." Additionally, the term "mechanical and heartless" could be more effectively expressed with more nuanced adjectives that capture the emotional disconnect of technology in art.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should aim to clarify and specify their language. For instance, instead of saying "flaws bring the heart and soul," the writer could elaborate on how imperfections contribute to authenticity. Using more descriptive adjectives or phrases can help convey the intended meaning more clearly.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that detract from the overall readability. Words like "sophisticated," "meticulousness," and "authentic" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or writing software can help catch any minor errors. Additionally, practicing writing and revising essays can reinforce correct spelling through repetition.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher score in this criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "However, flaws bring the heart and soul to art pieces, making them more valid and authentic, while flawless works created by advanced tech like artificial intelligence seem mechanical and heartless" showcases the writer’s ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which contributes to a more engaging narrative. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be further diversified, particularly in the opening and concluding sentences, which are somewhat formulaic.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although technology has its advantages, traditional skills remain invaluable") can add complexity. Additionally, using inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Never before have traditional skills been so crucial") can create more dynamic sentence constructions.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors present. For instance, the phrase "state-of-the-art machinery can outperform craft artists" is grammatically correct, but the repetition of "machinery" in close proximity could be improved for clarity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, although there are a few instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "however" in the first sentence of the second paragraph. The use of semicolons is also effective in separating complex ideas, but there are opportunities to use them more effectively, particularly in lists or to connect closely related independent clauses.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should pay attention to comma placement, especially in compound sentences. Practicing the use of transitional phrases and reviewing the rules for punctuation can help refine these skills. Additionally, the writer could benefit from varying punctuation marks, such as using dashes for emphasis or parentheses for supplementary information, to create a more sophisticated writing style.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the writer’s ideas. By focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Because technology is becoming increasingly sophisticated, the maintenance of traditional skills and ways of life is often seen as unnecessary. While I acknowledge the undeniable benefits of modern technological innovations, I believe that these advancements cannot fully replace the skill sets and living traditions that have been passed down through generations; rather, they should coexist harmoniously.
First, those who advocate for replacing traditional methods may argue that machinery and other advanced technologies can outperform craft artists in terms of productivity and efficiency. These machines can operate continuously to produce more sophisticated artwork with nearly flawless results, whereas human counterparts may make mistakes regardless of their skill level or experience. However, these imperfections bring the essence and soul to art pieces, rendering them more authentic and valuable. In contrast, flawless works created by advanced technology, such as artificial intelligence, often appear mechanical and devoid of emotion. A prime example can be seen in Vietnam, where many traditional villages have been well-preserved. Despite a few mistakes, the craftsmanship here is highly valued since most works are manually created with great meticulousness and dedication, without technological support. This makes each of these masterpieces more genuine. Therefore, techniques inherited from generations should never be replaced, no matter how advanced technology becomes.
Secondly, proponents of replacing traditional ways of living with technological advancements argue that family reunions on special occasions are no longer necessary. Nowadays, as smartphones and other internet-based electronics facilitate distance communication, individuals no longer need to travel long distances to connect with family members. This allows them to have more time for work, enabling them to earn additional income. Nevertheless, the desire to gather with family during important events provides a sense of belonging. After a long time apart, engaging in direct conversation allows family members to better share and understand each other’s life struggles and joys. Face-to-face interaction fosters strong bonds among them, meaning that traditional practices are irreplaceable.
In my opinion, rather than displacing cultural practices and traditional lifestyles, technology should be utilized to promote these intangible values. For instance, craft artists can take advantage of digital marketing platforms to promote their crafts and reach potential customers, thereby increasing their revenues. Similarly, families can use mobile devices to record memorable moments during their get-togethers, allowing them to possess valuable photographs that remind them of their roots.
In conclusion, despite its useful functions, modern advancements cannot replace the way humans produce works of art and live traditionally. In my view, the coexistence of technology and tradition should be encouraged, as both contribute to enriching human life.