When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many people hold the view that a life without working is always their priority compared to a life with full-time working. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this statement and the essay below will include some reasons and examples for my view.
On the one hand, the comfort and chilling from a life without working may attract a large number of people. It is because they may not have to suffer stress from work and have more time to do anything they want. For example, they can spend time on play with their child to rear family love which can contribute to the mental development of children. As a result, they may feel delighted when their kids are delighted. It is not common that this can increase the Happy Planet Index, which contributes to the sustainable development of a country.
However, I totally disagree with a life without working simply because the base of finance plays a vital role in our daily lives. Over the world, humans need access to five basic social services, namely job, education, medical, healthcare, purifying water and sanitation. It is clear that it may be difficult to approach these services without money because it is not always available. Cite as an example, a family wants to set up a system clear water and to make it possible, they may have to buy a service package from a company which specialize on system clear water. Therefore, they need to pay for the service which they bought. However, the poor or the disabled can get subsidies from their government to be able to access basic services due to the humanity of each country.
In conclusion, working is crucial for human life due to its finance feature. I believe that every effort at work can improve our lives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"chilling" -> "relaxation"
Explanation: "Chilling" is overly informal in this context. "Relaxation" is a more suitable term that maintains the intended meaning while aligning with academic style.
"play with their child to rear family love" -> "engage in activities with their child to foster familial bonds"
Explanation: "Play with their child to rear family love" is colloquial and lacks precision. "Engage in activities with their child to foster familial bonds" conveys the idea more formally and precisely.
"Happy Planet Index" -> "Gross National Happiness Index"
Explanation: While "Happy Planet Index" is not incorrect, "Gross National Happiness Index" is a more established term in academic discourse, lending the statement greater credibility.
"simply because the base of finance plays a vital role" -> "primarily because financial stability is essential"
Explanation: "Simply because the base of finance plays a vital role" is unnecessarily verbose and lacks clarity. "Primarily because financial stability is essential" succinctly conveys the same idea in a more academic tone.
"Over the world" -> "Across the globe"
Explanation: "Over the world" is colloquial. "Across the globe" is a more formal alternative that maintains the global scope of the statement.
"Cite as an example" -> "For example"
Explanation: "Cite as an example" is awkward and redundant. "For example" is a simpler and more commonly used phrase in academic writing.
"system clear water" -> "clean water system"
Explanation: "System clear water" is not a standard term. "Clean water system" is clearer and more commonly used.
"to make it possible" -> "to achieve this"
Explanation: "To make it possible" is slightly awkward. "To achieve this" is a smoother and more concise alternative.
"subsidies from their government" -> "government subsidies"
Explanation: "Subsidies from their government" can be simplified to "government subsidies" without sacrificing clarity.
"due to the humanity of each country" -> "owing to the humanitarian policies of each nation"
Explanation: "Due to the humanity of each country" is imprecise. "Owing to the humanitarian policies of each nation" more accurately describes the situation in a formal manner.
"In conclusion, working is crucial for human life due to its finance feature." -> "In conclusion, employment is indispensable for human livelihood due to its financial implications."
Explanation: "Working is crucial for human life due to its finance feature" is informal and lacks precision. "Employment is indispensable for human livelihood due to its financial implications" is more formal and specific.
"I believe that every effort at work can improve our lives." -> "I firmly believe that diligent work contributes to personal and societal betterment."
Explanation: "Every effort at work can improve our lives" is somewhat vague. "Diligent work contributes to personal and societal betterment" is clearer and more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by expressing a clear disagreement with the statement. It discusses both sides of the argument, presenting reasons for disagreeing and providing examples to support the stance.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, consider providing a more balanced view by acknowledging potential benefits of a life without work, even while maintaining a firm disagreement with the statement overall.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position is clearly stated in the introduction and maintained throughout the essay. The writer consistently argues against the idea of preferring a life without work.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the main argument and reinforces the stance taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and development. For instance, while discussing the benefits of working, it briefly mentions the importance of finance but does not elaborate on how work contributes to financial stability.
- How to improve: To improve, provide more detailed examples and explanations to support the arguments. This can include discussing how work provides not just financial stability but also personal fulfillment and social connections.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic but occasionally veers off track, such as when discussing subsidies for basic services. While relevant to the overall discussion of work and its necessity, this example somewhat distracts from the main argument.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, ensure that each example directly supports the main argument and does not introduce new ideas that are not fully developed within the scope of the essay.

In conclusion, while the essay effectively presents a clear disagreement with the statement, it could benefit from deeper analysis and more thorough development of ideas. By providing more detailed examples and maintaining focus on the main argument, the essay could achieve a higher band score for Task Response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear organizational structure, with distinct introduction, body, and conclusion sections. The introduction presents the writer’s stance and outlines the main points to be discussed. The body paragraphs effectively elaborate on two contrasting viewpoints, supported by examples and explanations. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization further, consider refining the transition between paragraphs for smoother flow. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph focuses on one main idea can help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to separate different ideas and arguments. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, some paragraphs could be more effectively structured to provide stronger topic sentences and support.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. Ensure that supporting sentences within each paragraph relate directly to the topic sentence, providing coherent development of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions (e.g., "however"), pronouns ("it," "they"), and transitions ("on the one hand," "in conclusion"). These cohesive devices help connect ideas within and between sentences, contributing to overall coherence.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates adequate use of cohesive devices, incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases can further enhance coherence. Consider using cohesive devices such as "furthermore," "nevertheless," or "conversely" to provide more nuanced connections between ideas.

Overall, the essay effectively organizes information in a logical manner, utilizes paragraphs to structure ideas, and employs a range of cohesive devices to enhance coherence. To improve coherence and cohesion further, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, strengthening paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. With these adjustments, the essay can achieve an even higher band score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, including terms such as "comfort," "chilling," "sustainable development," "finance," "access," "subsidies," and "humanity." However, some of the vocabulary choices could be more varied and sophisticated. For instance, there is repetition of phrases like "life without working" and "a large number of people," which could be diversified to enhance lexical richness.
- How to improve: To improve the range of vocabulary, consider employing synonyms or alternative phrases to convey ideas more precisely. Additionally, incorporating domain-specific terminology related to economics, sociology, or psychology could add depth to the discussion. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "life without working," you could substitute phrases like "unemployed individuals" or "those not engaged in employment."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally utilizes vocabulary appropriately, but there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity and precision. For example, the phrase "the comfort and chilling from a life without working" may confuse readers due to the unconventional use of "chilling" in this context. Additionally, the phrase "the base of finance" could be more precisely articulated to convey the concept of financial stability or economic foundation.
- How to improve: Aim for greater precision in vocabulary usage by selecting terms that accurately convey intended meanings. Instead of "chilling," consider using words like "leisure" or "relaxation" to better express the idea of enjoying free time. Similarly, replace ambiguous phrases like "the base of finance" with clearer expressions such as "financial stability" or "economic foundation."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally satisfactory, with only minor errors observed. Examples such as "purifying water" (should be "clean water") and "Cite as an example" (should be "Citing an example") reflect occasional lapses in spelling and grammar. However, these errors do not significantly impede comprehension.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider reviewing written work carefully and utilizing spelling and grammar checkers. Additionally, practicing proofreading techniques, such as reading aloud or seeking feedback from peers, can help identify and correct spelling errors more effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on basic sentence structures, resulting in occasional monotony. For instance, there is a frequent use of simple subject-verb-object constructions without much variation. Although some complex structures are attempted, they are not consistently employed throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentence forms such as compound-complex sentences and inverted sentences. Additionally, strive for a balance between simple and complex structures to maintain reader engagement and demonstrate linguistic versatility. Utilizing introductory phrases, subordinate clauses, and participial phrases can add depth and sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors detracting from clarity. However, there are instances of grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors that impact the coherence of the essay. For example, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., "It is clear that it may be difficult"), word choice ("chilling" instead of "relaxation"), and punctuation misuse (e.g., missing commas in complex sentences).
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and word choice. Proofreading the essay thoroughly can help identify and rectify punctuation errors, ensuring that commas, periods, and other punctuation marks are used appropriately. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to refine your writing skills further.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people believe that a life without work is preferable to one filled with full-time employment. From my perspective, I strongly disagree with this statement and will provide reasons and examples to support my view in the essay below.

On the one hand, the relaxation and freedom from a life without work may attract many people. This is primarily because they would not have to endure the stress of work and would have more time to engage in activities they enjoy. For example, they could engage in activities with their child to foster familial bonds, which can contribute to the mental development of children. Consequently, they may feel delighted when their children are happy. It is possible that this could increase the Gross National Happiness Index, contributing to the sustainable development of a country.

However, I completely disagree with the idea of a life without work, primarily because financial stability is essential in our daily lives. Across the globe, humans require access to five basic social services: employment, education, medical care, healthcare, and a clean water system. Clearly, it may be difficult to access these services without money, as they are not always readily available. For example, a family may wish to set up a clean water system. To achieve this, they would likely need to purchase a service package from a company specializing in water purification systems. Therefore, they must pay for the service they purchase. However, the poor or disabled can receive government subsidies allowing them to access basic services, owing to the humanitarian policies of each nation.

In conclusion, employment is indispensable for human livelihood due to its financial implications. I firmly believe that diligent work contributes to personal and societal betterment.