When designing a building, the most important factor is intended use of the building rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Being an architect is never an easy job as they have to balance the intended use and outward appearance during the designing process. While some people argue that the former factor is crucial the most, I disagree as both of them should be equally essential.
One the one hand, it cannot be denied that the intended use of a building lay the foundation to its construction. As no building ever built solely because customers demands the architect to show the appearance, its purpose is the deciding factor on how the customers’ budget should be expensed. This intended use affects the layout of the floor,, number of rooms required and materials needed. For example, when a hospital being designed, the architect must takes it functions into account as this will affect the general operation, including how rooms should be allocated to ensure the workflow off all doctors and patients.
On the other hand, I also believe that the appearance of a building is equally essential to its purposes to some certain extent. During the designing process, these two factors cannot be considered separately, as the adjustment of one likely leads to the other’s. Take a school as an example. The purpose of it is to create a safe and enjoyable learning environment for students. As for this purpose, designing a friendly and bright-colored outward appearance should be included in the job of the architect.
In conclusion, I affirm that intended use and outward appearance should always be treated as equally crucial when design a building.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Being an architect is never an easy job" -> "Being an architect is a challenging profession"
Explanation: "Never an easy job" is a bit informal for academic writing. Replacing it with "a challenging profession" maintains a formal tone while expressing the difficulty of the job.
"they have to balance" -> "architects must balance"
Explanation: Using the specific term "architects" instead of "they" enhances clarity and professionalism.
"the intended use and outward appearance" -> "functionality and aesthetics"
Explanation: "Intended use" can be replaced with "functionality" for a more concise and formal expression. "Outward appearance" can be substituted with "aesthetics" to convey the visual aspect in a more sophisticated manner.
"the former factor is crucial the most" -> "the former factor is paramount"
Explanation: "Crucial the most" is a bit awkward. "Paramount" is a stronger and more appropriate term in academic writing.
"lay the foundation to its construction" -> "forms the foundation of its construction"
Explanation: "Lay the foundation to" is not the correct idiom. "Forms the foundation of" is more accurate and formal.
"customers demands the architect to show the appearance" -> "customers expect the architect to consider aesthetics"
Explanation: "Demands the architect to show the appearance" is unclear. "Expect the architect to consider aesthetics" clarifies that customers want the architect to focus on appearance as well.
"its purpose is the deciding factor on how the customers’ budget should be expensed" -> "its purpose determines how the customer’s budget is allocated"
Explanation: "Deciding factor on how the customers’ budget should be expensed" is wordy and unclear. "Determines how the customer’s budget is allocated" is more concise and precise.
"This intended use affects the layout of the floor,," -> "The intended use influences the floor layout,"
Explanation: Remove the extra comma and use "influences" for a smoother sentence structure.
"the architect must takes it functions into account" -> "the architect must consider its functions"
Explanation: "Must takes it functions into account" is grammatically incorrect. "Must consider its functions" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"workflow off all doctors and patients" -> "workflow of all doctors and patients"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "off" to "of" for grammatical accuracy.
"I also believe that the appearance of a building is equally essential to its purposes to some certain extent" -> "I also believe that the appearance of a building is crucial to its purpose to a significant extent"
Explanation: The original sentence is redundant and vague. "Crucial to its purpose to a significant extent" conveys the importance of appearance more clearly.
"these two factors cannot be considered separately" -> "these two factors are intertwined"
Explanation: "Cannot be considered separately" can be replaced with "are intertwined" for a stronger statement about the interdependence of functionality and aesthetics.
"leads to the other’s" -> "influences the other"
Explanation: "Leads to the other’s" is slightly awkward. "Influences the other" is a more straightforward alternative.
"Take a school as an example" -> "Consider a school as an example"
Explanation: "Take" can be replaced with "Consider" for a more formal tone.
"The purpose of it is to create" -> "Its purpose is to create"
Explanation: Remove the unnecessary "of" for better sentence structure.
"designing a friendly and bright-colored outward appearance" -> "creating a welcoming and brightly colored exterior"
Explanation: "Designing a friendly and bright-colored outward appearance" is wordy and can be simplified to "creating a welcoming and brightly colored exterior."
"should always be treated as equally crucial when design a building" -> "should always be considered equally crucial in designing a building"
Explanation: Rearrange the sentence for better clarity and formal structure.

Overall, these improvements enhance the essay’s academic tone and clarity while maintaining a natural flow of language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the importance of both intended use and outward appearance in building design.
- The essay acknowledges the significance of intended use by stating that it lays the foundation for construction and affects factors such as layout, room allocation, and material selection. It provides an example of designing a hospital to illustrate this point.
- Additionally, the essay recognizes the importance of outward appearance, using the example of designing a school to create a conducive learning environment.
- How to improve: While the essay addresses both parts of the question, it could strengthen its argument by providing more specific examples and elaborating further on how both intended use and outward appearance contribute to effective building design. Additionally, clearer transitions between the discussion of intended use and outward appearance would enhance coherence.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that both intended use and outward appearance are equally important in building design.
- The introduction clearly states the disagreement with the idea that intended use is the most important factor, and the conclusion reaffirms the belief that both factors should be treated as equally crucial.
- However, the essay could enhance clarity by explicitly stating the position at the beginning of each body paragraph and reinforcing it with consistent language throughout.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the essay should explicitly state the position at the outset of each paragraph and use language that reinforces the stance on the importance of both intended use and outward appearance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the importance of both intended use and outward appearance in building design.
- It provides examples to support the argument, such as hospitals and schools, demonstrating how both factors are essential for fulfilling the purposes of the buildings.
- However, the essay could improve by elaborating further on the implications of prioritizing one factor over the other and providing additional evidence or reasoning to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and support of ideas, the essay should provide more detailed examples and explanations to illustrate the impact of prioritizing one factor over the other. Including evidence from architectural principles or real-world case studies would further bolster the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by addressing the importance of intended use and outward appearance in building design.
- It discusses how both factors influence the design process and provides relevant examples to support the argument.
- However, there are minor instances of repetitive language and vague statements that could be refined to maintain focus.
- How to improve: To ensure complete relevance to the topic, the essay should avoid repetition and focus on providing precise and concise arguments. Clarifying vague statements and ensuring that all content directly contributes to the discussion of building design would improve coherence and relevance.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization by presenting two clear paragraphs discussing the importance of both the intended use and outward appearance of buildings. The first paragraph addresses the significance of intended use, providing an example of a hospital to support the argument. The second paragraph discusses the importance of outward appearance, using a school as an illustration. However, the transition between paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, ensure a seamless transition between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or sentences. Additionally, consider providing a brief overview or thesis statement at the beginning of the essay to guide the reader through the structure of the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs two paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument: the importance of intended use and outward appearance, respectively. However, there are minor issues with paragraph structure, such as the repetition of the phrase "on the one hand" at the beginning of the first paragraph, which could be improved for better coherence.
- How to improve: Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. Avoid unnecessary repetition or redundancy within paragraphs to maintain coherence and clarity.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a limited range of cohesive devices, primarily relying on transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" to indicate contrasting ideas. While these devices help to some extent, more varied cohesive devices such as pronouns, conjunctions, and adverbs could be incorporated to strengthen coherence further.
- How to improve: Introduce a variety of cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these"), conjunctions ("however," "therefore"), and adverbs ("additionally," "furthermore") to establish clearer relationships between ideas and improve overall coherence.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms relevant to architecture and design such as "layout," "materials," "operation," "workflow," "environment," etc. However, there is limited variety in expressions and some repetition of phrases like "intended use" and "outward appearance."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, aim to diversify vocabulary by exploring synonyms and alternative phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "intended use," consider using expressions like "primary function," "purpose," "design objective," etc. This will add depth and sophistication to your language.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where precise vocabulary could be improved. For example, the phrase "number of rooms required" could be replaced with "necessary room count," which is more precise. Additionally, the word "lay" in "lay the foundation" should be "lays" for grammatical accuracy.
- How to improve: Pay close attention to the specific meaning of words and phrases. Use terminology that precisely conveys your intended message. Proofreading for grammatical errors can also help maintain accuracy.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally maintained throughout the essay. However, there are a few minor errors such as "off" instead of "of" ("workflow off all doctors and patients").
- How to improve: Proofreading carefully after writing can catch these minor spelling errors. Additionally, using spell-checking tools or asking someone else to review your work can help identify and correct spelling mistakes more effectively.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary and spelling, with room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. By expanding your vocabulary, using terms accurately, and ensuring spelling accuracy, you can further enhance your writing and lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. There’s a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, simple sentences like "Being an architect is never an easy job" are used alongside more complex ones such as "As no building ever built solely because customers demands the architect to show the appearance, its purpose is the deciding factor on how the customers’ budget should be expensed." However, the essay lacks diversity in sentence structures, with a tendency towards simpler constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex structures such as compound-complex sentences and varying sentence lengths. Additionally, experiment with rhetorical devices like parallelism and inversion to add sophistication to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are notable instances of grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes throughout the essay. For example, "One the one hand" should be "On the one hand," "takes it functions" should be "takes its functions," and "workflow off all doctors" should be "workflow of all doctors." Additionally, there are punctuation errors such as missing commas in compound sentences and inconsistent capitalization.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it’s essential to review and revise your writing carefully. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, pronoun usage, and verb tense consistency. Consider using grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers or teachers to identify and correct errors effectively. Additionally, practice using punctuation marks correctly, particularly commas and apostrophes, to enhance the clarity and readability of your writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Being an architect is undoubtedly challenging, as architects must delicately balance the functionality and aesthetics of a building during the design phase. While some argue that the intended use holds greater importance, I maintain that both factors should carry equal weight.

On one hand, it is undeniable that the intended use of a building forms the cornerstone of its construction. Buildings are not erected solely to meet aesthetic preferences; rather, their purpose dictates how resources are allocated. For instance, when designing a hospital, the architect must meticulously consider its functions to ensure optimal workflow for both doctors and patients, determining room layouts and necessary materials.

On the other hand, I contend that the outward appearance of a building is also integral to its purpose to a significant extent. These two factors are intertwined in the design process, as adjustments made to one invariably influence the other. Consider a school, for example. Its purpose is to foster a safe and enjoyable learning environment for students. To fulfill this purpose, the architect should prioritize creating a welcoming and brightly colored exterior, complementing the interior design.

In conclusion, I believe that both the intended use and outward appearance of a building should always be regarded as equally crucial considerations in the design process.