When designing a building, the most important factor is the intened use of the building rather than its outward appearance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A school of thought holds that when creating a building, the most essential consideration is its practical use, while the alternative stance asserts that outward adornment is more important than practical use when constructing a structure. Both criteria, in my opinion, should be addressed while developing structures.
On the one hand, practical use is crucial in constructing a structure for a combination of reasons. First and foremost, it is impossible to deny that the look of buildings may have a considerable impact on the city. Unique architectural characteristics, for example, might improve a building's economic worth by attracting influencers to promote it on social media. This might result in more tourists coming to the neighborhood and spending money at local businesses like cafés, restaurants, and shopping malls. Another compelling reason is that beautiful architecture may also be a key tourist attraction, drawing tourists from all over the world who want to see and experience a city's distinctive structures. As a result, tourism income may rise, which will assist the local economy. It may also be a symbol for a country or a city. For example, the Burj Khalifa skyscraper is the highest structure in the world and is located in Dubai. It signifies culture and also serves as a symbol for Dubai.
On the other side, I believe that a building's essential purpose is equally significant. The primary reason is that construction is built to deliver services to residents, and its design should reflect that. Construction serves many functions, such as residential, commercial, cultural, or educational. A residential structure, for example, must consider aspects such as sun orientation and common spaces to ensure that its internal design is appropriate for its intended purpose. Similarly, museums and galleries must have ample space for displaying artwork. Ignoring a building's practical purpose might result in the waste of construction materials and land resources. Furthermore, it has the potential to attract more people and improve local tourism. For example, Landmark 81 has a distinctive bamboo design, which may pique visitors' interest and entice them to come and learn more. In some structures, such as hospitals, a well-designed patient room may assist patients in relieving stress and improving their mental well-being.
To put the matter in a nutshell, while a city's economics and tourist sector might profit from its outer appeal, the utility should not be disregarded during construction. A building's design should reflect its intended function to offer residents effective and efficient services. Cities can attain better progress in the process of urbanization by taking both variables into account.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
"On the one hand" -> "Firstly," or "To begin with,"
Explanation: Using "Firstly" or "To begin with" introduces the argument in a more structured and formal manner, aligning with academic writing conventions.
"consideration" -> "aspect" or "factor"
Explanation: Substituting "consideration" with "aspect" or "factor" maintains the intended meaning while offering more precise and formal language.
"in my opinion" -> Remove
Explanation: In academic writing, personal opinions are generally assumed unless otherwise stated. Removing "in my opinion" enhances the objectivity of the argument.
"First and foremost" -> "Primarily" or "Chiefly"
Explanation: "Primarily" or "Chiefly" maintains a formal tone and conciseness in expressing the primary reason for a statement.
"impossible to deny" -> "undeniable"
Explanation: Using "undeniable" streamlines the sentence and strengthens the assertion without losing the emphasis.
"look" -> "appearance" or "aesthetic"
Explanation: Employing "appearance" or "aesthetic" instead of "look" enhances the precision and formality of the sentence.
"economic worth" -> "economic value" or "economic significance"
Explanation: Substituting "economic worth" with "economic value" or "economic significance" provides a more formal and precise term in an academic context.
"influencers" -> "prominent figures" or "key personalities"
Explanation: "Influencers" might carry a more informal connotation; using "prominent figures" or "key personalities" maintains a formal tone.
"such as" (repeated use) -> "for instance," "for example," or "specifically"
Explanation: Varying the transitional phrases like "for instance," "for example," or "specifically" adds variety and formality to the writing.
"pique visitors’ interest" -> "capture visitors’ attention" or "arouse visitors’ curiosity"
Explanation: "Pique visitors’ interest" could be substituted with more formal alternatives like "capture visitors’ attention" or "arouse visitors’ curiosity" while maintaining clarity.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "A school of thought holds that when creating a building, the most essential consideration is its practical use, while the alternative stance asserts that outward adornment is more important than practical use when constructing a structure. Both criteria, in my opinion, should be addressed while developing structures."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your introduction sets the stage well by presenting both perspectives and indicating your opinion. However, for better clarity, consider explicitly stating your position in a concise thesis statement. For instance, "While both aesthetic appeal and practical utility are vital in constructing buildings, this essay contends that the intended use of a structure should take precedence over its outward appearance."
- Improved example: "While both aesthetic appeal and practical utility are vital in constructing buildings, this essay contends that the intended use of a structure should take precedence over its outward appearance. Both aspects, however, merit consideration in the design process."
Quoted text: "Unique architectural characteristics, for example, might improve a building’s economic worth by attracting influencers to promote it on social media."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The economic impact is well-illustrated, but the link between unique architectural characteristics and social media promotion needs more development. Provide a specific example or elaborate on how social media promotion directly enhances a building’s economic value.
- Improved example: "For instance, the distinctive design of a building, such as the iconic Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, not only attracts influencers but also generates widespread social media attention. This, in turn, can significantly boost the building’s economic value through increased tourism and cultural relevance."
Quoted text: "Ignoring a building’s practical purpose might result in the waste of construction materials and land resources."
- Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: While you make a valid point, the argument lacks specific examples or scenarios where neglecting practical purposes has led to wastage. Provide a concrete example to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
- Improved example: "For instance, constructing a residential building without considering its intended use may result in inefficient use of space and resources. A well-planned residential structure, taking into account factors like sunlight and communal spaces, not only serves its purpose effectively but also minimizes unnecessary use of construction materials and land."
Overall, your essay effectively addresses the task, but enhancing the clarity of your thesis statement and providing more specific examples will strengthen your argument and improve the overall coherence of your essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. Cohesive devices are used, showing a range of appropriate choices, although there are some instances of under-/over-use. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear, contributing to the overall coherence. The essay effectively addresses both the practical use and outward appearance aspects of building design, presenting a balanced argument.
How to improve:
To enhance cohesion, pay attention to the consistent use of cohesive devices. Ensure that transitions between sentences and paragraphs are smoother to eliminate any potential confusion. Additionally, be cautious of overusing certain phrases, as this can affect the overall flow. Consider providing specific examples or evidence to support points, strengthening the overall coherence of the essay. Overall, maintaining this level of organization and refining the use of cohesive devices will contribute to further improvement.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay exhibits a good range of vocabulary, offering various expressions and phrases to convey thoughts effectively. There’s a mix of less common lexical items used appropriately, contributing to the essay’s depth. Some awareness of style and collocation is evident in sentence structures, enhancing the overall coherence. However, occasional errors in word choice and word formation are present, albeit not severely impacting comprehension.
How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource further, focus on refining word choice for precision. Proofreading for accuracy in word formation and spelling can elevate the essay, ensuring a smoother reading experience without occasional errors. Expanding on the range of less common vocabulary and refining their usage in context can push the score towards the higher band.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good control of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of complex structures used throughout. The writer effectively communicates ideas with frequent error-free sentences. There is evidence of a wide range of sentence structures, including complex ones, contributing to the overall fluency. However, some errors are present, though they are not pervasive and can be considered minor ‘slips’ rather than systematic issues. The essay successfully combines complex and simple sentence forms to convey the arguments.
How to improve: To move to a higher band (8.0), the writer should aim for more consistent accuracy, paying attention to minor errors that occasionally affect clarity. Proofreading the essay carefully for punctuation and grammatical nuances can help eliminate these minor slips. Additionally, striving for even greater variety in sentence structures and incorporating more advanced vocabulary could further enhance the overall impression of grammatical range and accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
There is a school of thought that prioritizes the practical use of a building over its outward appearance when it comes to designing it. Another perspective argues that the external aesthetics hold more importance than the functionality of the structure. In my view, both aspects should be carefully considered in the development of buildings.
On one hand, the practical use of a building is undeniably crucial for various reasons. Firstly, the appearance of buildings can significantly impact the overall aesthetics of a city. Unique architectural features, for instance, can enhance a building’s economic value by attracting influencers to showcase it on social media. This, in turn, may lead to increased tourism in the area, benefiting local businesses such as cafes, restaurants, and shopping malls. Moreover, distinctive architecture can serve as a major tourist attraction, drawing visitors globally who are interested in experiencing a city’s unique structures. For example, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, the world’s tallest skyscraper, symbolizes culture and serves as an iconic representation of the city.
On the other hand, I firmly believe that a building’s primary purpose is equally significant. This is because a construction is intended to provide services to its inhabitants, and its design should align with that purpose. Whether it serves residential, commercial, cultural, or educational functions, a building must address the specific needs of its users. In the case of residential structures, considerations such as sun orientation and communal spaces are essential to ensure the internal design meets the intended purpose. Museums and galleries, on the other hand, require ample space for the display of artwork. Neglecting the practical purpose of a building may result in the inefficient use of construction materials and land resources. Furthermore, a well-designed building has the potential to attract more people and enhance local tourism. For instance, Landmark 81’s distinctive bamboo design captures visitors’ interest, encouraging them to explore and learn more. In healthcare facilities like hospitals, a thoughtfully designed patient room can contribute to stress relief and improved mental well-being.
In conclusion, while a city’s economy and tourism industry may benefit from the outward appeal of its buildings, the utility aspect should not be overlooked during construction. The design of a building should align with its intended function, ensuring it provides effective and efficient services to its residents. A balanced consideration of both these factors is essential for cities to achieve progress in the urbanization process.