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Which countries often give money to poor countries, but it does not sell poverty. Therefore, developed country should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Which countries often give money to poor countries, but it does not sell poverty. Therefore, developed country should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that poverty is still a problem in developing countries, even though they receive financial support from wealthy nations. Add a result, more practical means of support are needed. I totally agree with this view.
Firstly, money is not an effective type of support for poor nations. This could be because there are many layers of administration, which may prevent the total sun from reaching intended receivers. In other words, the good intention from rich countries can be misused by corrupt government officials for their own sakes. furthermore, money may bring immediate effect, but it cannot attract the root courses of poverty which, in my opinion, are peoples like awareness knowledge and skills.
Therefore, citizens in developing countries should be given alternative cause of help in comparison with helping financial aid and spending homes at once getting more knowledge about how to earn safe and invest money will have long-term effect on peoples financial stages. One feasible solution could be building educational institutions, hiring qualified teachers and offering resources like textbooks and school suppliers for young children. By acquiring knowledge and skills they can profit from having the job they want and cap over by themselves. Another practical abroad could be assisting under abbreviated people, with tools and equipment needed for their jobs. Farmers in Vietnam for example, employee in conventional cultural map could not help them afford a normal living. But the introduction of sponsor of agricultural automation machinery from Japan, they now can have more charity harvest and be able to sustain a better line.
In conclusion, helping poor countries requires more practical approaches to increase people's knowledge and offer them condition to escape poverty rather than solely given the money.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Add a result" -> "As a result"
    Explanation: "Add a result" is incorrect; the correct phrase is "As a result," which signifies consequence or conclusion.

  2. "total sun" -> "total sum"
    Explanation: The phrase should be "total sum," referring to the entirety of the funds or money available, instead of "total sun," which is a misused expression.

  3. "peoples like awareness knowledge and skills" -> "factors such as awareness, knowledge, and skills"
    Explanation: The phrase "peoples like awareness knowledge and skills" lacks clarity and proper structuring. Replacing it with "factors such as awareness, knowledge, and skills" articulates the elements contributing to poverty more precisely.

  4. "cause of help" -> "form of assistance"
    Explanation: "Cause of help" is not a standard phrase. Replacing it with "form of assistance" maintains the meaning while using more appropriate and formal language.

  5. "spending homes at once getting more knowledge" -> "investing in education rather than solely allocating funds"
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and uses informal language. Replacing it with "investing in education rather than solely allocating funds" enhances precision and maintains a formal tone.

  6. "school suppliers" -> "school supplies"
    Explanation: "School suppliers" is imprecise; it should be "school supplies," referring to materials needed for education.

  7. "cap over by themselves" -> "achieve self-sufficiency"
    Explanation: "Cap over by themselves" is unclear and informal. "Achieve self-sufficiency" accurately conveys the intended meaning in a more formal manner.

  8. "assisting under abbreviated people" -> "aiding marginalized individuals"
    Explanation: "Assisting under abbreviated people" is not coherent. "Aiding marginalized individuals" is clearer and more formal, conveying the intended idea.

  9. "employee in conventional cultural map" -> "engage in traditional farming methods"
    Explanation: "Employee in conventional cultural map" is nonsensical. Replacing it with "engage in traditional farming methods" offers a clearer description in formal language.

  10. "sponsor of agricultural automation machinery" -> "sponsorship of agricultural automation machinery"
    Explanation: "Sponsor of agricultural automation machinery" lacks proper syntax. "Sponsorship of agricultural automation machinery" is a more grammatically correct phrase.

  11. "have more charity harvest" -> "achieve higher crop yields"
    Explanation: "Have more charity harvest" is unclear. "Achieve higher crop yields" is a clearer and more formal expression, conveying the intended meaning accurately.

  12. "be able to sustain a better line" -> "maintain a higher standard of living"
    Explanation: "Be able to sustain a better line" is unclear. "Maintain a higher standard of living" is a more precise and formal phrase.

  13. "require more practical approaches to increase people’s knowledge" -> "demand more pragmatic approaches to enhance people’s knowledge"
    Explanation: "Require more practical approaches to increase people’s knowledge" can be rephrased for greater clarity and formality. "Demand more pragmatic approaches to enhance people’s knowledge" maintains the meaning while employing a more formal tone.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "Some people believe that poverty is still a problem in developing countries, even though they receive financial support from wealthy nations. Add a result, more practical means of support are needed. I totally agree with this view."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in presenting the writer’s stance on the issue. While it mentions the need for more practical support, it does not explicitly state whether the writer agrees or disagrees. To enhance Task Response, it is essential to clearly express the position in the introduction. A revised introduction could be, "I strongly agree that financial aid alone is insufficient in alleviating poverty in developing countries, and alternative forms of support are imperative."
    • Improved example: "I strongly agree that financial aid alone is insufficient in alleviating poverty in developing countries, and alternative forms of support are imperative. Some people believe that poverty persists in these nations despite receiving financial assistance, necessitating more practical means of support. I share this perspective and will elaborate on it in the following paragraphs."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, money is not an effective type of support for poor nations. This could be because there are many layers of administration, which may prevent the total sum from reaching intended receivers. In other words, the good intention from rich countries can be misused by corrupt government officials for their own sakes. furthermore, money may bring immediate effect, but it cannot attract the root courses of poverty which, in my opinion, are peoples like awareness knowledge and skills."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The paragraph articulates a valid argument against the effectiveness of financial aid but lacks clarity and precision. It would be more impactful to provide specific examples or anecdotes illustrating how corruption hinders aid distribution. Additionally, addressing the "root causes of poverty" could be more focused by specifying examples related to awareness, knowledge, and skills. For instance, elaborating on how investing in education and skill development directly empowers individuals to break the cycle of poverty would strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "Financial aid often faces obstacles in reaching the intended recipients due to layers of bureaucracy, allowing room for corruption. For instance, in some countries, corrupt officials divert funds meant for poverty alleviation projects. Moreover, while money can bring immediate relief, addressing the root causes of poverty requires investments in education and skill development. By fostering awareness, knowledge, and skills among the population, a sustainable impact on poverty reduction can be achieved."
  3. Quoted text: "Therefore, citizens in developing countries should be given alternative cause of help in comparison with helping financial aid and spending homes at once getting more knowledge about how to earn safe and invest money will have long-term effect on peoples financial stages."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The transition between ideas in this sentence is unclear, impacting coherence. To improve Task Response, consider rephrasing for clarity and coherence. Additionally, the sentence lacks specificity in explaining how acquiring knowledge about earning and investing money will have long-term effects. Providing concrete examples or scenarios would strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "Therefore, citizens in developing countries should receive alternative forms of assistance instead of relying solely on financial aid. For instance, empowering individuals with knowledge on safe earning and investment practices can lead to a long-term improvement in their financial well-being. Practical skills in budgeting, entrepreneurship, and financial planning can pave the way for sustainable economic development."

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the task but needs improvement in the clarity of the introduction, precision in argument development, and coherence in transitioning between ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, maintaining a clear progression throughout. There is a good use of cohesive devices, although there are instances of under-/over-use. The central topic within each paragraph is generally clear. The essay effectively argues for alternative forms of assistance rather than financial aid. Paragraphing is generally sufficient and appropriate, contributing to the overall coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer could focus on a more consistent and varied use of cohesive devices. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and follows a logical sequence of ideas would strengthen the overall organization of the essay. A more careful proofreading for grammatical and spelling errors would also contribute to the overall effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
This essay exhibits an adequate range of vocabulary, attempting to introduce less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracies. There are errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, yet they don’t entirely impede communication.

The essay employs varied vocabulary, showcasing attempts at using less common words and expressions. However, there are noticeable errors throughout, affecting precision and accuracy. The ideas are conveyed, but occasional inaccuracies in word choice and structure lessen the essay’s effectiveness in demonstrating a wide and precise lexical range.

How to improve:
Focusing on refining word choice and structure would enhance the essay’s lexical resource. Paying attention to accuracy in spelling, word formation, and employing less common vocabulary accurately would strengthen the expression of ideas. Proofreading and practicing with a variety of vocabulary could significantly improve the essay’s lexical depth and accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation throughout. The writer effectively uses a variety of complex sentence structures, showcasing a solid understanding of language mechanics. There are, however, a few errors in sentence construction, such as "Add a result" instead of "As a result" and "intended receivers" instead of "intended recipients." Additionally, there are some awkward phrasings and vocabulary choices, such as "cap over by themselves," which may slightly hinder communication. Despite these issues, the essay maintains a generally accurate and varied use of language structures.

How to improve:
To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to word choices and sentence constructions. Avoiding awkward phrasings and ensuring the precise use of vocabulary can further strengthen the essay. Additionally, a more thorough proofreading process can help catch and rectify minor errors, contributing to an even more polished piece of writing. Overall, maintaining the current level of complexity in sentence structures while refining language precision will contribute to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that despite receiving financial assistance from affluent nations, developing countries still grapple with poverty. Consequently, it is suggested that alternative forms of support are essential. I wholeheartedly agree with this perspective.

Primarily, monetary aid proves ineffective for impoverished nations. This may be attributed to bureaucratic layers that impede funds from reaching their intended recipients. In other words, the benevolent intentions of wealthy nations may be exploited by corrupt government officials for personal gain. Furthermore, while money may yield immediate effects, it fails to address the root causes of poverty, which, in my opinion, encompass factors like awareness, knowledge, and skills.

Therefore, citizens in developing countries should receive diverse forms of assistance beyond financial aid. Instead of solely providing homes or immediate financial relief, imparting knowledge on earning and managing money can have a lasting impact on individuals’ financial well-being. One viable solution involves establishing educational institutions, employing qualified teachers, and supplying resources like textbooks for young children. Through acquiring knowledge and skills, individuals can secure the jobs they desire and elevate their economic status. Another pragmatic approach involves supporting underserved populations with the tools and equipment necessary for their professions. For instance, farmers in Vietnam practicing traditional agricultural methods struggled to maintain a decent living. However, with the introduction of advanced agricultural machinery from Japan, they now enjoy bountiful harvests, contributing to an improved livelihood.

In conclusion, assisting impoverished countries necessitates adopting practical approaches that enhance people’s knowledge and provide conducive conditions for escaping poverty. This stands in contrast to the sole provision of monetary aid.

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