While some people argue that using technology to communicate with family and friends has many benefits, others contend that it also has drawbacks.

When developing technology, the way to communicate with each other is changing gradually. Whether this may loss the directive interaction, which more and more. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology to get in touch with family and friends.

To begin with, one of the biggest advantages is to help people contact the close person who is far away from them. Nowadays, there are numerous social media platforms, such as Facebook, Instagram, etc that allow users to get in touch and share the story, involving their lives in a new place to their dear. Furthermore, this way can save time for each other when they need to go to a particular place to see. For example, some software, like Zoom or Google Meets can be used to open meetings online, just sitting in front of the computer screen, many simple works can be handled without seeing directly. Therefore, I believe that communicating indirectly still helps people feel more connected, and provides a sense of involvement in our lives.

Nevertheless, there are also several disadvantages to using technology-based interaction. Now that it just familiar with a means of communication, it cannot change the traditional way of speaking. Spending too much time chatting can lead to some people feeling uncomfortable with in-person communication. This leads to misunderstanding and a lack of connection in a conversation. In addition, relying heavily on technology to communicate can limit language, the ability to perform body language, or the emotional dept. Therefore, although using it brings many benefits, don’t be overused, let make a sense of belonging and connection to everyone in the world.

In my opinion, the solution is to keep the balance between technology-based communication and face-to-face interaction. While technology can be a wonderful tool for keeping in touch with our loved ones, it cannot replace the directive way of speaking.

In conclusion, while technology makes the greatest innovation, it has several disadvantages. Technology made communication more convenient, but it cannot replace the depth and authenticity of face-to-face interactions. Therefore, maintaining a balance between both forms of communication is essential to nurture meaningful relationships and ensure that we remain truly connected with one another.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"the way to communicate with each other is changing gradually" -> "the manner of communication is evolving gradually"
Explanation: "The manner of communication" is a more precise and formal term than "the way to communicate," and "evolving" is a more academically appropriate verb than "changing gradually," which is somewhat vague.
"loss the directive interaction" -> "lose direct interaction"
Explanation: "Loss" is a noun and should be "lose," which is the correct verb form. Additionally, "directive" is not the correct adjective here; "direct" is the appropriate term to describe face-to-face interaction.
"which more and more" -> "which is increasingly"
Explanation: "Which more and more" is informal and redundant. "Which is increasingly" is more concise and formal.
"help people contact the close person" -> "assist individuals in contacting close relatives"
Explanation: "Help people contact the close person" is awkward and unclear. "Assist individuals in contacting close relatives" is more precise and formal.
"share the story, involving their lives" -> "share stories about their lives"
Explanation: "Share the story, involving their lives" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Share stories about their lives" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"to their dear" -> "to their dear ones"
Explanation: "To their dear" is grammatically incorrect. "To their dear ones" is the correct phrase.
"simple works can be handled" -> "simple tasks can be accomplished"
Explanation: "Simple works" is an incorrect usage; "simple tasks" is the correct term. "Accomplished" is more formal than "handled."
"Now that it just familiar with a means of communication" -> "Now that it is only familiar with a means of communication"
Explanation: "Now that it just familiar with" is grammatically incorrect. "Now that it is only familiar with" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the meaning.
"Spending too much time chatting can lead to some people feeling uncomfortable with in-person communication" -> "Excessive chatting can lead some individuals to feel uncomfortable with in-person communication"
Explanation: "Spending too much time chatting" is informal and vague. "Excessive chatting" is more precise and formal. Also, "some people" is replaced with "some individuals" for a more academic tone.
"the ability to perform body language, or the emotional dept" -> "the ability to utilize body language or the depth of emotional expression"
Explanation: "The ability to perform body language" is awkward and incorrect. "The ability to utilize body language" is more precise. "The emotional dept" is a typographical error; "the depth of emotional expression" corrects this.
"don’t be overused, let make a sense of belonging" -> "should not be overused, so as to foster a sense of belonging"
Explanation: "Don’t be overused, let make a sense of belonging" is informal and grammatically incorrect. "Should not be overused, so as to foster a sense of belonging" is grammatically correct and maintains a formal tone.
"the greatest innovation" -> "the most significant innovation"
Explanation: "The greatest" is somewhat informal and vague. "The most significant" is more precise and formal.
"Technology made communication more convenient" -> "Technology has made communication more convenient"
Explanation: "Technology made" is grammatically incorrect as it lacks the auxiliary verb "has." "Technology has made" corrects this error and aligns with the past perfect tense used in the sentence.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the benefits and drawbacks of using technology for communication. The introduction clearly states the intention to discuss both advantages and disadvantages, which is aligned with the prompt. The advantages are well articulated, particularly the ability to connect with distant loved ones through social media and video conferencing tools. However, the discussion of disadvantages could be more comprehensive; for instance, while it mentions the potential for misunderstandings and a lack of connection, it could explore these points in greater depth or provide more examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each point made about the disadvantages is supported with specific examples or scenarios. Additionally, addressing potential counterarguments could provide a more balanced view and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that emphasizes the importance of balancing technology with traditional communication. This is evident in the concluding remarks, which reiterate the need for both forms of interaction. However, the phrasing in some areas is slightly ambiguous, such as "don’t be overused, let make a sense of belonging," which could confuse readers about the intended message.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using clearer and more precise language throughout the essay. Ensuring that each statement directly supports the main argument will help maintain clarity. Additionally, reiterating the main position in each paragraph can reinforce the stance taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits and drawbacks of technology in communication. For example, it discusses how technology allows for easier connection and saves time. However, the support for these ideas is sometimes lacking depth; for instance, the mention of "misunderstanding and a lack of connection" could be expanded with examples or statistics to provide more weight to the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing specific examples, personal anecdotes, or referencing studies that illustrate the impact of technology on communication. Additionally, using transitional phrases can help in logically extending ideas from one point to the next.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the pros and cons of technology in communication. However, there are moments where the language becomes convoluted, leading to slight deviations from the main argument. For example, phrases like "the way to communicate with each other is changing gradually" could be more directly tied to the advantages and disadvantages being discussed.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly relates to the central theme of the essay. Reviewing each paragraph to confirm that all content supports the thesis can help keep the writing on track. Additionally, simplifying complex sentences can enhance clarity and relevance.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, it could benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, clearer language, and more specific examples to support its claims. By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the overall effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by stating the topic and the writer’s intention. Each body paragraph begins with a topic sentence that outlines the main idea, such as the benefits of technology in communication and the drawbacks associated with it. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing advantages to disadvantages feels abrupt and could benefit from a linking phrase to guide the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "On the other hand" or "Conversely" when moving from one point to another. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one by summarizing the key points before introducing new ones, which will create a more cohesive narrative throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each one focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. The first body paragraph discusses the advantages of technology, while the second addresses the disadvantages. However, the conclusion could be more distinct and should ideally summarize the main points discussed in the essay, reinforcing the argument made. The current conclusion reiterates the main idea but lacks a clear summary of the points made in the body.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only restates the thesis but also encapsulates the key arguments presented in the body paragraphs. This can be achieved by briefly summarizing the benefits and drawbacks discussed, which will provide a clear and concise closure to the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "furthermore," and "nevertheless," which help to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "this way can save time for each other" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify its relevance.
- How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "for instance," "however," and "therefore." Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to clarify relationships between ideas. For example, when introducing examples, phrases like "for example" or "such as" can be employed to enhance clarity and connection.

Overall, while the essay achieves a solid level of coherence and cohesion, attention to the logical flow between ideas, the distinctiveness of paragraphs, and the variety of cohesive devices used will further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "advantages," "disadvantages," "communicate," and "connected." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "get in touch" is used multiple times, and there are limited synonyms employed throughout the essay. Additionally, phrases like "biggest advantages" and "several disadvantages" could be enhanced with more varied vocabulary to convey the same ideas more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "get in touch," alternatives like "connect," "reach out," or "communicate" could be used. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to technology and communication, such as "facilitate," "interpersonal," or "virtual engagement," would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "this may loss the directive interaction" is unclear; "loss" should be "lose," and "directive interaction" is not a commonly used term in this context. The term "emotional dept" is also incorrect; it should be "emotional depth." These inaccuracies can confuse the reader and detract from the overall clarity of the argument.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Reviewing common collocations and phrases related to communication and technology can help. For instance, instead of "directive interaction," a more precise term could be "face-to-face interaction." Additionally, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will help ensure that the vocabulary used aligns with standard English usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "loss" instead of "lose," "dept" instead of "depth," and "let make" instead of "let’s make." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail and can undermine the credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should develop a habit of proofreading their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through vocabulary exercises and flashcards can reinforce correct spelling of frequently used words, particularly those related to the essay topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the topic and employs some relevant vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding their vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer uses both simple and compound sentences, such as "Nowadays, there are numerous social media platforms, such as Facebook, Instagram, etc that allow users to get in touch and share the story." However, more complex structures are limited, and the essay often relies on straightforward constructions. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "this may loss the directive interaction," which detracts from clarity and sophistication.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, including subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting sentences with "To begin with," consider starting with an adverbial clause like "While many argue that technology facilitates communication, others believe it diminishes personal interaction." Practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can also elevate the complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, the phrase "this may loss the directive interaction" should be corrected to "this may lead to a loss of direct interaction." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in compound sentences, e.g., "such as Facebook, Instagram, etc that allow users" should include a comma before "that." The phrase "just sitting in front of the computer screen, many simple works can be handled without seeing directly" is also awkward and grammatically incorrect, as it suggests that "many simple works" is the subject performing the action.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper verb forms, and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules—particularly for compound and complex sentences—will help in achieving clearer writing. Reading more academic essays can also provide insights into correct grammatical structures and punctuation use.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and some relevant points, enhancing the range of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and revision are key strategies for achieving these improvements.

Bài sửa mẫu

When developing technology, the manner of communication is evolving gradually. Whether this may lead to a loss of direct interaction is a growing concern. In this essay, I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of using technology to connect with family and friends.

To begin with, one of the most significant advantages is that technology assists individuals in contacting close relatives who are far away from them. Nowadays, there are numerous social media platforms, such as Facebook and Instagram, that allow users to get in touch and share stories about their lives with their dear ones. Furthermore, this method can save time when they need to visit a particular place to see each other. For example, software like Zoom or Google Meet can be used to hold meetings online; by simply sitting in front of a computer screen, many simple tasks can be accomplished without direct interaction. Therefore, I believe that communicating indirectly still helps people feel more connected and provides a sense of involvement in each other’s lives.

Nevertheless, there are also several disadvantages to technology-based interaction. Now that many individuals are only familiar with this means of communication, it cannot replace the traditional way of speaking. Excessive chatting can lead some individuals to feel uncomfortable with in-person communication. This can result in misunderstandings and a lack of connection during conversations. In addition, relying heavily on technology to communicate can limit language skills, the ability to utilize body language, or the depth of emotional expression. Therefore, although using technology brings many benefits, it should not be overused, so as to foster a sense of belonging and connection among everyone in the world.

In my opinion, the solution is to maintain a balance between technology-based communication and face-to-face interaction. While technology can be a wonderful tool for keeping in touch with our loved ones, it cannot replace direct communication.

In conclusion, while technology represents the most significant innovation, it has several drawbacks. Technology has made communication more convenient, but it cannot replace the depth and authenticity of face-to-face interactions. Therefore, maintaining a balance between both forms of communication is essential to nurture meaningful relationships and ensure that we remain truly connected with one another.