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Why shouldn’t parents strictly limit teenagers’ screen time?

Why shouldn’t parents strictly limit teenagers’ screen time?

In contemporary families, there are numerous reasons that parents should not control their children’s screen time. First of all, controlling screen times limits children’s educational opportunities. Because of the availability and development of educational apps, online courses and interactive platforms, phones, laptops, and more are valuable tools for learning, so that children are able to enhance their knowledge and skills.For instance, teenagers can learn and develop their digital skills. Through screen time, they can promote creativity and passion in digital devices in order to gain useful skills which are helpful in the 4.0 technology revolution. In addition, they also help their parents who find it hard to keep up with new technology and functions. Secondly, strict limitations may lead to communication breakdown. For example, if parents impose serious limits on their children without discussing reasons behind them, teenagers will feel misunderstood and unfair treatment compared to peers. This situation leads to teenagers’ misconception in parental cares and annoying feelings while having conversation with their parents. In conclusion, fewer limits on childrens’ screen times not only advantageous for them but also strengthen family bonds.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In contemporary families" -> "In modern families"
    Explanation: "Contemporary" can be replaced with "modern" to maintain a more straightforward and commonly accepted term in academic writing, enhancing clarity and readability.

  2. "there are numerous reasons that parents should not control" -> "there are several compelling reasons why parents should not regulate"
    Explanation: "Several compelling reasons" is more precise and formal than "numerous reasons," and "regulate" is a more specific verb than "control," which is more commonly used in formal contexts.

  3. "controlling screen times limits" -> "controlling screen time restricts"
    Explanation: "Restricts" is a more precise verb than "limits" in this context, emphasizing the direct impact on the activity.

  4. "Because of the availability and development" -> "owing to the availability and development"
    Explanation: "Owing to" is a more formal and academic phrase than "because of," which is more conversational.

  5. "phones, laptops, and more" -> "mobile devices, computers, and other digital tools"
    Explanation: "Mobile devices, computers, and other digital tools" specifies the types of devices more accurately and formally than the vague "phones, laptops, and more."

  6. "enhance their knowledge and skills" -> "enhance their knowledge and skills"
    Explanation: Removing "and" after "skills" corrects the grammatical error and maintains the formal tone.

  7. "promote creativity and passion in digital devices" -> "foster creativity and enthusiasm for digital technologies"
    Explanation: "Foster" and "enthusiasm for digital technologies" are more precise and academically appropriate than "promote creativity and passion in digital devices."

  8. "help their parents who find it hard to keep up with new technology and functions" -> "assist their parents who struggle to adapt to new technologies and features"
    Explanation: "Assist" and "struggle to adapt to new technologies and features" are more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.

  9. "strict limitations may lead to communication breakdown" -> "rigid restrictions may result in communication breakdown"
    Explanation: "Rigid restrictions" and "result in" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic quality of the sentence.

  10. "serious limits on their children without discussing reasons behind them" -> "severe restrictions on their children without explaining the rationale"
    Explanation: "Severe restrictions" and "explaining the rationale" are more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.

  11. "teenagers will feel misunderstood and unfair treatment" -> "teenagers may perceive themselves as misunderstood and unfairly treated"
    Explanation: "May perceive themselves as" is more formal and precise, and "unfairly treated" is grammatically correct.

  12. "annoying feelings while having conversation" -> "irksome feelings during conversations"
    Explanation: "Irksome" is a more formal synonym for "annoying," and "during conversations" is grammatically correct.

  13. "fewer limits on childrens’ screen times" -> "fewer restrictions on children’s screen time"
    Explanation: "Restrictions" is more specific than "limits," and "children’s" should be hyphenated to maintain grammatical correctness.

  14. "not only advantageous for them but also strengthen family bonds" -> "not only beneficial for them but also strengthens family bonds"
    Explanation: "Beneficial" is more formal than "advantageous," and "strengthens" agrees with the singular subject "family bonds."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting reasons why parents should not strictly limit teenagers’ screen time. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of the topic. The arguments presented focus on educational opportunities and communication breakdown but do not fully engage with the broader implications of screen time, such as potential negative effects or the balance between screen time and other activities. The conclusion also does not effectively summarize the arguments made.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explore multiple facets of the issue, including both the benefits and potential drawbacks of screen time. Including counterarguments or acknowledging the importance of moderation could provide a more balanced view. Additionally, expanding on each point with more examples or evidence would strengthen the overall argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against strict limitations on screen time. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The transition between points is somewhat abrupt, and the conclusion does not tie back effectively to the main argument, which can confuse the reader about the overall stance.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the essay should use topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, reinforcing the main argument in the conclusion and ensuring that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next would enhance clarity.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the educational benefits of screen time and the potential for communication breakdown. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with sufficient detail. For instance, while the mention of educational apps is relevant, it lacks specific examples or data that could illustrate the point more effectively.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the essay should include more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. Incorporating statistics, studies, or real-life examples would provide stronger support for the arguments. Additionally, expanding on how screen time can foster creativity or enhance family communication would add depth to the discussion.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons against strict limitations on screen time. However, some points could be more directly tied back to the prompt. For example, while discussing communication breakdown, it could be more explicitly linked to how screen time facilitates social interactions among teenagers.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that relates directly to the prompt. Ensuring that all examples and explanations are relevant to the main argument will help keep the essay on track. Additionally, avoiding any tangential points that do not directly support the main argument will enhance coherence.

Overall, to achieve a higher band score, the essay should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, clearer structure, and more robust support for its ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against strict limitations on screen time, with the main points logically sequenced. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and each paragraph addresses a specific reason supporting the thesis. For instance, the first paragraph discusses educational opportunities, while the second addresses communication breakdown. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for example, the connection between the educational benefits and the communication aspect could be more explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that link ideas more clearly. For example, after discussing educational opportunities, you might add a sentence like, "Moreover, the benefits of screen time extend beyond education, impacting family dynamics as well." This would help the reader see the relationship between the points more clearly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct idea. The first paragraph introduces the educational benefits, while the second addresses the potential for communication breakdown. However, the conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more developed summary of the main points.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only summarizes the main arguments but also reinforces the thesis. You might consider restating the thesis in a more compelling way, such as, "In summary, allowing teenagers more screen time not only fosters their educational growth but also nurtures healthier family relationships."
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "for instance," and "in addition," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be stronger. For example, the phrase "this situation leads to teenagers’ misconception in parental cares" could be better linked to the previous sentence for clarity.
    • How to improve: To diversify and effectively use cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "furthermore," "consequently," or "on the other hand" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next by using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can create a more cohesive narrative.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "educational opportunities," "interactive platforms," and "technology revolution." However, the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "screen time" and "digital skills." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "screen time," you could use "digital engagement" or "device usage." Additionally, incorporating more varied adjectives and adverbs could enrich the descriptions, such as "innovative educational tools" instead of just "educational apps."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "misconception in parental cares" is awkward and unclear; it would be better expressed as "misconceptions about parental care." Additionally, the phrase "annoying feelings while having conversation" could be more clearly articulated as "frustration during conversations."
    • How to improve: Focus on clarity and precision in word choice. When expressing complex ideas, ensure that the vocabulary accurately conveys the intended meaning. Consider revising sentences for clarity, such as rephrasing "serious limits on their children without discussing reasons behind them" to "strict limits on their children’s screen time without explaining the rationale."
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "childrens’" which should be "children’s," and "advantageous" which is correctly spelled but could be replaced with a simpler term for clarity. Overall, spelling is generally accurate, but these minor errors can detract from the professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice proofreading your work before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools can also help catch common mistakes. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms, especially those relevant to your essay topics.

By addressing these areas, you can improve your lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences such as "Because of the availability and development of educational apps, online courses and interactive platforms, phones, laptops, and more are valuable tools for learning" showcases an understanding of how to combine clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "In addition" or "Secondly," which can detract from the overall variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider varying the way sentences are initiated. For instance, instead of starting with conjunctions or transitional phrases repeatedly, you might begin with an interesting fact or a rhetorical question. Additionally, incorporating more advanced structures, such as conditional sentences (e.g., "If parents do not allow screen time, they may hinder their children’s development"), could further enrich the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "fewer limits on childrens’ screen times not only advantageous for them but also strengthen family bonds" lacks a verb in the first part, making it grammatically incorrect. The punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "so that children are able to enhance their knowledge and skills" to separate clauses more clearly.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to ensure that all parts of a sentence are complete. In the aforementioned example, revising it to "fewer limits on children’s screen times are not only advantageous for them but also strengthen family bonds" would correct the grammatical issue. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can help clarify meaning and improve the flow of ideas. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on writing can also aid in identifying and correcting common errors.

Bài sửa mẫu

In modern families, there are several compelling reasons why parents should not regulate their children’s screen time. First of all, controlling screen time restricts children’s educational opportunities. Owing to the availability and development of educational apps, online courses, and interactive platforms, mobile devices, computers, and other digital tools are valuable assets for learning, enabling children to enhance their knowledge and skills. For instance, teenagers can learn and develop their digital skills. Through screen time, they can foster creativity and enthusiasm for digital technologies, which are essential for thriving in the 4.0 technology revolution. Additionally, these tools assist their parents who struggle to adapt to new technologies and features.

Secondly, strict limitations may lead to communication breakdown. For example, if parents impose severe restrictions on their children without explaining the rationale, teenagers may perceive themselves as misunderstood and unfairly treated compared to their peers. This situation can result in misconceptions regarding parental care and create irksome feelings during conversations with their parents.

In conclusion, fewer restrictions on children’s screen time are not only beneficial for them but also strengthen family bonds.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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