Wild animals have no place , so protecting them is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an opinion that wild animals have no room in this day and age, so conserving them brings no benefits. In this essay, however, I will challenge this school of thought.

In my view, it is absurd to say that animals do not have accommodation in modern society. This is because the Earth exists for the life of all creatures, humans cannot occupy the places that are allocated for other living organisms, especially wild animals. In addition to this, the survival of natural animals significantly contributes to the equilibrium of nature in which humans seem to have the most benefits. Therefore, wild animals play a vitally important role in the 21st century, and protecting them should be our long-term target.

Additionally, I also disagree with the idea that protecting such animals is not helpful for several reasons. Firstly, due to the fact that natural animals provide humans with an enormous amount of valuable resources for countless scientific sectors. This can be seen in the situations where researchers and scientists conduct a lot of tests using animals to test on. Secondly, thanks to the appearance of wild animals, the agricultural sector may reap benefits from the protection of wild animals. For instance, wild birds and snakes will attack insects or harmful species, which results in fruitful crops, and farmers can better improve their living level.

In conclusion, I think it is a big mistake to say that natural animals have no place to reside as well as the protection of such species is useless since they are an indispensable part of our life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There is an opinion" -> "It is a prevailing opinion"
Explanation: "It is a prevailing opinion" refines the phrase by specifying the nature of the opinion, enhancing the academic tone and precision.
"have no room" -> "have no place"
Explanation: "Have no place" is a more formal and precise alternative to "have no room," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context.
"conserving them" -> "conserving these animals"
Explanation: Adding "these animals" clarifies the subject of conservation, enhancing the specificity and formality of the sentence.
"In this essay, however, I will challenge this school of thought." -> "However, this essay will challenge this perspective."
Explanation: Removing "In this essay" and replacing "I will" with "this essay will" shifts the focus from the author to the essay itself, aligning better with academic style by emphasizing the objective nature of the argument.
"it is absurd to say" -> "it is unreasonable to assert"
Explanation: "It is unreasonable to assert" is more formal and academically appropriate than "it is absurd to say," which can sound overly emotional and informal.
"animals do not have accommodation" -> "animals lack habitat"
Explanation: "Lack habitat" is a more precise and scientifically accurate term than "do not have accommodation," which is vague and informal.
"the Earth exists for the life of all creatures" -> "the Earth supports the existence of all living organisms"
Explanation: "The Earth supports the existence of all living organisms" is a more scientifically accurate and formal way to express the relationship between the planet and its inhabitants.
"humans cannot occupy the places that are allocated for other living organisms" -> "humans cannot occupy spaces designated for other living organisms"
Explanation: "Spaces designated" is a more precise and formal term than "places allocated," which is somewhat colloquial.
"the survival of natural animals" -> "the survival of wild animals"
Explanation: "Wild animals" is a more specific and commonly used term in ecological and conservation contexts than "natural animals," which is less precise.
"vitaly important" -> "vitally important"
Explanation: Corrects a typographical error for grammatical accuracy and formality.
"protecting such animals is not helpful" -> "the protection of such animals is not beneficial"
Explanation: "The protection of such animals is not beneficial" is more formal and precise, improving the academic tone.
"due to the fact that" -> "because"
Explanation: "Because" is a more direct and formal connector than "due to the fact that," which can sound overly verbose and less direct.
"conduct a lot of tests using animals to test on" -> "conduct numerous tests on animals"
Explanation: "Conduct numerous tests on animals" is more concise and avoids the awkward and informal construction "to test on."
"thanks to the appearance of wild animals" -> "owing to the presence of wild animals"
Explanation: "Owing to the presence of wild animals" is more formal and precise than "thanks to the appearance of," which is colloquial.
"will attack insects or harmful species" -> "prey on insects and other pests"
Explanation: "Prey on insects and other pests" is a more precise and scientifically accurate description of the actions of wild animals, replacing the vague "harmful species."
"which results in fruitful crops" -> "resulting in increased crop yields"
Explanation: "Resulting in increased crop yields" is a more precise and formal way to describe the impact on agriculture, replacing the vague and informal "fruitful crops."
"and farmers can better improve their living level" -> "and farmers can enhance their livelihoods"
Explanation: "Enhance their livelihoods" is a more formal and precise term than "improve their living level," which is awkward and informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that wild animals have no place and that their protection is a waste of resources. The introduction sets the tone for the argument, and the body paragraphs provide specific reasons for the stance taken. The author discusses the ecological importance of wild animals and their contributions to human life, which directly responds to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint. Including a brief discussion of why some might believe that protecting wild animals is a waste could provide a more balanced perspective and strengthen the argument against it.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the idea that wild animals are unnecessary. Phrases like "I will challenge this school of thought" and "I think it is a big mistake" reinforce the author’s stance. However, there are moments where the language could be more assertive, particularly in the conclusion, which could further emphasize the position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and assertiveness, the author could use more definitive language in the conclusion and throughout the essay. Phrases such as "It is essential" or "It is imperative" could replace softer expressions to convey a stronger commitment to the viewpoint.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as the ecological role of wild animals and their benefits to agriculture. The use of examples, such as the role of wild birds and snakes in pest control, effectively supports the claims made. However, the explanation of how wild animals contribute to scientific research could be expanded for greater depth.
- How to improve: To enhance the support for ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples or data regarding the scientific contributions of wild animals. Including specific case studies or statistics could strengthen the argument and make it more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the prompt directly without deviating into unrelated areas. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument, maintaining relevance and coherence. The structure of the essay supports this focus, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
- How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, the author should ensure that all points made are directly tied back to the main argument. For instance, when discussing the benefits to agriculture, it could be beneficial to explicitly connect this back to the overall argument about the importance of wild animals in modern society.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively communicates the author’s position. With some minor adjustments, particularly in expanding on opposing views and providing more detailed examples, the essay could reach an even higher level of excellence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that wild animals have no place in modern society. The introduction effectively sets up the writer’s stance, and the subsequent paragraphs logically follow this initial claim. The first body paragraph discusses the ecological importance of wild animals, while the second body paragraph shifts focus to the benefits they provide to human society, particularly in agriculture. This clear division of ideas contributes to a strong logical flow. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between ecological balance and agricultural benefits is not explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider adding transitional phrases that link the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the ecological role of wild animals, a sentence like "Moreover, their importance extends beyond ecology to practical benefits in agriculture" would create a more cohesive connection between the two points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction introduces the topic and the writer’s position, while the body paragraphs each address specific reasons supporting that position. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the argument. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis statement.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each body paragraph to ensure they clearly reflect the main idea of the paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "One significant reason for protecting wild animals is their crucial role in maintaining ecological balance," which would reinforce the connection to the thesis.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "firstly," "secondly," and "in addition," which help to structure the argument and guide the reader through the points being made. However, the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance the overall flow and sophistication of the writing. For instance, the use of more complex connectors or phrases could elevate the writing style.
- How to improve: Incorporate a broader range of cohesive devices. Instead of relying solely on "firstly" and "secondly," consider using phrases like "Furthermore," "In contrast," or "As a result" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, using pronouns effectively can help maintain cohesion; for example, referring back to "these animals" or "such species" can help avoid repetition and maintain flow.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with a clear argument and logical structure. By refining transitions, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can further enhance the clarity and sophistication of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "conserving," "equilibrium," and "indispensable." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "natural animals" is used multiple times, which could be replaced with synonyms like "wildlife" or "fauna" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "wild animals," they could alternate with "wildlife," "creatures," or "non-domesticated species." Additionally, using more advanced vocabulary related to conservation, ecology, or biodiversity could elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "humans cannot occupy the places that are allocated for other living organisms" is somewhat vague and could be more clearly articulated. The term "accommodation" is also used in a way that may confuse readers, as it typically refers to housing rather than the concept of space or habitat.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "accommodation," they could use "habitat" or "space." Additionally, clarifying phrases like "the places that are allocated for other living organisms" could be rephrased to "the habitats designated for wildlife" for greater clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with no glaring spelling errors. However, there are minor issues, such as the use of "a big mistake," which could be considered informal and less academic.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy and overall professionalism, the writer should aim for more formal expressions. For example, replacing "a big mistake" with "a significant error" would not only improve the academic tone but also demonstrate a higher level of lexical resource. Regular practice with spelling and vocabulary exercises, along with reading academic texts, can also help improve spelling and word choice.

In summary, while the essay achieves a band score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining formal language, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and some compound sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "In addition to this" and "This is because" effectively connects ideas and adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For instance, the phrase "the survival of natural animals significantly contributes to the equilibrium of nature" is somewhat repetitive in structure, as it follows a similar pattern to other sentences in the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Although wild animals are often seen as a nuisance, they play a crucial role in ecosystems") or using inversion for emphasis (e.g., "Never has the importance of wild animals been more evident") could add variety. Additionally, integrating more conditional sentences (e.g., "If we fail to protect wild animals, we risk disrupting the ecological balance") would also diversify the structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good grammatical control, but there are several areas where accuracy could be improved. For instance, the phrase "humans cannot occupy the places that are allocated for other living organisms" is slightly awkward and could be more clearly expressed. Additionally, the sentence "This can be seen in the situations where researchers and scientists conduct a lot of tests using animals to test on" contains redundancy with the use of "tests" and "to test on," which detracts from clarity. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are minor issues, such as the unnecessary space before the comma in "have no place , so."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on eliminating redundancy and ensuring clarity in expression. For example, the sentence about researchers could be revised to "This is evident in the numerous studies where animals are used as subjects." Furthermore, careful proofreading for punctuation errors, such as ensuring there are no spaces before commas, will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Practicing the use of more precise vocabulary and avoiding repetitive phrases will also contribute to clearer communication.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy for future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a prevailing opinion that wild animals have no room in this day and age, so conserving them brings no benefits. However, this essay will challenge this perspective.

In my view, it is absurd to say that animals do not have accommodation in modern society. This is because the Earth exists to support the life of all creatures; humans cannot occupy the spaces designated for other living organisms, especially wild animals. In addition to this, the survival of wild animals significantly contributes to the equilibrium of nature, from which humans seem to gain the most benefits. Therefore, wild animals play a vitally important role in the 21st century, and protecting them should be our long-term target.

Additionally, I also disagree with the idea that protecting such animals is not helpful for several reasons. Firstly, natural animals provide humans with an enormous amount of valuable resources for countless scientific sectors. This can be seen in situations where researchers and scientists conduct numerous tests on animals. Secondly, owing to the presence of wild animals, the agricultural sector may reap benefits from their protection. For instance, wild birds and snakes prey on insects and other pests, resulting in increased crop yields, and farmers can enhance their livelihoods.

In conclusion, I think it is a big mistake to say that wild animals have no place to reside and that the protection of such species is useless since they are an indispensable part of our lives.