write a paragraph about a day of your diary

In the morning I woke up early to have breakfast at home. I went to school in order to study experiential activities, Mr. Nam taught my class.

At 8pm I went home and was really tired so I laid on the bed for 10 minutes. When I got up, I was hungry so I had to help my dad prepare the lunch. Then I took a shower and took a nap. At 12:15 I went to school with my friends. The weather was sunny. Luckily I used sunscreen cream at home. In the afternoon we had 5 lessons. There were literature, math, technology, local education and english. Today I was really tired of my class. They always talked during the lesson. I wrote their name in my notebook. They said that I was a ferocious person. That saying made me felt sad and upset. At 5:20 I went home and told my parents what happened in my class. After I took a shower, I enjoyed the meal with my parents. I went to the bedroom and thought about my class for a few minutes. My heart was broken and felt cold. In the evening I had a lot of work to do. First I had to join a math competition and English competition. My school was really bad. They didn’t care an english competition, IOE. I had to search on Google and join it. I remembered that I couldn’t join a competition because of my school didn’t care that competition and didn’t know their password in the last year. Second I had to prepare the tomorrow’s lesson. It was so hard.

Then I wrote my diary. Finally I brushed my teeth, washed my face and went to sleep.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In the morning I woke up early to have breakfast at home." -> "I awoke early to have breakfast at home."
Explanation: "Awoke" is a more formal verb choice than "woke up," aligning better with academic style. Removing "in the morning" simplifies the sentence without losing meaning, making it more concise and formal.
"I went to school in order to study experiential activities, Mr. Nam taught my class." -> "I attended school to engage in experiential activities, where Mr. Nam taught my class."
Explanation: "Attended school" is more formal than "went to school," and "engage in" is more precise than "study." The addition of "where" clarifies the location of the teaching activity.
"At 8pm I went home and was really tired so I laid on the bed for 10 minutes." -> "At 8:00 PM, I returned home and felt exhausted, so I rested on the bed for 10 minutes."
Explanation: "Returned home" is more formal than "went home," and "felt exhausted" is more precise than "was really tired." "Rested" is a more formal synonym for "laid."
"I had to help my dad prepare the lunch." -> "I assisted my father in preparing lunch."
Explanation: "Assisted" is more formal than "had to help," and "in preparing" is more precise than "to prepare." Using "father" instead of "dad" is more formal.
"Then I took a shower and took a nap." -> "Subsequently, I took a shower and then took a nap."
Explanation: "Subsequently" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Then," and the addition of "then" clarifies the sequence of events.
"The weather was sunny." -> "The weather was sunny, fortunately."
Explanation: Adding "fortunately" provides a more formal tone and emphasizes the positive aspect of the weather.
"I wrote their name in my notebook." -> "I recorded their names in my notebook."
Explanation: "Recorded" is a more formal verb choice than "wrote," and "names" should be plural to match the context.
"They said that I was a ferocious person." -> "They accused me of being a ferocious person."
Explanation: "Accused me of being" is more precise and formal than "said that I was," and it correctly reflects the accusatory nature of the statement.
"That saying made me felt sad and upset." -> "This remark left me feeling sad and upset."
Explanation: "This remark" is more formal than "That saying," and "left me feeling" is grammatically correct compared to "made me felt."
"I went to the bedroom and thought about my class for a few minutes." -> "I retreated to my bedroom and reflected on my class for a few minutes."
Explanation: "Retreated" and "reflected" are more formal alternatives to "went" and "thought," respectively, and "on" is more appropriate than "about" in this context.
"My heart was broken and felt cold." -> "I felt a deep sense of sadness and my heart felt heavy."
Explanation: "A deep sense of sadness" is a more precise and formal way to describe emotional state than "broken and felt cold," which is metaphorically incorrect and too casual.
"I had to join a math competition and English competition." -> "I was required to participate in a math competition and an English competition."
Explanation: "Was required to participate in" is more formal than "had to join," and "an English competition" is grammatically correct.
"My school was really bad." -> "My school was subpar."
Explanation: "Subpar" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "really bad," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"They didn’t care an english competition, IOE." -> "They did not prioritize an English competition, IOE."
Explanation: "Did not prioritize" is more precise and formal than "didn’t care," and "an English competition" should be "an English competition" for grammatical correctness.
"I had to search on Google and join it." -> "I had to research online and register for it."
Explanation: "Research online" is more formal than "search on Google," and "register for" is more precise than "join."
"I couldn’t join a competition because of my school didn’t care that competition and didn’t know their password in the last year." -> "I was unable to participate in the competition due to my school’s lack of interest in it and their failure to provide the password last year."
Explanation: "Was unable to participate

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to recount a day from the writer’s diary, covering various activities throughout the day. However, it lacks a coherent structure and fails to provide a focused narrative. The prompt asks for a paragraph, yet the response reads more like a list of events without a clear thematic connection. For instance, the transition from school activities to personal feelings is abrupt and lacks depth.
- How to improve: To better address the prompt, the writer should focus on creating a cohesive narrative that highlights key moments of the day. Instead of listing events, the writer could select a few significant experiences and elaborate on them, providing insights into feelings and reflections to create a more engaging and meaningful diary entry.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a mix of daily activities and personal emotions, but the position is not clearly defined. The writer expresses feelings of tiredness and sadness but does not consistently tie these emotions back to the day’s events. For example, the mention of feeling "sad and upset" due to classmates’ comments is somewhat isolated and could be better integrated into the overall narrative.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently link emotions to specific events throughout the day. This can be achieved by using transitional phrases that connect feelings to actions, thereby creating a more unified narrative. For example, after describing a class disruption, the writer could elaborate on how that affected their mood for the rest of the day.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as school activities, personal feelings, and family interactions. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported. For instance, the mention of the math and English competitions is brief and lacks detail about the writer’s thoughts or feelings regarding these events.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should choose a few key experiences to elaborate on. This could involve providing more context, such as why the competitions are important to them or how they felt about their classmates’ behavior. Adding descriptive language and personal reflections would enhance the depth of the narrative.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay generally stays on the topic of recounting a day, it occasionally veers off into unrelated details, such as the writer’s opinions about the school or the mention of a specific competition. These digressions disrupt the flow and focus of the narrative.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should stick to the central theme of the diary entry. Each sentence should contribute to the overall narrative of the day. If the writer feels compelled to include opinions or additional details, they should ensure that these elements are directly relevant to the day’s experiences and emotions.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on creating a cohesive narrative that connects events and emotions, elaborates on key experiences, and maintains a clear and relevant focus throughout the writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a chronological account of the writer’s day, which aids in logical organization. The sequence of events is clear, starting from the morning and progressing through to the evening. However, there are instances where the flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing school activities to personal feelings about classmates is somewhat abrupt. This shift could confuse the reader regarding the main focus of the paragraph.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through shifts in focus. For instance, after describing school activities, a phrase like "Despite the busy day, I faced challenges with my classmates" could better connect the narrative threads. Additionally, grouping related ideas together—such as all school-related activities followed by personal reflections—would strengthen coherence.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is presented as a single block of text, which can make it difficult for the reader to follow. While the content is sequential, the lack of paragraph breaks detracts from readability and organization. Each major event or theme (morning routine, school experience, evening activities) could benefit from being separated into distinct paragraphs.
- How to improve: Implementing clear paragraph breaks will improve the overall structure. For example, start a new paragraph after discussing the morning routine and another after the school experience. This not only enhances clarity but also allows the reader to digest each section of the narrative more effectively. Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single idea or theme, which will help in organizing thoughts more clearly.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "then," "after," and "finally," to indicate the sequence of events. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and the repetition of certain phrases can make the writing feel monotonous. For instance, the frequent use of "I" at the beginning of sentences can lead to a lack of variety in sentence structure.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, use "subsequently," "in addition," or "however" to connect ideas more fluidly. Varying sentence structure can also enhance cohesion; try starting some sentences with dependent clauses or using different sentence types (e.g., questions or exclamatory sentences) to create interest. This will not only improve cohesion but also make the writing more engaging.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the task and presents a coherent narrative, improvements in organization, paragraphing, and the use of cohesive devices will elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, with some variety in word choice. Phrases such as "experiential activities," "ferocious person," and "math competition" show an attempt to use specific terms related to the context. However, the vocabulary is often repetitive, particularly with common words like "tired" and "school." This limits the overall lexical richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more descriptive adjectives. For example, instead of repeatedly using "tired," alternatives like "exhausted" or "fatigued" could be employed. Additionally, using more varied expressions to describe feelings or actions (e.g., "felt disheartened" instead of "felt sad") would enrich the text.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, "I laid on the bed" should be "I lay on the bed," as "lay" is the past tense of "lie." Furthermore, the phrase "my school was really bad" lacks specificity and could be misinterpreted.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of saying "my school was really bad," they could specify what they find lacking, such as "my school did not provide adequate support for extracurricular activities." Additionally, reviewing grammatical structures related to verb forms will help in using vocabulary more accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "english" (should be "English"), "IOE" (if it refers to a specific competition, it should be clarified), and "tomorrow’s" (missing an apostrophe). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards for commonly misspelled words or employing spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay before submission can help catch these errors. Reading more English texts can also improve spelling through exposure to correct forms.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource for future IELTS essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with a few complex sentences. For example, "I went to school in order to study experiential activities, Mr. Nam taught my class" combines two independent clauses but lacks variety in structure. Additionally, the use of phrases like "I had to help my dad prepare the lunch" and "I went home and told my parents what happened in my class" shows a tendency to rely on straightforward constructions.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "I was hungry so I had to help my dad prepare the lunch," you could say, "Feeling hungry after a long day, I helped my dad prepare lunch." This not only adds complexity but also improves the flow of ideas.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, "made me felt sad" should be "made me feel sad," indicating a misunderstanding of verb forms. Additionally, there are instances of missing articles, such as "the lunch" which should simply be "lunch." Punctuation errors include the lack of commas in compound sentences, such as in "At 8pm I went home and was really tired," which could benefit from a comma before "and" to clarify the sentence structure.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on understanding verb forms and subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, review the rules regarding commas in compound sentences and the use of articles. Reading more English texts can also provide exposure to correct grammatical structures and punctuation usage, which can be beneficial for developing a more intuitive understanding of these rules.

Overall, while the essay conveys a narrative effectively, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the writing quality and potentially lead to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the morning, I awoke early to have breakfast at home. I attended school to engage in experiential activities, where Mr. Nam taught my class.

At 8:00 PM, I returned home and felt exhausted, so I rested on the bed for 10 minutes. When I got up, I was hungry, so I assisted my father in preparing lunch. After that, I took a shower and then took a nap. At 12:15 PM, I went to school with my friends. The weather was sunny, and fortunately, I had used sunscreen cream at home. In the afternoon, we had five lessons: literature, math, technology, local education, and English. Today, I felt really tired of my class because my classmates always talked during the lesson. I recorded their names in my notebook. They accused me of being a ferocious person, and this remark left me feeling sad and upset. At 5:20 PM, I went home and shared what had happened in my class with my parents. After I took a shower, I enjoyed a meal with them. I then retreated to my bedroom and reflected on my class for a few minutes. I felt a deep sense of sadness, and my heart felt heavy.

In the evening, I had a lot of work to do. First, I was required to participate in a math competition and an English competition. Unfortunately, my school was subpar and did not prioritize the English competition, IOE. I had to research online and register for it. I remembered that I was unable to participate in the competition last year due to my school’s lack of interest and their failure to provide the password. Secondly, I had to prepare for tomorrow’s lesson, which was quite challenging.

Finally, I wrote in my diary. After that, I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and went to sleep.