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Write about the following topic Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today Are these shows a good method of finding talented people or are they just entertainment Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from

Write about the following topic Televised talent shows have become popular in many societies today Are these shows a good method of finding talented people or are they just entertainment Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from

In the modern era, talent shows have become more and more popular in society. From my perspective, Talent shows are the most effective way to observe individuals who have talent, and these shows not only find talented people but also help viewers entertain and unwind after hard-working days. This essay will evaluate both of them and

On the one hand, talent shows help discover people who might not have a chance to showcase their skills. Participating in talent shows is a great way to become well-known and reach to wider audience because each show may have a significant audience so both of winners or losers can be known by many people after these programme. That was seen as an opportunitiy to debut the first show. For example, there is a singer called Erik who was loste in a singing competition The Talent voice but he still become a famous singer although his award was not considerable.

On the other hand, talent shows are very entertaining for viewers and audiences. This is Because unpredicted scripts and engaging dramas play an important role in attracting and entertaining viewers. Many shows always play the trailer for the next chapter which has funny moments or remarkable scenes to keep their audiences interested. Talent shows are the popular show for all ages

In conclusion, Talent shows become well-known on social media. This shift bring to talented people changes to become famous and successful.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "In the modern era" -> "In contemporary times"
    Explanation: "In contemporary times" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "more and more popular" -> "increasingly popular"
    Explanation: "Increasingly popular" is a more formal and concise way to express growing popularity, avoiding the repetitive and informal "more and more."

  3. "From my perspective" -> "In my view"
    Explanation: "In my view" is a more formal expression commonly used in academic writing to introduce personal opinions.

  4. "Talent shows are the most effective way" -> "Talent shows are the most effective means"
    Explanation: "Means" is a more precise term in this context, suggesting a method or approach, which is more appropriate for formal writing.

  5. "help viewers entertain and unwind" -> "provide viewers with entertainment and relaxation"
    Explanation: "Provide viewers with entertainment and relaxation" is more formal and specific, improving clarity and appropriateness for an academic essay.

  6. "evaluate both of them" -> "examine both aspects"
    Explanation: "Examine both aspects" is more precise and academically appropriate than "evaluate both of them," which is somewhat vague and informal.

  7. "help discover people who might not have a chance" -> "facilitate the discovery of individuals who may not otherwise have the opportunity"
    Explanation: This revision clarifies and formalizes the sentence, making it more suitable for academic writing.

  8. "reach to wider audience" -> "reach a wider audience"
    Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.

  9. "That was seen as an opportunitiy" -> "This was seen as an opportunity"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error and adjusts the sentence structure for better flow and formality.

  10. "loste" -> "lost"
    Explanation: Corrects the spelling error.

  11. "become a famous singer" -> "became a renowned singer"
    Explanation: "Renowned" is a more formal and precise term than "famous," fitting better in an academic context.

  12. "although his award was not considerable" -> "although his award was not significant"
    Explanation: "Significant" is a more formal and precise term than "considerable," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in formal writing.

  13. "This is Because" -> "This is because"
    Explanation: Corrects the capitalization error for proper grammatical structure.

  14. "unpredicted scripts and engaging dramas" -> "unpredictable scripts and engaging storylines"
    Explanation: "Storylines" is a more specific and formal term than "dramas," which is somewhat vague and informal.

  15. "play an important role in attracting and entertaining viewers" -> "play a crucial role in captivating and entertaining audiences"
    Explanation: "Captivating" and "audiences" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone.

  16. "Talent shows are the popular show for all ages" -> "Talent shows are a popular attraction for all ages"
    Explanation: "A popular attraction" is a more formal and precise phrase than "the popular show," which is grammatically incorrect and informal.

  17. "This shift bring to talented people changes to become famous and successful" -> "This shift brings opportunities for talented individuals to achieve fame and success"
    Explanation: "Brings opportunities" is grammatically correct and more formal, and "talented individuals" is a more precise and respectful term than "talented people."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the potential for talent shows to discover talent and their role as entertainment. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of both aspects. The phrase "evaluate both of them" suggests an intention to compare, but the essay does not provide a balanced examination of the two sides. The discussion about talent discovery is somewhat vague and lacks depth, while the entertainment aspect is mentioned but not sufficiently analyzed. The conclusion also fails to directly answer the prompt, as it does not clearly state whether talent shows are primarily a method of finding talent or just entertainment.
    • How to improve: To improve, the essay should explicitly address both sides of the argument in a more balanced manner. Each point should be developed with specific examples and explanations. The writer should ensure that the conclusion directly reflects the discussion in the body paragraphs and provides a clear stance on the overall question.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that talent shows are effective for discovering talent and entertaining viewers. However, this position is not consistently maintained throughout the essay. The introduction states a clear opinion, but the body paragraphs do not consistently reinforce this stance. The transition from discussing talent discovery to entertainment is abrupt, and the connection between the two is not clearly articulated.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use topic sentences that reflect the main argument of each paragraph. Additionally, linking phrases can help connect ideas and reinforce the overall stance. The conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the position clearly.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about talent shows, such as their ability to help individuals gain recognition and their entertainment value. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient detail. For example, the mention of Erik lacks context and fails to explain how his experience exemplifies the benefits of talent shows. The discussion on entertainment is also superficial and does not provide specific examples or analysis.
    • How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each idea with more detail and examples. Providing specific instances of talent shows and their impact on participants or audiences would strengthen the argument. Additionally, using statistics or quotes from credible sources could enhance the support for the claims made.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing talent shows in relation to their ability to find talent and entertain. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the transition between discussing talent discovery and entertainment. The phrase "the popular show for all ages" is vague and does not contribute meaningfully to the argument.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates back to the main question posed in the prompt. Avoiding vague statements and instead providing specific, relevant details will help keep the essay on track. Each point made should tie back to the central argument regarding the effectiveness of talent shows.

Overall, the essay needs to be more comprehensive and cohesive to achieve a higher band score. Addressing these areas of improvement will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s perspective, while each body paragraph addresses a specific aspect of talent shows—one focusing on their role in discovering talent and the other on their entertainment value. However, the logical flow could be improved, as some ideas are not fully developed or clearly linked to the main argument. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of talent shows in discovering talent and their entertainment value could be more seamless.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, using linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help to create smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. A more detailed explanation of how talent shows serve both purposes could also strengthen the overall argument.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. However, the first body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences and more structured development of ideas. For example, the sentence "That was seen as an opportunity to debut the first show" is vague and lacks context, which may confuse readers about its relevance.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. Additionally, supporting sentences should be logically ordered and elaborated upon with relevant examples or explanations. The writer should also ensure that all sentences within a paragraph contribute to the main idea, avoiding vague references.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, but the range is limited. For instance, the use of "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" is appropriate for contrasting points, but the essay could benefit from a wider variety of cohesive devices to enhance clarity and flow. The phrase "This is Because" is incorrectly capitalized and should be "This is because," which detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "For instance," to connect ideas more fluidly. Additionally, using pronouns and synonyms can help to avoid repetition and create a more cohesive text. The writer should also pay attention to capitalization and punctuation to maintain a formal tone.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on the logical flow of ideas, enhancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some effective expressions such as "hard-working days," "showcase their skills," and "engaging dramas." However, the repetition of phrases like "talent shows" and "audience" indicates a limited variety in word choice. For instance, the phrase "help viewers entertain and unwind" could be enhanced by using synonyms or related terms to avoid redundancy.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "talent shows," alternatives like "competitions," "performing arts contests," or "showcases" could be employed. Additionally, using more descriptive adjectives or adverbs can add depth to the writing, such as "captivating talent shows" or "diverse audience."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "reach to wider audience," which should be "reach a wider audience." The phrase "both of winners or losers" is also awkward; it could be more clearly stated as "both winners and losers." Furthermore, "the first show" is vague and lacks context, making it unclear what is being referred to.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on grammatical structures and ensure that phrases are complete and clear. For example, instead of saying "this is Because unpredicted scripts," it would be more precise to say "this is because the unpredictable nature of the scripts." Additionally, reviewing sentence structures for clarity can help convey ideas more effectively.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "loste" instead of "lost," "opportunitiy" instead of "opportunity," and "bring" instead of "brings." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or flashcards can help reinforce correct spellings. Reading more widely can also expose the writer to correct spellings in context, aiding retention.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and a clear structure, focusing on expanding vocabulary, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling will help elevate the Lexical Resource band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. While there are some complex sentences, such as "From my perspective, Talent shows are the most effective way to observe individuals who have talent," the majority of the sentences are simple or compound and lack variety. For instance, phrases like "this is Because unpredicted scripts and engaging dramas play an important role" and "talent shows are the popular show for all ages" reflect a repetitive structure that does not showcase a wide range of grammatical forms.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Talent shows," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "While talent shows entertain audiences, they also serve as a platform for undiscovered talent." Additionally, using a mix of active and passive voice can add diversity to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For instance, "reach to wider audience" should be "reach a wider audience," and "the first show" is vague without context. Additionally, the phrase "although his award was not considerable" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "even though he did not win a significant award." Punctuation errors include the inconsistent capitalization of "Talent" and the incorrect use of "Because" at the beginning of a sentence, which should not be capitalized.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, article usage, and the correct formation of phrases. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common grammatical structures can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring consistent capitalization will enhance overall clarity. Utilizing tools like grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes before submission.

By addressing these areas of improvement, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, talent shows have become increasingly popular in society. In my view, talent shows are the most effective way to observe individuals who have talent, and these shows not only find talented people but also provide viewers with entertainment and relaxation after hard-working days. This essay will examine both aspects.

On the one hand, talent shows help discover people who might not have a chance to showcase their skills. Participating in talent shows is a great way to become well-known and reach a wider audience because each show may have a significant viewership, so both winners and losers can be recognized by many people after these programs. This was seen as an opportunity to debut in the first show. For example, there is a singer called Erik who lost in a singing competition called The Talent Voice, but he still became a renowned singer, although his award was not significant.

On the other hand, talent shows are very entertaining for viewers and audiences. This is because unpredictable scripts and engaging storylines play a crucial role in captivating and entertaining viewers. Many shows always play trailers for the next chapter, which feature funny moments or remarkable scenes to keep their audiences interested. Talent shows are a popular attraction for all ages.

In conclusion, talent shows have become well-known on social media. This shift brings opportunities for talented individuals to achieve fame and success.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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