Write an essay to express your opinion about this saying “Money can buy everything”. Do you agree with it? Give your idea.(about 200-250 words)

Although as the years go by, money remains increasingly important in the global community. Many individuals continue to believe that everything can be purchased with money. This essay will share my opinion on how I partially agree with this idea.
First and foremost, finances provide several options for humans to obtain material comforts and security in various fields. People can use it to shop, invest in projects, and try out services. For example, numerous online media outlets write on the rich's daily lives, including how they spend their money to become a VIP of gold, a sport regarded as spiritual energy for the wealthy. Additionally, people are able to invest money in experiences like travel and entertainment, which can enrich their lives in an array of aspects.
On the other hand, there are some fundamental characteristics of human existence that money cannot purchase. Genuine relationships, for instance cannot be bought. True friendships and love are based on mutual respect, trust, and emotional connections, which cannot be purchased. Furthermore, while financial security may decrease stress and provide a comfortable lifestyle, it does not ensure satisfaction or happiness. Lots of wealthy individuals suffer from loneliness, sadness, and a lack of purpose.
In conclusion, although money is definitely valuable and may significantly improve physical elements of life, it cannot purchase everything. As a result, while working for financial stability is critical, investing in the intangible characteristics that actually enhance our lives.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Although as the years go by" -> "As the years pass"
Explanation: "As the years pass" is a more concise and formal way to express the passage of time, aligning better with academic style.
"money remains increasingly important" -> "money continues to assume greater importance"
Explanation: "Continues to assume greater importance" is a more precise and formal expression that emphasizes the ongoing increase in significance.
"Many individuals continue to believe" -> "Many individuals still believe"
Explanation: "Still" is more concise and academically appropriate than "continue to," which can sound redundant in this context.
"This essay will share my opinion" -> "This essay will present my perspective"
Explanation: "Present my perspective" is a more formal and precise term than "share my opinion," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"finances provide several options" -> "financial resources offer various opportunities"
Explanation: "Financial resources offer various opportunities" is more specific and formal, enhancing the academic tone.
"People can use it to shop, invest in projects, and try out services." -> "Individuals can utilize it for shopping, investing in projects, and accessing services."
Explanation: "Utilize" and "accessing" are more formal and precise than "use" and "try out," respectively, and "Individuals" is a more formal term than "People."
"numerous online media outlets write on the rich’s daily lives" -> "numerous online publications report on the lifestyles of the affluent"
Explanation: "Report on the lifestyles of the affluent" is more formal and precise than "write on the rich’s daily lives," which is colloquial and imprecise.
"a sport regarded as spiritual energy for the wealthy" -> "a sport considered a spiritual pursuit by the affluent"
Explanation: "Considered a spiritual pursuit by the affluent" is more formal and avoids the colloquial "regarded as spiritual energy."
"people are able to invest money in experiences" -> "individuals can invest in experiences"
Explanation: "Individuals can invest in experiences" is more formal and avoids the redundancy of "money" when "invest" already implies financial investment.
"which can enrich their lives in an array of aspects" -> "which can enrich their lives in various aspects"
Explanation: "In various aspects" is a more precise and formal way to express the breadth of impact.
"Genuine relationships, for instance cannot be bought" -> "True relationships, for example, cannot be purchased"
Explanation: "True relationships, for example, cannot be purchased" uses more formal vocabulary and corrects the grammatical error in the original.
"Lots of wealthy individuals suffer from loneliness, sadness, and a lack of purpose." -> "Many affluent individuals experience loneliness, sadness, and a lack of purpose."
Explanation: "Many affluent individuals experience" is more formal and precise than "Lots of wealthy individuals suffer," and "experience" is a more academic term than "suffer."
"money is definitely valuable and may significantly improve physical elements of life" -> "money is undoubtedly valuable and can significantly enhance various aspects of life"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" and "enhance various aspects of life" are more formal and precise, replacing the less formal "definitely" and "physical elements of life."
"it cannot purchase everything" -> "it cannot acquire everything"
Explanation: "Acquire" is a more formal synonym for "purchase," fitting better in an academic context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by expressing a partial agreement with the statement "Money can buy everything." However, it does not fully explore all aspects of the question. The introduction states the author’s position but lacks a clear delineation of what "everything" encompasses. The examples provided focus mainly on material wealth and experiences but do not sufficiently contrast these with the intangible aspects of life that money cannot purchase.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should explicitly outline the various dimensions of life that the essay will address, including both material and non-material aspects. A clearer structure that directly responds to the prompt’s request for opinion would enhance the essay’s effectiveness. Including a brief mention of what "everything" might entail at the beginning could provide a stronger foundation for the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position of partial agreement, but this stance is not consistently reinforced throughout. The transition between discussing the benefits of money and the limitations of money could be more fluid. For instance, the phrase "this essay will share my opinion on how I partially agree with this idea" is somewhat vague and does not strongly assert the author’s position.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to restate their position more explicitly in the conclusion and throughout the body paragraphs. Using clear topic sentences that reflect the main argument can help maintain a consistent stance. Additionally, reinforcing the position with phrases like "This illustrates that…" or "This supports my view that…" can help clarify the argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the ability of money to provide material comforts and the limitations of money regarding relationships and happiness. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat superficial. For example, while the mention of wealthy individuals suffering from loneliness is a strong point, it could be further developed with more specific examples or statistics to substantiate the claim.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include specific anecdotes or studies that illustrate the impact of wealth on happiness or relationships. Additionally, expanding on the implications of these ideas would help to create a more compelling argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the role of money in life and its limitations. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, such as the mention of "VIP of gold," which may confuse readers about its relevance to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all examples and points made directly relate back to the central thesis. Avoiding tangential references and ensuring that each point clearly supports the main argument will help keep the essay on track. A brief outline before writing could assist in maintaining this focus.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic, it requires more depth and clarity to achieve a higher band score. Addressing the outlined areas for improvement will enhance the essay’s effectiveness and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the writer’s position, followed by body paragraphs that explore both sides of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the advantages of money, while the second addresses its limitations. This logical progression aids in understanding the writer’s perspective. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother; for instance, the shift from discussing material comforts to the limitations of money feels abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of money, a phrase like "However, despite these advantages, it is important to recognize what money cannot achieve" would create a more seamless transition to the next point.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, allowing the reader to follow the writer’s thought process. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that summarize the main idea of the paragraph.
- How to improve: Begin each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could start with "While money can facilitate many aspects of life, it is crucial to acknowledge the irreplaceable value of non-material elements such as relationships and personal fulfillment." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, the use of "for instance" is repeated, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Instead of repeatedly using "for instance," consider alternatives like "for example," "such as," or "to illustrate." Additionally, using phrases like "in contrast" or "similarly" can help clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

By implementing these suggestions, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately leading to an improved band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "material comforts," "financial security," and "intangible characteristics." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "money can buy" and "wealthy individuals." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or alternative expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "money," you might incorporate terms like "financial resources," "capital," or "wealth." Additionally, varying sentence structures and incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to the topic can enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "mutual respect" and "emotional connections." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "VIP of gold," which is unclear and may confuse readers. The phrase lacks context and does not effectively convey the intended meaning.
- How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "VIP of gold," consider rephrasing to something like "elite status among the wealthy." This not only clarifies the meaning but also enhances the overall quality of the writing. Additionally, ensure that all terms used are appropriate for the context of the discussion.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a generally good level of spelling accuracy, with few errors. However, there are minor issues, such as "the rich’s daily lives," which is awkwardly phrased and could be misinterpreted. The phrase could be more clearly stated as "the daily lives of the wealthy."
- How to improve: To improve spelling and phrasing accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward constructions and spelling errors. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling tools can further enhance accuracy.

Overall, while the essay meets the basic requirements of the task and demonstrates a reasonable command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in range, precision, and clarity. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the lexical resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Genuine relationships, for instance cannot be bought," which effectively conveys nuanced ideas. However, there are instances where sentence structures could be further diversified. For example, the sentence "People can use it to shop, invest in projects, and try out services" employs a straightforward list format that could be enhanced by incorporating more varied conjunctions or clauses to create more complex ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more subordinate clauses and conditional sentences. For example, instead of listing actions in a straightforward manner, the writer could say, "By investing in projects and trying out various services, people can enhance their quality of life." This not only diversifies the structure but also emphasizes the relationship between actions and outcomes.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with few errors that do not impede understanding. However, there are some punctuation issues, such as the missing comma in "for instance cannot be bought," which should read "for instance, cannot be bought." Additionally, the phrase "the rich’s daily lives" is awkward and could be rephrased for clarity, such as "the daily lives of the wealthy." Overall, while the grammar is mostly correct, these minor issues detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should focus on careful proofreading to catch missing commas and awkward phrases. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify areas for improvement. Additionally, practicing the correct use of punctuation in complex sentences will enhance the overall readability of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Although, as the years pass, money remains increasingly important in the global community, many individuals continue to believe that everything can be purchased with money. This essay will present my perspective on how I partially agree with this idea.

First and foremost, financial resources offer various opportunities for individuals to obtain material comforts and security in different fields. People can utilize it for shopping, investing in projects, and accessing services. For example, numerous online publications report on the lifestyles of the affluent, including how they spend their money to become a VIP of gold, a sport considered a spiritual pursuit by the wealthy. Additionally, individuals can invest in experiences like travel and entertainment, which can enrich their lives in various aspects.

On the other hand, there are some fundamental characteristics of human existence that money cannot purchase. Genuine relationships, for instance, cannot be bought. True friendships and love are based on mutual respect, trust, and emotional connections, which cannot be acquired. Furthermore, while financial security may decrease stress and provide a comfortable lifestyle, it does not ensure satisfaction or happiness. Many affluent individuals experience loneliness, sadness, and a lack of purpose.

In conclusion, although money is undoubtedly valuable and can significantly enhance various aspects of life, it cannot acquire everything. As a result, while working for financial stability is critical, investing in the intangible qualities that truly enrich our lives is equally important.