WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments.
Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Some people think that all tests on livestock are evil and should be eliminated, while others believe they have significant effects on humans' lives because of essential scientific achievements. In my opinion, people should accept the concept of animals testing, and there are maybe some alternatives to thread the needle.
I believe conducting surveys or tests on livestock is the right decision. To gain scientific achievements, the scientists have to take a lot of tests, and it is the cruelest thing of humans to do many experiments on the same kind since people should protect and defend each other. Therefore, people need different kinds of creatures sacrificing for the sake of humans. Furthermore, some animals such as rats, mice or guinea pigs sometimes are people's enemies because they destroy houses' stocks or make them go down with serious diseases, so many humans have claimed these animals' lives. If people kill those creatures in normal days, why should scientists not use them in laboratories for better world?
To solve this argument between two sides, people should make up of new approaches, and I suggest they use artificial technologies in order to make great improvements in science. The principal reason why scientists should use AI is that they are able to contain a wide range of data about science. Therefore, they can assess the products through substantial knowledge like medical field without hurting other lives. However, it doesn't mean this solution is always accurate, because sometimes, there are differences between hypothesis and practical world. Thus, I believe people can combine experimentation on animals and artificial technologies together in order to get better results for humans.
In conclusion, I think animals testing should be justified and maybe scientists could adapt new ways to reduce the harmfulness on the livestock.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Some people think" -> "Some individuals believe"
Explanation: Replacing "Some people think" with "Some individuals believe" elevates the formality and specificity of the language, making it more suitable for academic writing. -
"all tests on livestock are evil" -> "all animal testing is unethical"
Explanation: The term "evil" is overly emotional and informal for academic discourse. "Unethical" is a more precise and academically appropriate term that conveys the moral aspect of the issue. -
"should be eliminated" -> "should be discontinued"
Explanation: "Discontinued" is a more formal and precise term than "eliminated," which is somewhat colloquial and vague in this context. -
"have significant effects on humans’ lives" -> "have substantial impacts on human life"
Explanation: "Impacts" is a more formal synonym for "effects," and "human life" is a more precise term than "humans’ lives." -
"there are maybe some alternatives to thread the needle" -> "there may be alternative methods to achieve this goal"
Explanation: "Thread the needle" is an idiom that is too informal for academic writing. "Alternative methods to achieve this goal" is clearer and more formal. -
"conducting surveys or tests on livestock is the right decision" -> "conducting animal testing is a justified decision"
Explanation: "Animal testing" is a more specific term than "surveys or tests on livestock," and "justified" is a more formal synonym for "right." -
"the cruelest thing of humans to do" -> "the most inhumane action humans can take"
Explanation: "The most inhumane action humans can take" is a more formal and precise way to express the severity of the issue. -
"people should protect and defend each other" -> "humans should protect and defend one another"
Explanation: "Humans" is a more formal term than "people," and "one another" is more formal than "each other" in academic writing. -
"people need different kinds of creatures sacrificing for the sake of humans" -> "humans require various species to be sacrificed for the benefit of humanity"
Explanation: "Require" and "for the benefit of humanity" are more formal and precise than "need" and "for the sake of humans." -
"some animals such as rats, mice or guinea pigs sometimes are people’s enemies" -> "certain animals, such as rats, mice, or guinea pigs, can be considered adversaries"
Explanation: "Certain animals" is more formal than "some animals," and "adversaries" is a more precise term than "enemies" in this context. -
"make up of new approaches" -> "develop new approaches"
Explanation: "Develop" is a more precise and academically appropriate verb than "make up," which is vague and informal. -
"use artificial technologies" -> "utilize artificial intelligence"
Explanation: "Utilize artificial intelligence" is more specific and technically accurate than "use artificial technologies," which is too broad and vague. -
"contain a wide range of data about science" -> "possess a broad range of scientific data"
Explanation: "Possess a broad range of scientific data" is more formal and precise than "contain a wide range of data about science." -
"harming other lives" -> "harming other living beings"
Explanation: "Living beings" is a more formal and inclusive term than "other lives," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"hypothesis and practical world" -> "hypotheses and practical applications"
Explanation: "Hypotheses" is the plural form needed here, and "practical applications" is a more precise term than "practical world." -
"get better results for humans" -> "achieve better outcomes for humanity"
Explanation: "Achieve better outcomes for humanity" is more formal and aligns better with academic style than "get better results for humans." -
"justified and maybe scientists could adapt new ways" -> "justified, and scientists could adopt new methods"
Explanation: "Adopt new methods" is more formal and precise than "adapt new ways," and "justified" is used correctly without a comma.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding experimentation on animals. It acknowledges that some believe all animal testing is bad, while others argue for its scientific benefits. However, the discussion lacks depth in exploring alternatives to animal experimentation, focusing more on justifying its necessity.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should provide a more balanced exploration of alternatives to animal testing, such as advancements in technology or alternative testing methods. This would demonstrate a broader understanding of the issue and enhance the argumentation.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay clearly presents a stance supporting the justification of animal experimentation. It maintains this position throughout the essay, arguing that such experiments are necessary for scientific progress and drawing on examples of pests to justify the use of animals in labs.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, the essay could strengthen its argumentation by providing more nuanced reasoning and possibly addressing counterarguments to further solidify its stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas regarding the necessity of animal testing and briefly discusses using artificial technologies as an alternative. However, the development of ideas is limited, lacking in-depth analysis or supporting evidence beyond a few examples.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should expand on its ideas with more detailed examples and logical reasoning. Providing specific scientific discoveries made possible through animal testing or discussing ethical considerations would strengthen the argumentation.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the justification and alternatives of animal experimentation. However, it briefly veers off topic in the paragraph about pests, which although related, does not directly address the alternatives or justification of animal testing as asked in the prompt.
- How to improve: To stay more focused, the essay should ensure that every paragraph directly relates back to the prompt’s requirements. This can be achieved by consistently linking arguments and examples to the central theme of animal experimentation and its alternatives.
In conclusion, while the essay maintains a clear stance and addresses aspects of the prompt, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, use of supporting evidence, and staying consistently on topic. By broadening the discussion of alternatives to animal testing and providing more thorough argumentation, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Task Response criteria.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to present a logical structure but falls short in consistently organizing information effectively. There is an introduction that briefly outlines the two viewpoints and a conclusion that summarizes the writer’s stance. However, the body paragraphs lack clear progression and coherence. For instance, the argument shifts abruptly from discussing the justification of animal testing to proposing AI as an alternative without a smooth transition.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure each paragraph maintains a clear focus on one aspect of the argument. Begin each paragraph with a topic sentence that relates directly to the thesis statement. Use connecting words and phrases (e.g., ‘furthermore’, ‘in conclusion’) to guide the reader through the essay’s progression of ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, but their structure and coherence vary. Some paragraphs are focused and contain cohesive ideas, while others lack clear development or coherence. For example, the paragraph discussing the benefits of animal testing and the proposal of AI technology lacks clarity in its main argument.
- How to improve: Improve paragraphing by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that supports the thesis. Develop each idea fully within the paragraph, providing specific examples or explanations. Consider restructuring paragraphs that seem disjointed to improve overall coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a limited range of cohesive devices such as ‘therefore’, ‘furthermore’, and ‘however’, but their usage is somewhat mechanical and lacks variety. The transitions between paragraphs and ideas are sometimes abrupt, which affects the essay’s coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance cohesion, vary the types of cohesive devices used (e.g., conjunctions, adverbs, pronouns) and ensure they are used appropriately to link ideas within and between paragraphs. Use cohesive devices not only to connect sentences but also to clarify relationships between ideas and to guide the reader through the argument.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates an attempt at coherence and cohesion, there are areas where improvement is needed to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on clearer paragraph structure, smoother transitions, and a wider variety of cohesive devices will significantly enhance the logical flow and coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 9
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 9
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of vocabulary throughout, showcasing words like "livestock," "significant effects," "sacrificing," "hypothesis," and "commendable." These terms are aptly used to express different nuances of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance lexical range, consider incorporating more nuanced synonyms or phrases for commonly used terms such as "scientific achievements" or "experimental methods." For instance, instead of "scientific achievements," using "technological advancements" or "biomedical breakthroughs" can enrich the expression.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively, but occasionally, there are instances where the precision could be improved. For example, "thread the needle" could be replaced with a more specific phrase like "strike a balance." On the other hand, terms like "sacrificing" are used appropriately to convey the necessary sacrifice involved in animal testing.
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in expressions where possible. Rather than using general phrases, opt for terms that precisely capture the intended meaning without ambiguity or broadness. For example, instead of "some animals such as rats, mice or guinea pigs," specify the exact types of experiments or research contexts where these animals are used.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a good level of spelling accuracy, with only minor errors like "algorithms" spelled as "algoritms." These errors do not significantly detract from the clarity or understanding of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance spelling accuracy, proofreading for common mistakes such as missing letters or incorrect word endings (like "algorithms") can be beneficial. Utilizing spelling check tools or focusing on specific areas of improvement through targeted practice can help in reducing these errors.
In conclusion, while the essay demonstrates strong lexical resource overall, continued focus on precision and accuracy in vocabulary choice and spelling will further elevate the quality of expression and clarity of ideas presented.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. However, there is a tendency towards simple sentence structures, which occasionally limits the sophistication of expression. For example, "To gain scientific achievements, the scientists have to take a lot of tests" is a straightforward sentence structure that could benefit from greater complexity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses or participial phrases. This can elevate the sophistication of your writing and improve coherence. For instance, instead of relying solely on simple sentences, try integrating complex sentences that develop ideas more fully.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors throughout. For example, "people should protect and defend each other" should be "people should protect and defend animals." There are also issues with article use, such as "use them in laboratories for better world," which should be "use them in laboratories for a better world."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article use, and sentence structure coherence. Review each sentence for clarity and correctness. Consider revising sentences that may be ambiguous or contain errors that affect meaning. Practice using articles (‘a’, ‘an’, ‘the’) appropriately, especially in contexts where specificity matters.
Overall, while your essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents clear arguments, focusing on these aspects—increasing sentence structure complexity and refining grammatical accuracy—will further elevate your writing and potentially lead to a higher band score. Keep practicing to strengthen these skills, and you’ll see improvement in your overall writing proficiency.
Bài sửa mẫu
Some individuals believe that all animal testing is unethical and should be discontinued, arguing it constitutes the most inhumane action humans can take. They assert that humans should protect and defend one another rather than harm other living beings. On the other hand, proponents of animal experimentation argue that conducting animal testing is a justified decision, as it can have substantial impacts on human life through important scientific discoveries.
In my view, while it is true that some animals, such as rats, mice, or guinea pigs, can be considered adversaries in certain contexts, humans require various species to be sacrificed for the benefit of humanity. Without such sacrifices, scientists may struggle to achieve better outcomes for humanity. However, there may be alternative methods to achieve this goal that could lessen the impact on animals.
One alternative is to develop new approaches utilizing artificial intelligence (AI), which possess a broad range of scientific data. AI could potentially reduce the need for animal testing by simulating and predicting outcomes more accurately than traditional methods. While this approach is promising, it is important to acknowledge that there are often discrepancies between hypotheses and practical applications in scientific research.
In conclusion, while animal testing has historically played a crucial role in scientific advancements, it is imperative that scientists continue to explore and adopt new methods that minimize harm to animals. By doing so, they can uphold ethical standards while still advancing scientific knowledge for the betterment of humanity.
