You have approximately 40 minutes to complete this task. You need to write an essay addressing the topic below: In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
You have approximately 40 minutes to complete this task.
You need to write an essay addressing the topic below:
In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world.
Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Currently, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. In my own view, this is a positive development in these days.
This development is very necessary for promoting the globalization of cuisine industry worldwide. In nowadays, every dish from all over the world can have many other version of it, this development gives the cuisine industry opportunities to exchange various knowledges about food. Therefore, this development helps worldwide people to consume diversity food products with different quality, price and even recipe. In Malaysia, the country is famous for durian, this fruit in Malaysia is also recognized as the most delicious in all over the world by consumers, to be a fan of durian many peoples hope to try it, but not everyone has ability to come to Malaysia and enjoy it, so the exporting industry made that wish become true for many countries.
This can cause the development of other industries like: exporting industry, food processing industry and especially agriculture and aquatic exploitation industry. To response the international food safety standards, processing and inspection need to be very serious even from the ingredients produced from agriculture, seafood and livestock industry. However, exporting equipment also play a main role of this development, thanks for it we can taste various food from all over the world easily.
In conclusion, this positive development brings many benefits not only for the consumers, but even for the developments of other industries.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"Currently" -> "Currently, it is"
Explanation: Adding "it is" clarifies the subject of the sentence, enhancing the formal tone and ensuring the sentence structure is grammatically complete. -
"go to a supermarket and buy food" -> "visit a supermarket to purchase food"
Explanation: "Visit a supermarket to purchase food" is more formal and precise, replacing the more casual "go to a supermarket and buy food." -
"In my own view" -> "In my opinion"
Explanation: "In my opinion" is a more standard and formal expression in academic writing compared to "In my own view." -
"this is a positive development in these days" -> "this is a positive development in recent times"
Explanation: "In recent times" is more formal and precise than "in these days," which is somewhat colloquial. -
"very necessary" -> "highly necessary"
Explanation: "Highly necessary" is a more formal adverbial phrase than "very necessary," aligning better with academic style. -
"In nowadays" -> "In recent years"
Explanation: "In recent years" is the correct phrase, replacing the incorrect "In nowadays." -
"every dish from all over the world can have many other version of it" -> "every dish from around the world can have numerous variations"
Explanation: "Numerous variations" is more precise and formal than "many other version of it," which is awkward and unclear. -
"this development gives the cuisine industry opportunities to exchange various knowledges about food" -> "this development offers the cuisine industry opportunities to exchange diverse knowledge about food"
Explanation: "Offers" is more formal than "gives," and "diverse knowledge" is more precise than "various knowledges." -
"helps worldwide people to consume diversity food products" -> "enables global consumers to access diverse food products"
Explanation: "Enables global consumers to access" is more formal and precise than "helps worldwide people to consume," which is awkward and informal. -
"even recipe" -> "even recipes"
Explanation: "Recipes" is the correct plural form, necessary for consistency and grammatical accuracy. -
"to be a fan of durian many peoples hope to try it" -> "many people hope to try durian"
Explanation: Simplifying "to be a fan of durian many peoples hope to try it" to "many people hope to try durian" improves clarity and formality. -
"not everyone has ability to come to Malaysia and enjoy it" -> "not everyone has the ability to visit Malaysia and enjoy it"
Explanation: "The ability to visit" is a more formal and precise phrase than "ability to come." -
"the exporting industry made that wish become true for many countries" -> "the exporting industry has made this wish a reality for many countries"
Explanation: "Has made this wish a reality" is more formal and grammatically correct than "made that wish become true." -
"To response the international food safety standards" -> "To meet international food safety standards"
Explanation: "To meet" is the correct verb form for this context, replacing the incorrect "To response." -
"processing and inspection need to be very serious" -> "processing and inspection must be rigorous"
Explanation: "Must be rigorous" is more formal and precise than "need to be very serious," which is vague and informal. -
"exporting equipment also play a main role of this development" -> "exporting equipment also plays a key role in this development"
Explanation: "Plays a key role in" is grammatically correct and more formal than "play a main role of," which is awkward and incorrect. -
"thanks for it we can taste various food from all over the world easily" -> "thanks to this, we can easily access various foods from around the world"
Explanation: "Thanks to this, we can easily access various foods from around the world" is grammatically correct and more formal than "thanks for it we can taste various food from all over the world easily."
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating a clear opinion that the globalization of food availability is a positive development. However, it lacks a thorough exploration of both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced response. The essay primarily focuses on the benefits, such as the promotion of the cuisine industry and the accessibility of international foods, but does not adequately consider potential negative aspects, such as the impact on local food industries or cultural homogenization.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly acknowledge and discuss potential drawbacks of global food availability. Including a counterargument would provide a more nuanced perspective and demonstrate critical thinking. For instance, mentioning how local farmers may struggle to compete with imported goods could strengthen the argument.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that the globalization of food is positive; however, the clarity of this position is somewhat undermined by the lack of structured argumentation. The phrase "in my own view" is somewhat informal and could be more assertively stated. Additionally, the essay occasionally strays into tangential points, such as the role of exporting equipment, which can dilute the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use more assertive language and ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main argument. A clear thesis statement in the introduction and a summary of the main points in the conclusion would help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of food diversity and the impact on various industries. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with adequate examples. For instance, while the mention of durian is relevant, the explanation lacks depth and does not clearly connect back to the main argument about positive development.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. Each point made should be elaborated upon with specific details or statistics that support the argument. For example, discussing how the availability of international foods has influenced local cuisine trends or consumer behavior would strengthen the essay.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the globalization of food and its benefits. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly when discussing the exporting industry and food processing without clear ties back to the main argument. This can confuse the reader about the relevance of these points.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the main argument about whether the development is positive or negative. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline how the content relates to the thesis can help keep the essay on track.
In summary, while the essay presents a clear opinion and some relevant points, it requires more depth, balance, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. Addressing the checklist items with the suggested improvements will enhance the overall quality of the response.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that the globalization of food availability is a positive development. However, the organization of ideas could be improved. For instance, the introduction states the author’s viewpoint, but the subsequent paragraphs do not follow a clear logical progression. The first paragraph discusses the benefits to the cuisine industry, while the second shifts focus to the impact on various industries without a smooth transition. The conclusion reiterates the positive aspects but does not summarize the key points effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using a clear structure such as the "PEEL" method (Point, Evidence, Explanation, Link) for each paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea of the paragraph, followed by supporting evidence and examples. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next by using linking phrases or sentences that connect the ideas.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, but their effectiveness is inconsistent. The first paragraph introduces the topic and viewpoint, while the second paragraph discusses the benefits to the cuisine industry. The third paragraph shifts focus to the impact on other industries but lacks a clear connection to the previous points. This can confuse readers and disrupt the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: Clearly define each paragraph’s purpose. For example, dedicate one paragraph to discussing the benefits of global food availability for consumers, another to the impact on the cuisine industry, and a third to the effects on related industries. This separation will help maintain clarity and coherence throughout the essay.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "therefore," but the range is limited. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward, as seen in phrases like "this development helps worldwide people to consume diversity food products," which could be more fluid. Additionally, the essay lacks varied connectors that could enhance the relationships between ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately and naturally within the context of the sentences.
By focusing on these areas of improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "globalization," "cuisine industry," and "diversity food products." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variation in word choice. For example, the phrase "this development" is used multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "this development," they could use phrases like "this trend," "this phenomenon," or "this advancement." Additionally, introducing more descriptive adjectives or adverbs could enrich the text, such as "exquisite cuisine" or "remarkably diverse."
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "many other version of it" should be "many other versions of it," indicating a lack of grammatical precision. Furthermore, the term "aquatic exploitation industry" may not accurately convey the intended meaning; "aquaculture" or "fisheries" would be more precise.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should carefully review vocabulary for grammatical correctness and appropriateness. They could benefit from using a thesaurus to find more suitable words that convey their intended meaning accurately. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors can help ensure that vocabulary is used correctly in context.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "In nowadays" (should be "Nowadays") and "many peoples" (should be "many people"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short essays or journal entries and using spell-check tools. Additionally, reading more widely can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. Keeping a personal list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly can also be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the writer employs simple sentences such as "Currently, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world." and compound sentences like "In Malaysia, the country is famous for durian, this fruit in Malaysia is also recognized as the most delicious in all over the world by consumers." However, the use of complex sentences is limited, which restricts the overall grammatical range. The sentence "In nowadays, every dish from all over the world can have many other version of it" contains awkward phrasing and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "This development is very necessary for promoting the globalization of cuisine industry worldwide," the writer could say, "This development is very necessary for promoting the globalization of the cuisine industry worldwide, as it allows for a richer exchange of culinary traditions." Additionally, practicing the use of relative clauses and conditional sentences can further diversify the sentence structures.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "In nowadays" should be corrected to "Nowadays," and "many other version of it" should be "many other versions of it." The phrase "to be a fan of durian many peoples hope to try it" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "many people who are fans of durian hope to try it." Furthermore, punctuation errors, such as the missing commas in compound sentences, hinder the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, pluralization, and proper use of articles. For instance, "the globalization of cuisine industry" should be "the globalization of the cuisine industry." Additionally, the writer should review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in compound sentences and lists. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can also help in identifying and correcting these errors.
Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and relevant examples, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will significantly elevate the quality of writing and potentially lead to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
Currently, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. In my opinion, this is a positive development in recent times. This development is highly necessary for promoting the globalization of the cuisine industry worldwide. In recent years, every dish from around the world can have numerous variations; this development offers the cuisine industry opportunities to exchange diverse knowledge about food. Therefore, this development helps people worldwide to consume diverse food products with different quality, prices, and even recipes.
In Malaysia, the country is famous for durian. This fruit is recognized by consumers as the most delicious in the world. Many people hope to try durian, but not everyone has the ability to visit Malaysia and enjoy it. The exporting industry has made this wish a reality for many countries.
This can cause the development of other industries, such as the exporting industry, food processing industry, and especially agriculture and aquatic exploitation industries. To meet international food safety standards, processing and inspection must be rigorous, even from the ingredients produced by agriculture, seafood, and livestock industries. However, exporting equipment also plays a key role in this development. Thanks to this, we can easily access various foods from around the world.
In conclusion, this positive development brings many benefits not only for consumers but also for the development of other industries.