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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 150 words.

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The table below shows how the UK unemployed spent their time last year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The given table graph illustrates how jobless people in the UK used their time last year.
Overall, men used the largest amount of their time for job hunting and shopping in the morning last year, while women often spent their time on housework at the same time. In the afternoon, men invested most of their time in television, whilst women consistently used a considerable amount of time to do household chores.
Regarding the way unemployed men in the UK used their time last year, it is easily indicated that job hunting, shopping and doing housework were three activities that jobless men spent their time on most, with 22%, 20%, and 19%, respectively. Those were followed by gardening with 14%, doubling that of decorating. To other activities, they only allocated from 2% to 8% of their total time to them. On the other hand, it seems that women spent a half of their total time in the morning doing household chores, followed by shopping with 26%. Job hunting and visiting friends and relatives account for 16% and 10% in their morning, respectively, whereas other activities only made up minor percentages of their time.
Watching television was the most popular activity for unoccupied men in the afternoon since they spent 14% of their time on it, followed by gardening, visting friends and relatives, and job hunting, correspondingly. The rest of activities only account for from 3% to 9% of their time. However, unemployed females in this country still expended up to 21% of their time on housework in the afternoon, followed by shopping and visting relatives and friends. More noticeably, 0% of their time for staying in bed and playing sport, and only 1% to just over 10% of their time were invested to do other activities.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "table graph" -> "table" or "graph"
    Explanation: The term "table graph" is redundant as both words refer to visual representations of data. Using either "table" or "graph" alone would be more precise.

  2. "largest amount of their time" -> "a significant portion of their time"
    Explanation: "Largest amount" can be replaced with "a significant portion" for a more sophisticated expression. This change enhances the precision and formality of the statement.

  3. "whilst" -> "while"
    Explanation: "Whilst" is a less common and slightly archaic synonym for "while." Using "while" maintains formality without sacrificing clarity and is more widely accepted in modern English.

  4. "it is easily indicated" -> "it is evident"
    Explanation: "It is easily indicated" can be replaced with "it is evident" for a smoother and more formal transition. This change also adds clarity and conciseness to the sentence.

  5. "those were followed by gardening" -> "gardening followed closely"
    Explanation: The phrase "those were followed by" can be streamlined to "followed closely" for a more concise expression while maintaining clarity.

  6. "To other activities" -> "For other activities"
    Explanation: "To other activities" should be replaced with "For other activities" for grammatical correctness. The preposition "for" is more appropriate in this context.

  7. "it seems that" -> "apparently"
    Explanation: "It seems that" can be replaced with "apparently" for a more concise and formal expression. This change adds a touch of certainty to the statement.

  8. "unoccupied men" -> "unemployed men"
    Explanation: "Unoccupied men" can be replaced with "unemployed men" for a more accurate description of individuals without jobs. "Unemployed" is the standard term in this context.

  9. "correspondingly" -> "respectively"
    Explanation: "Correspondingly" can be replaced with "respectively" for a more precise and commonly used term in presenting a sequence of related items or actions.

  10. "More noticeably" -> "Significantly"
    Explanation: "More noticeably" can be replaced with "Significantly" for a more formal and impactful expression. This change adds emphasis to the observation being made.

  11. "0% of their time for staying in bed" -> "No time spent staying in bed"
    Explanation: The phrase "0% of their time for staying in bed" can be rephrased as "No time spent staying in bed" for a clearer and more direct statement.

  12. "1% to just over 10%" -> "1% to slightly over 10%"
    Explanation: Adding "slightly" provides a more specific and nuanced description, enhancing the precision of the statement.

Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0
Explanation:
The essay adequately covers the requirements of the task by summarizing the information presented in the table. It provides a clear overview of the main trends, differences, and stages, highlighting key features and bullet points. The response is generally well-developed, presenting detailed information about how both unemployed men and women in the UK spent their time last year.

How to improve:
To improve and potentially reach a higher band score, consider enhancing the extension of key features/bullet points. While the essay already presents a good overview, providing additional details or analysis could further strengthen the response. Ensure that all information is relevant and accurate, avoiding any unnecessary repetition. Additionally, strive for a smoother flow in sentence structures to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Overall, maintaining a consistent focus on the task requirements and refining the level of detail provided will contribute to achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent organization and progression of ideas. The structure is clear, with distinct paragraphs that focus on different aspects of the data presented in the table. There’s an attempt to compare and contrast the activities between men and women throughout the day. The essay uses cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences, aiding in the overall coherence. However, there are instances where the cohesion could be improved. Some sentences lack clarity and could be rephrased for smoother transitions. While the central topic of each paragraph is evident, paragraphing could be more logically organized to enhance overall coherence.

How to Improve:

  1. Paragraph Structure: Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical sequence of supporting details to enhance coherence.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Continue to use cohesive devices effectively to strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas. Look for opportunities to use a wider variety of cohesive devices to improve overall cohesion.
  3. Clarity and Transition: Review sentence structures and transitions between ideas to ensure clarity and smooth flow. Consider rephrasing or restructuring sentences where needed to enhance coherence.
  4. Logical Progression: Ensure that the progression of ideas within and between paragraphs is consistently logical and easy to follow for the reader.

By refining the paragraph structure, enhancing the use of cohesive devices, improving sentence clarity and transitions, and maintaining logical progression, the essay’s coherence and cohesion can be further strengthened.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of vocabulary, utilizing a range of words to convey information. There is an effort to include less common lexical items, such as "allocated," "unoccupied," and "expend," showing a certain degree of lexical sophistication. The writer effectively uses varied expressions, contributing to a clear and coherent presentation of ideas. However, there are some errors in word choice and collocation, such as "invested most of their time in television" and "expended up to 21% of their time," which slightly affect precision.

How to improve:
To enhance lexical resource, strive for greater accuracy in word choice and collocation. For instance, consider revising to "spent most of their time watching television" and "dedicated up to 21% of their time." Additionally, continue incorporating a diverse range of vocabulary to convey precise meanings. Proofreading for minor errors, such as spelling and word formation, would further elevate the essay’s lexical quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.5

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, contributing to a reasonable level of grammatical range. There is an attempt to use a variety of structures, such as the use of subordinate clauses and varied sentence beginnings. The majority of the sentences are error-free, and communication is generally clear. However, there are notable grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect the overall fluency and accuracy of the essay. For instance, there are instances of unclear antecedents, and some sentences could benefit from more precise wording.

How to improve:
To improve the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence structures further. Careful proofreading is essential to eliminate grammatical errors and enhance clarity. Additionally, attention to pronoun clarity and the use of precise vocabulary would contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay. Consider revising awkward phrasing to ensure a smoother flow of ideas and enhance the overall coherence of the response.

Bài sửa mẫu

Certainly! Here’s an improved version of the given IELTS Task 1 report:


The provided table illustrates the time allocation of unemployed individuals in the UK across various activities throughout the day. It presents a clear distinction in the utilization of time between men and women, delineating their preferences in activities during morning and afternoon hours.

In the morning, men predominantly engaged in job hunting and shopping, constituting the majority of their time expenditure, totaling 22% and 20% respectively. Additionally, housework accounted for a significant portion, standing at 19%. Gardening followed at 14%, surpassing the time spent on decorating, which was at a mere 7%. Other activities collectively occupied a relatively smaller fraction, ranging from 2% to 8%.

Contrastingly, women dedicated nearly half of their morning time to household chores, amounting to 49% when combined with shopping, which accounted for 26%. Job hunting and socializing with friends and relatives accounted for 16% and 10% respectively, while other pursuits represented minor percentages.

Moving to the afternoon, men shifted their focus to watching television, utilizing 14% of their time, followed by gardening, social visits, and job hunting. Similarly, women continued their significant commitment to housework in the afternoon, utilizing 21% of their time, accompanied by shopping and social interactions. Notably, activities like staying in bed and engaging in sports were minimal, each amounting to 0%, while other miscellaneous activities collectively ranged between 1% to just over 10%.

In summary, the data highlights distinct preferences in time utilization between unemployed men and women in the UK, showcasing variations in their primary activities during morning and afternoon periods.

Word Count: 268 words

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