You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
People have different views whether science should focus on human lives or should not. From my perspective, I completely agree that the most important purpose of science is to improve people’s lives since it greatly benefits both individuals and society.
First of all, people gains various advantages from science. In other words, everyone can have better and higher life standards. Science can be used effectively in education by applying new applications, new teaching techniques and modern devices. Therefore, both students and teachers have great learning experiences and benefits individually in the long run. Besides, people have better medicine to improve health. For example, scientists are making new medicine to prevent Seasonal Fever with the help from modern medical techniques.
Secondly, applying science in people’s lives largely benefits society. By using modern techniques farmers have better results in harvesting and can sell and export their products. Therefore they higher quality in with higher price, which further more, science improve significantly. Be improves national economy and education as a positive result. There is more educated people in society. The more knowledgeable individuals in the country – the better the nation will be. those people have more knowledge and skills in different fields and solve problems effectively . In short, science benefits society greatly when apply to human lives. In conclusion, while people have different opinion about science’s aim, I completely believe science should improve people’s lives most because it greatly both human and the nation.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"People have different views whether" -> "Individuals hold diverse opinions on whether"
Explanation: "Individuals hold diverse opinions on" is more formal and precise than "People have different views whether," which is grammatically incorrect and awkwardly phrased. -
"should not" -> "should not be applied to"
Explanation: Adding "be applied to" clarifies the intended meaning, specifying that the question is about the application of science to human lives. -
"I completely agree" -> "I strongly concur"
Explanation: "I strongly concur" is a more formal expression than "I completely agree," which is somewhat colloquial for academic writing. -
"improve people’s lives" -> "enhance the quality of life"
Explanation: "Enhance the quality of life" is a more formal and precise phrase than "improve people’s lives," which is somewhat vague and informal. -
"people gains" -> "people gain"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical error from "gains" to "gain," which is the correct form for the plural subject "people." -
"better and higher life standards" -> "improved and elevated living standards"
Explanation: "Improved and elevated living standards" is a more formal and precise expression than "better and higher life standards," which is somewhat simplistic and informal. -
"new applications, new teaching techniques and modern devices" -> "new applications, innovative teaching methods, and advanced devices"
Explanation: "Innovative teaching methods, and advanced devices" uses more precise and academically appropriate terms than "new teaching techniques and modern devices." -
"great learning experiences and benefits individually" -> "enhanced learning experiences and individual benefits"
Explanation: "Enhanced learning experiences and individual benefits" is more formal and precise, avoiding the redundancy of "great" and "individually." -
"better medicine to improve health" -> "more effective treatments for health"
Explanation: "More effective treatments for health" is a clearer and more formal way to express the idea than "better medicine to improve health." -
"Seasonal Fever" -> "seasonal influenza"
Explanation: "Seasonal influenza" is the correct medical term, replacing the vague and incorrect "Seasonal Fever." -
"Therefore they higher quality in with higher price" -> "therefore, they achieve higher quality at higher prices"
Explanation: "Therefore, they achieve higher quality at higher prices" corrects the grammatical error and awkward phrasing of the original sentence. -
"science improve significantly" -> "science improves significantly"
Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement error from "improve" to "improves" to match the singular subject "science." -
"Be improves national economy" -> "This improves the national economy"
Explanation: "This improves the national economy" corrects the grammatical error and clarifies the subject, making the sentence more readable and formal. -
"more educated people in society" -> "a more educated population"
Explanation: "A more educated population" is a more formal and precise way to describe the demographic change, avoiding the repetition of "people." -
"those people have more knowledge and skills" -> "these individuals possess greater knowledge and skills"
Explanation: "These individuals possess greater knowledge and skills" uses more formal language and avoids the informal "those people." -
"solve problems effectively" -> "effectively address problems"
Explanation: "Effectively address problems" is a more formal and precise expression than "solve problems effectively," which is somewhat redundant. -
"when apply to human lives" -> "when applied to human lives"
Explanation: Corrects the verb form to "applied" to match the passive voice used in the sentence structure.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay provides a clear stance on the importance of science in improving people’s lives. It discusses the benefits of science in education, healthcare, agriculture, and society. However, the essay does not fully address the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees with the statement. It would be beneficial to explicitly state the level of agreement or disagreement in the introduction and conclusion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, make sure to explicitly state the extent of agreement or disagreement with the prompt in the introduction and conclusion. This will provide a clear structure for the essay and ensure all parts of the question are addressed.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent position throughout, arguing that the primary aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. However, there are instances where the argument could be further developed and supported with more specific examples and evidence.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity and consistency of the position, provide more detailed examples and evidence to support the argument. This will help to solidify the stance and make the essay more persuasive.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the benefits of science in education, healthcare, agriculture, and society. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with specific examples. The essay lacks depth in elaborating on how science improves people’s lives.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation and development of ideas, provide more specific examples and details to support each point. Elaborate on how science directly impacts and improves people’s lives in various aspects. This will strengthen the argument and make the essay more convincing.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the importance of science in improving people’s lives. However, there are instances where the focus shifts slightly towards the benefits of science in society as a whole, rather than specifically on individuals’ lives.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to how science impacts individuals’ lives. Avoid broad statements about society in general and instead focus on the direct benefits to people. This will keep the essay relevant and on track with the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure. The introduction briefly presents the writer’s opinion but does not provide a roadmap for the essay. The body paragraphs jump between discussing individual benefits of science and societal benefits without a clear transition or development of ideas. The conclusion restates the writer’s opinion without summarizing the main points made in the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow of the essay, consider structuring it with a clear introduction that outlines the main points to be discussed in the body paragraphs. Each body paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of how science improves people’s lives, providing examples and explanations to support the argument. Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs to maintain coherence.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. There is only one long paragraph that combines the introduction, body, and conclusion. This makes it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of ideas and key points.
- How to improve: Divide the essay into distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. Each paragraph should focus on a specific aspect of the argument, with a clear topic sentence to introduce the main idea. Use transitions between paragraphs to guide the reader through the essay and improve overall coherence.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve the flow of the argument. There are few linking words or phrases that help to show relationships between sentences and paragraphs. This results in a disjointed presentation of ideas.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions (e.g., however, therefore, in addition), transition words (e.g., furthermore, consequently, on the other hand), and pronouns (e.g., this, these) to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use these devices strategically to show relationships between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary with some variety in word choice. For instance, words like "advantages," "harvesting," "educated," and "knowledgeable" show a decent attempt at using diverse vocabulary. However, there is room for improvement in incorporating more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary to enhance the overall lexical resource.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, consider incorporating more advanced synonyms or specific terminology related to science, education, and society. For example, instead of using "advantages," you could use "benefits" or "merits." Additionally, utilizing domain-specific vocabulary related to medicine, agriculture, or economics can elevate the lexical richness of the essay.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage, leading to instances of vague or repetitive language. For example, the repeated use of "better" in phrases like "better and higher life standards" and "better results in harvesting" could be replaced with more precise terms to convey the intended meaning more accurately.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary usage, strive to avoid repetitive words and explore synonyms that capture the specific nuances of your ideas. Instead of using generic terms like "better," consider using descriptors that provide more clarity and specificity. Additionally, pay attention to word choice to ensure that each term accurately conveys your intended message without ambiguity.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some spelling errors, such as "gains" instead of "gains," "be improves" instead of "benefits," and "Seasonal Fever" instead of "seasonal fever." While these errors do not significantly impede understanding, enhancing spelling accuracy can contribute to a more polished and professional presentation.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-check tools or proofreading your work carefully before submission. Additionally, familiarize yourself with common spelling rules and patterns to minimize errors in your writing. Developing a habit of reviewing and correcting spelling mistakes can help improve the overall quality of your essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures. There is some variety in sentence length and structure, but more complex structures such as conditional sentences or passive voice could be incorporated to enhance the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve the range of structures, try incorporating more complex sentence structures like conditional sentences (e.g., If…then…), passive voice constructions, or relative clauses. This will add depth and complexity to your writing, making it more engaging for the reader.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows some issues with subject-verb agreement, verb tense consistency, and punctuation errors. For example, there are instances of incorrect verb forms (e.g., "people gains" should be "people gain") and missing commas for clarity. These errors can sometimes hinder the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Proofread your work carefully to spot and correct punctuation errors, ensuring that commas are used appropriately for clarity and coherence. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from others to identify and address any recurring grammatical mistakes in your writing.
Bài sửa mẫu
Individuals hold diverse opinions on whether science should focus on human lives or not. I strongly concur that the primary aim of science should be to enhance the quality of life for individuals. This is because people gain various advantages from science, leading to improved and elevated living standards. Science can be utilized effectively in education through new applications, innovative teaching methods, and advanced devices. As a result, both students and teachers experience enhanced learning experiences and individual benefits in the long run. Additionally, advancements in science have led to more effective treatments for health issues like seasonal influenza, thereby improving the overall well-being of individuals.
Moreover, the application of science in people’s lives also benefits society as a whole. For instance, modern techniques in agriculture have enabled farmers to achieve better harvests, allowing them to sell and export their products at higher prices. This, in turn, contributes to the improvement of the national economy and education levels. A more educated population leads to a more knowledgeable society, where individuals possess greater knowledge and skills in various fields, enabling them to effectively address problems. In essence, science significantly benefits society when applied to human lives.
In conclusion, while opinions may vary regarding the focus of science, I firmly believe that the main goal of science should be to improve people’s lives. This not only benefits individuals but also contributes to the progress and development of the nation as a whole.
