young people today are not polite. To what extent do you agree or disagree
young people today are not polite. To what extent do you agree or disagree
In this day and age , some people believe that youngsters are not well-mannered. Personally, I totally disagree with this opinion and in this essay I will make it clear.
Granted, with the developments of technology , children nowadays access the internet prematurely. This can lead to bad-behavior imitation that they will do actions and say words which are rude and discourteous. However, not all children are exposed to this uncensored content, in fact, there are plentiful of self-help videos which guide adolescent to the proper behaviors.
I believe that young people are impolite at all for several reasons. Firstly, most children are educated by school and parents. At school , students will be teached about moral lessons and how to be polite with other people. .In the family, parents are good role models that their child would follow and learn, so living a cultural family will form well- behaved children. In Vietnam,schools always put high attention on shaping students’ behavior through lessons in the class, practical activities and cooperation with parents to teach their child when they are young . Moreover, society always requires cultural norms , therefore, it is not difficult to see good-mannered teenagers everywhere. For instance, the young people always leave bus seats for the elderly or help old people cross the road.I think this will express to their peers about respecting older people and being courteous in public.
In conclusion, I do not think youngsters nowadays are rude and impolite. This is because they are educated carefully and it can be easily seen that many young people are improving their morality day by day such as respecting the older ones
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In this day and age" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "In this day and age" is a somewhat colloquial expression. "Currently" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"well-mannered" -> "well-behaved"
Explanation: "Well-behaved" is the correct term when referring to the behavior of individuals, whereas "well-mannered" typically describes the manner in which one conducts oneself in social situations. -
"Personally, I totally disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Personally" is not necessary here as it is implied by the use of "I." "Totally" is also somewhat informal; "strongly" is more appropriate for academic writing. -
"with the developments of technology" -> "with technological advancements"
Explanation: "The developments of technology" is awkward and unclear. "Technological advancements" is a more precise and formal term. -
"children nowadays access the internet prematurely" -> "children today access the internet at an early age"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is informal and vague; "today" is more precise. "At an early age" is a clearer and more formal way to describe the timing of access. -
"bad-behavior imitation" -> "imitation of bad behavior"
Explanation: "Bad-behavior imitation" is grammatically incorrect. "Imitation of bad behavior" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"do actions and say words" -> "engage in actions and utter words"
Explanation: "Do actions and say words" is informal and lacks precision. "Engage in actions and utter words" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"plentiful of self-help videos" -> "numerous self-help videos"
Explanation: "Plentiful of" is grammatically incorrect. "Numerous" is the correct adjectival form for "many." -
"guide adolescent to the proper behaviors" -> "guide adolescents in proper behavior"
Explanation: "Adolescent" should be plural to match "videos," and "to the proper behaviors" is awkward; "in proper behavior" is more direct and formal. -
"young people are impolite at all" -> "young people are not always impolite"
Explanation: "Impolite at all" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Not always impolite" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning. -
"will be teached" -> "are taught"
Explanation: "Will be teached" is incorrect; "are taught" is the correct form of the verb. -
"good role models that their child would follow and learn" -> "good role models whom their children would follow and learn from"
Explanation: "That" is incorrectly used; "whom" is the correct relative pronoun. Also, "child" should be plural to match "parents." -
"living a cultural family" -> "living in a cultural family"
Explanation: "Living a cultural family" is grammatically incorrect. "Living in a cultural family" is the correct prepositional phrase. -
"In Vietnam,schools always put high attention" -> "In Vietnam, schools always place great emphasis"
Explanation: "Put high attention" is awkward and informal. "Place great emphasis" is more formal and precise. -
"it can be easily seen that many young people are improving their morality" -> "it is evident that many young people are improving their moral standards"
Explanation: "It can be easily seen" is informal and vague. "It is evident" is more formal and precise. "Morality" should be "moral standards" to correctly refer to the standards of behavior.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the author’s disagreement with the notion that young people today are not polite. The introduction sets the stage for the argument, and the body paragraphs provide reasons and examples to support this position. The author acknowledges a counterargument regarding the influence of technology but counters it with examples of positive behavior among youth, thus addressing the complexity of the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could consider explicitly acknowledging the extent to which they disagree. For instance, they could clarify whether they believe all young people are polite or if there are exceptions. This would provide a more nuanced answer to the question.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing against the idea that young people are impolite. The use of phrases like "I totally disagree" and "I believe that young people are impolite at all" reinforces this stance. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the phrasing "not all children are exposed to this uncensored content," which may confuse readers about the author’s overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the author should ensure that all statements consistently support their main argument. They could rephrase or remove any ambiguous statements that might suggest a different viewpoint. Additionally, reinforcing their position in the conclusion with a strong summary of their main points would solidify their stance.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the role of education and family in shaping polite behavior among youth. The author extends these ideas with specific examples, such as the cultural practices in Vietnam and the behavior of young people towards the elderly. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration. For instance, the mention of "self-help videos" could be expanded to discuss how they specifically contribute to improving behavior.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for their ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include statistics on youth behavior, more specific anecdotes, or references to studies that support their claims. Additionally, ensuring that each idea is fully developed before moving to the next would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the behavior of young people and the factors that influence their manners. However, the initial acknowledgment of technology’s negative influence could be seen as a deviation from the main argument, as it introduces a potentially opposing view without fully integrating it into the overall thesis.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author could either minimize the discussion of negative influences or more thoroughly integrate it into their argument by explaining how these influences are countered by positive factors. This would help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt while also acknowledging the complexity of the issue.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth of support, and focus, it could achieve an even higher score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the notion that young people are impolite, and it effectively structures its arguments. The introduction outlines the writer’s position, followed by a well-defined body that presents counterarguments and supporting points. For instance, the transition from discussing negative influences of technology to the positive role of education and family is logical and coherent. However, the flow could be improved by ensuring that each paragraph clearly connects to the thesis statement and that the ideas within paragraphs are sequenced more fluidly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using topic sentences that clearly relate back to the thesis in each paragraph. Additionally, ensure that each point builds on the previous one, creating a more seamless narrative. For example, after discussing the negative influences of technology, directly link this to how education counters these influences in the next paragraph.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second discusses the negative influences of technology, and the third elaborates on the positive influences of education and family. However, some paragraphs could be more clearly delineated, and the conclusion could be more distinct from the body paragraphs.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Additionally, consider separating the discussion of negative and positive influences into distinct paragraphs. This would provide a clearer contrast and make the essay easier to follow. The conclusion should also be more clearly marked and summarize the key points made in the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. The use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there is room for improvement in the variety and placement of these devices, as some transitions feel abrupt or repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "in addition," "on the other hand," and "consequently." This will help to create smoother transitions between ideas. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are placed strategically at the beginning or end of sentences to enhance the flow of the essay. For example, instead of starting a sentence with "However," consider rephrasing to integrate it more naturally into the flow of the argument.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, but with some refinements in organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices, it could achieve an even higher level of clarity and effectiveness.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "well-mannered," "bad-behavior imitation," and "cultural norms." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive, particularly in phrases like "young people" and "children." The essay could benefit from synonyms or varied expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "young people," you could use "youth," "adolescents," or "teenagers." Additionally, explore more sophisticated vocabulary related to behavior and education, such as "etiquette," "civility," or "socialization."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "bad-behavior imitation," which could be more clearly expressed as "imitation of inappropriate behavior." The phrase "not all children are exposed to this uncensored content" could also be more directly stated as "not all children have access to inappropriate content."
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your intended meaning. Review your essay for phrases that could be misinterpreted or are vague. For example, instead of "plentiful of self-help videos," consider "a wealth of self-help resources." This precision will enhance clarity and strengthen your argument.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "teached" (which should be "taught") and "cultural family" (which may be intended to mean "culturally aware family"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your work carefully. Utilize spell-check tools and consider reading your essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words and their correct forms, as well as any specific vocabulary relevant to the topic at hand.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the overall quality of the essay can be significantly improved, potentially leading to a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For instance, phrases like "Granted, with the developments of technology" and "However, not all children are exposed to this uncensored content" show an attempt to use more sophisticated structures. However, the essay relies heavily on straightforward constructions, which limits the overall range. The use of phrases such as "I believe that young people are impolite at all for several reasons" could be restructured for clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied conjunctions. For example, instead of starting sentences with "I believe" or "Moreover," the writer could use introductory phrases or clauses, such as "Although some may argue that…" or "In addition to this, it is important to note that…". Practicing the use of relative clauses and participial phrases can also add complexity and interest to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "students will be teached about moral lessons" contains a grammatical error; the correct form is "taught." Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent, such as in "In this day and age , some people believe" where there is an unnecessary space before the comma. Furthermore, the sentence "At school , students will be teached about moral lessons and how to be polite with other people." is awkwardly structured and could be clearer.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common verb forms and ensure subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on verb tenses and irregular verbs, can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding comma placement and the use of conjunctions, will help clarify the writing. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammatical structures and punctuation usage.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will elevate the writing to a higher band score.
Bài sửa mẫu
In this day and age, some people believe that youngsters are not well-mannered. Personally, I strongly disagree with this opinion, and in this essay, I will clarify my viewpoint.
Granted, with technological advancements, children today access the internet at an early age. This can lead to the imitation of bad behavior, causing them to engage in actions and utter words that are rude and discourteous. However, not all children are exposed to this uncensored content. In fact, there are numerous self-help videos available that guide adolescents in proper behavior.
I believe that young people are not impolite at all for several reasons. Firstly, most children are educated by schools and parents. At school, students are taught moral lessons and how to be polite to others. In the family, parents serve as good role models whom their children would follow and learn from, so living in a cultural family helps to form well-behaved children. In Vietnam, schools always place great emphasis on shaping students’ behavior through lessons in class, practical activities, and cooperation with parents to teach their children when they are young. Moreover, society consistently upholds cultural norms; therefore, it is not difficult to see good-mannered teenagers everywhere. For instance, young people often leave bus seats for the elderly or help older individuals cross the road. I believe this demonstrates to their peers the importance of respecting older people and being courteous in public.
In conclusion, I do not think youngsters nowadays are rude and impolite. This is because they are educated carefully, and it is evident that many young people are improving their moral standards day by day, such as by showing respect for the elderly.