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A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The perception of a person's worth being tied to social status and material possessions is a subjective viewpoint that varies across individuals and cultures. People's values and priorities can differ significantly, and not everyone may prioritize material wealth or social status over traditional virtues like honour, kindness, and trust.

Some may argue that in today's fast-paced and competitive world, there is an increased emphasis on external markers of success, such as wealth and status. This focus may lead to the undervaluing of qualities like honour, kindness, and trust, which are often seen as more internal and personal attributes.

On the other hand, many individuals and communities continue to place great importance on traditional values. Acts of kindness, integrity, and trustworthiness are still widely regarded as essential for building meaningful relationships and contributing positively to society. Some argue that the apparent decline of these values in certain contexts may be a perception fueled by media portrayals or anecdotal evidence, and that these values persist in various forms.

Ultimately, the extent to which one agrees or disagrees with the statement depends on personal beliefs, cultural influences, and individual experiences. While societal trends may suggest a shift in values, it is essential to recognize that diverse perspectives and values continue to coexist, and people's worth is multifaceted, encompassing a range of qualities and attributes.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "People’s values and priorities can differ significantly" -> "Individuals’ values and priorities can vary significantly"
    Explanation: The change from "People’s values" to "Individuals’ values" adds precision and formality to the statement, aligning with academic writing conventions.

  2. "which are often seen as more internal and personal attributes" -> "perceived as more intrinsic and personal qualities"
    Explanation: The substitution of "seen" with "perceived" and the use of "intrinsic" instead of "internal" contribute to a more formal and precise expression.

  3. "there is an increased emphasis on external markers of success" -> "there is a growing emphasis on extrinsic markers of success"
    Explanation: Replacing "increased" with "growing" and "external" with "extrinsic" enhances the academic tone by employing more sophisticated vocabulary without sacrificing clarity.

  4. "Acts of kindness, integrity, and trustworthiness are still widely regarded" -> "Acts of kindness, integrity, and trustworthiness are still widely esteemed"
    Explanation: The substitution of "regarded" with "esteemed" maintains the meaning while introducing a more formal and elevated term suitable for academic writing.

  5. "may be a perception fueled by media portrayals or anecdotal evidence" -> "might be a perception influenced by media portrayals or anecdotal evidence"
    Explanation: The use of "might" instead of "may" and "influenced by" instead of "fueled by" enhances the precision and formality of the expression.

  6. "depends on personal beliefs, cultural influences, and individual experiences" -> "depends on individual beliefs, cultural influences, and personal experiences"
    Explanation: The adjustment in word order, moving "personal" before "cultural," improves the flow and maintains clarity in conveying the factors influencing one’s agreement or disagreement with the statement.

  7. "it is essential to recognize that diverse perspectives and values continue to coexist" -> "it is crucial to acknowledge that diverse perspectives and values persist"
    Explanation: Replacing "essential to recognize" with "crucial to acknowledge" and changing "continue to coexist" to "persist" imparts a more formal tone without sacrificing clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4

Band Score: 4.0 – UNDER WORD

  1. Quoted text: "Acts of kindness, integrity, and trustworthiness are still widely regarded as essential for building meaningful relationships and contributing positively to society."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While the statement acknowledges the importance of traditional values, it lacks elaboration and depth in supporting examples or instances. To improve, delve deeper into how these values specifically contribute to building relationships and benefiting society. For instance, expand upon a personal anecdote where these values played a pivotal role in fostering relationships or positively impacting a community. This will strengthen the argument by providing a more tangible illustration of the significance of these virtues.
    • Improved example: "Acts of kindness, integrity, and trustworthiness are crucial pillars that not only facilitate the establishment of genuine connections but also create a harmonious social fabric. For instance, during a volunteering experience at a local shelter, displaying kindness not only uplifted the spirits of those in need but also inspired a ripple effect of goodwill in the community, showcasing the tangible impact of these values on societal well-being."
  2. Quoted text: "While societal trends may suggest a shift in values, it is essential to recognize that diverse perspectives and values continue to coexist, and people’s worth is multifaceted, encompassing a range of qualities and attributes."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The conclusion provided hints at the existence of diverse values but lacks specificity and concrete examples to bolster the argument. To enhance this, illustrate the coexistence of diverse values by referring to cultural or personal experiences that highlight this multifaceted nature of assessing an individual’s worth. Elaborate on how different cultures or communities prioritize varying values and elucidate on instances where these values harmoniously coexist in society.
    • Improved example: "The assessment of an individual’s worth should not be confined to a singular parameter but should encompass a spectrum of qualities. For instance, while one culture might emphasize material success, another might prioritize familial bonds or intellectual pursuits. Embracing this diversity of values illustrates the multifaceted nature of evaluating worth, fostering a richer and more inclusive society where different values harmoniously coexist."

Overall, the essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the debate around the significance of traditional values versus material success. However, it lacks depth in supporting examples and specific instances to reinforce the argument, resulting in a somewhat superficial treatment of the topic. To improve, the writer should incorporate more detailed and vivid examples from personal experiences or observations to enrich the discussion and provide a more persuasive argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. There is a range of cohesive devices used appropriately, although there may be some instances of under-/over-use. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion further, consider ensuring a more consistent use of cohesive devices throughout the essay. While there is a range of cohesive devices present, a more uniform application could strengthen the overall flow of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to paragraphing to ensure that it is consistently logical. Some paragraphs may benefit from more explicit topic sentences to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. There’s a clear attempt to incorporate less common lexical items, showcasing an awareness of style and collocation. The essay effectively discusses contrasting viewpoints, using varied vocabulary to articulate these ideas. While occasional errors in word choice and collocation are present, they don’t significantly impede understanding. The language is generally precise and allows for flexibility in conveying ideas.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, consider refining the use of more sophisticated vocabulary consistently across the essay. Aim for a higher level of precision in word choice and collocation to reduce the occasional errors present. Reviewing the structure and coherence of sentences might assist in strengthening the impact of the vocabulary used.

Overall, the essay’s vocabulary demonstrates a strong level of proficiency, offering a wide range of words and expressions to convey nuanced ideas effectively. With minor refinements, it can elevate to a more consistent and polished use of sophisticated vocabulary, aligning more closely with Band 8 criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a wide range of sentence structures, including complex ones, showcasing flexibility and accuracy. The majority of sentences are error-free, with only very occasional errors or inappropriacies. The writer effectively uses a variety of complex structures to convey ideas, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. The control of grammar and punctuation is strong, and errors, when present, are minor slips that do not impede communication.

How to improve: While the essay is strong, to further enhance grammatical range and accuracy, the writer could consider incorporating a few more advanced structures or idiomatic expressions. Additionally, a careful review to eliminate any remaining minor errors or inappropriacies would contribute to achieving a Band 9 score. Overall, maintaining the high standard demonstrated in this essay and consistently applying advanced grammatical structures will contribute to continuous improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

The evaluation of an individual’s worth based on social status and material possessions is a viewpoint that varies among individuals and cultures. People’s values and priorities can differ significantly, and not everyone may prioritize material wealth or social status over traditional virtues like honor, kindness, and trust.

Some argue that in today’s fast-paced and competitive world, there is an increased emphasis on external markers of success, such as wealth and status. This focus may lead to undervaluing qualities like honor, kindness, and trust, which are often seen as more internal and personal attributes.

On the other hand, many individuals and communities continue to place great importance on traditional values. Acts of kindness, integrity, and trustworthiness are still widely regarded as essential for building meaningful relationships and contributing positively to society. Some argue that the apparent decline of these values in certain contexts may be a perception fueled by media portrayals or anecdotal evidence, and that these values persist in various forms.

Ultimately, the extent to which one agrees or disagrees with the statement depends on personal beliefs, cultural influences, and individual experiences. While societal trends may suggest a shift in values, it is essential to recognize that diverse perspectives and values continue to coexist, and people’s worth is multifaceted, encompassing a range of qualities and attributes.

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