Employers should give their staff at least a 4-weak holiday a year to make employees better at job. Agree or disagree

A school of thought holds that it is vital for bosses to give their employees a 4-week holiday a year to improve their productivity. While this thinking is valid to certain extent, I contend that staff should not take an extended rest.
On the one hand, one might argue that staff should be given a lengthy holiday. In fact, nowadays, they have to deal with huge a mount of work in tandem with mounting pressure. Therefore, an extended holiday would be a good chance to rejuvenate and spend more time with their families and friends. Moreover, it also help staff enhance productivity that is a catalyst for profit of firms and economic development. In addition, workers would increase commitment with company as they opine that their mental health is respected.
On the other hand, I am convinced that employers should not allow their staff to have a lengthy holiday. Indeed, they could find it challenging to catch up with new updates in work since they take a rest, projects still constantly occur. As a result, it would exert unfavorable impacts on workflow. Besides, some skills, that require regular practice would potentially degrade over a long break such as: highly demanding skills about code or knowledge about difficult subjects. As such, employees should go to work frequently in order to ensure their quality of their work.
In conclusion, while there are several rationales why staff should be allowed to have an extended holiday, I contend that the unwanted aftermaths of offering a lengthy holiday should be paid more attention to.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A school of thought holds that" -> "It is widely believed that"
Explanation: "A school of thought holds that" is somewhat verbose and less direct. "It is widely believed that" is more concise and maintains an academic tone.
"bosses to give their employees a 4-week holiday" -> "employers to grant their employees a four-week holiday"
Explanation: "Bosses" is informal and less precise; "employers" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. "Four-week" is also more formal than "4-week."
"valid to certain extent" -> "valid to some extent"
Explanation: "To certain extent" is a less common phrase in formal writing; "to some extent" is more commonly used and understood in academic contexts.
"staff should not take an extended rest" -> "staff should not take extended breaks"
Explanation: "Extended rest" is vague and informal; "extended breaks" is more specific and formal.
"huge a mount of work" -> "a significant amount of work"
Explanation: "Huge a mount" is a typographical error and grammatically incorrect. "A significant amount" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"an extended holiday would be a good chance" -> "an extended holiday would provide an opportunity"
Explanation: "A good chance" is informal and vague; "an opportunity" is more precise and formal.
"it also help" -> "it also helps"
Explanation: "Help" should be in the present tense to match the context of the general statement.
"a catalyst for profit of firms and economic development" -> "a catalyst for the profitability of firms and economic development"
Explanation: "Profit" is a noun and should be modified by "the profitability" to maintain grammatical correctness and clarity.
"workers would increase commitment with company" -> "workers would increase their commitment to the company"
Explanation: "Commitment with company" is grammatically incorrect; "commitment to the company" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"opine that their mental health is respected" -> "believe that their mental health is respected"
Explanation: "Opine" is less commonly used in this context and may be considered overly formal or archaic; "believe" is more straightforward and appropriate.
"they could find it challenging to catch up with new updates in work" -> "they may struggle to keep up with new developments in their work"
Explanation: "Find it challenging to catch up with new updates" is verbose and informal; "struggle to keep up with new developments" is more concise and formal.
"it would exert unfavorable impacts on workflow" -> "it could have adverse effects on workflow"
Explanation: "Exert unfavorable impacts" is awkward and less formal; "have adverse effects" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing.
"skills, that require regular practice would potentially degrade" -> "skills that require regular practice may potentially degrade"
Explanation: The original sentence structure is awkward and grammatically incorrect; the revised version corrects these issues and improves readability.
"highly demanding skills about code or knowledge about difficult subjects" -> "highly specialized skills in coding or knowledge of complex subjects"
Explanation: "About" is incorrectly used; "in" and "of" are more appropriate prepositions in this context. "Difficult subjects" is vague; "complex subjects" is more precise.
"employees should go to work frequently" -> "employees should regularly attend work"
Explanation: "Go to work frequently" is informal and vague; "regularly attend work" is more formal and precise.
"the unwanted aftermaths of offering a lengthy holiday" -> "the potential drawbacks of offering a lengthy holiday"
Explanation: "Aftermaths" is incorrect; "drawbacks" is the correct term. "Unwanted" is redundant with "aftermaths," and "potential" is more appropriate to describe possible outcomes.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting both sides of the argument regarding whether employers should provide a 4-week holiday. The writer acknowledges the benefits of extended holidays, such as improved mental health and productivity, before presenting a counterargument against them. However, the essay could have been stronger by explicitly stating the implications of the argument for employers and employees, and how these factors play into the overall productivity of the workforce.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides are explored in a more balanced manner. Additionally, they could include specific examples or statistics that illustrate the impact of holidays on productivity, which would provide a more comprehensive answer to the question.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear in the conclusion, where they state their disagreement with the idea of extended holidays. However, the essay could benefit from a more consistent reinforcement of this position throughout the body paragraphs. For instance, while the first paragraph discusses the advantages of holidays, it could have more explicitly linked these points back to the writer’s stance against them.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their main argument in each paragraph. They could use phrases like "Despite these benefits…" or "While some may argue that…" to remind the reader of their stance and to create a more cohesive argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the need for mental health respect and the potential degradation of skills. However, these ideas are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples. For instance, the mention of "highly demanding skills" could be elaborated with specific examples of such skills and how they are affected by long breaks.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point made. This could involve discussing specific industries or roles where skills might degrade due to long absences, or citing studies that link employee well-being with productivity.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay stays on topic, focusing on the implications of extended holidays for productivity. However, there are moments where the argument could be more tightly focused. For instance, the mention of "unfavorable impacts on workflow" could be more directly tied back to the main argument about productivity rather than being presented as a standalone point.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central argument of the essay. They could use topic sentences that clearly outline how each paragraph contributes to their overall position, ensuring that every sentence serves the purpose of reinforcing their argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with distinct sections for the opposing views. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. However, the logical flow between ideas could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of holidays to the drawbacks is somewhat abrupt, which may confuse readers about the relationship between the two sides of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "On the contrary" or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of holidays, while the second presents the counterargument. However, the second paragraph could be further developed to ensure that it is not only presenting a counterargument but also providing a balanced view of the discussion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea followed by supporting details. For instance, the second paragraph could benefit from more examples or elaboration on how the challenges of returning to work after a long break can impact productivity. This would create a more comprehensive argument and enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which help to delineate opposing arguments. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "As such" is used, but it could be better integrated to clarify the relationship between the preceding and following statements.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "consequently." This will help to create a more fluid reading experience and clarify the connections between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to avoid repetition and improve the overall cohesion of the text.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph development, and use of cohesive devices will elevate the coherence and cohesion to a higher level.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "rejuvenate," "commitment," and "unfavorable impacts." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat limited or repetitive, such as the frequent use of "staff" and "holiday." The phrase "a school of thought" is a good example of varied vocabulary, but the overall lexical range could be expanded further.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeating "staff," alternatives like "employees," "workers," or "personnel" could be used. Additionally, phrases like "time off" or "leave" could replace "holiday" in some contexts to add variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "huge a mount of work" is incorrect; it should be "huge amount of work." The term "lengthy holiday" is somewhat vague and could be better articulated as "extended leave" or "long vacation." Additionally, "unwanted aftermaths" could be more clearly expressed as "negative consequences."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct and contextually appropriate. Reviewing vocabulary choices and their meanings can help. For instance, replacing "a catalyst for profit" with "a key driver of profitability" would convey the idea more clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "a mount" instead of "amount," "help" instead of "helps," and "unfavorable impacts" where "impacts" could be more effectively replaced with "effects" for clarity. These errors detract from the overall impression of the essay and suggest a lack of attention to detail.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can significantly improve spelling skills over time.

Overall, while the essay shows a commendable effort in addressing the topic, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling will help elevate the lexical resource score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting ideas. However, some sentences could be more varied in their construction. For instance, the sentence "In fact, nowadays, they have to deal with huge a mount of work in tandem with mounting pressure" could be restructured for clarity and flow.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses effectively. For example, instead of saying "workers would increase commitment with company as they opine that their mental health is respected," you might say, "workers are likely to increase their commitment to the company when they feel that their mental health is respected." This not only varies the structure but also improves clarity.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a reasonable level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, the phrase "huge a mount of work" contains a typographical error ("a mount" should be "amount"). Additionally, the sentence "Moreover, it also help staff enhance productivity that is a catalyst for profit of firms and economic development" has subject-verb agreement issues ("help" should be "helps"). Punctuation is generally correct, but there are instances where commas could improve readability, such as before "that require regular practice."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for typographical errors and subject-verb agreement. Practicing grammar exercises focused on common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles, can be beneficial. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will enhance clarity and flow.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and correcting grammatical errors will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

A school of thought holds that it is vital for bosses to give their employees a 4-week holiday a year to improve their productivity. While this thinking is valid to some extent, I contend that staff should not take an extended break.

On the one hand, one might argue that staff should be given a lengthy holiday. In fact, nowadays, they have to deal with a significant amount of work in tandem with mounting pressure. Therefore, an extended holiday would provide an opportunity to rejuvenate and spend more time with their families and friends. Moreover, it also helps staff enhance productivity, which is a catalyst for the profitability of firms and economic development. In addition, workers would increase their commitment to the company as they believe that their mental health is respected.

On the other hand, I am convinced that employers should not allow their staff to have a lengthy holiday. Indeed, they could find it challenging to catch up with new developments in work since, while they take a break, projects still constantly occur. As a result, it could have adverse effects on workflow. Besides, some skills that require regular practice may potentially degrade over a long break, such as highly specialized skills in coding or knowledge of complex subjects. As such, employees should regularly attend work in order to ensure the quality of their work.

In conclusion, while there are several rationales why staff should be allowed to have an extended holiday, I contend that the potential drawbacks of offering a lengthy holiday should be paid more attention to.