Government should invest money in science education rather than other subjects to develop the country

Many people argue that the expenditure by governments on education should be invested in science subjects over others to drive the nation's future development. While this is true to some extent, I assert that science is not the most significant and primary contributor to national progress.

Modern science has obviously brought improvements to various fields, such as medicine and technology. This is mainly due to the fact that national leaders have allocated large funds to science in order to invent new equipment and medications in the medical sector; therefore, health issues can be rapidly overcome, attempting to minimize serious consequences. For example, the vaccines for Covid-19 were quickly created by many researchers to protect humans from the dangers of the Corona virus. Meanwhile, the science also has a great contribution to the energy industry, specifically the development of renewable energy. In fact, using sources such as solar energy can help to address environmental pollution, which may lead to renewable energy replacing fossil fuels in the future due to their gradual exhaustion and the pollution they caused.

Even though science can be said to have been a revolutionary force in improving the material conditions of humanity, other subjects, such as humanities and art, should also be similarly invested in as much as science education. Studying social subjects helps people improve their communication skills and tact in conversation, in addition to science-based knowledge. These are vital elements for creating potential national leaders and aiding them in international cooperation negotiations. Not only should humanities subjects be concerned more considerably, but also the arts had better be highly appreciated. All art forms, for instance, music and drawing, can particularly enhance our creativity and critical thinking, while creating the spiritual values essentially for developing cultural identity, which is one of the most significant parts of a country. Additionally, the arts allow individuals to express their feelings and imaginations, thereby improving the overall quality of people’s lives.

In conclusion, despite the advantages of science in national development and progress, it is not the only contributor to a country. In my view, governments should allocate their budgets equally across all disciplines to create a well-rounded education that promotes national comprehensive thriving.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people argue" -> "It is often contended"
Explanation: "It is often contended" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an argumentative topic, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"to drive the nation’s future development" -> "to propel national development"
Explanation: "Propel" is a more precise and formal verb than "drive," and "national development" is a more commonly used academic term than "the nation’s future development," which is slightly redundant.
"I assert" -> "I contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal synonym for "assert," fitting better in academic writing where assertiveness is often tempered with a more measured tone.
"Modern science has obviously" -> "Modern science undoubtedly"
Explanation: "Undoubtedly" is more academically appropriate than "obviously," which can sound too casual and subjective for formal writing.
"invent new equipment and medications" -> "develop new technologies and treatments"
Explanation: "Develop" is a more precise term than "invent" in the context of scientific advancements, and "technologies and treatments" are more specific and formal than "equipment and medications."
"attempting to minimize serious consequences" -> "aiming to mitigate severe consequences"
Explanation: "Aiming to mitigate" is a more precise and formal expression than "attempting to minimize," and "severe" is more specific than "serious" in this context.
"the science also has a great contribution" -> "science also makes a significant contribution"
Explanation: "Makes a significant contribution" is grammatically correct and more formal than "has a great contribution," which is awkwardly phrased.
"using sources such as solar energy" -> "utilizing sources such as solar energy"
Explanation: "Utilizing" is a more formal synonym for "using," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"may lead to renewable energy replacing fossil fuels" -> "could potentially lead to the replacement of fossil fuels by renewable energy"
Explanation: "Could potentially lead to the replacement of" is a more formal and precise way to express the possibility of change, aligning better with academic style.
"should also be similarly invested in as much as science education" -> "should also receive comparable investment to science education"
Explanation: "Receive comparable investment" is more precise and formal than "be similarly invested in as much as," which is awkward and unclear.
"aiding them in international cooperation negotiations" -> "facilitating their participation in international negotiations"
Explanation: "Facilitating their participation" is a more precise and formal way to describe the role of communication skills in international diplomacy.
"the arts had better be highly appreciated" -> "the arts should be highly valued"
Explanation: "Should be highly valued" is a more formal and appropriate expression than "had better be," which is colloquial and less suitable for academic writing.
"can particularly enhance our creativity and critical thinking" -> "can significantly enhance our creativity and critical thinking"
Explanation: "Significantly" adds a level of formality and emphasis appropriate for academic discourse.
"creating the spiritual values essentially for developing cultural identity" -> "essentially fostering spiritual values that contribute to the development of cultural identity"
Explanation: "Fostering" is a more precise verb than "creating," and the rephrased structure clarifies the relationship between the arts and cultural identity.
"improving the overall quality of people’s lives" -> "enhancing the overall quality of life"
Explanation: "Enhancing the overall quality of life" is a more formal and succinct way to express the impact on individuals, aligning better with academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of science education and presenting a counterargument that other subjects, such as humanities and arts, are equally important for national development. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, acknowledging the significance of science while arguing for a more balanced approach. However, the essay could have more explicitly outlined the reasons why investing in other subjects is equally essential, which would strengthen the response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each part of the question is thoroughly explored. This could involve providing specific examples of how humanities and arts contribute to national development, similar to the detailed examples given for science. Additionally, a clearer connection between the benefits of a balanced education and national progress would strengthen the argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while science is important, it should not overshadow other subjects. The writer asserts this view in both the introduction and conclusion. However, the transition between discussing the benefits of science and the importance of other subjects could be smoother. At times, the argument feels slightly disjointed, particularly in the shift from discussing science to humanities and arts.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the benefits of science, a sentence that explicitly states the need to consider other subjects would help maintain a cohesive argument. Additionally, reiterating the main position throughout the body paragraphs would reinforce the essay’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly regarding the contributions of science and the arts. The examples provided, such as the development of Covid-19 vaccines and the role of renewable energy, effectively support the argument for science. However, the support for the importance of humanities and arts is less developed. The points made about communication skills and creativity are valid but could benefit from further elaboration and specific examples.
- How to improve: To enhance the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for the points made about humanities and arts. For instance, discussing specific historical figures or movements in the arts that have contributed to national identity or development could provide stronger support. Additionally, integrating statistics or studies that highlight the impact of a well-rounded education on societal progress would further substantiate the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the importance of science education while also addressing the value of other subjects. However, there are moments where the discussion of arts feels slightly tangential, particularly when discussing the spiritual values and quality of life without directly linking them back to national development.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made is directly tied back to the central argument of national development. This can be achieved by explicitly linking the benefits of humanities and arts to tangible outcomes for the country, such as improved leadership or innovation. A clearer framework that ties each subject back to the main thesis would help maintain relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, but it could benefit from more detailed support for all arguments and a clearer structure to enhance coherence and focus.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that government funding should prioritize science education over other subjects. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance, and the body paragraphs are structured to support this position. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of science, while the second highlights the importance of humanities and arts. However, the transition between these two paragraphs could be smoother; the connection between the benefits of science and the need for investment in other subjects could be more explicitly stated to enhance logical flow.
- How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the contributions of science, a sentence such as "However, while science plays a crucial role, it is essential not to overlook the contributions of other disciplines" could serve as a bridge to the next paragraph.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly delineated. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from further subdivision, as it contains multiple ideas related to humanities and arts that could be more effectively communicated in separate paragraphs.
- How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the humanities and the other on the arts. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each subject and improve clarity. Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "meanwhile," and "additionally," which help to connect ideas within and between sentences. However, there is a reliance on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive. For instance, the phrase "in addition to" appears multiple times, which could be varied to enhance the richness of the text.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "in addition to," consider alternatives such as "furthermore," "moreover," or "besides." Additionally, using phrases that indicate contrast, such as "on the other hand," can help to create a more nuanced argument and improve the overall flow of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, enhancing the logical flow between paragraphs, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices would elevate the quality of the writing and potentially improve the band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "expenditure," "allocate," "revolutionary force," and "spiritual values" showcase a solid grasp of academic language. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "science" and "subjects," which could be varied to enhance the lexical range. For example, instead of repeatedly using "science," synonyms like "scientific disciplines" or "STEM fields" could be employed.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help identify alternative words. Additionally, reading more academic texts can expose the writer to varied vocabulary usage in context.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "the science also has a great contribution" could be more precisely stated as "scientific disciplines also make significant contributions." Additionally, the term "humanities" is used, but it could be clarified further by specifying "social sciences" or "humanistic studies" to avoid ambiguity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on context and specificity. When discussing broad concepts, it’s beneficial to define or specify them clearly. Engaging in exercises that require the use of specific vocabulary in context can also aid in developing this skill.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "expenditure," "allocated," and "contributor" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of spelling conventions. However, the phrase "Corona virus" should be corrected to "coronavirus" as it is commonly written as one word.
- How to improve: To maintain and enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly misspelled words and terms specific to the subject matter. Utilizing spell-check tools and engaging in regular spelling practice can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a band score of 7. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of clauses such as "While this is true to some extent, I assert that science is not the most significant and primary contributor to national progress" showcases the ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the sentence "This is mainly due to the fact that national leaders have allocated large funds to science in order to invent new equipment and medications in the medical sector" employs a subordinate clause to add depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the way ideas are introduced, which could be diversified further.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "This is mainly due to the fact that," you could use alternatives like "This can be attributed to" or "One reason for this is." Additionally, employing more rhetorical questions or conditional clauses could add further complexity and engagement to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the science also has a great contribution" should be corrected to "science also makes a significant contribution" to improve clarity and correctness. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are a few instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "which may lead to renewable energy replacing fossil fuels in the future" to separate the clause more clearly.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For instance, the phrase "the science" should be revised to simply "science" when referring to the field in general. Reviewing punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, will also help clarify meaning and improve the flow of ideas. Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on written work can further enhance these skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, attention to diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical details will help elevate the writing to an even higher standard.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people argue that the expenditure by governments on education should be invested in science subjects over others to propel the nation’s future development. While this is true to some extent, I contend that science is not the most significant and primary contributor to national progress.

Modern science undoubtedly has brought improvements to various fields, such as medicine and technology. This is mainly due to the fact that national leaders have allocated large funds to science in order to develop new technologies and treatments in the medical sector; therefore, health issues can be rapidly overcome, attempting to minimize serious consequences. For example, the vaccines for Covid-19 were quickly created by many researchers to protect humans from the dangers of the coronavirus. Meanwhile, science also makes a significant contribution to the energy industry, specifically the development of renewable energy. In fact, utilizing sources such as solar energy can help to address environmental pollution, which could potentially lead to the replacement of fossil fuels by renewable energy in the future due to their gradual exhaustion and the pollution they cause.

Even though science can be said to have been a revolutionary force in improving the material conditions of humanity, other subjects, such as humanities and art, should also receive comparable investment to science education. Studying social subjects helps people improve their communication skills and tact in conversation, in addition to science-based knowledge. These are vital elements for creating potential national leaders and facilitating their participation in international negotiations. Not only should humanities subjects be considered more considerably, but also the arts should be highly valued. All art forms, for instance, music and drawing, can significantly enhance our creativity and critical thinking, while fostering spiritual values that contribute to the development of cultural identity, which is one of the most significant parts of a country. Additionally, the arts allow individuals to express their feelings and imaginations, thereby enhancing the overall quality of life.