Human rights violations continue to occur in many countries. What do you think are the causes of this, and what can be done to address the issue.

In our contemporary world, despite the rapid intergration between nations around the world, the attacks aimed to basic rights of every human beings are still raging in various parts of world. From my standpoint, deep-rooted prejudices and the gap between social classess are the main contributor the issue. In the following essay, I will clariy statements and give plausibles remedies to the problem.
Certainly, harmful notions, namely about the role people in the cutthroat society of particular countries have greatly imperil the fundamental rights of the unarmed and innocent civillian population. To elaborate, in numerous religions or millenia-old custom, there is always a number of biased rules regarding how the weaker massess such as women, children and the impoverished should conduct themselves towards the elite of the society. These obsolete etiquette pracitsed since time immemorial have carved themselves as a fabric of the society, making its people reserve no right of humanity. A case in point is Afghanistan where female, especially girls are not allowed to attend any level of educations. The situation of the country get worse after its partion, leading to the tantalizing number of terriorist attack on educated women and female who follows tertiary education. Additionally, the disparity in the income of different social classess also encourage the lack of human rights. More particularly, in the world where the status of an individual is defined by their wealth, people in the Third-word not only have to elk out on scanty budget but also have to face with the discrimination from the well-off. This is especially true in India where the poor population can only afford to live in slums where the conditions is underpriviliged and their right to education, healthcare and freedom are forbidden.
However, I reckon that there still many measure we can take to ameliorate the problem. One plausible solution is that the governments can deliberately implement anti-discrimination policies to handily eliminate the outdated the prejudices on particular social groups. Vietnam is a successful example of this method. The country itself has annihilate every fortress of discrimination between 54 ethnic groups and in their own communities as well as giving the rights to their women and girls acquire elementary and even higher education by putting forward effective policies and supporting right of every civilians regardless of their races or genders. Besides, organizations and educational centers can also promote the equal education among the younger generations. This is simply because if the youngsters are well informed about the risk of unfairness and the immeasurable value of fundamental rights, they will have the courage to stand up for their own rights, thereby stamping out every limitation of human rights.
To conclude, the rights of individuals in many countries are of mere notice in many countries due to detrimental norms that long been associated in the society and the inconsistency in the income between the affluent citizens and the poor ones. Nevertheless, governments and individuals can make strides by introducing pertinent policies to the unfairness and accommodate the massess with equal education.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In our contemporary world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: Removing "our" makes the phrase more formal and less personal, aligning better with academic style.
"intergration" -> "integration"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the term is used correctly and professionally.
"attacks aimed to basic rights" -> "attacks on basic rights"
Explanation: Corrects the preposition to "on" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"every human beings" -> "every human being"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form to singular to match the singular noun "being," enhancing grammatical correctness.
"social classess" -> "social classes"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form to "classes" for grammatical accuracy and consistency.
"clariy" -> "clarify"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is used correctly and professionally.
"plausibles remedies" -> "plausible remedies"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is used correctly and professionally.
"harmful notions, namely about the role people" -> "harmful notions, specifically regarding the roles of individuals"
Explanation: Replaces "namely about" with "specifically regarding" for a more formal and precise expression.
"millenia-old custom" -> "millennia-old customs"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form to "customs" to match the plural context of "customs."
"weaker massess" -> "weaker masses"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error and adjusts the plural form to "masses" for grammatical accuracy.
"educations" -> "education"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form to singular "education" to match the singular noun "level of education."
"get worse" -> "worsened"
Explanation: Changes to the past participle "worsened" for a more formal and passive voice suitable for academic writing.
"terriorist" -> "terrorist"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is used correctly and professionally.
"Third-word" -> "Third World"
Explanation: Capitalizes "Third World" as it refers to a specific geographical and economic term, enhancing clarity and formality.
"elk out on scanty budget" -> "eke out a meager budget"
Explanation: Replaces "elk out" with "eke out" for the correct verb form and uses "meager" instead of "scanty" for a more precise adjective.
"conditions is underpriviliged" -> "conditions are underprivileged"
Explanation: Corrects the verb agreement and adds the correct form "are" to match the plural subject "conditions."
"handily eliminate" -> "effectively eliminate"
Explanation: Replaces "handily" with "effectively" for a more formal and precise adverbial phrase.
"annihilate every fortress of" -> "eliminate all barriers to"
Explanation: Replaces "annihilate" with "eliminate" for a less violent and more appropriate term in an academic context, and changes "fortress of" to "barriers to" for clarity and precision.
"supporting right of every civilians" -> "supporting the rights of all citizens"
Explanation: Corrects the grammatical structure and uses "citizens" instead of "civilians" to maintain consistency with the context of human rights.
"massess" -> "masses"
Explanation: Corrects a spelling error, ensuring the word is used correctly and professionally.
"accommodate the massess" -> "support the masses"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling and uses "support" instead of "accommodate" for a more appropriate verb in this context, suggesting assistance rather than physical space.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying causes of human rights violations—specifically deep-rooted prejudices and social class disparities—and suggesting solutions such as anti-discrimination policies and educational initiatives. However, the discussion of causes could be more balanced; while the essay provides a strong example in Afghanistan, it could benefit from additional examples or a more comprehensive exploration of the second cause.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each cause is given equal attention and support. Including more diverse examples from various countries or contexts would strengthen the argument and demonstrate a broader understanding of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that human rights violations stem from societal prejudices and class disparities. However, the clarity of the position is occasionally undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can distract the reader from the main argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on refining sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. A clear thesis statement in the introduction that succinctly outlines the main points would also help reinforce the position throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: Ideas are presented and supported with examples, such as the situation in Afghanistan and the reference to Vietnam’s policies. However, some points lack depth and could be better elaborated. For instance, the discussion on the disparity in income could include more specific statistics or studies to substantiate the claims made.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed explanations and evidence for each point made. Incorporating data, quotes from credible sources, or more in-depth case studies would enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the causes and solutions to human rights violations. However, some sentences veer off into tangential thoughts or contain irrelevant details that do not directly support the main argument, such as the mention of "cutthroat society" without clear relevance to the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should regularly refer back to the essay prompt and ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the causes or solutions of human rights violations. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, improvements in clarity, depth of analysis, and focus would elevate the score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument regarding human rights violations, identifying deep-rooted prejudices and social class disparities as primary causes. The introduction effectively outlines the main points, and the body paragraphs generally follow a logical progression. However, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing prejudices to social class disparities feels abrupt, which can disrupt the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, which aids in readability. However, some paragraphs could be more balanced in length and depth. For instance, the paragraph discussing the causes of human rights violations is quite lengthy and could be split into two to better manage the complexity of the ideas presented.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced structure by ensuring that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and supporting details. If a paragraph becomes too long, consider breaking it into two, each focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. This will enhance clarity and allow for more thorough exploration of each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "additionally," and "to conclude." These help to connect ideas, but the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. For example, the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas could be improved to avoid repetition and enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using "for example," "in contrast," and "as a result" can help clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, ensure that pronouns are used effectively to refer back to nouns without causing confusion. This will create a more cohesive and fluid reading experience.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on the organization of ideas, improving paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "intergration," "prejudices," "imperil," and "ameliorate." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is either repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the phrase "basic rights of every human beings" could be enhanced by using synonyms or more sophisticated expressions such as "fundamental human rights" or "essential entitlements."
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "rights," consider using "entitlements," "freedoms," or "privileges" in different contexts. Additionally, incorporating more academic or formal vocabulary can elevate the overall quality of the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from clarity. For example, "the attacks aimed to basic rights" should be "the attacks aimed at basic rights." Additionally, "the tantalizing number of terriorist attack" is misleading; "tantalizing" suggests something appealing, which is not appropriate in this context. The phrase "the weaker massess" is also vague and could be more accurately expressed as "vulnerable populations."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should pay close attention to collocations and common phrases. Using resources such as a thesaurus or vocabulary lists specific to human rights topics can help identify more appropriate terms. Practicing writing sentences with new vocabulary can also aid in understanding their correct usage.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains multiple spelling errors, such as "intergration" (integration), "classess" (classes), "clariy" (clarify), "civillian" (civilian), "partion" (partition), "terriorist" (terrorist), "underpriviliged" (underprivileged), "massess" (masses), and "annihilate" (annihilated). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing out vocabulary lists and using spell-check tools. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch and correct these errors.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant ideas, addressing the areas of vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will significantly enhance the quality of the writing and potentially lead to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex sentences like "the attacks aimed to basic rights of every human beings are still raging in various parts of world" shows an attempt to convey more nuanced ideas. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. Additionally, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the gap between social classess are the main contributor the issue," which detracts from clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice using more varied sentence types, such as starting sentences with adverbial clauses or using inversion for emphasis. For example, instead of "the disparity in the income of different social classess also encourage the lack of human rights," the writer could say, "Not only does the disparity in income among different social classes encourage a lack of human rights, but it also perpetuates systemic discrimination." Engaging with resources that focus on sentence variety, such as grammar workbooks or online exercises, could also be beneficial.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder comprehension. For instance, "the gap between social classess are the main contributor the issue" should be "the gap between social classes is the main contributor to the issue." Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as missing commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. The phrase "the rights of individuals in many countries are of mere notice in many countries" is redundant and could be streamlined for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and prepositions. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises tailored to common errors can help. Furthermore, reading well-structured essays can provide insights into correct punctuation usage. It may also be beneficial to proofread the essay multiple times or use grammar-checking tools to catch errors before finalizing the work.

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their grammatical range and accuracy, ultimately improving their overall IELTS score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In our contemporary world, despite the rapid integration between nations, attacks on the basic rights of every human being continue to rage in various parts of the globe. From my standpoint, deep-rooted prejudices and the gap between social classes are the main contributors to this issue. In the following essay, I will clarify these points and propose plausible remedies to the problem.

Certainly, harmful notions, specifically regarding the roles of individuals in the cutthroat societies of certain countries, have greatly imperiled the fundamental rights of the unarmed and innocent civilian population. To elaborate, in numerous religions or millennia-old customs, there exist biased rules dictating how the weaker masses, such as women, children, and the impoverished, should conduct themselves in relation to the elite of society. These obsolete etiquettes, practiced since time immemorial, have woven themselves into the fabric of society, leaving people with little regard for their own humanity. A case in point is Afghanistan, where females, especially girls, are not allowed to attend any level of education. The situation in the country worsened after its partition, leading to a troubling number of terrorist attacks on educated women and those pursuing tertiary education.

Additionally, the disparity in income among different social classes also encourages the lack of human rights. More specifically, in a world where an individual’s status is defined by their wealth, people in the Third World not only have to eke out a meager budget but also face discrimination from the affluent. This is particularly evident in India, where the poor population can only afford to live in slums, where conditions are underprivileged, and their rights to education, healthcare, and freedom are severely restricted.

However, I believe there are still many measures we can take to ameliorate this problem. One plausible solution is for governments to deliberately implement anti-discrimination policies to eliminate outdated prejudices against specific social groups. Vietnam serves as a successful example of this approach. The country has effectively dismantled barriers of discrimination among its 54 ethnic groups and has granted rights to women and girls to acquire elementary and even higher education through effective policies that support the rights of all citizens, regardless of their race or gender.

Furthermore, organizations and educational centers can promote equal education among younger generations. This is essential because if youngsters are well-informed about the risks of unfairness and the immeasurable value of fundamental rights, they will have the courage to stand up for their own rights, thereby eliminating every barrier to human rights.

To conclude, the rights of individuals in many countries are often overlooked due to detrimental norms that have long been entrenched in society and the income disparity between affluent citizens and the poor. Nevertheless, governments and individuals can make significant strides by introducing relevant policies to address these inequalities and by supporting the masses with equal educational opportunities.