In many countries, the government spends a large amount money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think the government should spend more on healthcare and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the contemporary context, opinions differ whether that some people agree that the government expenses a large amount of money on the arts, while some think the government should allocate to healthcare and education. From my point of view, the latter argument should receive more concentration of the government
On the one hand, the arts are the indispensable components and have a huge of impacts on people’s daily life, so it’s undeniable that the government has a large investment in them. First, the arts are not only a kind of entertainment but also national identity. The arts include many categories and can be visible everywhere in human’s life facets, from museums to virtual environment, they help people fulfill their energy and release stress after hectic days by providing some appealing films or performances. Specifically, many residents in the certain parts of the world consider the arts as their soul sanctuary because by immersing themselves in the arts’ beauty and feature, they can be more optimistic in their hardship. In addition, the arts epitomize national identity, the arts of each countries show different factors that only be figured in this country.
On the other hand, in this day and age, healthcare and education tend to outperform the arts to be the most povital facets in many countries. It is clear that the healthcare is a major contributor to people’s improvement, which influence the countries’ prospect. People should attain healthcare services from the government to maximize their ability in their fields to improve country’s economy. Also, the residents can have a healthy environment without any far-reaching issues related well-being. For instance, in some countries where healthcare is the first position in investing, the inhabitants can feel the sense of community and be more optimistic than residents in other countries. Moreover, education also be a key to national development. Investment in education is the most important factor because it could invigorate country’s economy and boost social improvement.
In conclusion, there is no denying that the government invests in the arts, healthcare and education to boost country’s development. However, I reckon that healthcare and education should be in the higher extent to improve the residents and reach the long-term prospect.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"opinions differ whether that" -> "opinions differ as to whether"
Explanation: The phrase "as to whether" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, enhancing the clarity and precision of the sentence structure.
"the government expenses a large amount of money" -> "the government expends a significant amount of money"
Explanation: "Expends" is the correct verb form for government spending, and "significant" is more precise than "large" in an academic context, where quantification is preferred.
"allocate to" -> "allocate to"
Explanation: The correct preposition for allocation is "to", not "to", which is grammatically incorrect.
"receive more concentration of the government" -> "receive greater attention from the government"
Explanation: "Concentration" is not the correct term here; "attention" is more appropriate and natural in this context, indicating the focus or priority given by the government.
"huge of impacts" -> "significant impacts"
Explanation: "Huge" is an informal and vague term; "significant" is more precise and suitable for academic writing, providing a quantifiable measure of importance.
"not only a kind of entertainment but also national identity" -> "not only entertainment but also a reflection of national identity"
Explanation: "A kind of" is informal and vague; "a reflection of" is more precise and academically appropriate, emphasizing the deeper significance of the arts in national identity.
"visible everywhere in human’s life facets" -> "present in various aspects of human life"
Explanation: "Visible everywhere in human’s life facets" is awkward and unclear; "present in various aspects of human life" is clearer and more formal.
"fulfill their energy" -> "satisfy their needs"
Explanation: "Fulfill their energy" is an incorrect and unclear phrase; "satisfy their needs" is a more precise and appropriate expression in this context, referring to the fulfillment of emotional or psychological requirements.
"hardship" -> "difficult circumstances"
Explanation: "Hardship" is somewhat informal and vague; "difficult circumstances" is more specific and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"povital" -> "vital"
Explanation: "Povital" is a typographical error; "vital" is the correct term, meaning essential or crucial.
"influence the countries’ prospect" -> "impact the country’s prospects"
Explanation: "Influence the countries’ prospect" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "impact the country’s prospects" is grammatically correct and more formal.
"attain healthcare services" -> "access healthcare services"
Explanation: "Attain" is not the correct verb in this context; "access" is the appropriate term for describing the ability to use or receive healthcare services.
"without any far-reaching issues related well-being" -> "without any significant issues related to well-being"
Explanation: "Far-reaching issues related well-being" is grammatically incorrect and awkward; "significant issues related to well-being" is grammatically correct and clearer.
"be a key to national development" -> "be a key to national development"
Explanation: This is a repetition of the same phrase; it should be removed or rephrased to avoid redundancy.
"boost social improvement" -> "enhance social development"
Explanation: "Boost" is somewhat informal and vague; "enhance" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing, and "social development" is a more specific term than "social improvement."

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and grammar to meet the standards of academic writing, ensuring clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both perspectives regarding government spending on the arts versus healthcare and education. The writer effectively presents arguments for both sides, such as the importance of the arts in providing entertainment and fostering national identity, as well as the critical role of healthcare and education in societal improvement. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion of the implications of each viewpoint, particularly how prioritizing one over the other might affect society.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is explored in greater depth, perhaps by including specific examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of spending on the arts versus healthcare and education. Additionally, a clearer connection between the arguments and the overall implications for society would strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer states a clear opinion in favor of prioritizing healthcare and education, but this position could be articulated more consistently throughout the essay. While the conclusion reiterates this stance, the body paragraphs could better reflect this viewpoint by explicitly contrasting it against the benefits of the arts.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently refer back to their opinion when discussing the merits of the arts. Phrases like "Despite the benefits of the arts, it is crucial to prioritize healthcare and education because…" would help reinforce the writer’s stance throughout the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding both the arts and healthcare/education, but some points lack adequate support. For instance, while the writer mentions that the arts provide entertainment and foster national identity, these ideas could be further developed with examples or studies that demonstrate their impact. Similarly, the argument for healthcare could be strengthened with specific data or examples illustrating how healthcare investment leads to improved societal outcomes.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more concrete examples and evidence to support their claims. This could involve citing specific countries that have successfully invested in healthcare or education and the positive outcomes that resulted, thereby giving weight to their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the government’s spending priorities. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharpened, particularly in the discussion of the arts. Some sentences are somewhat convoluted, which can distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "the arts epitomize national identity" could be clearer and more directly tied to the overall argument about government spending.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should aim for clarity and conciseness in their sentences. Simplifying complex ideas and ensuring that each sentence directly relates to the main argument will help keep the essay on topic. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it could benefit from deeper exploration of ideas, clearer articulation of the writer’s position, and more precise language to enhance clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the introduction states that opinions differ but does not clearly delineate the two perspectives before diving into the discussion. The transition from discussing the arts to healthcare and education is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that prepares the reader for the shift in focus.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using a more structured approach in the introduction by explicitly stating the two viewpoints before discussing them. Additionally, employ transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal the shift in focus more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. However, the paragraphs could be further refined for clarity and effectiveness. For example, the first body paragraph contains several ideas that could be better organized. The mention of arts as entertainment and as a reflection of national identity feels somewhat jumbled and could benefit from clearer separation of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For instance, separate the discussion of arts as entertainment and as a national identity into two distinct sentences or even two separate paragraphs if necessary.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited and could be more varied. For example, phrases like "In addition" and "Moreover" are used, but the essay could benefit from a wider range of connectors to enhance the flow of ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," "However," and "Consequently." This will help create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical organization, refining paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "indispensable components," "national identity," and "social improvement." However, there are instances of repetition and a lack of variety in word choice. For example, the phrase "the government should spend more" is repeated without variation, which detracts from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeating "spend more," alternatives like "allocate additional resources" or "invest further" could be employed. Additionally, integrating more advanced vocabulary related to the arts, healthcare, and education would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "the government expenses a large amount of money," which should be "the government spends a large amount of money." The phrase "the arts are the indispensable components" is somewhat vague and could be more specific about what components are being referred to. Furthermore, "the arts epitomize national identity" could be clearer if it specified how they do so.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity. For instance, instead of saying "the arts have a huge of impacts," it would be better to say "the arts have a significant impact on cultural identity." Encouraging the use of context-specific terms will also help in conveying ideas more clearly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "povital" instead of "pivotal," "certain parts of the world" should be "certain parts of the world," and "far-reaching issues related well-being" which should be "far-reaching issues related to well-being." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify misspellings and awkward phrasing. Keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can also be beneficial.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and ensuring correct spelling—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria of the IELTS Task 2 essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, phrases like "the arts are not only a kind of entertainment but also national identity" show an attempt to use a compound structure effectively. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and unclear structures, such as "the government expenses a large amount of money on the arts," where "expenses" should be "spends." Additionally, the use of phrases like "the arts epitomize national identity, the arts of each countries show different factors" lacks proper coordination and could be better structured.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more complex sentences that incorporate subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "the arts are indispensable components," you could say, "the arts, which encompass various forms of expression, are indispensable components." Practicing sentence combining exercises and reading a variety of texts can also help in developing a broader range of structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "the government expenses a large amount of money" is incorrect; it should be "the government spends a large amount of money." Additionally, "the arts of each countries show different factors that only be figured in this country" contains grammatical errors, such as "each countries" (should be "each country") and "only be figured" (should be "can only be found"). Punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, also affect readability.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to review basic grammar rules, particularly subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises, focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation errors, allowing for corrections before finalizing the text. Utilizing grammar-checking tools may also provide immediate feedback on grammatical structures and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay shows an understanding of the topic and attempts to present both sides of the argument, improving grammatical accuracy and diversifying sentence structures will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary context, opinions differ as to whether the government should spend a significant amount of money on the arts or allocate more resources to healthcare and education. From my point of view, the latter argument should receive greater attention from the government.

On the one hand, the arts are indispensable components of society and have significant impacts on people’s daily lives. It is undeniable that the government’s investment in the arts is substantial. First, the arts serve not only as a form of entertainment but also as a reflection of national identity. The arts encompass various categories and are present in many aspects of human life, from museums to the virtual environment. They help people satisfy their needs for relaxation and stress relief after hectic days by providing appealing films and performances. Specifically, many residents in certain parts of the world consider the arts to be their sanctuary, as immersing themselves in the beauty and features of the arts allows them to remain optimistic during difficult circumstances. Additionally, the arts epitomize national identity; the artistic expressions of each country showcase unique factors that can only be found within that nation.

On the other hand, in this day and age, healthcare and education tend to be viewed as the most vital facets in many countries. It is clear that healthcare is a major contributor to people’s well-being, which can significantly impact the country’s prospects. Citizens should have access to healthcare services from the government to maximize their potential in various fields, thereby improving the country’s economy. Furthermore, residents can enjoy a healthy environment without any significant issues related to well-being. For instance, in some countries where healthcare is prioritized in government spending, the inhabitants often experience a stronger sense of community and greater optimism compared to those in other nations. Moreover, education is also a key to national development. Investment in education is crucial, as it invigorates the economy and enhances social development.

In conclusion, while it is undeniable that the government invests in the arts, healthcare, and education to promote national development, I believe that healthcare and education should receive a higher priority to improve the well-being of residents and secure long-term prospects for the country.