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In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think it is happening? How to solve this issue?

In many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think it is happening? How to solve this issue?

In all over the world, the quantity of flora and fauna is falling. In this essay, I will talk about some reasons and some ways to improve this problem.
First, fire forest causes many bad effects on both animals and plants. It seems to be very easy for a fire forest to happen. For example cigarette butts, SOMEONE will think that cigarette butts can not cause a fire forest but if people trash cigarette butts near a leaf, it can cause a small burnt which can bigger and bigger over time to become a fire forest. The fire destroys not only the big trees but also all the bushes and small plants. It can lead many animals to homelessness, which means fauna living in the forest will lose their natural habitat and they will die. To improve this issue, people must be careful to not trash anything that is too easy to burn near the forest.
Second, hunting makes species to endangered. Hunting is an action of people, which is killing animals for food and goods. For example, killing elephants for ivory or killing tigers for their leather. This action can make a strong decrease in the number of natural species and lead them to extinction. To solve this problem, the government should ban hunting with the animals in the Red Book. People should stop their hunting activities and keep in mind that fauna is friend not enemy.
In conclusion, protecting animals and plants from extinction is important and people should be active now to protect them.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "In all over the world" -> "Throughout the world"
    Explanation: Replacing "In all over the world" with "Throughout the world" provides a more formal and concise expression, adhering to academic style.

  2. "fire forest" -> "forest fire"
    Explanation: The term "forest fire" is more commonly used and aligns better with academic language conventions than "fire forest."

  3. "it seems to be very easy for a fire forest to happen" -> "forest fires can easily occur"
    Explanation: The revised phrase is more direct and avoids the informal construction "it seems to be very easy."

  4. "SOMEONE will think that" -> "Some individuals may argue that"
    Explanation: Substituting "SOMEONE will think that" with "Some individuals may argue that" introduces a more formal and less assumptive tone.

  5. "cigarette butts can not cause a fire forest" -> "cigarette butts may not seem to directly cause a forest fire"
    Explanation: The modification softens the assertion to align with academic caution, replacing "can not" with "may not seem to directly."

  6. "it can cause a small burnt" -> "it can ignite a small fire"
    Explanation: The term "burnt" is less formal; "ignite a small fire" is a more academically appropriate alternative.

  7. "which means fauna living in the forest will lose their natural habitat and they will die" -> "resulting in the displacement of fauna from their natural habitat, leading to potential mortality"
    Explanation: The revised sentence provides a more detailed and precise explanation, avoiding the overly simplistic "which means" construction.

  8. "people must be careful to not trash anything" -> "individuals must exercise caution not to discard anything"
    Explanation: The substitution introduces a more formal phrasing, replacing "be careful to not" with "exercise caution not to."

  9. "makes species to endangered" -> "pushes species towards endangerment"
    Explanation: The change to "pushes species towards endangerment" is more grammatically accurate and maintains a formal tone.

  10. "fauna is friend not enemy" -> "fauna are allies, not adversaries"
    Explanation: The alteration introduces a more sophisticated expression, replacing the informal "fauna is friend not enemy" with "fauna are allies, not adversaries."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the question, discussing reasons for the decline in the number of animals and plants and suggesting solutions. However, the explanations lack depth, and there is a need for more specific details and examples. The essay could benefit from a more comprehensive analysis of the issues raised in the prompt.

    • How to improve: To enhance task response, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the reasons and solutions. For instance, instead of a general statement about forest fires, delve into the impact of specific human activities, such as careless disposal of cigarette butts, on the occurrence of fires. Use concrete evidence and detailed explanations to support the points made.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position on the importance of protecting animals and plants from extinction. However, the overall stance lacks nuanced arguments, and the essay could benefit from a more sophisticated exploration of the complexities involved in addressing the issue.

    • How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, consider exploring opposing viewpoints and addressing potential counterarguments. This will demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and make the essay more persuasive. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contributes to reinforcing the central position.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about the causes of the decline in animal and plant populations and proposes solutions. However, the development of these ideas is limited, and there is a lack of elaboration on key points. Specific examples are mentioned, but they need more in-depth analysis.

    • How to improve: To enhance idea development, provide more detailed explanations, examples, and evidence. Instead of briefly mentioning the impact of hunting on endangered species, delve into specific cases or statistics to illustrate the severity of the issue. Strengthening the connection between ideas will contribute to a more coherent and persuasive essay.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing reasons for the decline in animal and plant populations and suggesting solutions. However, there are moments of vagueness, such as the mention of "someone" and the use of general terms like "bad effects" without specific details.

    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point directly relates to the prompt. Avoid vague language and provide precise details to strengthen the relevance of the content. Additionally, consider addressing potential counterarguments or alternative perspectives to demonstrate a well-rounded understanding of the topic.

In conclusion, while the essay addresses the prompt, there is room for improvement in depth of analysis, idea development, and precision of language. Expanding on specific examples and providing more detailed explanations will contribute to a more effective response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction clearly presents the topic, and each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the problem and its solution. However, the flow between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the transition from discussing forest fires to hunting feels a bit abrupt. Additionally, the conclusion could be more robust, summarizing key points from the body paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider creating smoother transitions between paragraphs. Develop a more cohesive conclusion that succinctly reinforces the main points discussed in the essay.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, each addressing a specific subtopic related to the overall theme. However, some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to guide the reader. The second paragraph, for example, introduces the impact of forest fires, but its opening could be more explicit in setting the focus.
    • How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. This helps readers anticipate the content and enhances the overall coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases ("First," "Second," "In conclusion") to guide the reader through the essay. However, the variety and effectiveness of cohesive devices could be improved. Additionally, more sophisticated cohesive devices, such as pronouns and parallel structures, could be incorporated for smoother transitions.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices, including pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures. This will create a more sophisticated and fluid connection between ideas, making the essay easier to follow. Pay attention to maintaining consistency in the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic organizational structure and use of paragraphs, there is room for improvement in creating smoother transitions and employing a wider range of cohesive devices. Strengthening these aspects will contribute to a more coherent and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While there are attempts to convey ideas using different words, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary further. For instance, the repetition of phrases like "fire forest" could be replaced with alternative terms such as "forest fires" or "wildfires" to enhance variety.
    • How to improve: To widen the range of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and exploring more nuanced expressions. Instead of frequently using "bad effects," you could employ alternatives like "negative consequences" or "adverse impacts." This will not only elevate the language but also showcase a more extensive lexical repertoire.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary usage. For instance, the phrase "flora and fauna" is quite broad and could be refined for better specificity. Providing specific examples of animals and plants would add precision and depth to the content.
    • How to improve: Aim for specificity in language use. Instead of the general term "flora and fauna," specify particular species or groups of plants and animals. This adds detail and clarity to your arguments. For instance, mention "oak trees" or "polar bears" instead of using generic terms.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "fire forest" instead of "forest fire" and inconsistent capitalization, like "SOMEONE." These errors, while not impeding overall comprehension, affect the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling and grammar conventions. Review and edit your work to correct errors. Consider using writing tools or spell-check software to identify and rectify spelling mistakes. Additionally, proofreading your essay before submission can help catch and fix these issues, contributing to a polished and accurate final product.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, there is room for improvement in terms of sentence variety and complexity. For instance, the essay tends to rely on simple sentence structures, which might limit the overall richness of expression. A more sophisticated use of compound and complex sentences can enhance the overall quality of writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences by combining related ideas. For example, instead of presenting ideas separately, try connecting them using subordinating conjunctions or relative clauses. This will not only elevate the writing style but also demonstrate a higher command of language.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays an overall satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues (e.g., "quantity of flora and fauna is falling"). Additionally, there are punctuation errors, including missing commas in compound sentences (e.g., "For example cigarette butts, SOMEONE will think").
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement to ensure grammatical accuracy. Review and revise sentences for proper punctuation, especially in complex structures. Utilize commas correctly in compound sentences to enhance clarity. Proofread the essay systematically to identify and rectify such errors, ensuring a smoother and more polished expression of ideas. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to reinforce accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy. To elevate the score further, focus on enhancing sentence variety and addressing specific grammatical and punctuation issues. Consistent proofreading and practicing different sentence structures will contribute to a more sophisticated and error-free writing style.

Bài sửa mẫu

Throughout the world, the population of flora and fauna is declining. In this essay, I will discuss some reasons and propose solutions to address this issue.

Firstly, forest fires have detrimental effects on both animals and plants. Forest fires can easily occur, and seemingly harmless items like cigarette butts may not seem to directly cause a forest fire. However, if people discard cigarette butts near dry leaves, it can ignite a small fire. This small fire can escalate over time, resulting in the displacement of fauna from their natural habitat, potentially leading to mortality. To tackle this issue, individuals must exercise caution not to discard anything that could easily catch fire near the forest, thereby preventing the occurrence of destructive fires.

Secondly, hunting contributes to the endangerment of species. Hunting, the act of killing animals for food and goods, poses a significant threat. For instance, killing elephants for ivory or tigers for their leather can lead to a sharp decline in the number of natural species, pushing them towards endangerment and extinction. To address this problem, the government should ban hunting of animals listed in the Red Book, a catalog of endangered species. It is crucial for people to cease their hunting activities and recognize that fauna are allies, not adversaries. Understanding the value of preserving these species is essential to their survival.

In conclusion, protecting animals and plants from extinction is of utmost importance, and people must take proactive measures to safeguard them. By being mindful of our actions, particularly in preventing forest fires and advocating for the protection of endangered species, we can contribute to the well-being of our planet’s biodiversity.

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