In the future, the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. Do you agree or disagree

While traditional shopping remains essential, I believe entertainment facilities will become the key attraction of malls in the future.It is understandable that some people would visit the shopping mall for shopping but the rapid growth of e-commerce is fundamentally transforming the way people shop. Consumers interested in convenience,so online shopping platforms is very common.It made them easier to purchase goods without leaving homes and they have a greatest prices.This change reduces for physical store,as consumers can easily find what they need with a few clicks.Most brands have online stores,which is easily to reach foreign customers.As a result,some brands has closed physical store.To opening physical store in shopping mall,brands have to some strategies.However,I agree with the point of view that shopping mall serve the entertainment purpose primarily in the future.To attracting consumers,shopping mall still developing entertainment activities.For instance, many malls have introduced cinemas, food courts,virtual reality games and even indoor theme parks to enhance customer experience.Shopping malls also decorate beautifully to attract customers to take photos.They seek opportunities for socializing, relaxation, and fun. These attractions create a social and entertaining environment that encourages people to visit malls even when they don’t have plans to shop.This transformation aligns with the concept of malls becoming "experiential destinations," where people visit for socializing and entertainment rather than solely for buying products.In conclusion,as shopping online continues to grow and consumers enjoy experiential activities. I believe entertainment will become the primary reason for people to visit shopping malls in the future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"entertainment facilities will become the key attraction" -> "entertainment facilities will become the primary draw"
Explanation: Replacing "key attraction" with "primary draw" refines the phrase to a more precise and formal academic term, enhancing the clarity and specificity of the statement.
"some people would visit the shopping mall for shopping" -> "some individuals visit shopping malls for shopping"
Explanation: Changing "would visit" to "visit" corrects the tense to the present, aligning with the rest of the essay’s present tense. Also, "individuals" is more formal than "people," which is preferred in academic writing.
"the rapid growth of e-commerce is fundamentally transforming" -> "the rapid growth of e-commerce fundamentally transforms"
Explanation: Changing "is transforming" to "transforms" corrects the verb form to match the present tense, enhancing the sentence’s grammatical accuracy and flow.
"Consumers interested in convenience,so online shopping platforms is very common" -> "Consumers seeking convenience find online shopping platforms very common"
Explanation: Replacing "interested in" with "seeking" and correcting "is" to "find" improves the sentence structure and clarity. "Find" is more appropriate in this context, indicating discovery rather than a statement of fact.
"This change reduces for physical store" -> "This change reduces the need for physical stores"
Explanation: Correcting "reduces for" to "reduces the need for" fixes a grammatical error and clarifies the meaning, specifying the impact on physical stores.
"they have a greatest prices" -> "they offer the best prices"
Explanation: Replacing "have a greatest prices" with "offer the best prices" corrects the grammatical error and uses more precise language, enhancing the formal tone.
"Most brands have online stores,which is easily to reach foreign customers" -> "Most brands have online stores, which are easily accessible to foreign customers"
Explanation: Correcting "is easily to reach" to "are easily accessible to" fixes grammatical errors and clarifies the meaning, improving the sentence’s readability and formality.
"some brands has closed physical store" -> "some brands have closed physical stores"
Explanation: Correcting "has" to "have" fixes the verb agreement error, and adding "s" to "stores" corrects the plural form.
"To opening physical store" -> "To opening physical stores"
Explanation: Adding "s" to "stores" corrects the plural form, ensuring grammatical accuracy.
"shopping mall serve the entertainment purpose primarily" -> "shopping malls serve primarily as entertainment destinations"
Explanation: Replacing "serve the entertainment purpose" with "serve primarily as entertainment destinations" refines the phrase to a more formal and precise expression, aligning with academic style.
"To attracting consumers" -> "to attract consumers"
Explanation: Correcting "attracting" to "attract" fixes the gerund form, aligning with the verb tense used in the sentence.
"shopping mall still developing entertainment activities" -> "shopping malls continue to develop entertainment activities"
Explanation: Changing "still developing" to "continue to develop" corrects the verb tense and form, enhancing the sentence’s grammatical accuracy and formality.
"They seek opportunities for socializing, relaxation, and fun" -> "They seek opportunities for socializing, relaxation, and leisure"
Explanation: Replacing "fun" with "leisure" provides a more formal alternative, suitable for academic writing.
"These attractions create a social and entertaining environment" -> "These attractions create a social and entertaining atmosphere"
Explanation: Replacing "environment" with "atmosphere" is more precise and commonly used in formal contexts to describe the ambiance of a place.
"I believe entertainment will become the primary reason" -> "I believe that entertainment will become the primary reason"
Explanation: Adding "that" after "I believe" corrects the grammatical structure, enhancing the sentence’s clarity and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by agreeing that entertainment will become the primary reason for visiting shopping malls in the future. The author discusses the decline of traditional shopping due to the rise of e-commerce, which is relevant to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both sides of the argument, as it primarily focuses on the entertainment aspect without thoroughly addressing the potential continued relevance of shopping.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly acknowledging the opposing viewpoint—that shopping will still play a significant role in mall visits. This could involve discussing how some consumers may still prefer the tactile experience of shopping or the social aspect of shopping with friends.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that entertainment will dominate the future of shopping malls. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing e-commerce to entertainment could be better articulated to reinforce the argument.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea. Additionally, transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument, making the position more coherent.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the transformation of shopping malls into entertainment hubs, such as the introduction of cinemas and theme parks. However, some points lack depth. For example, while the mention of virtual reality games is relevant, it could be further elaborated with specific examples or statistics to strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. Incorporating data or studies about consumer behavior trends could lend credibility to the claims. Additionally, the use of varied sentence structures could enhance the overall engagement of the writing.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the future role of entertainment in shopping malls. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly when discussing the decline of physical stores. This could distract from the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the thesis. It may be helpful to outline the main argument before writing to ensure all points are relevant and contribute to the overall message. Keeping the discussion tightly aligned with the prompt will strengthen the essay’s focus.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, it could benefit from more balanced exploration, clearer transitions, deeper support for ideas, and tighter focus on the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that entertainment will become the primary reason for visiting shopping malls in the future. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the subsequent paragraphs provide supporting points. However, the logical flow is occasionally disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear connections between ideas. For instance, the shift from discussing e-commerce to the role of entertainment in malls could be smoother. The essay tends to jump between ideas without fully developing each point before moving on.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences for each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, employ transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In contrast," "Moreover") to guide the reader through the argument and clarify the relationships between different points.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is divided into paragraphs, which is a positive aspect. However, some paragraphs are overly long and contain multiple ideas that could be better served by being split into separate paragraphs. For example, the paragraph discussing the impact of e-commerce on shopping could be divided into two: one focusing on the rise of online shopping and another on its effects on physical stores. This would enhance readability and allow for a more in-depth exploration of each idea.
- How to improve: Aim for a clear structure where each paragraph addresses a single main idea. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. This not only helps in organizing thoughts but also makes it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however" and "for instance," which help in linking ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas are weak. For example, the phrase "To opening physical store in shopping mall, brands have to some strategies" lacks clarity and cohesion, making it difficult for the reader to understand the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. Consider using devices that indicate contrast (e.g., "on the other hand," "in contrast"), addition (e.g., "additionally," "furthermore"), and cause-effect relationships (e.g., "as a result," "consequently"). Additionally, ensure that sentences are grammatically correct and clearly convey the intended meaning, as this will enhance overall cohesion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices can elevate the score further. Focus on clarity, coherence, and the effective use of transitions to strengthen the overall presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "e-commerce," "convenience," and "experiential destinations." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "shopping mall" and "entertainment." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "shopping mall," you could use "retail center," "commercial complex," or "shopping venue." Additionally, phrases like "entertainment facilities" could be varied with "leisure activities" or "recreational options."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "greatest prices," which should be "best prices." The phrase "to opening physical store" is grammatically incorrect and should be revised to "to open physical stores." Additionally, "for physical store" should be "for physical stores."
- How to improve: Focus on ensuring that vocabulary is used correctly in context. Reviewing grammar rules related to verb forms and pluralization will help. For example, instead of "has closed physical store," it should be "have closed physical stores." Regular practice with vocabulary exercises can also help in using words more accurately.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "so" instead of "that," "greatest" instead of "best," and "to attracting" instead of "to attract." These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to read through the essay specifically for spelling and grammatical errors. Additionally, using spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can be beneficial. Practicing writing regularly will also help reinforce correct spelling through repetition.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and some complex sentences. For example, the use of "While traditional shopping remains essential, I believe entertainment facilities will become the key attraction of malls in the future" showcases a complex structure. However, many sentences are quite basic and lack variety, such as "It is understandable that some people would visit the shopping mall for shopping." This repetition of structure can lead to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that use subordinate clauses or varying the sentence beginnings. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "I believe" or "As a result," try starting with adverbial phrases or using participial phrases. For example, "Given the rise of e-commerce, many consumers now prefer shopping online" could replace a simpler structure.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For instance, "so online shopping platforms is very common" contains a subject-verb agreement error; it should be "are very common." Additionally, there are missing commas, such as after "future" in the first sentence and before "which" in "most brands have online stores, which is easily to reach foreign customers." The phrase "they have a greatest prices" is incorrect and should be "they have the greatest prices."
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly in subject-verb agreement and article usage. Practicing sentence combining and restructuring can also help in reducing errors. Additionally, focusing on punctuation rules, such as the use of commas in complex sentences and lists, will improve clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and punctuation mistakes.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

While traditional shopping remains essential, I believe that entertainment facilities will become the key attraction of malls in the future. It is understandable that some individuals visit shopping malls for shopping, but the rapid growth of e-commerce is fundamentally transforming the way people shop. Consumers seeking convenience find online shopping platforms very common. This change has made it easier to purchase goods without leaving home, and they often offer the best prices. As a result, this shift reduces the need for physical stores, as consumers can easily find what they need with just a few clicks. Most brands have online stores, which are easily accessible to foreign customers. Consequently, some brands have closed their physical stores. To open physical stores in shopping malls, brands need to implement effective strategies.

However, I agree with the viewpoint that shopping malls will primarily serve entertainment purposes in the future. To attract consumers, shopping malls continue to develop entertainment activities. For instance, many malls have introduced cinemas, food courts, virtual reality games, and even indoor theme parks to enhance the customer experience. Shopping malls are also beautifully decorated to encourage customers to take photos. People seek opportunities for socializing, relaxation, and fun. These attractions create a social and entertaining atmosphere that encourages individuals to visit malls even when they don’t have plans to shop. This transformation aligns with the concept of malls becoming “experiential destinations,” where people visit for socializing and entertainment rather than solely for purchasing products.

In conclusion, as online shopping continues to grow and consumers increasingly enjoy experiential activities, I believe that entertainment will become the primary reason for people to visit shopping malls in the future.