In the past, knowledge was contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is uploaded to the Internet. Do the advantages of this outweigh dis?

One school of thought holds that today’s knowledge is not only contained entirely in books but has also been posted on the internet. While this admittedly has certain drawbacks, I would argue that the benefits are far more significant.
On the one hand, uploading knowledge to the internet can be detrimental to a certain extent. One prominent disadvantage is that the posted information has not been carefully censored. As a result, this harms people who do not have logical thinking or critical thinking to accept false information. This will also affect public awareness, especially principal information related to law or health. For instance, the globally popular information website Wikipedia can edit posted information; therefore, sometimes there are confusions and misleading information causing controversy. In addition, the distribution of pirated publications also supports this argument. By doing this, it will affect the revenue of the publisher and the author. This is considered intellectual copyright infringement. However, this can be resolved once the government puts in place measures to protect online information as well as laws to protect the rights of authors.
On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks pale in significance when compared to the glaring benefits of uploading data to the internet. One major advantage is that the internet offers unparalleled efficiency and accessibility. Individuals can access information rapidly with a simple click and data can be reached anytime and anywhere. On the contrary with the past, people used to have to spend many hours going to the library and looking for information in books. This is compounded by the fact that today is the era of digital transition. This is an environmental protection measure by reducing the use of resources to produce paper, which will help reduce natural disasters.
To summarize, despite certain downsides that uploading knowledge to the internet may be faced with copyright infringement and rife with fabricated news can confer. I would contend that the advantages are far more pronounced.

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Errors and Improvements:

"One school of thought holds that today’s knowledge is not only contained entirely in books but has also been posted on the internet." -> "One perspective posits that contemporary knowledge is not confined solely to books but is also disseminated through the internet."
Explanation: Replacing "One school of thought holds" with "One perspective posits" maintains formality and avoids the colloquial connotation of "school of thought." Additionally, "posted on the internet" is replaced with "disseminated through the internet" for a more formal tone.
"While this admittedly has certain drawbacks, I would argue that the benefits are far more significant." -> "Despite its acknowledged drawbacks, I contend that the benefits outweigh them significantly."
Explanation: "While this admittedly has certain drawbacks" is replaced with "Despite its acknowledged drawbacks" for a more formal expression. "I would argue" is replaced with "I contend" for a stronger assertion.
"On the one hand, uploading knowledge to the internet can be detrimental to a certain extent." -> "Firstly, uploading knowledge to the internet may have certain detrimental effects."
Explanation: The phrase "On the one hand" is replaced with "Firstly" for a more structured and formal introduction of arguments.
"One prominent disadvantage is that the posted information has not been carefully censored." -> "One notable disadvantage is the lack of careful curation of posted information."
Explanation: "Prominent" is replaced with "notable" for a more formal and precise description. "Carefully censored" is replaced with "careful curation" to convey the idea more academically.
"As a result, this harms people who do not have logical thinking or critical thinking to accept false information." -> "Consequently, individuals lacking logical or critical thinking skills may be susceptible to misinformation."
Explanation: The phrase "this harms people" is replaced with "individuals may be susceptible to misinformation" for clarity and formality.
"This will also affect public awareness, especially principal information related to law or health." -> "This can also impact public awareness, particularly crucial information pertaining to law or health."
Explanation: "Principal information" is replaced with "crucial information" for a more precise and formal expression.
"For instance, the globally popular information website Wikipedia can edit posted information; therefore, sometimes there are confusions and misleading information causing controversy." -> "For example, the widely accessed information repository Wikipedia allows for the editing of posted content, leading to occasional confusion and controversy due to misinformation."
Explanation: "Globally popular information website" is replaced with "widely accessed information repository" for a more formal and precise description. "Confusions and misleading information causing controversy" is revised to "confusion and controversy due to misinformation" for clarity and formality.
"In addition, the distribution of pirated publications also supports this argument." -> "Furthermore, the dissemination of pirated publications reinforces this argument."
Explanation: "Supports this argument" is replaced with "reinforces this argument" for a stronger and more formal assertion.
"By doing this, it will affect the revenue of the publisher and the author." -> "Such actions can significantly impact the revenue of both publishers and authors."
Explanation: "By doing this, it will affect" is replaced with "Such actions can significantly impact" for clarity and formality.
"However, this can be resolved once the government puts in place measures to protect online information as well as laws to protect the rights of authors." -> "Nevertheless, this issue can be mitigated through the implementation of governmental measures to safeguard online information and enact laws protecting authors’ rights."
Explanation: "Once the government puts in place measures" is replaced with "through the implementation of governmental measures" for a more formal and structured expression.
"On the other hand, I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks pale in significance when compared to the glaring benefits of uploading data to the internet." -> "Conversely, I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks are outweighed by the substantial benefits of uploading data to the internet."
Explanation: "On the other hand" is replaced with "Conversely" for variety and formality. "Pale in significance" is replaced with "are outweighed" for a stronger assertion.
"One major advantage is that the internet offers unparalleled efficiency and accessibility." -> "A significant advantage is the unparalleled efficiency and accessibility offered by the internet."
Explanation: "One major advantage" is replaced with "A significant advantage" for variety and formality.
"On the contrary with the past, people used to have to spend many hours going to the library and looking for information in books." -> "In contrast to the past, individuals previously spent extensive hours visiting libraries and searching for information in books."
Explanation: "On the contrary with the past" is replaced with "In contrast to the past" for a more formal expression. "People used to have to" is replaced with "individuals previously spent" for clarity and formality.
"This is compounded by the fact that today is the era of digital transition." -> "This phenomenon is exacerbated by the current era of digital transition."
Explanation: "Compounded by the fact that" is replaced with "exacerbated by the current era of" for a more formal expression.
"This is an environmental protection measure by reducing the use of resources to produce paper, which will help reduce natural disasters." -> "This serves as an environmental conservation measure by diminishing the consumption of resources for paper production, thereby contributing to the mitigation of natural disasters."
Explanation: "Environmental protection measure" is replaced with "environmental conservation measure" for precision. "Reducing the use of resources to produce paper" is replaced with "diminishing the consumption of resources for paper production" for clarity and formality.
"To summarize, despite certain downsides that uploading knowledge to the internet may be faced with copyright infringement and rife with fabricated news can confer. I would contend that the advantages are far more pronounced." -> "In conclusion, while uploading knowledge to the internet may entail challenges such as copyright infringement and the proliferation of fabricated news, I maintain that its benefits far outweigh these drawbacks."
Explanation: "To summarize" is replaced with "In conclusion" for a more formal transition. "May be faced with copyright infringement and rife with fabricated news can confer" is replaced with "may entail challenges such as copyright infringement and the proliferation of fabricated news" for clarity. "I would contend" is replaced with "I maintain" for a stronger assertion.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both sides of the argument presented in the prompt. It acknowledges both advantages and disadvantages of uploading knowledge to the internet, although the discussion of disadvantages could be more comprehensive. The writer correctly identifies the potential drawbacks, such as the lack of censorship leading to the spread of false information and copyright infringement issues.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into the disadvantages, providing more specific examples and possibly exploring additional concerns related to the prompt, such as the impact on traditional forms of education or cultural implications. Ensuring that each aspect of the question is thoroughly explored will strengthen the essay’s Task Response score.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of uploading knowledge to the internet outweigh the disadvantages. This stance is evident from the introduction to the conclusion, with the writer consistently arguing in favor of the benefits of internet accessibility and efficiency.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, the writer could explicitly state their position in the introduction to ensure that the reader immediately understands the essay’s stance. Additionally, reinforcing the position throughout the body paragraphs with stronger topic sentences and transitions can help maintain coherence and coherence.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas related to both the advantages and disadvantages of uploading knowledge to the internet. Examples are provided to support these ideas, such as referencing Wikipedia and discussing the efficiency and accessibility of online information.
- How to improve: To extend and support ideas further, the writer could incorporate more specific examples and evidence to bolster their arguments. Providing statistics, studies, or expert opinions could strengthen the credibility of the essay and offer more compelling support for the points made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of uploading knowledge to the internet as prompted. However, there are moments where the discussion slightly veers off track, such as when addressing environmental protection measures. While related to the broader theme of technology’s impact, this tangent could be seen as somewhat tangential to the main focus of the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus on the topic, it’s important to ensure that all examples and arguments directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of knowledge dissemination via the internet. Avoiding tangents and staying closely aligned with the prompt will help strengthen the overall coherence and relevance of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs presenting contrasting views on the advantages and disadvantages of uploading knowledge to the internet. Finally, a conclusion summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer’s opinion. Each paragraph contains clear topic sentences and supporting details, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains a logical structure, ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs could further enhance coherence. Consider using transitional phrases or sentences to connect ideas between paragraphs more explicitly. Additionally, providing a stronger connection between the disadvantages discussed in the first body paragraph and the benefits mentioned in the second paragraph could strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and presents cohesive arguments. The introduction and conclusion are appropriately structured, providing context and summarizing the main points, respectively. Within body paragraphs, the writer maintains a clear topic sentence followed by supporting evidence or examples.
- How to improve: To further improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph maintains a consistent focus and develops a single main idea. This can be achieved by avoiding tangential information and ensuring that all sentences within a paragraph contribute to the central argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Examples include transitional phrases such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which signal shifts between contrasting viewpoints. Additionally, cohesive devices such as pronouns ("this," "these") and demonstratives ("such as," "for instance") are used effectively to reference previous points and provide examples.
- How to improve: While the essay demonstrates proficiency in using cohesive devices, incorporating a wider range of transitional phrases and connectors could enhance coherence further. Consider using cohesive devices such as "moreover," "furthermore," and "in addition" to add depth and complexity to the connections between ideas. Additionally, pay attention to the placement of cohesive devices to ensure that they facilitate smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, employing terms such as "censored," "logical thinking," "critical thinking," "misleading information," "controversy," "intellectual copyright infringement," "unparalleled efficiency," "accessibility," "digital transition," and "fabricated news." These lexical choices contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic and indicate a breadth of vocabulary knowledge.
- How to improve: While the essay already showcases a strong vocabulary repertoire, further enrichment could be achieved by incorporating more sophisticated synonyms and expressions. This could involve utilizing advanced vocabulary related to the topic of intellectual property rights, technological advancements, or societal implications of digitalization.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For instance, phrases like "carefully censored," "fabricated news," and "intellectual copyright infringement" demonstrate an understanding of nuanced vocabulary. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise, such as in the phrase "principal information related to law or health," where "principal" could be replaced with "critical" or "essential" for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, consider using vocabulary that precisely captures the intended meaning without ambiguity. This could involve selecting words that convey specific nuances or shades of meaning, thereby strengthening the clarity and impact of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of spelling accuracy, with few discernible errors. However, there are minor instances of misspelled words, such as "dis" instead of "disadvantages," "misleading" spelled as "misleading," and "copyright" misspelled as "copywright." These errors, while infrequent, slightly detract from the overall professionalism of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spell-checking tools and proofreading thoroughly before finalizing the essay. Additionally, reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can help reinforce spelling proficiency and minimize errors in future writing endeavors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, there are instances of complex sentences such as, "One prominent disadvantage is that the posted information has not been carefully censored," which effectively convey the author’s ideas with clarity and sophistication. However, there is some room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures, as certain structures are repeated throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences, using participial phrases or gerund phrases for sentence openers, and varying the length of sentences to create a more engaging rhythm. Additionally, strive to utilize rhetorical devices such as parallelism or antithesis to add depth to your writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where grammatical errors and punctuation inaccuracies occur. For instance, in the sentence, "While this admittedly has certain drawbacks, I would argue that the benefits are far more significant," there should be a comma after "While" to separate the introductory clause. Additionally, in the sentence, "This is an environmental protection measure by reducing the use of resources to produce paper, which will help reduce natural disasters," the phrase "by reducing the use of resources to produce paper" is awkwardly placed and could be rephrased for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is essential to review common grammatical rules and punctuation conventions. Proofreading your writing carefully can help identify and correct errors before submission. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools to refine your writing further.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, with room for refinement in sentence structure variety and minor improvements in grammar and punctuation accuracy. Keep practicing and refining your writing skills to continue progressing.

Bài sửa mẫu

One perspective suggests that contemporary knowledge is not confined solely to books but is also disseminated through the internet. Despite its acknowledged drawbacks, I contend that the benefits outweigh them significantly.

Firstly, uploading knowledge to the internet may have certain detrimental effects. One notable disadvantage is the lack of careful curation of posted information. Consequently, individuals lacking logical or critical thinking skills may be susceptible to misinformation. This can also impact public awareness, particularly crucial information pertaining to law or health. For example, the widely accessed information repository Wikipedia allows for the editing of posted content, leading to occasional confusion and controversy due to misinformation. Furthermore, the dissemination of pirated publications reinforces this argument. Such actions can significantly impact the revenue of both publishers and authors. Nevertheless, this issue can be mitigated through the implementation of governmental measures to safeguard online information and enact laws protecting authors’ rights.

Conversely, I am convinced that the aforementioned drawbacks are outweighed by the substantial benefits of uploading data to the internet. A significant advantage is the unparalleled efficiency and accessibility offered by the internet. In contrast to the past, individuals previously spent extensive hours visiting libraries and searching for information in books. This phenomenon is exacerbated by the current era of digital transition. This serves as an environmental conservation measure by diminishing the consumption of resources for paper production, thereby contributing to the mitigation of natural disasters.

In conclusion, while uploading knowledge to the internet may entail challenges such as copyright infringement and the proliferation of fabricated news, I maintain that its benefits far outweigh these drawbacks.