In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays, people store knowledge on the internet.

Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In earlier years, knowledge was primarily stored in books. Over a period, knowledge is now overwhelmingly stored through the internet. From my perspective, the merits absolutely outweigh the demerits.
Despite those benefits of the conventional way of storing information, I believe that archiving insights in books is no longer suitable for our modern society anymore. One remarkable drawback is that the lifespan of a printed book is affected due to several factors including time, environment, paper but predominantly depending on proper care. For example, hardcover books tend to be printed on better quality paper than softcover ones. Therefore, their condition and lifespan are ensured over a period. At the same time, if these paperback books are well treated, such as using protective covers immediately upon receipt, they can last longer than others. There are also a range of ways to protect books from wearing away over time. However, the average life expectancy of books can not match the perpetual accessibilities of the internet.
On the other hand, there are a variety of merits of preserving knowledge online. Firstly, It is obvious that stored information on the internet always comes in handy and reaches to wide individuals. It becomes more effortless to access an online network everywhere, every time just through technological devices connected to wifi. Moreover, people from around the world can update the same information equally and also reduce the geographical barriers among nations. Secondly, knowledge archived on digital networks is likely to protect the environment and shrink disposal waste annually. For instance, it is recorded that the amount of waste from the paper industry accounted for 1,5 billion tons in Vietnam, according to VPPA statistics. This is also an alarming figure that the government and authorities should warrant consideration. However, with a development of digital technology, newspapers and magazines now will be transformed into an online form of them. As a result, there might be significant alternatives that will change our world astonishingly.
To conclude, utilizing the internet to store information confers numerous benefits to our daily life and the planet, covering enhanced accessibility and environmental protection, clearly outweigh the drawbacks.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In earlier years" -> "In the past"
   Explanation: "In the past" is a more formal and precise temporal reference than "In earlier years," which is somewhat vague and less commonly used in academic writing.

2. "Over a period" -> "Over time"
   Explanation: "Over time" is a more natural and commonly used phrase in academic contexts to describe gradual changes or developments over a prolonged period.

3. "the merits absolutely outweigh the demerits" -> "the benefits significantly outweigh the drawbacks"
   Explanation: "Benefits" and "drawbacks" are more precise and commonly used in academic writing than "merits" and "demerits," which can sound somewhat archaic and less formal.

4. "archiving insights in books is no longer suitable" -> "the archiving of insights in books is no longer suitable"
   Explanation: Adding "the" before "archiving of insights" clarifies the noun phrase and enhances the formal tone.

5. "a printed book is affected" -> "printed books are affected"
   Explanation: Using "printed books" instead of "a printed book" corrects the grammatical number agreement and makes the sentence more precise.

6. "paper but predominantly depending on proper care" -> "paper, primarily dependent on proper care"
   Explanation: "Primarily dependent" is more grammatically correct and formal than "predominantly depending," which is awkwardly phrased.

7. "hardcover books tend to be printed on better quality paper" -> "hardcover books are typically printed on higher-quality paper"
   Explanation: "Typically" and "higher-quality" are more precise and formal than "tend to be" and "better quality," respectively.

8. "the average life expectancy of books can not match" -> "the average lifespan of books cannot match"
   Explanation: "Lifespan" is the correct term for the duration of something’s existence, and "cannot" is the correct form of the contraction in formal writing.

9. "perpetual accessibilities" -> "perpetual accessibility"
   Explanation: "Accessibility" should be singular when referring to the quality of being accessible, not plural.

10. "comes in handy" -> "is readily available"
    Explanation: "Is readily available" is a more formal and precise way to describe ease of access compared to the colloquial "comes in handy."

11. "reaches to wide individuals" -> "reaches a wide range of individuals"
    Explanation: "A wide range of" is grammatically correct and more formal than "reaches to wide individuals."

12. "It becomes more effortless" -> "It becomes more effortless"
    Explanation: "Effortless" should be "more effortless" to maintain grammatical consistency and formality.

13. "just through technological devices connected to wifi" -> "simply through devices connected to Wi-Fi"
    Explanation: "Simply" is more formal than "just," and "Wi-Fi" should be capitalized as it is a proper noun.

14. "shrink disposal waste annually" -> "reduce annual waste disposal"
    Explanation: "Reduce annual waste disposal" is grammatically correct and clearer than "shrink disposal waste annually."

15. "according to VPPA statistics" -> "according to statistics from VPPA"
    Explanation: "From" is more appropriate than "according to" when specifying the source of statistics.

16. "will be transformed into an online form of them" -> "will be transformed into their online forms"
    Explanation: "Their online forms" is grammatically correct and clearer than "an online form of them."

17. "will change our world astonishingly" -> "will significantly change our world"
    Explanation: "Significantly" is more formal and appropriate than "astonishingly," which is overly emotional for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of storing knowledge on the internet compared to traditional books. The author acknowledges the merits of both methods but ultimately argues that the benefits of online storage outweigh the drawbacks. The discussion of the lifespan of books as a disadvantage is relevant, but it could be more explicitly linked to the overall argument about the advantages of the internet.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the author could provide a more balanced exploration of the disadvantages of internet storage, such as issues related to misinformation or digital divide. This would demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic and strengthen the argument that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the advantages of storing knowledge online outweigh the disadvantages. The phrase "the merits absolutely outweigh the demerits" sets a strong tone for the argument. However, the transition between discussing the disadvantages of books and the advantages of the internet could be smoother to reinforce the author’s stance.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the author could use transitional phrases that explicitly connect the discussion of disadvantages to the subsequent advantages. For example, after discussing the drawbacks of books, a sentence like "In contrast, the internet offers solutions to these issues" would help maintain a clear and consistent position.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the advantages of internet storage, such as accessibility and environmental benefits. The use of specific examples, like the statistic about paper waste in Vietnam, adds depth to the argument. However, some ideas, particularly the environmental benefits, could be further developed to enhance the overall argument.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author could elaborate on the environmental impact of digital storage beyond just mentioning waste reduction. Discussing how digital storage can lead to less deforestation or lower carbon footprints would provide a more robust argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between storing knowledge in books and online. However, there are moments where the discussion of books feels somewhat tangential, particularly when detailing the care of books. While relevant, it could be more concise and directly tied back to the main argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that every point made directly contributes to the central argument. Reducing the length of the discussion on book care and emphasizing how these points relate to the internet’s advantages would help keep the essay tightly aligned with the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. With some refinements in the areas of balance, clarity, and depth of support, it could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both the disadvantages of books and the advantages of the internet, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, moving from the drawbacks of traditional knowledge storage to the benefits of digital storage. However, the transition between discussing the disadvantages and advantages could be smoother. For example, the shift from the lifespan of books to the merits of online storage feels somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear linking statement that ties the two sections together.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, after discussing the drawbacks of books, a sentence like, "In contrast, the digital age offers numerous advantages that address these limitations," would create a smoother transition.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, making it easier for the reader to follow. However, the first body paragraph could be more focused; it mixes several ideas about the lifespan of books without a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. Additionally, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer sub-points to enhance readability.
  • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. For example, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "While books have historically been a reliable source of knowledge, they face significant limitations in today’s digital world." This would help clarify the focus of the paragraph. Furthermore, consider breaking down complex ideas into smaller, more digestible parts within the paragraphs.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "On the other hand," and "To conclude," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be stronger. For example, the phrase "However, with a development of digital technology" could be better integrated with the preceding sentence to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To diversify and strengthen the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "Conversely" to introduce new ideas or contrast points. Also, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help maintain cohesion throughout the essay. For example, instead of repeating "the internet," you could refer to it as "this medium" in subsequent sentences.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph structures, and a more varied use of cohesive devices, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as "archiving insights," "perpetual accessibilities," and "geographical barriers." The use of phrases like "merits absolutely outweigh the demerits" shows an attempt to use varied expressions. However, some vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive, particularly the use of "knowledge" and "information," which could have been substituted with synonyms to enhance variety.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer could incorporate more synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeatedly using "knowledge" and "information," alternatives like "data," "insights," or "wisdom" could be used. Additionally, using phrases like "digital resources" or "online databases" could diversify the vocabulary further.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of precise vocabulary, such as "lifespan," "environment," and "accessibility," which are appropriate for the context. However, there are also instances of imprecise usage, such as "the average life expectancy of books can not match the perpetual accessibilities of the internet." The phrase "perpetual accessibilities" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choices. For instance, instead of "perpetual accessibilities," a clearer phrase like "constant availability" could be used. Additionally, reviewing the context of vocabulary choices and ensuring they fit the intended meaning will help improve precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with only a few minor errors. However, there is a notable error in "1,5 billion tons," where the comma should be a period for standard English numerical formatting. Additionally, the phrase "the average life expectancy of books can not match" should be corrected to "cannot" as one word.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, focusing on numerical formats and commonly confused words. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors that might be overlooked during initial writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary and generally effective spelling, there are areas for improvement in variety, precision, and accuracy that could elevate the Lexical Resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of phrases like "In earlier years" and "On the other hand" effectively transitions between ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "knowledge" and "books," which could be varied to enhance the flow. The sentence "However, with a development of digital technology, newspapers and magazines now will be transformed into an online form of them" is somewhat awkwardly constructed and could be simplified for clarity.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more introductory phrases or clauses to vary the rhythm of the writing. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "knowledge" or "books," you could rephrase some sentences to begin with adverbial phrases or dependent clauses. Additionally, practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones to improve the overall flow and coherence.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, the phrase "the lifespan of a printed book is affected due to several factors including time, environment, paper but predominantly depending on proper care" is convoluted and could be clearer with better punctuation. The use of "1,5 billion tons" is incorrect in English, where it should be "1.5 billion tons." Additionally, the phrase "the average life expectancy of books can not match the perpetual accessibilities of the internet" should be revised to "cannot" as one word.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors, particularly with conjunctions and punctuation. Pay attention to the placement of commas, especially in lists and before conjunctions in compound sentences. Additionally, reviewing the rules for decimal notation in English will help avoid numerical errors. Engaging in grammar exercises focusing on common pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, can also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the identified weaknesses will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In earlier years, knowledge was primarily stored in books. Over time, knowledge is now overwhelmingly stored on the internet. From my perspective, the merits absolutely outweigh the demerits.

Despite the benefits of the conventional way of storing information, I believe that archiving insights in books is no longer suitable for our modern society. One remarkable drawback is that the lifespan of a printed book is affected by several factors, including time, environment, and paper, but predominantly depends on proper care. For example, hardcover books tend to be printed on higher-quality paper than softcover ones. Therefore, their condition and lifespan are ensured over time. At the same time, if these paperback books are well treated, such as by using protective covers immediately upon receipt, they can last longer than others. There are also a range of ways to protect books from wearing away over time. However, the average lifespan of books cannot match the perpetual accessibility of the internet.

On the other hand, there are a variety of merits to preserving knowledge online. Firstly, it is obvious that stored information on the internet always comes in handy and reaches a wide range of individuals. It becomes more effortless to access an online network everywhere, at any time, simply through devices connected to Wi-Fi. Moreover, people from around the world can update the same information equally and also reduce the geographical barriers among nations. Secondly, knowledge archived on digital networks is likely to protect the environment and reduce annual waste disposal. For instance, it is recorded that the amount of waste from the paper industry accounted for 1.5 billion tons in Vietnam, according to VPPA statistics. This is also an alarming figure that the government and authorities should warrant consideration. However, with the development of digital technology, newspapers and magazines will now be transformed into their online forms. As a result, there might be significant alternatives that will change our world astonishingly.

To conclude, utilizing the internet to store information confers numerous benefits to our daily life and the planet, covering enhanced accessibility and environmental protection, which clearly outweigh the drawbacks.