It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife,while there are other problems that are more imprtant? do you agree or disagree

Many people argue that governments allocate too much money to wildlife protection projects, claiming that there are more pressing issues, such as poverty and healthcare. While I understand these concerns, I
believe that protecting wildlife is essential and should not be seen as a lesser priority.
First, wildlife plays a crucial role in maintaining ecological balance. Healthy ecosystems provide clean air and water, contribute to agriculture, and support biodiversity. When governments invest in wildlife protection, they are also investing in the health of the planet, which ultimately benefits all of us.
Second, many communities rely on wildlife for their livelihoods, especially in tourism and agriculture. Protecting wildlife can lead to economic opportunities, creating jobs and supporting local economies. For instance, national parks attract tourists, which can bring significant revenue to nearby areas.
However, I agree that governments should balance their budgets. While it is important to address issues like poverty and healthcare, neglecting wildlife can have long-term negative effects. Therefore, a balanced approach is necessary, where wildlife protection is part of a broader strategy that includes social and economic issues.
In conclusion, I believe that investing in wildlife protection is important and can coexist with addressing other pressing problems. Protecting our environment is ultimately an investment in our future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people argue" -> "It is often contended"
Explanation: "It is often contended" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an argumentative statement, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"claiming that" -> "asserting that"
Explanation: "Asserting that" is more formal and precise than "claiming that," which is somewhat informal and vague in an academic context.
"I believe" -> "it is argued"
Explanation: Using "it is argued" instead of "I believe" shifts the focus from personal opinion to a more objective, academic stance, which is preferred in formal writing.
"protecting wildlife is essential" -> "the protection of wildlife is crucial"
Explanation: "The protection of wildlife is crucial" uses a more formal structure and emphasizes the importance of the action, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"should not be seen as a lesser priority" -> "should not be relegated to a lower priority"
Explanation: "Should not be relegated to a lower priority" is a more precise and formal way to express the idea that something should not be considered less important than others.
"Healthy ecosystems provide clean air and water" -> "Ecosystems in good health provide clean air and water"
Explanation: "Ecosystems in good health" is a more precise and scientifically accurate way to describe the condition of ecosystems, enhancing the technical credibility of the statement.
"When governments invest in wildlife protection" -> "When governments allocate funds to wildlife conservation"
Explanation: "Allocate funds to wildlife conservation" is more specific and formal, aligning better with the context of budgeting and resource allocation in government policies.
"many communities rely on wildlife for their livelihoods" -> "numerous communities depend on wildlife for their livelihoods"
Explanation: "Numerous communities depend on wildlife for their livelihoods" uses more precise language and avoids the casual tone of "many," which is less formal.
"Protecting wildlife can lead to economic opportunities" -> "Wildlife conservation can generate economic opportunities"
Explanation: "Wildlife conservation can generate economic opportunities" is more specific and formal, focusing on the action of conservation rather than the more general term "protecting wildlife."
"For instance, national parks attract tourists" -> "For example, national parks attract tourists"
Explanation: "For example" is a more formal transitional phrase than "For instance," which is slightly less formal and more conversational.
"can bring significant revenue" -> "can yield substantial revenue"
Explanation: "Can yield substantial revenue" is a more formal expression, enhancing the academic tone and precision of the economic discussion.
"a balanced approach is necessary" -> "a balanced strategy is imperative"
Explanation: "A balanced strategy is imperative" uses more formal language and emphasizes the urgency of the need for balance, which is more suitable for an academic essay.
"Protecting our environment is ultimately an investment in our future" -> "Environmental protection is ultimately an investment in our collective future"
Explanation: "Environmental protection is ultimately an investment in our collective future" broadens the scope to include all people, making the statement more inclusive and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting an argument in favor of wildlife protection while acknowledging the existence of other pressing issues like poverty and healthcare. However, it does not fully explore the counterargument regarding the excessive spending on wildlife protection projects. The essay mentions the importance of wildlife protection but lacks a thorough analysis of why some may view it as less important compared to other issues. This results in an incomplete response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay should explicitly outline the opposing viewpoint in more detail. This could involve discussing specific examples of how government funds could be redirected towards pressing social issues, thereby strengthening the argument against excessive spending on wildlife projects. Additionally, a more balanced discussion that weighs both sides could provide a more comprehensive answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of wildlife protection, stating that it is essential and should not be seen as a lesser priority. However, the introduction of the idea that a balanced approach is necessary may create some ambiguity regarding the author’s stance. The phrase "I agree that governments should balance their budgets" could suggest a concession that undermines the strength of the initial position.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the author should consistently reinforce their main argument throughout the essay. This could be achieved by framing the discussion around wildlife protection as a priority while acknowledging other issues as secondary concerns rather than suggesting a balance. Clear transitions between points can also help maintain a strong position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some relevant ideas, such as the ecological benefits of wildlife and the economic opportunities tied to wildlife tourism. However, these points are not fully developed or supported with concrete examples or data. For instance, while mentioning that national parks attract tourists, the essay could benefit from specific statistics or case studies that illustrate the economic impact of wildlife protection.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the author should provide more detailed examples and evidence. This could include citing specific countries or regions where wildlife protection has led to economic growth or improved ecological health. Additionally, elaborating on the mechanisms through which wildlife protection contributes to broader societal benefits would enhance the depth of the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on wildlife protection and its importance. However, the introduction of the idea of balancing budgets and addressing other issues could be seen as a slight deviation from the main argument. This could confuse readers about the primary focus of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly support the main argument for wildlife protection. Any mention of other issues should be clearly tied back to how they relate to wildlife protection, reinforcing the idea that addressing these issues does not diminish the importance of protecting wildlife.

In summary, to improve the overall score, the author should aim to provide a more balanced exploration of the prompt, maintain a consistent position, develop ideas with specific examples, and ensure that all content remains directly relevant to the topic of wildlife protection. Additionally, addressing the word count issue by expanding on points could also contribute to a higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is organized in a logical manner, with a clear introduction that presents the writer’s stance on the issue. Each paragraph develops a distinct point that supports the main argument. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the ecological importance of wildlife, while the second focuses on economic benefits. This clear separation of ideas helps the reader follow the argument easily.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a phrase like "In addition to ecological benefits, wildlife also contributes to…" could help reinforce the connection between the points being made.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability. Each paragraph has a clear focus, and the concluding paragraph succinctly summarizes the main points while reiterating the thesis. This structure aids in maintaining coherence throughout the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the essay could benefit from a more developed conclusion. Instead of merely restating the thesis, consider briefly summarizing the key arguments made in the body paragraphs. This would provide a stronger closure and reinforce the overall message.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "first," "second," and "however," which guide the reader through the argument. These devices help in creating a smooth flow of ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied transitions and connectors, which would enhance the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases such as "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "On the other hand" to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. Additionally, using synonyms or paraphrasing key terms can help avoid repetition and maintain reader engagement.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on enhancing transitions between paragraphs, developing the conclusion further, and diversifying cohesive devices, the writer can elevate the essay to an even higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "allocate," "pressing issues," "ecological balance," and "biodiversity." However, the vocabulary is somewhat limited in variety and sophistication. For example, phrases such as "protecting wildlife" and "economic opportunities" are repeated without variation, which can detract from the overall lexical richness.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "protecting wildlife," you could use "conserving natural habitats" or "preserving biodiversity." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary, such as "sustainability" or "ecosystem services," could elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "more pressing issues" is vague; specifying what these issues entail could enhance clarity. Additionally, the term "neglecting wildlife" could be seen as overly strong, as it implies a complete disregard rather than a potential lack of funding.
- How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in word choice. Instead of "more pressing issues," you could specify "urgent social challenges such as homelessness or inadequate healthcare." This not only clarifies your argument but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is largely free from spelling errors, which indicates a good level of spelling proficiency. However, the word "imprtant" in the prompt is a typographical error that should be corrected to "important." Such errors, even if minor, can impact the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After completing the essay, take a moment to read through it carefully, focusing specifically on spelling. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing apps can also help catch errors before submission.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a reasonable command of vocabulary, improvements can be made in the range and precision of vocabulary, as well as in spelling accuracy. By diversifying word choice, enhancing specificity, and implementing effective proofreading strategies, the overall lexical resource can be strengthened, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While I understand these concerns, I believe that protecting wildlife is essential and should not be seen as a lesser priority." This showcases the writer’s ability to combine ideas effectively. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "While it is important to address issues like poverty and healthcare, neglecting wildlife can have long-term negative effects," which adds depth to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the use of passive voice in certain contexts to enhance complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied sentence openings, such as starting with adverbial phrases (e.g., "In light of these facts," or "Given the importance of wildlife"). Additionally, using passive voice where appropriate can add variety (e.g., "Wildlife is protected by governments to ensure ecological balance"). Experimenting with different conjunctions and transitional phrases can also help in creating a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For instance, the phrase "there are more pressing issues, such as poverty and healthcare" is correctly punctuated, and the use of commas is generally effective. However, there is a minor typographical error in the prompt ("imprtant" should be "important"), which, while not part of the essay itself, reflects the importance of proofreading. Additionally, the sentence "Therefore, a balanced approach is necessary, where wildlife protection is part of a broader strategy that includes social and economic issues" could be improved by replacing the comma with a semicolon for better clarity and separation of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is essential to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Pay attention to common errors, such as misplaced commas or run-on sentences. Practicing the use of semicolons and colons can also improve clarity in complex sentences. Additionally, reviewing grammar rules related to subject-verb agreement and tense consistency will further strengthen the overall accuracy of writing.

Overall, the essay presents a strong argument with effective use of grammatical structures and punctuation. With minor adjustments and a focus on diversifying sentence structures, the writer can further elevate their writing to achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people **contend** that governments allocate too much money to wildlife protection projects, asserting that there are more pressing issues, such as poverty and healthcare. While I understand these concerns, I believe that protecting wildlife is crucial and should not be relegated to a lower priority.

First, wildlife plays a vital role in maintaining ecological balance. Healthy ecosystems provide clean air and water, contribute to agriculture, and support biodiversity. When governments allocate funds to wildlife conservation, they are also investing in the health of the planet, which ultimately benefits all of us.

Second, numerous communities depend on wildlife for their livelihoods, particularly in tourism and agriculture. Protecting wildlife can generate economic opportunities, creating jobs and supporting local economies. For instance, national parks attract tourists, which can yield substantial revenue for nearby areas.

However, I agree that governments should balance their budgets. While it is important to address issues like poverty and healthcare, neglecting wildlife can have long-term negative effects. Therefore, a balanced strategy is imperative, where wildlife protection is part of a broader approach that includes social and economic issues.

In conclusion, I believe that investing in wildlife protection is important and can coexist with addressing other pressing problems. Environmental protection is ultimately an investment in our collective future.