Levels of youth crime are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons for this? Suggest some solutions to improve the situation?

A reason for this problem is youngsters’ being familiar with numerous types of violence. In more detail, some teenagers tend to watch it on social media via their phones. Currently, there is a considerable number of websites or apps that let them easily get access to these brutalities. To mitigate this problem, the youth should actively join any outdoor activities. An illustration of this, parents may have to encourage their children to put their phones away and go outside to play sports or participate in some charity events. Therefore, young generations could be healthier and more optimistic about their societies.
Another contributing factor is the lack of parents’ attentions. To be more specific, these days, some jobs require such a considerable number of works, and tasks to be done that some parents rarely spend time playing or taking care of their children, which results in a negative culprit that teenagers may isolate themselves and be more violent. A feasible solution that should be implemented is that parents should take more time to advise or confide with them. For instance, they can talk with kids about their interest and explain what juvenile crimes is and give some advice about that. Thus, the parents could strengthen their family bond with children, positively change their thinking and prevent them from a risk of committing crimes.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"youngsters’ being familiar with numerous types of violence" -> "young people’s familiarity with various forms of violence"
Explanation: Replacing "youngsters’" with "young people’s" and "numerous types of violence" with "various forms of violence" refines the phrasing to be more formal and precise, suitable for an academic context.
"some teenagers tend to watch it on social media via their phones" -> "some teenagers often view violent content on social media through their phones"
Explanation: "View violent content" is more specific and formal than "watch it," and "through their phones" is a more precise way to describe the medium of access compared to "via their phones."
"there is a considerable number of websites or apps" -> "there are numerous websites and apps"
Explanation: Using "there are" instead of "there is" corrects the grammatical number agreement, and "numerous" is more formal than "considerable number of."
"let them easily get access to these brutalities" -> "allow them easy access to these violent content"
Explanation: "Allow them easy access" is more direct and formal than "let them easily get access," and "violent content" is a more precise term than "brutalities," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"the youth should actively join any outdoor activities" -> "young people should actively participate in outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Young people" is a more formal term than "the youth," and "participate in" is more specific than "join any," which is vague and informal.
"An illustration of this, parents may have to encourage their children" -> "For example, parents should encourage their children"
Explanation: "For example" is a more formal transitional phrase than "An illustration of this," and "should" is more assertive than "may have to," which is less direct and less formal.
"put their phones away and go outside to play sports or participate in some charity events" -> "put away their phones and engage in outdoor activities such as sports or charity events"
Explanation: "Put away their phones and engage in outdoor activities" is more formal and precise than "put their phones away and go outside to play sports or participate in some charity events," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"young generations could be healthier and more optimistic about their societies" -> "young people could become healthier and more optimistic about their communities"
Explanation: "Young people" is more specific and formal than "young generations," and "become" is more active and precise than "could be," which is less definitive.
"lack of parents’ attentions" -> "lack of parental attention"
Explanation: "Parental attention" is a more formal and concise term than "parents’ attentions," which is awkwardly phrased.
"some jobs require such a considerable number of works, and tasks to be done" -> "some jobs require a considerable amount of work and tasks to be completed"
Explanation: "A considerable amount of work and tasks to be completed" is more formal and grammatically correct than "such a considerable number of works, and tasks to be done," which is awkward and informal.
"which results in a negative culprit that teenagers may isolate themselves" -> "which leads to a negative outcome that may cause teenagers to isolate themselves"
Explanation: "Leads to a negative outcome" is more precise and formal than "results in a negative culprit," which is incorrect and informal.
"talk with kids about their interest and explain what juvenile crimes is" -> "discuss their interests and explain what juvenile crime is"
Explanation: "Discuss their interests" is more formal than "talk with kids about their interest," and "what juvenile crime is" corrects the grammatical error in "what juvenile crimes is."
"give some advice about that" -> "offer guidance on this"
Explanation: "Offer guidance on this" is more formal and precise than "give some advice about that," which is vague and informal.
"the parents could strengthen their family bond with children" -> "parents can strengthen their bond with their children"
Explanation: "Parents can" is more direct and formal than "the parents could," and "their bond with their children" is more natural and clear than "their family bond with children."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt regarding the reasons for increasing youth crime and suggests solutions. However, it only identifies two reasons: exposure to violence through social media and lack of parental attention. While these points are relevant, the essay does not explore a range of potential causes or solutions, which limits its effectiveness. The response lacks depth and fails to provide a comprehensive analysis of the issue.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider including additional reasons for youth crime, such as socioeconomic factors, peer pressure, or mental health issues. Similarly, the solutions could be expanded to include community programs, educational initiatives, or government policies aimed at reducing youth crime. A more thorough exploration of these aspects would demonstrate a better understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that acknowledges the issues of youth crime and suggests solutions, but it lacks a strong, clear thesis statement. The ideas presented are somewhat disjointed, making it difficult to follow the writer’s argument consistently. For instance, the transition between discussing the causes and solutions is abrupt, which can confuse the reader about the main argument.
- How to improve: To present a clearer position, the writer should begin with a strong thesis statement that outlines the main points of the essay. Each paragraph should then relate back to this thesis, ensuring that the argument remains focused and coherent. Clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can also help guide the reader through the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas but does not sufficiently extend or support them with detailed examples or evidence. For instance, while the mention of social media as a factor is relevant, it could be strengthened by discussing specific studies or statistics that illustrate its impact on youth behavior. The solutions proposed are also vague and lack concrete examples of how they could be implemented effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples, data, or case studies that reinforce their points. Each idea should be elaborated upon to show its relevance and potential impact. For instance, when discussing outdoor activities as a solution, the writer could reference successful community programs that have reduced youth crime rates.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on youth crime and its causes and solutions. However, some sentences are slightly off-topic or lack clarity, which detracts from the overall focus. For example, the phrase "which results in a negative culprit that teenagers may isolate themselves and be more violent" is convoluted and could confuse readers about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence directly relates to the main topic. Avoiding overly complex or vague language can help clarify the message. Additionally, reviewing the essay for coherence and ensuring that each point logically follows from the previous one will help keep the discussion relevant and on track.

In summary, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should aim for a more comprehensive exploration of the topic, present a clearer position with a strong thesis, support ideas with specific examples, and maintain a focused and coherent argument throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a generally logical order, with each paragraph focusing on a specific reason for youth crime followed by a corresponding solution. For example, the first paragraph discusses the influence of social media on youth violence, while the second addresses parental neglect. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the reasons and solutions is somewhat abrupt. The use of phrases like "Another contributing factor" helps, but a clearer thematic link could enhance overall coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that not only indicate a shift in topic but also connect the ideas more explicitly. For instance, after discussing social media, you could introduce the next point by stating how both social media influence and parental neglect contribute to a broader societal issue. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea will help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph contains a main idea supported by examples, which is a strength. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth of analysis. The first paragraph is relatively short and could be expanded with more detailed examples or explanations, while the second paragraph is longer and more complex, which may create an imbalance.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach in paragraph length and depth. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument. Consider expanding on the first paragraph by providing additional examples of how social media influences youth behavior or by discussing the types of outdoor activities that could be beneficial. This will create a more cohesive structure throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "to be more specific," and "for instance." These devices help to clarify relationships between ideas and enhance the flow of the text. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "which results in a negative culprit" is awkward and unclear, detracting from the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "on the other hand." This will help to clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, revise awkward phrases for clarity; for instance, instead of "which results in a negative culprit," you could say "which contributes to negative behavior among teenagers." This will enhance clarity and coherence in your writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, there are areas for improvement that can elevate the writing to a higher band score. Focus on enhancing logical organization, balancing paragraph structure, and diversifying cohesive devices to create a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "brutalities," "mitigate," and "juvenile crimes" indicating some level of sophistication. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "parents should take more time" and "lack of parents’ attentions," which could be expressed with more varied language. Additionally, the phrase "considerable number of works" is awkward and could be improved.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For example, instead of "considerable number of works," the writer might use "significant workload" or "demanding job responsibilities." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises could help in diversifying word choice.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "negative culprit" is confusing, as "culprit" typically refers to a person who is responsible for a crime, not a negative outcome. Additionally, "juvenile crimes is" should be "juvenile crimes are" to match the plural subject.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on ensuring that terms are used in their correct contexts. For instance, instead of "negative culprit," the writer could say "negative consequence" or "adverse effect." Proofreading for grammatical agreement and clarity will also help in achieving more precise language.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "attentions" (which should be "attention") and "juvenile crimes is" (which should be "juvenile crimes are"). These errors detract from the overall quality of the writing and may confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice and utilize tools such as spell checkers. Additionally, reading extensively can help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts. It may also be beneficial to create a list of commonly misspelled words and review them regularly.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid foundation in vocabulary use, there are areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of complex structures is evident in sentences like, "To mitigate this problem, the youth should actively join any outdoor activities," which effectively combines clauses to convey a clear message. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a tendency to rely on similar structures, such as "Another contributing factor is…" and "A feasible solution that should be implemented is…". This repetition can detract from the overall variety and engagement of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more introductory phrases or clauses to begin sentences, such as "In addition to this," or "Furthermore," which can help to create a smoother flow. Additionally, varying the length of sentences and using more sophisticated structures, such as conditional sentences or participial phrases, would enrich the writing style. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Another contributing factor is," the writer could rephrase some ideas to begin with a dependent clause or an adverbial phrase.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay shows a generally good command of grammar, with most sentences being grammatically correct. However, there are notable errors that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, the phrase "the lack of parents’ attentions" should be "the lack of parental attention," as "attentions" is not typically used in this context. Additionally, punctuation errors are present, such as missing commas that could help clarify meaning, for example, before "which results in a negative culprit" where a comma would help separate the clauses for better readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of possessive forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common errors can help. For punctuation, the writer should pay attention to the rules regarding commas, especially in complex sentences. Reading the essay aloud can also help identify areas where pauses (commas) are needed for clarity. Furthermore, proofreading for common grammatical mistakes and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can provide additional insights for improvement.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing these specific areas will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

A reason for this problem is young people’s familiarity with numerous types of violence. In more detail, some teenagers tend to watch violent content on social media through their phones. Currently, there are a considerable number of websites and apps that let them easily access these brutalities. To mitigate this problem, the youth should actively participate in outdoor activities. For example, parents should encourage their children to put away their phones and engage in outdoor activities such as sports or charity events. Therefore, young people could become healthier and more optimistic about their communities.

Another contributing factor is the lack of parental attention. To be more specific, these days, some jobs require a considerable amount of work and tasks to be completed, which means that some parents rarely spend time playing or taking care of their children. This lack of attention can lead to a negative outcome that may cause teenagers to isolate themselves and become more violent. A feasible solution that should be implemented is that parents should take more time to discuss their interests and explain what juvenile crime is, offering guidance on this. Thus, parents can strengthen their bond with their children, positively change their thinking, and prevent them from the risk of committing crimes.