Many people say that self – study is the key to success in theirs lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement. Wrtie an essay of about 300 words to answer the above questions. Give reasons and include any relevant examples and explanations to support your answer.

Many people say that self – study is the key to success in theirs lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.
Wrtie an essay of about 300 words to answer the above questions. Give reasons and include any relevant examples and explanations to support your answer.

A proportion of individuals considers that those who are more diligent than others often achieve superior academic results, and this underpins a successful career in later life. In my opinion, I am in favour with this statement for some reasons.
Admittedly, self-study is a prerequisite for enhancing deep comprehension of a specific filed and fosters the process of becoming professional. This can be elucidated in the way that this paramount skill enables learners to spend more time on practising and cultivating some crucial knowledge relating to their specialities. Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba.com, the world’s largest online retailer, for instance, could foster his english by devoting his time to practice speaking skill with some foreign people. Every morning at five o’clock he rode his bicycle for 40 minutes to an international hotel in his hometown and waited there for tourists. When he approached them, he proposed a deal. He would show them around the city as a travel guide and they would teach him English in return. By going to great lengths to improve his command of foreign language, he had more opportunities to connect with so many people, which paved the way for the success of his own company.
Moreover, it is significant to note that developing secondary skills for everyone’s careers plays a vital role in becoming trustworthy in the reality. For example, by pursuing more time on self-learning, each teenager could foster their ability to cope with difficulties during acquiring acknowledgement process. Such instead of exacerbating the problem of having F grade and supposing that they unable to become a brilliant student, young individuals could devote more time at home to wacth some recorded videos relating to the subjects being bad at. As a result, they not only could cultivate some fundamental knowledge of a particular subject but also enhance problem-solving skill, allowing students to change the way their teachers and classmates are looking at them.
In conclusion, due to its advantages such as fostering one’s professional knowledge as well as facilitating the process of developing practical skills in life, self-study could yield a successful future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A proportion of individuals considers" -> "Many individuals believe"
Explanation: "A proportion of individuals considers" is awkward and unclear. "Many individuals believe" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing, enhancing clarity and formality.
"I am in favour with this statement" -> "I support this statement"
Explanation: "I am in favour with" is grammatically incorrect. "I support this statement" corrects the grammatical error and maintains a formal tone.
"self-study is a prerequisite for enhancing deep comprehension" -> "self-study is essential for deepening comprehension"
Explanation: "Enhancing deep comprehension" is redundant. "Deepening comprehension" is more precise and academically appropriate, avoiding redundancy.
"a specific filed" -> "a specific field"
Explanation: "Field" should be spelled as "field" to correct the typographical error.
"fosters the process of becoming professional" -> "facilitates professional development"
Explanation: "Fosters the process of becoming professional" is verbose and awkward. "Facilitates professional development" is more concise and academically precise.
"This can be elucidated in the way that" -> "This can be illustrated by"
Explanation: "Elucidated in the way that" is overly complex and awkward. "Illustrated by" is clearer and more direct, improving readability.
"Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba.com, the world’s largest online retailer, for instance, could foster his english" -> "For example, Jack Ma, the founder of Alibaba.com, the world’s largest online retailer, improved his English"
Explanation: "Foster his english" is grammatically incorrect and unclear. "Improved his English" corrects the grammar and clarifies the meaning.
"Every morning at five o’clock he rode his bicycle for 40 minutes to an international hotel in his hometown and waited there for tourists." -> "Every morning at 5:00, he rode his bicycle for 40 minutes to an international hotel in his hometown, where he waited for tourists."
Explanation: The original sentence is awkwardly phrased and lacks punctuation. The revised version corrects these issues and improves readability.
"proposed a deal" -> "offered a deal"
Explanation: "Proposed a deal" is correct but less specific. "Offered a deal" is more precise and commonly used in this context.
"By going to great lengths to improve his command of foreign language" -> "By going to great lengths to improve his command of the foreign language"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "foreign language" corrects the grammatical error and enhances clarity.
"developing secondary skills for everyone’s careers" -> "developing secondary skills for career advancement"
Explanation: "Everyone’s careers" is vague and awkward. "Career advancement" is more specific and appropriate for academic writing.
"pursuing more time on self-learning" -> "spending more time on self-study"
Explanation: "Pursuing more time on self-learning" is grammatically incorrect. "Spending more time on self-study" corrects the grammar and is more formal.
"Such instead of exacerbating the problem of having F grade and supposing that they unable to become a brilliant student" -> "Rather than exacerbating the problem of receiving an F grade and supposing they are unable to become brilliant students"
Explanation: The original sentence is convoluted and grammatically incorrect. The revision clarifies and corrects the grammar, improving readability and formality.
"wacth" -> "watch"
Explanation: "Wacth" is a typographical error. Correcting it to "watch" fixes the spelling mistake.
"allowing students to change the way their teachers and classmates are looking at them" -> "enabling students to alter their perception by their teachers and classmates"
Explanation: "Change the way they are looking at them" is informal and vague. "Alter their perception" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better.

These changes enhance the clarity, precision, and formality of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of self-study in achieving success. It presents a clear argument in favor of the statement, providing reasons and examples to support this viewpoint. The mention of Jack Ma’s experience serves as a relevant illustration of how self-study can lead to success. However, the essay could have benefited from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint, which would demonstrate a more balanced consideration of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should consider briefly discussing the potential limitations of self-study or the role of other factors in achieving success. This could involve acknowledging that while self-study is important, guidance from teachers or mentors and practical experiences also play crucial roles in personal and professional development.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of self-study throughout. The writer consistently supports this stance with logical reasoning and examples. Phrases like "I am in favour with this statement" establish a clear viewpoint from the outset. However, the phrase "for some reasons" is vague and could be more specific.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer should explicitly state the reasons that will be discussed in the essay in the introduction. This could involve outlining the main points that will be elaborated upon, which would help guide the reader and reinforce the position taken.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly through the example of Jack Ma. The discussion of how self-study fosters deep comprehension and problem-solving skills is relevant and well-articulated. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the second paragraph introduces the concept of developing secondary skills but does not provide a concrete example or elaborate on how these skills contribute to success.
- How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to provide additional examples or anecdotes that illustrate the points made. Expanding on the discussion of secondary skills with a specific example could enhance the argument and provide a more comprehensive view of the benefits of self-study.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the role of self-study in achieving success. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer. For example, the transition from discussing Jack Ma to the general benefits of self-study could be smoother to maintain coherence.
- How to improve: To improve focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly ties back to the central thesis. Using transitional phrases and ensuring that each point directly supports the main argument will help maintain relevance and clarity throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and effectively argues in favor of self-study as a key to success. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and overall effectiveness of their argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of self-study as a key to success. The introduction states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide supporting details. However, the organization could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the importance of self-study for deep comprehension, while the second body paragraph shifts focus to developing secondary skills without a clear transition. This can disrupt the logical flow for the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer could use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help connect ideas between paragraphs more smoothly. A brief summary of the main point at the end of each paragraph could also reinforce the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. However, the paragraphs could be more balanced in length and content. The first paragraph is quite lengthy and contains multiple ideas, which might overwhelm the reader. The second paragraph, while focused, is shorter and could benefit from further elaboration.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, the writer should aim for a more uniform length across paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main idea, supported by examples and explanations. The writer could also consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones to enhance readability. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the importance of self-study and the other on the example of Jack Ma.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "for instance" and "moreover," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For example, "for instance" is used to introduce examples, but varying the language could enhance the essay’s cohesiveness.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, using alternatives like "for example," "in addition," "consequently," or "as a result" can make the writing more engaging. Additionally, the writer should ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in the argument.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices could elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "diligent," "superior academic results," "prerequisite," and "cultivating." These words show an ability to express complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "self-study is a prerequisite" could have been replaced with synonyms like "essential" or "fundamental" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To strengthen vocabulary range, the writer should practice using synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "self-study," they could use "independent learning" or "autodidacticism." Engaging with a thesaurus while writing can help identify alternative expressions.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "elucidated" and "paramount skill," which contribute to clarity. However, there are also instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "devote more time at home to wacth some recorded videos relating to the subjects being bad at" is awkward and unclear. The term "wacth" is a spelling error, and "being bad at" is informal and vague.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and appropriateness of word choices. Instead of "being bad at," they could say "struggling with" or "having difficulties in." Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors and ensuring that vocabulary choices convey the intended meaning accurately is crucial.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "wacth" instead of "watch," and "acknowledgement" should be "acquisition" in the context used. These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Regular practice with spelling exercises and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, focusing on the correct spelling of key vocabulary used in the essay can help reinforce learning.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and a good command of vocabulary, addressing the noted weaknesses will help elevate the lexical resource score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "this paramount skill enables learners to spend more time on practising" and "by pursuing more time on self-learning" shows an attempt to incorporate varied grammatical forms. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and some repetitive structures, such as "could foster" and "could devote," which detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more varied clauses and transitions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "could" to express potential, the writer might explore alternatives such as "may," "might," or "is likely to." Additionally, varying the sentence openings and using more introductory phrases could help create a more dynamic flow. For instance, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "By dedicating time to self-study, students can…") can add complexity and interest.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that impact clarity. For example, phrases like "I am in favour with this statement" should be corrected to "I am in favor of this statement." Additionally, the phrase "by devoting his time to practice speaking skill" should be revised to "by devoting his time to practicing speaking skills." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas that could improve readability, particularly in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review common grammatical structures and their correct usage, focusing on verb forms and prepositions. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those targeting common errors, can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding comma usage, particularly in compound and complex sentences. Reading essays and paying attention to punctuation can also help reinforce these skills. Additionally, proofreading the essay for errors before submission can help catch mistakes that might otherwise be overlooked.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Admittedly, self-study is a prerequisite for enhancing deep comprehension of a specific field and fosters the process of becoming a professional. This can be elucidated by the way that this paramount skill enables learners to spend more time on practicing and cultivating crucial knowledge relating to their specialties. Jack Ma, founder of Alibaba.com, the world’s largest online retailer, for instance, improved his English by devoting his time to practice speaking skills with some foreign people. Every morning at five o’clock, he rode his bicycle for 40 minutes to an international hotel in his hometown, where he waited for tourists. When he approached them, he offered a deal: he would show them around the city as a travel guide, and they would teach him English in return. By going to great lengths to improve his command of the foreign language, he had more opportunities to connect with many people, which paved the way for the success of his own company.

Moreover, it is significant to note that developing secondary skills for everyone’s careers plays a vital role in becoming trustworthy in reality. For example, by spending more time on self-learning, each teenager could foster their ability to cope with difficulties during the process of acquiring knowledge. Instead of exacerbating the problem of receiving an F grade and supposing that they are unable to become brilliant students, young individuals could devote more time at home to watch some recorded videos related to the subjects they struggle with. As a result, they not only could cultivate fundamental knowledge of a particular subject but also enhance their problem-solving skills, enabling students to alter the perception of their teachers and classmates.

In conclusion, due to its advantages, such as fostering one’s professional knowledge and facilitating the development of practical skills in life, self-study could yield a successful future.