Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information in many countries. This is a danger to our societies.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many nations, information is accessible without control and people can update rapidly, which can be a noticeable problem because of its danger to societies. This issue is caused by the development of modern technology. Personally, I partly agree with this suggestion based on some reasons that are elucidated further in this essay.

On the one hand, there are some reasons why it is believed that people can easily access information that can harm societies, one of which is that toxic information. Nowadays, there are various numbers of children surfing the Internet everyday, thus, the website must be informative and suitable for each age group. The easy accessibility of some pages can provide malicious information, such as violence videos or negative articles and this can significantly affect the development of children. It can form the violence characters and negative behavior, this especially has a huge impact on the future of the children.

On the other hand, some individuals believe that effortless and quick access to information are not a threat to societies. In this day and age, various information is provided in many websites due to the modernity of the Internet, therefore, people take the advantages of this to serve their works, assignments and education. The straightforward and speedy accessibility can boost productivity and enhance the effectiveness of assignments, this can lead to success in our career in the future.

In conclusion, while people can approach unverified information when using the Internet, it is also true that this easy accessibility can support individuals a lot in their academic life.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "In many nations, information is accessible without control and people can update rapidly" -> "In numerous countries, information is freely accessible and can be updated rapidly"
   Explanation: Replacing "In many nations" with "In numerous countries" provides a more formal and precise geographical reference. "Freely accessible" clarifies the lack of control, and "can be updated rapidly" is more grammatically correct than "people can update rapidly."

2. "which can be a noticeable problem because of its danger to societies" -> "which poses a significant problem due to its potential dangers to society"
   Explanation: "Poses a significant problem" is more formal and precise than "can be a noticeable problem." "Due to its potential dangers to society" is more specific and avoids the vague "danger to societies."

3. "Personally, I partly agree with this suggestion" -> "I partially concur with this assertion"
   Explanation: "Concur" is more formal than "agree," and "assertion" is more precise than "suggestion" in an academic context.

4. "some reasons that are elucidated further in this essay" -> "reasons that will be elaborated upon in this essay"
   Explanation: "Will be elaborated upon" is more formal and academically appropriate than "are elucidated further."

5. "toxic information" -> "harmful information"
   Explanation: "Harmful" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "toxic," which can be ambiguous in this context.

6. "various numbers of children surfing the Internet everyday" -> "numerous children surfing the Internet daily"
   Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "various numbers," and "daily" is the correct adverbial form for frequency.

7. "the website must be informative and suitable for each age group" -> "websites must be informative and suitable for each age group"
   Explanation: "Websites" is plural to match the context, and "must" is more assertive and formal than "must be."

8. "can provide malicious information" -> "may disseminate malicious information"
   Explanation: "May disseminate" is more formal and precise than "can provide," which is somewhat vague.

9. "this can significantly affect the development of children" -> "this can significantly impact the development of children"
   Explanation: "Impact" is a more formal synonym for "affect" in academic writing.

10. "It can form the violence characters and negative behavior" -> "It can shape violent behaviors and negative attitudes"
    Explanation: "Shape" is more precise than "form" in this context, and "behaviors" and "attitudes" are more specific and formal than "characters" and "behavior."

11. "this especially has a huge impact on the future of the children" -> "this has a significant impact on the future of these children"
    Explanation: "Significant" is more formal than "huge," and "these children" is more precise than "the children."

12. "effortless and quick access to information are not a threat to societies" -> "unrestricted and rapid access to information is not a threat to society"
    Explanation: "Unrestricted" and "rapid" are more precise adjectives, and "society" should be singular to maintain consistency.

13. "take the advantages of this to serve their works, assignments and education" -> "capitalize on this to enhance their work, assignments, and educational pursuits"
    Explanation: "Capitalize on" is a more formal expression than "take the advantages of," and "educational pursuits" is more specific than "education."

14. "can boost productivity and enhance the effectiveness of assignments" -> "can enhance productivity and the effectiveness of assignments"
    Explanation: Removing "boost" simplifies the sentence without losing meaning, and "enhance" is more formal than "boost" in this context.

15. "this can lead to success in our career in the future" -> "this can lead to future career success"
    Explanation: "Future career success" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the dangers of uncontrolled access to information due to modern technology. The introduction clearly states a partial agreement with the notion that this accessibility poses a danger to societies. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the extent to which the author agrees or disagrees, as the prompt specifically asks for this. The discussion of harmful information is relevant, but the counterargument regarding the benefits of easy access could be more developed to fully explore the complexity of the issue.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response to the prompt, the author should clarify their position more definitively in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, they could provide a more balanced discussion of both sides, perhaps by including specific examples or statistics that illustrate the dangers and benefits of information access.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position of partial agreement, but this position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the body paragraphs. The first paragraph discusses the dangers of toxic information, while the second paragraph presents the benefits of easy access. However, the transition between these ideas could be smoother, and the overall stance could be more firmly articulated in relation to the examples provided.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position throughout the essay, the author should use linking phrases that explicitly connect back to their stance. For instance, after discussing the benefits of information access, the author could reiterate how these benefits do not negate the potential dangers, thereby reinforcing their position of partial agreement.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the impact of toxic information on children and the benefits of quick access for productivity. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. The discussion of harmful information could be expanded with specific examples or studies that illustrate the negative effects on children. Similarly, the benefits of information access could be substantiated with examples of how it has positively impacted education or professional success.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the presentation and support of ideas, the author should aim to include more detailed examples and evidence. This could involve referencing specific studies, statistics, or real-world scenarios that illustrate both the dangers and benefits of modern technology’s role in information access.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about the dangers of rapid and uncontrolled access to information. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, particularly in the second body paragraph, which leans more towards

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s stance and sets the stage for the discussion. Each body paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint regarding the impact of technology on information access. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing the dangers of information access to its benefits feels abrupt, lacking a clear linking sentence that would guide the reader through the argument.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases or sentences that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the dangers, a sentence like "Conversely, it is also important to recognize the benefits that such access can provide" would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a single aspect of the argument, which is a strength. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate back to the thesis statement. The current topic sentence in the second paragraph does not explicitly indicate that it will discuss the benefits of information access, which may confuse readers.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to ensure they clearly reflect the main idea being discussed. For example, starting the second body paragraph with "Despite the potential dangers, the rapid access to information can also yield significant benefits for individuals and society" would clarify the focus for the reader right from the beginning.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which help to signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited. For example, the essay could benefit from additional linking words and phrases that indicate cause and effect, contrast, or addition. The phrase "this can lead to success in our career in the future" could be better connected to the preceding sentence for improved cohesion.
  • How to improve: To diversify and enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore" to add information, "However" to introduce contrasting ideas, and "Consequently" to indicate results. This will not only improve the flow of ideas but also demonstrate a stronger command of cohesive devices.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, addressing these specific areas for improvement can elevate the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument presented.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it lacks variety and sophistication. Phrases like "toxic information," "malicious information," and "easy accessibility" are used, which are appropriate but somewhat repetitive. The use of "various numbers of children" is awkward and could be expressed more naturally as "a large number of children" or "many children." The phrase "this can significantly affect the development of children" is also somewhat generic and could benefit from more specific vocabulary to enhance clarity and impact.
  • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "accessibility," consider using terms like "availability," "reach," or "access." Additionally, the writer could explore more advanced vocabulary related to the topic, such as "information overload," "digital literacy," or "cybersecurity threats."

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "violence characters" is unclear; it would be more precise to say "violent behavior" or "aggressive tendencies." The phrase "this especially has a huge impact on the future of the children" is vague and could be more effectively articulated by specifying how it impacts their future, such as "this can hinder their social development and academic performance."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clearly defining concepts and avoiding vague terms. Instead of saying "toxic information," the writer could specify what types of information are harmful (e.g., "misleading health information" or "extremist content"). Encouraging the use of more specific adjectives and nouns will improve clarity and precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally displays good spelling, but there are a few errors that detract from the overall quality. For instance, "everyday" should be "every day" when used in the context of frequency, as "everyday" is an adjective meaning commonplace. Additionally, "the advantages of this to serve their works" could be more clearly expressed as "the advantages of this for their work."
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, focusing on commonly confused words and phrases. Utilizing spelling and grammar checking tools can also help catch errors. Furthermore, practicing writing with attention to detail and reviewing spelling rules can enhance overall accuracy.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By expanding vocabulary, using more precise language, and carefully proofreading for spelling errors, the writer can enhance the quality of their writing and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, the phrase "the easy accessibility of some pages can provide malicious information" effectively uses a modal verb ("can") to express possibility. However, there are instances where sentence variety could be improved. For example, the sentence "On the one hand, there are some reasons why it is believed that people can easily access information that can harm societies" is somewhat repetitive in its structure and could be more concise.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. For instance, instead of starting with "On the one hand," you could begin with a more engaging introductory phrase or clause, such as "While some argue that…" This would create a more dynamic flow and keep the reader engaged.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "toxic information" lacks a clear context and could be better integrated into the sentence. Additionally, the sentence "It can form the violence characters and negative behavior" contains a grammatical error; "the violence characters" should be corrected to "violent characters." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are areas where commas could enhance readability, such as before "this can significantly affect the development of children."
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread for common errors, particularly with articles and adjective forms. Additionally, practicing sentence combining can help create more fluid and complex sentences. For punctuation, reviewing rules regarding comma usage, especially in complex sentences, will aid in clarity. For example, consider revising "this especially has a huge impact on the future of the children" to "this, especially, has a huge impact on the future of children" to clarify the sentence structure.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In many nations, information is freely accessible and can be updated rapidly, which poses a significant problem due to its potential dangers to society. This issue is primarily caused by the development of modern technology. Personally, I partially concur with this assertion based on several reasons that will be elaborated upon in this essay.

On the one hand, there are compelling reasons to believe that easy access to information can harm societies, one of which is the prevalence of harmful information. Nowadays, numerous children are surfing the Internet daily; thus, websites must be informative and suitable for each age group. The easy accessibility of certain pages may disseminate malicious information, such as violent videos or negative articles, and this can significantly impact the development of children. It can shape violent behaviors and negative attitudes, which has a significant impact on the future of these children.

On the other hand, some individuals argue that unrestricted and rapid access to information is not a threat to society. In this day and age, a wealth of information is available on many websites due to the advancements of the Internet; therefore, people can capitalize on this to enhance their work, assignments, and educational pursuits. The straightforward and speedy accessibility can enhance productivity and the effectiveness of assignments, which can lead to future career success.

In conclusion, while individuals can encounter unverified information when using the Internet, it is also true that this easy accessibility can greatly support them in their academic and professional lives.