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New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? In about 250 words, write an essay to expess your opinion on this issue (only advantages)

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages? In about 250 words, write an essay to expess your opinion on this issue (only advantages)

The integration of new technologies into young people's leisure activities offers several significant advantages. One of the foremost benefits is the development of crucial digital literacy skills. As they interact with various devices and software, they acquire competencies essential for future academic and career success. These skills include navigating digital interfaces, evaluating online information, and understanding cybersecurity principles. Furthermore, educational games and apps provide interactive and engaging ways to enhance cognitive development. These tools can tailor learning experiences to individual needs, making complex subjects more accessible and enjoyable. Additionally, technology facilitates communication with peers across the globe, allowing youngsters to build diverse friendships and collaborate on international projects. This global connectivity promotes cultural understanding and prepares them for a more interconnected world, enriching their overall educational experience.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "young people’s leisure activities" -> "young individuals’ leisure activities"
    Explanation: Using "individuals" instead of "people" provides a more formal and precise term, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.

  2. "offers several significant advantages" -> "provides several substantial benefits"
    Explanation: "Provides" is more formal than "offers," and "substantial benefits" is a more precise term than "significant advantages," aligning better with academic language.

  3. "foremost benefits" -> "primary advantages"
    Explanation: "Primary" is a more formal synonym for "foremost," and "advantages" is preferred over "benefits" in academic contexts to denote positive outcomes.

  4. "crucial digital literacy skills" -> "essential digital literacy skills"
    Explanation: "Essential" is a more commonly used academic term than "crucial" in this context, emphasizing the importance of digital literacy skills.

  5. "navigate digital interfaces" -> "operate digital interfaces"
    Explanation: "Operate" is a more precise verb in this context, indicating the active use of digital interfaces, which is more suitable for an academic discussion.

  6. "evaluating online information" -> "assessing online information"
    Explanation: "Assessing" is a more formal and precise term than "evaluating," which is commonly used in academic contexts to describe critical thinking about information.

  7. "understanding cybersecurity principles" -> "comprehending cybersecurity principles"
    Explanation: "Comprehending" is a more formal synonym for "understanding," which enhances the academic tone of the essay.

  8. "educational games and apps" -> "educational software and applications"
    Explanation: "Software and applications" is a more formal and precise term than "games and apps," which is too informal for academic writing.

  9. "tailor learning experiences" -> "personalize learning experiences"
    Explanation: "Personalize" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "tailor," which is more commonly used in business contexts.

  10. "making complex subjects more accessible and enjoyable" -> "rendering complex subjects more accessible and engaging"
    Explanation: "Rendering" is a more formal verb than "making," and "engaging" is a more precise term than "enjoyable" in an academic context.

  11. "facilitates communication" -> "enhances communication"
    Explanation: "Enhances" is a more precise and formal term than "facilitates," which is somewhat vague in this context.

  12. "youngsters" -> "young individuals"
    Explanation: "Young individuals" is a more formal and precise term than "youngsters," which is somewhat informal and colloquial.

  13. "build diverse friendships" -> "form diverse friendships"
    Explanation: "Form" is a more formal verb than "build" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.

  14. "collaborate on international projects" -> "participate in international projects"
    Explanation: "Participate" is a more formal and precise verb than "collaborate," which can imply a deeper level of involvement that may not be universally applicable.

  15. "prepares them for a more interconnected world" -> "prepares them for a more interconnected global environment"
    Explanation: "Global environment" is a more precise and formal term than "world," which is somewhat vague and informal in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the advantages of new technologies in children’s leisure activities. However, it fails to explicitly compare these advantages to the disadvantages, which is a critical component of the task. The prompt specifically asks for an opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, but this essay does not provide a clear stance on that comparison.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly acknowledge the existence of disadvantages, even if they choose not to elaborate on them. A brief mention of potential drawbacks followed by a clear assertion that the advantages outweigh them would strengthen the response and directly address the prompt.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay presents a positive view of the advantages of technology, it lacks a definitive position regarding the overall question of whether these advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The absence of a clear thesis statement or concluding remark that encapsulates the writer’s opinion leads to ambiguity.
    • How to improve: The writer should include a clear thesis statement in the introduction that explicitly states their position on the advantages versus disadvantages. Additionally, reinforcing this position in the conclusion would provide a more coherent and persuasive argument throughout the essay.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several advantages of technology, such as the development of digital literacy skills and enhanced cognitive development through educational games. However, the ideas are not fully extended or supported with examples or evidence. For instance, while the mention of global connectivity is relevant, it could be further developed with specific examples of how this connectivity benefits children.
    • How to improve: To improve the depth of the essay, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the advantages mentioned. This could involve citing research findings, statistics, or real-world examples that demonstrate the positive impact of technology on children’s learning and social interactions.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by focusing on the advantages of new technologies. However, the lack of a discussion regarding disadvantages means that the response does not fully engage with the prompt’s requirements. Additionally, the essay is under the required word count, which limits the depth of discussion.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus and ensure a comprehensive response, the writer should aim to meet the word count requirement of at least 250 words. This can be achieved by expanding on the advantages discussed and briefly acknowledging potential disadvantages, thereby ensuring that the essay remains relevant to all aspects of the prompt.

In summary, addressing these areas for improvement will help elevate the essay’s score in the Task Response category, leading to a more comprehensive and persuasive argument.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with a strong introductory statement that outlines the topic. Each paragraph focuses on a specific advantage of technology in children’s leisure activities, which helps maintain a coherent flow of ideas. For instance, the first paragraph discusses digital literacy, while the second highlights cognitive development through educational tools. The progression from one idea to the next is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument easily.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider adding a brief concluding sentence at the end of each paragraph that summarizes the main point. This would reinforce the argument and provide a clearer transition to the next idea. Additionally, a concluding paragraph summarizing the overall advantages discussed would strengthen the essay’s conclusion.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific advantage of technology. This separation aids in clarity and allows the reader to digest each point individually. The paragraphs are well-structured, with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details. However, the essay could benefit from a more defined introduction and conclusion.
    • How to improve: Introduce a separate introductory paragraph that outlines the main argument and provides context for the discussion. Similarly, a concluding paragraph that encapsulates the advantages discussed would enhance the overall structure. This would not only improve readability but also provide a more formal essay structure, which is expected in IELTS Task 2.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore," "additionally," and "as they interact," which effectively link ideas and enhance the flow of the essay. These devices help to clarify relationships between points and maintain coherence throughout the text. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, which could affect the overall richness of the writing.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking phrases and transitional words. For example, using phrases like "in addition to," "on the other hand," or "consequently" can help create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more dynamic flow, making the writing more engaging for the reader.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, effectively employing terms such as "integration," "digital literacy skills," "competencies," and "cognitive development." These words not only convey complex ideas but also reflect a sophisticated understanding of the topic. The use of phrases like "interactive and engaging" and "global connectivity" further illustrates the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced thoughts. However, while the vocabulary is varied, there are opportunities to incorporate even more synonyms or less common expressions to enhance richness.
    • How to improve: To further elevate the lexical resource, the writer could explore using synonyms for frequently repeated terms. For example, instead of repeating "technology," alternatives like "digital tools" or "technological advancements" could be utilized. Additionally, incorporating more idiomatic expressions or collocations related to technology and education could enhance the essay’s depth.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary used in the essay is largely precise, with terms like "cybersecurity principles" and "evaluate online information" accurately reflecting the intended meanings. However, there are instances where the language could be sharpened. For example, the phrase "enhance cognitive development" is somewhat vague; specifying how technology enhances cognitive skills would provide greater clarity.
    • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or contexts when using broader terms. For instance, instead of saying "enhance cognitive development," the writer could specify which cognitive skills are developed, such as "problem-solving" or "critical thinking." This would not only clarify the statement but also demonstrate a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors present. Words such as "integration," "competencies," and "cybersecurity" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of written English. This attention to detail contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling, especially for more complex or technical terms related to technology. Regular reading and writing exercises can help reinforce correct spelling patterns. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools during the writing process can serve as a helpful safeguard against potential errors.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, meriting a band score of 8. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in language use, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can further refine their writing skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "As they interact with various devices and software, they acquire competencies essential for future academic and career success" showcases the ability to connect ideas effectively. Additionally, the use of compound sentences, as seen in "These tools can tailor learning experiences to individual needs, making complex subjects more accessible and enjoyable," further enhances the essay’s fluency. However, while the range is impressive, there are opportunities to incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and structures, such as using more passive constructions or conditional sentences to add depth.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating a few more complex and compound-complex sentences. For example, you could use conditional clauses like "If children engage with educational technologies, they will likely develop better problem-solving skills." Additionally, varying the use of introductory phrases or clauses can enhance the flow and engagement of the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The grammatical accuracy in the essay is strong, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For example, the phrase "These skills include navigating digital interfaces, evaluating online information, and understanding cybersecurity principles" is grammatically correct and effectively lists the skills. Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate items in a list and clauses. However, there is a slight lack of variety in punctuation usage; for instance, the essay could benefit from the use of semicolons to connect closely related independent clauses.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, focus on reviewing the rules for semicolon use, particularly in complex sentences. For instance, you could revise a sentence like "Technology facilitates communication with peers across the globe, allowing youngsters to build diverse friendships and collaborate on international projects" to use a semicolon: "Technology facilitates communication with peers across the globe; this allows youngsters to build diverse friendships and collaborate on international projects." Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and ensuring consistent verb tense can further strengthen the overall grammatical precision of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of sophistication in its grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

The integration of new technologies into young individuals’ leisure activities offers several substantial benefits. One of the primary advantages is the development of essential digital literacy skills. As they interact with various devices and software, they acquire competencies that are crucial for future academic and career success. These skills include operating digital interfaces, assessing online information, and comprehending cybersecurity principles. Furthermore, educational software and applications provide interactive and engaging ways to enhance cognitive development. These tools can personalize learning experiences to individual needs, rendering complex subjects more accessible and enjoyable. Additionally, technology enhances communication with peers across the globe, allowing young individuals to form diverse friendships and participate in international projects. This global connectivity promotes cultural understanding and prepares them for a more interconnected global environment, enriching their overall educational experience.

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