Nowadays, the development of technology makes humans depend more on computers. In my opinion, this situation will change in some ways in the future such as humans will focus more on smartphones than computers, and I think that it is so negative for us to rely so much on computers.

Nowadays, the development of technology makes humans depend more on computers.
In my opinion, this situation will change in some ways in the future such as humans will focus
more on smartphones than computers, and I think that it is so negative for us to rely so much on
computers.

Nowadays, the development of technology makes humans depend more on computers.
In my opinion, this situation will change in some ways in the future such as humans will focus
more on smartphones than computers, and I think that it is so negative for us to rely so much on
computers.
There are some changes in the future in the development of technology situation. Firstly,
humans will depend more on smartphones than computers to meet all needs such as work,
entertainment, and study,…The reason for that is smartphones is more convenient to carry out
and take everywhere with their small size and a lot of impressive style. In addition, smartphones
have a lot of utilities and apps for many purposes of humans. Therefore, smartphones
nowadays are not just used for calls, they can be also used for working, entertaining, or
studying. By contrast, in some cases, smartphones can not replace computers because there
are some activities that need large capacity to execute.
In my opinion, it is negative for us to rely so much on computers and other technology
devices such as smartphone. Firstly, spending a long time on the computer will impact human
health a lot, because it will cause a lot of diseases such as short-sighted, and spinal
disease,…Besides, dependence on computer-based technology can decrease the creation of
humans if they do not use it in the correct ways. The reason for that is humans do not solve
their problems by themselves and every problem they depend on technology. Therefore day by
day they will lose their creation and their ability in solve problem. In addition, relying so much on
computers will affect social communication when humans just communicate with each other by
message instead of face to face.
To sum up, there are some changes in the future in the development of technology
situation. It is so negative for humans to rely so much on computer such as health problems, the
decrease of creation, and social communication. If humans use technology in the right ways, it
will be the best support for their lives with all utilities of its.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is somewhat informal for academic writing. "Currently" is a more formal alternative that maintains the meaning.
"I think that it is so negative for us to rely so much on computers." -> "I believe this heavy reliance on computers carries predominantly negative implications."
Explanation: "I think that it is so negative" lacks precision and formality. Replacing it with "I believe this heavy reliance on computers carries predominantly negative implications" provides a more formal and precise expression of the opinion.
"There are some changes in the future in the development of technology situation." -> "Anticipated changes in technological development will reshape the landscape in the future."
Explanation: The original phrase is somewhat redundant and lacks clarity. The suggested alternative provides a more concise and academically appropriate expression.
"Firstly" -> "First and foremost"
Explanation: "Firstly" is acceptable but using "First and foremost" adds a touch of formality and sophistication to the writing.
"meet all needs such as work, entertainment, and study" -> "fulfill various needs, including work, leisure, and academia"
Explanation: "Meet all needs" is somewhat colloquial. "Fulfill various needs" is a more formal and precise alternative. "Such as" is replaced with "including" for better flow and formality.
"and take everywhere with their small size and a lot of impressive style" -> "and their compact size and diverse range of features make them easily portable"
Explanation: The original phrase lacks precision and uses informal language. The suggested alternative offers a more formal and precise expression.
"have a lot of utilities and apps for many purposes of humans" -> "offer numerous utilities and applications catering to various human needs"
Explanation: "A lot of utilities" is informal. "Numerous utilities and applications catering to various human needs" is a more formal and precise expression.
"By contrast" -> "However"
Explanation: "By contrast" is not the most suitable transition here. "However" provides a smoother transition in the context.
"in some cases" -> "for certain tasks"
Explanation: "In some cases" is somewhat vague. "For certain tasks" provides a clearer and more precise expression.
"short-sighted, and spinal disease" -> "myopia and spinal disorders"
Explanation: Using medical terms like "myopia" instead of "short-sighted" and "spinal disorders" instead of "spinal disease" enhances precision and formality.
"dependence on computer-based technology" -> "reliance on computer-based technology"
Explanation: "Dependence" can be replaced with "reliance" for a more formal tone without altering the meaning.
"decrease of creation" -> "diminution of creativity"
Explanation: "Decrease of creation" is unclear and awkward. "Diminution of creativity" is more precise and formal.
"solve problem" -> "solve problems"
Explanation: "Problem" should be plural to match the verb "solve."
"communication when humans just communicate with each other" -> "communication when individuals solely interact through"
Explanation: "When humans just communicate with each other" is informal and lacks precision. "Communication when individuals solely interact through" offers a more formal and precise expression.
"To sum up" -> "In conclusion"
Explanation: "To sum up" is somewhat informal. "In conclusion" is a more formal alternative for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the prompt. It discusses the current trend of technology dependence on computers, predicts a shift towards reliance on smartphones, and expresses a negative stance on excessive dependence on technology.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, consider providing more specific examples or scenarios to illustrate how reliance on smartphones might surpass that of computers in various aspects of life. Additionally, ensure that each point is thoroughly elaborated upon to offer a comprehensive analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that excessive reliance on computers, and by extension technology in general, is detrimental.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, ensure that the thesis statement is prominently stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion. Additionally, strengthen the transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence and reinforce the central argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas and supports them adequately. It discusses the convenience of smartphones, the potential negative health impacts of excessive computer use, and the societal consequences of technological dependence.
- How to improve: To extend ideas further, delve into the specific ways in which smartphones offer advantages over computers, such as their portability and versatile functionality. Additionally, provide more detailed evidence or statistics to bolster arguments and make them more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could benefit from more focused development of ideas. While it addresses the overarching theme of technology dependence, some points, such as the potential decrease in human creativity, could be more closely tied to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the central thesis. Avoid tangential discussions that detract from the main argument. Additionally, use topic sentences to clearly outline the purpose of each paragraph and how it relates to the broader topic of technology dependence.

Overall, the essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position on the future of technology dependence and supporting it with relevant arguments and examples. To improve further, the writer should focus on providing more specific details, strengthening transitions between ideas, and maintaining a more cohesive argument structure.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear attempt to organize information logically. It begins with an introduction that paraphrases the essay prompt and outlines the main points to be discussed. Each subsequent paragraph elaborates on these points in a cohesive manner. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother, such as the transition between discussing smartphones and computers. Additionally, the conclusion summarizes the main arguments effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, focus on improving transitions between ideas. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, maintaining a clear progression of thought throughout the essay. Consider restructuring sentences or using transitional phrases to connect related points more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to organize ideas. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as the role of smartphones, the drawbacks of excessive reliance on computers, and the overall impact on human life. However, some paragraphs could be more developed, particularly in providing additional examples or elaborating on supporting points.
- How to improve: Aim to strengthen paragraphs by providing more detailed examples and explanations. Consider expanding upon each main idea to provide a deeper analysis of the topic. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details that contribute to the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Examples include transition words like "firstly," "in addition," and "to sum up," which help guide the reader through the argumentative structure. However, there is a tendency to rely on repetitive phrases, such as "in my opinion" and "such as," which can detract from the overall effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider variety of transition words and phrases. This will help maintain reader engagement and create a smoother flow of ideas. Additionally, avoid overusing certain expressions by finding alternative ways to introduce examples and opinions, thereby enhancing the overall clarity and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. There is a fair attempt to use varied vocabulary, such as "convenient," "utilities," "creation," and "execute." However, there is a lack of complexity and sophistication in the vocabulary choices, leading to repetitive phrases like "development of technology" and "rely so much on computers." Additionally, some phrases lack clarity and precision, such as "a lot of impressive style" and "short-sighted."
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, aim for more diverse and nuanced word choices. Utilize synonyms, idiomatic expressions, and academic vocabulary to add depth to the writing. Additionally, focus on using precise terminology to convey ideas more clearly. For instance, instead of "a lot of impressive style," consider using "a variety of appealing designs" or "a wide array of stylish options."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally uses vocabulary precisely to convey ideas, such as "convenient" and "decrease of creation." However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "spending a long time on the computer will impact human health a lot" could benefit from specifying the health impacts more precisely, such as "prolonged computer use contributes to vision deterioration and musculoskeletal issues."
- How to improve: Strive for greater precision in vocabulary usage by selecting words that accurately convey the intended meaning. Avoid vague or general terms where possible and opt for more specific terminology. Additionally, consider using domain-specific vocabulary related to technology and health to enhance clarity and depth of expression.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates acceptable spelling accuracy overall. However, there are several instances of misspellings and errors, such as "short-sighted" (should be "shortsighted"), "spinal disease" (should be "spinal diseases"), and "creation" (used instead of "creativity"). These errors slightly detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing proofreading techniques such as spell-checking software, reading the essay aloud to identify errors, and consulting dictionaries or style guides for correct spellings. Additionally, practice spelling commonly misspelled words and pay careful attention to detail when revising written work.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a satisfactory level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in expanding vocabulary range, using vocabulary more precisely, and enhancing spelling accuracy to elevate the quality of expression and clarity of communication. By incorporating these suggestions, the writer can enhance the effectiveness and sophistication of their writing in future tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is an attempt to vary sentence length and structure, but the variety is limited. For instance, there is consistent use of simple sentences throughout, with occasional compound and complex sentences. While some complex structures are present, such as "In addition, smartphones have a lot of utilities and apps for many purposes of humans," the essay lacks more sophisticated constructions like conditional sentences or inverted sentences, which could enhance the coherence and depth of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and variety of sentence structures, incorporate a wider range of sentence types, including complex and compound-complex sentences. Introduce conditional sentences to express hypothetical situations or inverted sentences for emphasis. Additionally, vary the beginnings of sentences to avoid repetitiveness and maintain reader engagement.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate grammar and punctuation usage. However, there are several instances of grammatical errors and punctuation inconsistencies throughout the essay. For example, there are errors in subject-verb agreement ("there are some activities that need large capacity to execute") and punctuation misuse ("smartphones is more convenient to carry out and take everywhere with their small size"). Furthermore, there are instances of missing articles ("the decrease of creation") and improper sentence structure that affects clarity ("It is so negative for humans to rely so much on computer such as health problems").
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, proofread the essay carefully to identify and correct errors in subject-verb agreement, article usage, and punctuation. Practice using commas, periods, and other punctuation marks appropriately to improve clarity and readability. Additionally, review basic grammar rules, particularly regarding sentence structure and agreement, to strengthen overall accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Nowadays, the advancement of technology has led to an increased dependency on computers. In my view, this trend will undergo certain transformations in the future, with humans shifting their focus more towards smartphones than traditional computers. I believe such a shift could have adverse effects on us due to overreliance on technological devices.

Looking ahead, there will be notable changes in how technology shapes our lives. Firstly, there will be a greater reliance on smartphones compared to computers for various needs such as work, entertainment, and study. This shift is primarily driven by the convenience of smartphones, which are portable and come in various appealing designs. Moreover, smartphones offer a wide array of utilities and apps catering to diverse human purposes. Thus, smartphones today serve beyond mere communication, extending to work, entertainment, and education. However, it’s worth noting that there are certain tasks that still require the computing power of traditional computers due to their larger capacity.

In my opinion, excessive dependence on computers and other technological devices, including smartphones, can have detrimental effects. Primarily, prolonged computer usage can significantly impact human health, leading to ailments such as short-sightedness and spinal issues. Additionally, reliance on technology may stifle human creativity if individuals fail to utilize it judiciously. Overreliance on technology may lead individuals to depend on it excessively for problem-solving, consequently diminishing their ability to think critically and creatively. Furthermore, excessive reliance on computers can hinder face-to-face social communication, as individuals may prefer digital communication over in-person interaction.

In conclusion, the future of technology will witness shifts in human reliance from computers to smartphones. However, excessive dependence on computers and other technological devices poses various risks, including health problems, a decline in creativity, and challenges in social communication. It is crucial for humans to use technology judiciously to harness its benefits effectively and maintain a balanced approach in integrating it into their lives.