People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The 21st century has a more enhanced quality of life than those in the past centuries. I agree with this view, because I think the advancements in science and technology have significant impacts on our way of living.

Firstly, the health care service now is more advanced and accessible to more people than the prior centuries thanks to the rising numbers of professionals and high-tech medical equipments. For example, in mountainous places in Vietnam, people living there nowadays don’t need to travel thousands of miles to cities for treatment as they can go to local hospitals for check-ups. In addition, there are also many modern machinery which are equipped to make the check-up process and the treatment more effective. For instance, now doctors can use robots and high quality equipments for complex surgeries which reduces time, work and higher levels of success.

Another factor for the better quality of life is the support of digital technology, our ways of networking, transaction and entertainment become more convenient. At first, only with smartphones, modern people today can contact with family members and friends much easier, quicker and saves more money. For example, people can use apps or calls to contact with others not by using the post office. Additionally, money transactions among people in society have now become less time-consuming and with the help of bank services. Moreover, now people can get access to various entertainment options anytime anywhere. For example, instead of going to cinemas to watch films, now people can surf the web for more options about films and watch them online, all for free, or with less money.

In conclusion, I believe that the 21st century offers a better quality of life thanks to the improvements in healthcare and digital technologies. These inventions make our life more convenient and comfortable than ever before.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "The 21st century has a more enhanced quality of life than those in the past centuries." -> "The 21st century exhibits a significantly enhanced quality of life compared to previous centuries."
   Explanation: The phrase "has a more enhanced quality of life than those in the past centuries" is awkwardly constructed and vague. Replacing it with "exhibits a significantly enhanced quality of life compared to previous centuries" clarifies the comparison and uses more formal language.

2. "I agree with this view, because I think" -> "I concur with this perspective, as I believe"
   Explanation: "I agree with this view, because I think" is somewhat informal and conversational. "I concur with this perspective, as I believe" maintains a formal tone and is more precise in its expression.

3. "the advancements in science and technology have significant impacts on our way of living." -> "advances in science and technology have significant impacts on our lifestyle."
   Explanation: "way of living" is less formal and slightly vague; "lifestyle" is more precise and commonly used in academic writing.

4. "the health care service now is more advanced and accessible to more people" -> "healthcare services are now more advanced and accessible to a broader population"
   Explanation: "health care service" should be pluralized to "healthcare services" for grammatical correctness and clarity. Additionally, "to more people" is vague; "to a broader population" is more specific and formal.

5. "the rising numbers of professionals and high-tech medical equipments" -> "the increasing number of professionals and advanced medical equipment"
   Explanation: "rising numbers" should be "increasing number" for grammatical correctness, and "high-tech medical equipments" should be "advanced medical equipment" for both formality and grammatical accuracy.

6. "people living there nowadays don’t need to travel thousands of miles" -> "residents no longer need to travel thousands of miles"
   Explanation: "people living there nowadays" is informal and redundant; "residents" is more precise and formal. Removing "nowadays" also improves the formality of the sentence.

7. "there are also many modern machinery which are equipped" -> "there are also many modern machines that are equipped"
   Explanation: "machinery" should be pluralized to "machines" for grammatical agreement with "many," and "which" should be "that" for correct use in a restrictive clause.

8. "our ways of networking, transaction and entertainment become more convenient" -> "our methods of networking, transactions, and entertainment have become more convenient"
   Explanation: "ways of" should be "methods of" for formality, and "transaction" should be pluralized to "transactions" for grammatical agreement. Additionally, "become" should be "have become" for correct verb tense consistency.

9. "people can use apps or calls to contact with others not by using the post office" -> "people can use apps or make calls to contact others, rather than relying on the post office"
   Explanation: "contact with others" is awkward and informal; "contact others" is more direct and formal. Also, "not by using the post office" is unnecessarily wordy; "rather than relying on the post office" is clearer and more concise.

10. "money transactions among people in society have now become less time-consuming" -> "financial transactions among individuals in society have become less time-consuming"
    Explanation: "money transactions" is informal and vague; "financial transactions" is more precise and formal. Also, "people" should be "individuals" for a more formal tone.

11. "now people can get access to various entertainment options anytime anywhere" -> "individuals can now access various entertainment options at any time and from anywhere"
    Explanation: "now people can get access to" is informal and slightly awkward; "individuals can now access" is more formal and precise. Also, "anytime anywhere" is informal and redundant; "at any time and from anywhere" is more formal and grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a position that the quality of life in the 21st century is better than in previous centuries. The writer supports this view with two main arguments: advancements in healthcare and digital technology. Each argument is relevant and contributes to the overall response to the question. However, the essay could benefit from acknowledging potential counterarguments or limitations to the claim, which would demonstrate a more nuanced understanding of the topic.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, consider briefly discussing opposing viewpoints or the challenges faced in the 21st century that might impact quality of life, such as environmental issues or social inequalities. This would provide a more balanced perspective and show critical engagement with the topic.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently supporting the idea that the quality of life has improved. The introduction and conclusion reinforce this stance effectively. However, the transition between points could be smoother, as the shift from healthcare to digital technology feels somewhat abrupt.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity and coherence, use transitional phrases to link ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first paragraph, a sentence that hints at the next point about digital technology would help create a more seamless flow.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, with specific examples illustrating the advancements in healthcare and technology. The use of examples, such as the accessibility of healthcare in mountainous areas and the convenience of digital communication, effectively supports the arguments. However, some points could be developed further to enhance depth.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, consider elaborating on the implications of the examples provided. For instance, discussing how improved healthcare access has led to better overall health outcomes or how digital technology has transformed social interactions would provide more depth and insight into the arguments.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic, consistently addressing the quality of life in the 21st century compared to previous centuries. There are no significant deviations from the topic, which is commendable. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit connection between the examples and the central argument.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each example directly ties back to the main argument about quality of life. After presenting an example, briefly explain how it illustrates an improvement in quality of life, reinforcing the connection to the thesis statement.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a compelling argument. By incorporating the suggested improvements, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and balance of their response, potentially achieving an even higher score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument that supports the claim that the 21st century offers a better quality of life. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, and the body paragraphs follow a logical sequence, each focusing on a specific aspect of quality of life improvements—healthcare and digital technology. The transition from one point to another is generally smooth, with each paragraph building on the previous one. However, the connection between the two main points could be more explicitly stated to enhance the overall flow.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider adding a brief transition sentence at the end of each paragraph that links the ideas together. For example, after discussing healthcare advancements, you could introduce the next paragraph with a sentence like, "In addition to healthcare, technological advancements have also transformed our daily lives."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity. Each paragraph is focused on a single theme, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument. The first paragraph discusses healthcare advancements, while the second focuses on digital technology. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of the paragraph.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring each one begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could start with, "Digital technology has also significantly enhanced the quality of life in the 21st century," to provide a clearer focus from the outset.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "In addition," and "For example," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal the progression of ideas and provide examples that support the claims made. However, the essay could benefit from a more diverse range of cohesive devices, particularly in linking sentences within paragraphs.
  • How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "For example," consider alternatives like "For instance," "To illustrate," or "This is evident in." Additionally, using phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "In contrast" can help to create more nuanced connections between ideas and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially reaching a band score of 9.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, particularly in discussing advancements in healthcare and technology. Phrases like "health care service," "high-tech medical equipments," and "digital technology" show an attempt to use topic-specific vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetitive language, such as "modern" and "now," which detracts from the overall lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "modern," alternatives like "contemporary," "state-of-the-art," or "cutting-edge" could be employed. Additionally, varying sentence structures and using more complex vocabulary related to technology and healthcare would enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While the essay includes relevant vocabulary, some terms are used imprecisely. For example, "high quality equipments" should be "high-quality equipment" (as "equipment" is uncountable). The phrase "modern machinery which are equipped" is also awkward; it could be more clearly stated as "modern machinery that is equipped."
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should pay attention to grammatical structures and ensure that adjectives are used correctly. It is beneficial to review the rules of noun countability and subject-verb agreement. Additionally, using collocations (e.g., "advanced technology" instead of "high-tech") can enhance the clarity and accuracy of the vocabulary.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "equipments" (should be "equipment") and "machinery which are equipped" (should be "machinery that is equipped"). These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling, which can affect the overall impression of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading practices, perhaps reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on spelling can help reinforce correct forms in the writer’s memory.

By addressing these areas, the writer can improve their lexical resource score in future essays, aiming for greater variety, precision, and accuracy in their vocabulary usage.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the use of "Firstly" and "Another factor" effectively introduces new points, while sentences like "For instance, now doctors can use robots and high quality equipments for complex surgeries which reduces time, work and higher levels of success" showcase a complex structure. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied to enhance the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "people can surf the web for more options about films and watch them online," you could say, "people can surf the web to find a wider variety of films, which they can then watch online." Additionally, using a mix of passive and active voice can add variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that detract from clarity. For instance, "high-tech medical equipments" should be "high-tech medical equipment" as ‘equipment’ is an uncountable noun. The phrase "nowadays don’t need to travel thousands of miles to cities for treatment" could be clearer if rephrased to "nowadays, they do not need to travel thousands of miles to cities for treatment." Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are areas where commas could enhance readability, such as after introductory phrases.
  • How to improve: Focus on identifying and correcting common grammatical errors, such as noun forms and subject-verb agreement. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences, can improve clarity. For example, ensure that introductory phrases are followed by a comma to separate them from the main clause.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, enhancing sentence variety and refining grammatical precision will help achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The 21st century has a significantly enhanced quality of life compared to those in past centuries. I concur with this perspective, as I believe the advancements in science and technology have significant impacts on our way of living.

Firstly, healthcare services are now more advanced and accessible to a broader population than in previous centuries, thanks to the increasing number of professionals and high-tech medical equipment. For example, in mountainous areas of Vietnam, people living there nowadays no longer need to travel thousands of miles to cities for treatment, as they can go to local hospitals for check-ups. In addition, there are also many modern machines that are equipped to make the check-up process and treatment more effective. For instance, doctors can now use robots and high-quality equipment for complex surgeries, which reduces time, work, and increases levels of success.

Another factor contributing to the better quality of life is the support of digital technology; our methods of networking, transactions, and entertainment have become more convenient. With smartphones, modern people today can contact family members and friends much easier, quicker, and save more money. For example, people can use apps or make calls to contact others, rather than relying on the post office. Additionally, financial transactions among individuals in society have now become less time-consuming, thanks to the help of bank services. Moreover, individuals can now access various entertainment options anytime and from anywhere. For instance, instead of going to cinemas to watch films, people can surf the web for more options about films and watch them online, all for free or for less money.

In conclusion, I believe that the 21st century offers a better quality of life thanks to improvements in healthcare and digital technologies. These advancements make our lives more convenient and comfortable than ever before.