select and summarize
select and summarize
The graph given compares the figures of television-viewing technologies employed by households in some villages between 2004 and 2014. Overall, what stands out from the chart is that there was a contrasting trend between the increasing application of Internet and Satellite and the dropping choice for Cable and Broadcast. Also noteworthy is that the Internet grew dramatically as the leading choice for people’s preference at the end of the survey.
In 2004, Broadcast technology led the way in the top choice of the majority of households for watching television, with more than 100 thousand households utilizing it. However, the figure witnessed a significant decline each year, and fluctuated down to approximately 10 thousand households by 2014. In contrast, over 90 000 families opted for Cable technology as the major method to watch TV in 2004, following that period, the date experienced a slight descent in 2010, but ultimately plummeted to nearly 60 000 households by 2014.
In terms of growth, satellite technology commenced at just above 60,000 households in 2004, enjoyed a significant surge, peaking at just below 100,000 in 2008, and rising to around 120,000 by 2014. In term of Internet, which started at roughly 10,000 households in 2004, demonstrated consistent growth to nearly 80,000 by 2008, and peaked at approximately 190,000 to finish the period.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"the figures of television-viewing technologies" -> "the figures for television-viewing technologies"
Explanation: "Figures for" is a more precise prepositional phrase that indicates the data being discussed, enhancing clarity. -
"what stands out from the chart is that there was a contrasting trend" -> "a notable observation from the chart is the contrasting trend"
Explanation: "Notable observation" is more formal and precise than "what stands out," improving the academic tone of the sentence. -
"the dropping choice for Cable and Broadcast" -> "the declining preference for Cable and Broadcast"
Explanation: "Declining preference" is more formal and accurately conveys a decrease in popularity, while "dropping choice" is informal and vague. -
"the Internet grew dramatically as the leading choice for people’s preference" -> "the Internet emerged as the predominant choice among households"
Explanation: "Emerging as the predominant choice" is more precise and formal than "grew dramatically as the leading choice," enhancing the academic tone. -
"the majority of households for watching television" -> "the majority of households for television viewing"
Explanation: "Television viewing" is a more concise and formal phrase than "watching television," aligning better with academic language. -
"the figure witnessed a significant decline each year, and fluctuated down to approximately 10 thousand households" -> "the figure experienced a significant annual decline, ultimately decreasing to approximately 10,000 households"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal verb choice than "witnessed," and "ultimately decreasing" provides clearer progression than "fluctuated down." -
"the date experienced a slight descent" -> "the data experienced a slight decline"
Explanation: "Data" is the correct term in this context, and "decline" is more precise than "descent," which is less commonly used in academic writing. -
"plummeted to nearly 60 000 households" -> "decreased to nearly 60,000 households"
Explanation: "Decreased" is a more neutral and formal term than "plummeted," which carries a more emotional connotation. -
"enjoyed a significant surge" -> "experienced a significant increase"
Explanation: "Experienced" is a more formal verb than "enjoyed," which is more casual and less appropriate in academic writing. -
"In term of Internet" -> "In terms of Internet usage"
Explanation: "In terms of Internet usage" is more precise and grammatically correct, enhancing clarity. -
"demonstrated consistent growth to nearly 80,000 by 2008" -> "exhibited consistent growth, reaching nearly 80,000 by 2008"
Explanation: "Exhibited" is a more formal verb than "demonstrated," and "reaching" provides clearer information about the growth. -
"peaked at approximately 190,000 to finish the period" -> "peaked at approximately 190,000 by the end of the period"
Explanation: "By the end of the period" is clearer and more formal than "to finish the period," improving the academic tone.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main trends in the graph, but it does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the task. The essay adequately highlights the key features of the graph, but some details are irrelevant or inaccurate. For example, the essay states that "the figure witnessed a significant decline each year" for Broadcast technology, but the graph shows that the decline was not consistent.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing more accurate and relevant details about the trends in the graph. The essay could also be improved by using more precise language to describe the trends. For example, instead of saying "the figure witnessed a significant decline," the essay could say "the number of households using Broadcast technology decreased significantly."
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay arranges information and ideas coherently, presenting a clear overall progression from the introduction to the body paragraphs. However, while it uses cohesive devices effectively, there are instances where cohesion between sentences is mechanical or unclear. For example, phrases like "in terms of growth" and "in term of Internet" could be more fluidly integrated into the text. Additionally, while the essay uses paragraphs, the organization within them is not always logical, particularly in the transitions between different technologies.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on improving the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensuring that transitions between ideas are smoother. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate closely to that topic will strengthen the overall organization of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary suitable for the task. It attempts to use less common vocabulary, such as "utilizing," "fluctuated," and "commenced," but there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward phrasing, such as "the date experienced a slight descent." Additionally, there are some errors in spelling and word formation, such as "In term of Internet" instead of "In terms of Internet." While these errors do not severely impede communication, they do detract from the overall clarity and precision of the essay.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary range and ensuring the correct use of less common lexical items. Paying attention to collocation and the context in which words are used will also enhance clarity. Furthermore, proofreading for spelling and grammatical errors will help eliminate inaccuracies and improve overall coherence.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6
Band Score: 6.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, which is characteristic of a Band 6. While there are some effective structures used, there are noticeable errors in grammar and punctuation that occasionally hinder clarity. For example, phrases like "the date experienced a slight descent" should be "the figure experienced a slight descent," indicating a misunderstanding of terminology. Additionally, the use of "in term of Internet" should be "in terms of the Internet." These errors, while not completely obstructive, do affect the overall communication of ideas.
How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on enhancing grammatical accuracy and expanding the range of sentence structures. This can be done by practicing complex sentences and ensuring that all terms are used correctly and consistently. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical and punctuation errors before submission would help in reducing mistakes that can detract from the overall quality of the essay.
Bài sửa mẫu
The graph given compares the figures of television-viewing technologies employed by households in some villages between 2004 and 2014. Overall, what stands out from the chart is the contrasting trend between the increasing use of Internet and Satellite technologies and the declining preference for Cable and Broadcast options. Also noteworthy is that the Internet emerged dramatically as the leading choice for viewers by the end of the survey.
In 2004, Broadcast technology was the top choice for the majority of households, with more than 100,000 households utilizing it. However, this figure witnessed a significant decline each year, fluctuating down to approximately 10,000 households by 2014. In contrast, over 90,000 families opted for Cable technology as their primary method of watching TV in 2004. Following that period, the figure experienced a slight decrease in 2010 but ultimately plummeted to nearly 60,000 households by 2014.
In terms of growth, Satellite technology started at just above 60,000 households in 2004, enjoyed a significant surge, peaking at just below 100,000 in 2008, and rising to around 120,000 by 2014. Regarding the Internet, which began at roughly 10,000 households in 2004, it demonstrated consistent growth to nearly 80,000 by 2008 and peaked at approximately 190,000 by the end of the period.
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