Should censorship be applied to TV?

Censorship on television has always been a difficult topic, sparking disputes about free expression and the safeguarding of societal norms. As the media landscape evolves, the influence of transmitted programming on viewers, particularly vulnerable populations such as children, becomes more obvious. This essay contends that censorship on television should be used sparingly to protect viewers from dangerous content, preserve cultural standards, and reduce the spread of disinformation.

To begin with, censorship on television can protect vulnerable audiences such as children and people under 18. This is because nowadays TV shows tend to release more action and violent content to attract more viewers, so they can make profit despite who will watch their result. And this is really dangerous for children when they accidently watch violent content without their parents permission, and violence graphics can have harmful effects on children's behaviour. For instance, real life study shows that children who watch violent content may be more aggressive than normal kids. It may be argued that censorship is unnecessary, and the most common reason for this point of view is that the content will infringe on the content or the creativity of the creator. However, people assume that individuals have the right to whatever they want without censorship from any regulatory bodies, because there are so many situations around the world right now and TV is the fastest way to upload it so it cannot be sort specific which will suit children.

Secondly, censorship plays an important role in keeping the cultural values and promoting decency in social media. Beside that, applying censorship to TV can prevent the spread of misinformation and harmful philosophy, for example the spread of the fake news will cause a misunderstanding of citizens about their country's situations. This can cause the downfall of the economy or even worse is the civil war of that country. Individuals believed that applying censorship to TV will in a part decrease the quality of the show, also it will undermine fundamental freedoms from the content so people cannot fully watch the full story without editing or sorting. This could be true, parents and old people who are old enough to have awareness about what they are watching and they can control their behaviour.

In conclusion, censorship might apply to TV due to the development of the latter generations and avoid negative impacts to their behaviour. It can be clearly seen that,

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Censorship on television has always been a difficult topic" -> "Censorship on television has consistently been a contentious issue"
Explanation: The phrase "contentious issue" is more precise and formal than "difficult topic," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"sparkling disputes" -> "fostering debates"
Explanation: "Fostering debates" is a more precise and formal term than "sparkling disputes," which is an idiom that is not typically used in academic contexts.
"the safeguarding of societal norms" -> "the protection of societal norms"
Explanation: "Protection" is a more direct and formal synonym for "safeguarding," aligning better with academic style.
"the influence of transmitted programming" -> "the impact of broadcast content"
Explanation: "Impact" is a more precise term than "influence" in this context, and "broadcast content" is a more specific term than "transmitted programming."
"to protect viewers from dangerous content" -> "to safeguard viewers from harmful content"
Explanation: "Safeguard" is a more formal synonym for "protect," and "harmful" is a more specific term than "dangerous" in this context.
"And this is really dangerous" -> "This is indeed dangerous"
Explanation: "Indeed" is a more formal adverb than "really," which is too colloquial for academic writing.
"accidently" -> "accidentally"
Explanation: "Accidentally" is the correct spelling of the word, which is crucial for maintaining professionalism in writing.
"without their parents permission" -> "without parental permission"
Explanation: "Parental permission" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea.
"real life study shows" -> "empirical studies demonstrate"
Explanation: "Empirical studies demonstrate" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "real life study shows."
"may be more aggressive than normal kids" -> "may exhibit more aggressive behavior than their peers"
Explanation: "Exhibit more aggressive behavior than their peers" is a more precise and formal way to describe the comparison.
"the most common reason for this point of view is that" -> "a primary argument against this perspective is that"
Explanation: "A primary argument against this perspective is that" is more formal and specific than "the most common reason for this point of view is that."
"people assume" -> "individuals believe"
Explanation: "Individuals believe" is a more formal expression than "people assume," which is somewhat informal.
"Beside that" -> "Furthermore"
Explanation: "Furthermore" is a more formal transitional phrase than "beside that," which is colloquial.
"the spread of misinformation and harmful philosophy" -> "the dissemination of misinformation and harmful ideologies"
Explanation: "Dissemination" and "ideologies" are more precise and formal terms than "spread" and "philosophy," respectively.
"Individuals believed" -> "Some argue"
Explanation: "Some argue" is a more neutral and formal way to introduce opposing viewpoints in academic writing.
"in a part decrease the quality of the show" -> "may diminish the quality of the content"
Explanation: "May diminish the quality of the content" is more precise and formal than "in a part decrease the quality of the show."
"undermine fundamental freedoms from the content" -> "compromise fundamental freedoms within the content"
Explanation: "Compromise fundamental freedoms within the content" is a clearer and more formal expression than "undermine fundamental freedoms from the content."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the necessity of censorship on television, particularly in relation to protecting vulnerable audiences and maintaining cultural standards. However, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of the arguments for and against censorship. While the essay mentions opposing views, it does not fully engage with them or provide a counter-argument, which weakens the overall response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly outline the opposing arguments in more detail and then refute them with evidence or reasoning. This would create a more comprehensive discussion that fully addresses all aspects of the prompt.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position advocating for censorship, particularly for the protection of children and societal norms. However, there are moments where the position becomes somewhat muddled, especially in the second body paragraph where the writer acknowledges potential downsides of censorship without clearly linking them back to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should consistently reinforce their stance throughout the essay. This can be achieved by clearly linking each point back to the central thesis and ensuring that any acknowledgment of opposing views is followed by a strong rebuttal that reaffirms the original position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the protection of children and the prevention of misinformation. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the reference to a "real life study" lacks citation and detail, which diminishes its persuasive power. Additionally, some ideas are not fully developed, such as the implications of misinformation on society.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should include specific examples, statistics, or studies with proper citations. This would not only enhance the credibility of the arguments but also provide a more thorough exploration of each point.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of censorship on television. However, there are instances where the discussion strays slightly, particularly in the second body paragraph where the mention of "parents and old people" seems somewhat disconnected from the main argument about censorship.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly supports the central argument about censorship. It may help to outline the main points before writing to ensure each paragraph clearly ties back to the thesis and the prompt.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments, it would benefit from deeper engagement with opposing views, stronger support for its claims, and a more consistent focus on the central thesis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of censorship on television, structured around two main points: protecting vulnerable audiences and preserving cultural values. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the first and second points is somewhat abrupt, lacking a clear connection that ties them together. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, but the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly relate back to the thesis.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of each paragraph to indicate how they relate to the previous one. For example, after discussing the protection of children, a sentence like "In addition to safeguarding younger viewers, censorship also plays a vital role in maintaining cultural integrity" could create a smoother transition.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph addresses a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the internal structure of the paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph contains multiple ideas that could be more effectively organized. The argument about the dangers of violent content is mixed with the counterargument about creativity, making it harder for the reader to follow the main point.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally focus on a single main idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples. In the first paragraph, separate the discussion of the dangers of violent content from the counterargument about creativity. This could involve creating a new paragraph dedicated to addressing opposing views, which would clarify the structure and strengthen the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help guide the reader through the argument. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences and ideas could be clearer. For example, phrases like "this is because" and "for instance" are used, but the essay could benefit from a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a range of linking words such as "furthermore," "moreover," "in contrast," and "consequently." Additionally, ensure that pronouns and synonyms are used effectively to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly mentioning "censorship," consider using "this measure" or "such regulations" to avoid redundancy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and effectiveness, potentially raising the band score for Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "censorship," "vulnerable populations," "disinformation," and "cultural standards." However, the vocabulary tends to be repetitive, particularly with phrases like "censorship on television" and "violent content." This limits the overall lexical variety and makes the writing feel somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "censorship," alternatives like "regulation," "content control," or "media oversight" could be employed. Additionally, diversifying phrases related to "violent content" with terms like "aggressive programming" or "graphic material" would enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay uses some appropriate vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "to attract more viewers, so they can make profit despite who will watch their result" is awkward and unclear. The term "result" is vague and does not effectively convey the intended meaning. Furthermore, "violence graphics" should be "violent graphics" for clarity.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on ensuring that vocabulary accurately reflects the intended meaning. Revising sentences for clarity and precision is essential. For instance, the sentence could be rephrased to: "to attract more viewers and maximize profits, regardless of the audience." This would improve both clarity and precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "accidently" (should be "accidentally"), "Beside" (should be "Besides"), and "old people who are old enough" (which is redundant). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully or use spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and reviewing the essay for redundancy can enhance clarity and professionalism. For example, instead of saying "old people who are old enough," a more concise phrase like "adults" could be used.

By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and correcting spelling errors—the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences such as "This essay contends that censorship on television should be used sparingly to protect viewers from dangerous content, preserve cultural standards, and reduce the spread of disinformation." However, there are instances of repetitive structures, particularly in the use of "censorship on television" and "children." This can make the writing feel monotonous. Additionally, the essay employs some simple sentences that could be combined for greater complexity, such as "This is because nowadays TV shows tend to release more action and violent content to attract more viewers, so they can make profit despite who will watch their result."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using a greater variety of introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of repeatedly starting sentences with "This is because," try beginning with a dependent clause: "Given that TV shows increasingly feature violent content, it is crucial to implement censorship." Additionally, incorporating more varied conjunctions and transition phrases can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "accidently" should be "accidentally," and "permission" should be preceded by "parent’s" to indicate possession. The phrase "the content will infringe on the content or the creativity of the creator" is awkwardly phrased and could be streamlined for clarity. Moreover, there are instances of run-on sentences, such as "However, people assume that individuals have the right to whatever they want without censorship from any regulatory bodies, because there are so many situations around the world right now and TV is the fastest way to upload it so it cannot be sort specific which will suit children," which could be broken down into clearer, more concise sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, it is essential to proofread the essay for common errors such as spelling mistakes and awkward phrasing. Additionally, practicing sentence variety can help avoid run-on sentences. Consider breaking longer sentences into shorter ones to enhance clarity. Using punctuation effectively, such as commas to separate clauses, will also improve readability. Lastly, reviewing subject-verb agreement and ensuring proper noun forms (e.g., "parent’s permission") will strengthen grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical accuracy will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

**Censorship on television has consistently been a contentious issue**, fostering debates about free expression and the protection of societal norms. As the media landscape evolves, the impact of broadcast content on viewers, particularly vulnerable populations such as children, becomes increasingly evident. This essay contends that censorship on television should be applied judiciously to safeguard viewers from harmful content, preserve cultural standards, and mitigate the spread of misinformation.

To begin with, censorship on television can protect vulnerable audiences such as children and individuals under 18. This is particularly important today, as many TV shows tend to feature more action and violent content to attract viewers and maximize profits, often disregarding the potential impact on their audience. This is indeed dangerous for children when they accidentally watch violent content without parental permission, as graphic violence can have detrimental effects on their behavior. For instance, empirical studies demonstrate that children who watch violent content may exhibit more aggressive behavior than their peers. A primary argument against this perspective is that censorship is unnecessary, with critics claiming it infringes on the creativity of content creators. However, many individuals believe that the right to access any content without censorship is flawed, especially given the myriad of situations occurring globally, where television serves as a rapid means of dissemination that cannot always be tailored to suit children.

Furthermore, censorship plays an important role in upholding cultural values and promoting decency in media. Additionally, applying censorship to television can prevent the dissemination of misinformation and harmful ideologies. For example, the spread of fake news can lead to misunderstandings among citizens regarding their country’s situation, potentially resulting in economic decline or, in the worst-case scenario, civil unrest. Some argue that implementing censorship may diminish the quality of the content, as it could compromise fundamental freedoms within the content, preventing viewers from experiencing the full narrative without edits. While this concern is valid, it is essential to recognize that parents and older individuals, who possess the awareness to discern appropriate content, can help guide younger viewers in their media consumption.

In conclusion, censorship should be applied to television to address the evolving needs of future generations and to mitigate negative impacts on their behavior. It is clear that a balanced approach to censorship can help protect vulnerable audiences while still allowing for creative expression.