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Social media is everywhere today, changing how people connect and share information. Some believe it has negative consequences, contributing to issues like misinformation and cyberbullying. Others argue that it is a powerful tool to foster global connections.

Social media is everywhere today, changing how people connect and share information. Some believe it has negative consequences, contributing to issues like misinformation and cyberbullying. Others argue that it is a powerful tool to foster global connections.

Social networking websites and programs have become more common in recent years, changing how people connect and share information. Many people believe that it causes significant concerns about giving wrong information and the activity of sending messages on social media, emails, and text messages, to frighten or upset somebody. On the other hand, it is a powerful tool for accessing information connectivity. From my point of view, social media has both benefits and drawbacks.

Many people believe that social media is a powerful tool to foster global connections. This holds true for various reasons. First of all, it has a positive impact on business opportunities. This can be explained by many businesses creating public relations advertisements about their products. For example, Nhat Kim Anh singer has a good advertisement to promote these products. As a result, these goods have become popular in the coffee market in Vietnam and more people know about them. The second reason is social media can strengthen relationships among people. For instance, people spend most of their time surfing the Internet like TikTok, Facebook, or Messages. By doing this, they can be connected with their family or their friends over a long distance thanks to social media.

While social networking websites and programs bring more benefit, it also has many negative effects including misinformation and cyberbullying. To start with, it is easier for many adults to see fake news or rush news nowadays. Adults do not have enough knowledge and it is easier to lose personal information. Many companies can be revenue for privacy concerns from their customers. In addition, Cyberbullying is one of the attention issues that attracts more people every day. Because many wrong things could spread rapidly, impacting individuals negatively.

In conclusion, social networking websites and programs have advantages like strengthening relationships and business opportunities. There are some disadvantages such as misinformation and cyberbullying. If users make informed choices, they will bring many positive impacts and vice versa. What I reckon is that customers have a suitable choice to benefit from that. Moreover, people should have a suitable scheduler to keep them healthy and have enough knowledge to avoid some cheats in social networking and programs.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many people believe that it causes significant concerns about giving wrong information and the activity of sending messages on social media, emails, and text messages, to frighten or upset somebody." -> "Many individuals express concerns regarding the dissemination of inaccurate information and the potential use of messaging platforms on social media, email, and text messages to intimidate or distress others."
    Explanation: The revised sentence introduces a more formal tone by replacing "Many people believe that it causes significant concerns" with "Many individuals express concerns regarding," and it employs a more precise vocabulary to describe the potential negative impacts of messaging activities.

  2. "On the other hand, it is a powerful tool for accessing information connectivity." -> "Conversely, it serves as a potent tool for facilitating information connectivity."
    Explanation: The suggested change introduces the term "conversely" for a smoother transition and replaces "On the other hand, it is a powerful tool for accessing" with "Conversely, it serves as a potent tool for facilitating," enhancing the formality and clarity of the sentence.

  3. "From my point of view, social media has both benefits and drawbacks." -> "In my opinion, social media presents both advantages and drawbacks."
    Explanation: The phrase "From my point of view" is replaced with the more concise "In my opinion," aligning with a formal tone. The latter part of the sentence is also refined to "presents both advantages and drawbacks" for clarity.

  4. "This can be explained by many businesses creating public relations advertisements about their products." -> "This is exemplified by numerous businesses developing public relations advertisements for their products."
    Explanation: The replacement of "This can be explained by many businesses creating" with "This is exemplified by numerous businesses developing" offers a more sophisticated expression, avoiding the informal use of "can be explained."

  5. "For example, Nhat Kim Anh singer has a good advertisement to promote these products." -> "For instance, the singer Nhat Kim Anh has effectively used advertisements to promote these products."
    Explanation: The revision clarifies the sentence structure, specifying that Nhat Kim Anh is a singer and improving the overall flow. The phrase "has a good advertisement" is replaced with "has effectively used advertisements" for a more precise description.

  6. "While social networking websites and programs bring more benefit, it also has many negative effects including misinformation and cyberbullying." -> "While social networking websites and programs offer numerous benefits, they also entail significant negative effects, including misinformation and cyberbullying."
    Explanation: The suggested change enhances clarity by specifying that the negative effects are associated with social networking websites and programs. The phrase "bring more benefit" is replaced with "offer numerous benefits" for a more formal expression.

  7. "To start with, it is easier for many adults to see fake news or rush news nowadays." -> "Firstly, many adults find it easier to encounter fake news or hastily circulated information in the present day."
    Explanation: The transition word "To start with" is replaced with "Firstly" for a more formal beginning. The phrase "see fake news or rush news" is refined to "encounter fake news or hastily circulated information" for greater precision.

  8. "Many companies can be revenue for privacy concerns from their customers." -> "Many companies may face financial repercussions due to privacy concerns raised by their customers."
    Explanation: The suggested change corrects the grammatical error in the original sentence and introduces a more formal term, replacing "can be revenue" with "may face financial repercussions."

  9. "Moreover, people should have a suitable scheduler to keep them healthy and have enough knowledge to avoid some cheats in social networking and programs." -> "Furthermore, individuals should maintain a well-organized schedule to support their well-being and possess sufficient knowledge to prevent deception in social networking and programs."
    Explanation: The word "scheduler" is replaced with "schedule" for correctness, and the term "some cheats" is replaced with "deception" for a more formal and precise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses all parts of the question by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of social media. It recognizes the potential benefits, such as fostering global connections and business opportunities, as well as the drawbacks, including misinformation and cyberbullying. Relevant examples, such as Nhat Kim Anh’s advertisement, are provided to support the points made.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider providing more nuanced insights and exploring the implications of the positive and negative aspects in greater depth. Ensure that each part of the prompt is thoroughly analyzed and supported with specific examples.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by acknowledging both the positive and negative aspects of social media. The writer expresses a balanced view and does not solely focus on either the benefits or drawbacks.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating the writer’s stance in the introduction and conclusion. This can help readers easily identify the author’s perspective on the issue.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents, extends, and supports ideas reasonably well. It effectively discusses the positive impact of social media on business opportunities and relationship-building. However, some ideas could be further developed, and more examples could be provided to enhance the depth of the argument.
    • How to improve: Elaborate on each point by providing additional examples, data, or anecdotes. This will strengthen the overall argument and provide a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but occasionally deviates into less relevant details, such as mentioning the singer Nhat Kim Anh. While the example is related to the positive impact of social media on business opportunities, it could be more directly tied to the global connections aspect of the prompt.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all examples and details directly support the central theme of the essay. Limit the inclusion of tangential information to maintain focus on the main topic.

In conclusion, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and effectively discusses the positive and negative aspects of social media. To improve, the writer should aim for more depth in analysis, explicitly state their position, provide additional examples, and maintain a tighter focus on the main topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that introduces the topic and presents the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs discuss both the positive and negative aspects of social media in separate sections. However, there is room for improvement in the logical flow within paragraphs, with some ideas presented in a slightly disjointed manner.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Additionally, pay attention to the transition between paragraphs to create a smoother flow of ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to organize its content. However, there is inconsistency in the length and development of paragraphs. Some paragraphs are well-structured and effectively develop the main idea, while others are shorter and lack sufficient elaboration.
    • How to improve: Maintain consistency in paragraph length and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. Avoid overly short paragraphs that may leave ideas underdeveloped. Consider combining or expanding paragraphs to provide a more balanced and comprehensive discussion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "while," "in conclusion"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and effectiveness of these devices. Additionally, there is a need for more cohesive devices within paragraphs to connect ideas.
    • How to improve: Increase the use of a diverse range of cohesive devices, including conjunctions, transitional words, and pronouns. Ensure that cohesive devices are not only used at the beginning of paragraphs but also within paragraphs to create smoother transitions between sentences and ideas. Consider using parallel structures to enhance coherence.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates an understanding of coherence and cohesion, improvements can be made in the logical organization of ideas, consistency in paragraph development, and the effective use of a broader range of cohesive devices. These enhancements will contribute to a more polished and cohesive essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of vocabulary. It incorporates terms related to social media, connectivity, misinformation, and cyberbullying. Specific examples, such as "public relations advertisements" and "revenue for privacy concerns," contribute to the variety.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary further, consider incorporating more advanced and nuanced terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "social networking websites," consider synonyms like "online platforms" or "virtual networks" where appropriate. Additionally, aim for more varied expressions when discussing benefits and drawbacks.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary is generally precise, but there are instances where words could be more accurately chosen. For instance, the phrase "many people believe" is used multiple times and could be replaced with alternatives like "it is widely held that" or "a common perception is."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to redundancy and explore synonyms for frequently used terms. This will add sophistication to your language. In addition, be cautious of vague terms like "wrong things," which can be made more specific for clarity and precision.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few errors, such as "scheduler" instead of "schedule" and "revenue" instead of "reverence."
    • How to improve: Regular proofreading is essential to catch and correct spelling errors. Consider using spelling and grammar-check tools to enhance accuracy. Additionally, pay attention to word choice to avoid inadvertent substitutions that may result in incorrect spelling.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a commendable level of lexical resource, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve, focus on incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary, ensuring precision in word choice, and conducting thorough proofreading to enhance spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate variety of sentence structures. There is a mix of simple and complex sentences, though some sentences are repetitive in structure, affecting the overall range. For instance, the frequent use of "Many people believe" and "For example" structures could be diversified for a more engaging expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating a greater variety of sentence types such as compound and compound-complex sentences. Vary the introductory phrases and transitions to provide a more dynamic flow to your essay.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a satisfactory level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances of grammatical errors, such as the phrase "many adults to see fake news or rush news," which is unclear. Additionally, some sentence structures could be refined for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to sentence structure and verb agreement. Review each sentence to ensure clarity and coherence. Consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-check tools to identify and rectify grammatical errors.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable command of punctuation; however, there are moments of inconsistency. Commas are sometimes misused or omitted, affecting the flow and precision of certain sentences.
    • How to improve: Practice using commas appropriately, particularly in complex sentences and lists. Review basic punctuation rules and consider revising sentences where the meaning may be unclear due to punctuation errors. Utilize grammar resources and proofreading tools to refine your punctuation skills.

Overall, while the essay effectively communicates its ideas, refining the variety of sentence structures and improving grammatical accuracy and punctuation consistency will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Social media has become increasingly prevalent in recent years, transforming the way people connect and share information. Many individuals express concerns regarding the dissemination of inaccurate information and the potential use of messaging platforms on social media, email, and text messages to intimidate or distress others. Conversely, it serves as a potent tool for facilitating information connectivity. In my opinion, social media presents both advantages and drawbacks.

Some argue that social media is a powerful tool to foster global connections, and this belief is grounded in valid reasons. Firstly, it positively impacts business opportunities, with numerous companies creating public relations advertisements for their products. For instance, the singer Nhat Kim Anh has effectively used advertisements to promote these products, contributing to their popularity in the Vietnamese coffee market. Secondly, social media can strengthen relationships among people. Many individuals spend a significant amount of time on platforms like TikTok, Facebook, or Messages, connecting with family and friends over long distances.

While social networking websites and programs offer numerous benefits, they also entail significant negative effects, including misinformation and cyberbullying. Firstly, many adults find it easier to encounter fake news or hastily circulated information in the present day. This lack of knowledge exposes them to potential privacy concerns, which can have financial repercussions for companies. Furthermore, cyberbullying has become a pervasive issue, as misinformation spreads rapidly and negatively impacts individuals.

In conclusion, social media has both advantages and disadvantages, such as strengthening relationships and business opportunities versus misinformation and cyberbullying. Making informed choices as users is crucial, as these choices can bring about positive impacts or negative consequences. Therefore, users should have a well-organized schedule to support their well-being and possess sufficient knowledge to navigate social networking platforms and programs without falling victim to deception.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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