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Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

Society is based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they want to do, it could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?

It’s argued that our society can only function because of rules and laws as people can’t do whatever they want. This essay strongly agrees with this opinion as laws protect citizen’s rights and maintain the equality of the society.

The first reason for my agreement with the importance of regulations and laws is that they protect people’s rights. Without the protection of the legal system, it’s uncertain that people’s basic needs and rights can be met and fulfilled in any situation. For example, with the Working laws, employees will acknowledge their rights to be paid according to their productivity, have annual leaves, and be provided with insurance while working. If the employers can’t fulfill these requirements, they can file a complaint or even sue these people.

Another reason for my agreement with the given viewpoint is the equality essence of the legal system. With laws, every citizen will have to face the consequences of their actions, regardless of their social status, wealth or job position. Take, for instance, the recent trials of Donald Trump in the state of Colorado. Despite his position as the former president of the United States, he still has to face the ramifications of fuelling the protest at the Capitol Hall in 2021 and can face the possibilities of not being able to run his campaign for the president position in 2024. If we don’t have laws, with his wealth and status, Donald Trump can easily avoid the responsibilities of his actions and can lead to more severe results in the future.

In conclusion, I personally strongly agree with the viewpoint that if individuals can act freely without law, our society will not function. The reasons are that laws preserve the basic rights and needs of every citizen while still maintaining the equality of the society.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It’s argued" -> "It is argued"
    Explanation: Replacing the contraction "It’s" with the full form "It is" enhances formality and adheres to academic writing standards.

  2. "can’t do whatever they want" -> "cannot act at their discretion"
    Explanation: Substituting "can’t do whatever they want" with "cannot act at their discretion" provides a more sophisticated expression, avoiding colloquial language and maintaining a formal tone.

  3. "This essay strongly agrees" -> "This essay firmly concurs"
    Explanation: Replacing "strongly agrees" with "firmly concurs" introduces a more formal and academically suitable term, elevating the tone of the statement.

  4. "citizen’s rights" -> "citizens’ rights"
    Explanation: Correcting the possessive form from "citizen’s" to "citizens’" ensures grammatical accuracy by indicating that the rights belong to multiple citizens, not just one.

  5. "they protect people’s rights" -> "they safeguard individuals’ rights"
    Explanation: Substituting "protect" with "safeguard" and "people’s" with "individuals’" maintains formality and introduces a more precise term.

  6. "it’s uncertain" -> "it would be uncertain"
    Explanation: Replacing "it’s" (contraction for "it is") with "it would be" improves the conditional structure, making it more appropriate in formal writing.

  7. "the Working laws" -> "labor laws" or "employment regulations"
    Explanation: Using "labor laws" or "employment regulations" provides a more specific and accurate term than the general phrase "the Working laws."

  8. "will acknowledge their rights" -> "can assert their rights"
    Explanation: Substituting "will acknowledge" with "can assert" introduces a stronger and more proactive term in the context of exercising rights.

  9. "employers can’t fulfill these requirements" -> "employers fail to meet these requirements"
    Explanation: Replacing "can’t fulfill" with "fail to meet" maintains formality and clarity in expressing the inability of employers to meet certain standards.

  10. "file a complaint or even sue these people" -> "file a complaint or pursue legal action against them"
    Explanation: Using "pursue legal action against them" instead of "sue these people" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  11. "the equality essence of the legal system" -> "the intrinsic equality upheld by the legal system"
    Explanation: Replacing "equality essence" with "intrinsic equality upheld" maintains a formal tone and emphasizes the fundamental nature of equality within the legal system.

  12. "every citizen will have to face the consequences" -> "each citizen is accountable for the consequences"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence with "each citizen is accountable for the consequences" provides a more formal and precise expression.

  13. "fuelling the protest" -> "inciting the protest"
    Explanation: Replacing "fuelling" with "inciting" offers a more formal term that accurately describes the action of Donald Trump in relation to the protest.

  14. "Capitol Hall" -> "Capitol Hill"
    Explanation: Correcting "Capitol Hall" to "Capitol Hill" ensures accuracy in referencing the location.

  15. "If we don’t have laws" -> "In the absence of laws"
    Explanation: Replacing the colloquial "don’t" with "do not" and restructuring the sentence enhances formality and precision.

  16. "with his wealth and status" -> "owing to his wealth and status"
    Explanation: Substituting "with" with "owing to" introduces a more sophisticated phrase, maintaining a formal tone.

  17. "more severe results" -> "more severe consequences"
    Explanation: Using "consequences" instead of "results" provides a more precise and formal term in this context.

  18. "if individuals can act freely without law" -> "if individuals were free to act without legal constraints"
    Explanation: Rewording the sentence to "if individuals were free to act without legal constraints" maintains formality and clarity, avoiding the colloquial use of "freely" and "without law."

  19. "the reasons are that" -> "this is because"
    Explanation: Replacing "the reasons are that" with "this is because" enhances the formality and clarity of the concluding sentence.

In academic writing, precision, formality, and clarity are paramount. Replacing informal expressions with more advanced vocabulary while maintaining coherence and precision enhances the academic tone and strengthens the essay’s overall presentation.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both aspects of the prompt, discussing the necessity of rules and laws in society to protect rights and maintain equality. It provides examples to support this viewpoint, focusing on how laws safeguard individuals’ rights and ensure equality, as well as the potential consequences if there were no laws.
    • How to improve: While the essay covers the core elements, it could benefit from expanding on the potential drawbacks of a society without laws. This could include discussing potential chaos, lack of order, or examples from history or other societies where the absence of laws led to negative consequences.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, clearly stating agreement with the necessity of laws and regulations. Each paragraph reinforces this perspective, discussing different aspects of how laws protect rights and maintain equality.
    • How to improve: To enhance clarity further, consider using stronger transitional phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, reinforcing the essay’s overall position and maintaining a cohesive flow.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas with relevant examples, elaborating on how laws protect rights and ensure equality. It effectively extends these ideas by citing specific instances, such as working laws and the example of Donald Trump, to support the argument.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the content, consider exploring alternative perspectives or potential counterarguments to strengthen the depth of analysis. This could involve discussing potential limitations or criticisms of laws in specific contexts.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly remains focused on the topic, consistently discussing the importance of laws and regulations in maintaining societal order and fairness.
    • How to improve: To ensure a more comprehensive coverage of the topic, consider addressing any potential counterarguments or contrasting viewpoints briefly to provide a more holistic view of the issue.

Suggestions for Improvement:

  • Develop a stronger introduction that succinctly outlines the essay’s stance and previews the main points to guide the reader.
  • Incorporate a broader range of examples or counterarguments to strengthen the depth and breadth of the argument.
  • Pay attention to sentence structure and coherence to ensure a smoother flow of ideas and connections between paragraphs.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and effectively argues in favor of the necessity of laws in society. Enhancing the depth of analysis and considering alternative viewpoints would further enrich the discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical organization. It begins with a concise introduction that states the position on the importance of rules and laws. Each body paragraph presents a distinct reason supporting the viewpoint, and the conclusion summarizes the main points effectively. The flow of ideas is smooth and sequential.
    • How to improve: While the logical organization is strong, consider enhancing transitions between paragraphs to ensure a seamless connection of ideas. For instance, use phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" to signal the progression of arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas. Each paragraph focuses on a single supporting point, contributing to a clear and organized structure. Topic sentences are generally clear, guiding the reader through the essay.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that previews the main idea. Also, review and refine the transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices such as pronouns ("it," "they," "these requirements") and conjunctions ("for example," "another reason") effectively. These devices contribute to the overall coherence and connectivity of ideas. However, there is room for diversification in the use of cohesive devices.
    • How to improve: While the current use of cohesive devices is commendable, consider incorporating a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the richness of the essay. Experiment with synonyms for common cohesive devices and explore additional connectors to add depth to the connectivity between sentences and ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To improve, focus on refining transitions between paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, and diversifying the use of cohesive devices for a more nuanced expression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "legal system," "ramifications," and "equality." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary further, especially in the expression of ideas and transitions between paragraphs.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating synonyms and exploring nuanced expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "laws," try alternatives like regulations, statutes, or legal frameworks. Additionally, experiment with more sophisticated transition phrases to create a smoother flow between ideas.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary effectively but occasionally relies on repetitive phrases, such as "people can’t do whatever they want" and "basic needs and rights." Precision could be improved by employing more specific terms and avoiding redundancy.
    • How to improve: Instead of general phrases, aim for specificity. For instance, rather than repeatedly stating "basic needs and rights," specify the rights being protected, such as freedom of speech, assembly, or privacy. Be mindful of overusing certain terms and explore alternative expressions to convey the same idea.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally good, with no major errors observed in the essay. However, there are a few instances where minor typos or word choice issues, like "fuelling" instead of "fueling," can be addressed to enhance overall spelling precision.
    • How to improve: Proofread the essay thoroughly, paying attention to minor spelling errors and ensuring consistency in word usage. Consider using spelling and grammar tools to catch any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, be cautious about word choices to avoid unintentional variations that may affect clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of vocabulary and spelling, with opportunities for improvement in diversifying word choice and enhancing precision. These adjustments can contribute to a more polished and sophisticated expression of ideas.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of sentence structures. Simple and complex sentences are used, providing a variety that contributes to overall coherence. There is a mix of short and long sentences, contributing to the fluency of the essay.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the variety of structures, consider incorporating compound-complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. Additionally, be mindful of sentence length to ensure a balanced rhythm throughout the essay.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays generally accurate grammar usage. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement could be improved, such as in the phrase "employees will acknowledge their rights." The use of articles is generally appropriate, but attention to precision could enhance accuracy.
    • How to improve: Review subject-verb agreement rules and pay special attention to articles (a, an, the). Consider using more precise language to avoid ambiguity, enhancing the overall clarity and accuracy of your sentences.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally correct, with proper use of commas and periods. However, there are instances where commas could be used more effectively for clarity, such as in the sentence "The reasons are that laws preserve the basic rights and needs of every citizen while still maintaining the equality of the society."
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to the use of commas in complex sentences. Ensure that commas are used to clarify the relationships between clauses. Consider utilizing other punctuation marks, like semicolons or colons, to enhance sentence structure and convey complex ideas more effectively.

In summary, your essay exhibits a strong grasp of grammatical range and accuracy. To improve, focus on enhancing sentence variety, refining subject-verb agreement, and paying careful attention to punctuation usage for optimal clarity and coherence.

Bài sửa mẫu

“It is argued that our society’s functionality hinges upon rules and laws, preventing people from acting without constraint. This essay firmly concurs with this standpoint, emphasizing how laws safeguard individuals’ rights and uphold societal equality.

The primary rationale supporting my agreement with the significance of regulations and laws is their role in protecting people’s rights. Absent the shield of the legal system, it would be uncertain whether individuals’ fundamental needs and rights could be met in various scenarios. For instance, labor laws ensure that employees can assert their rights regarding fair compensation corresponding to their productivity, entitlement to annual leaves, and provision of insurance during work. Should employers fail to meet these requirements, affected individuals retain the right to file a complaint or pursue legal action against them.

Another crucial aspect reinforcing my alignment with the stated perspective is the intrinsic equality maintained by the legal system. Laws dictate that every citizen is accountable for the consequences of their actions, irrespective of social status, wealth, or job position. For instance, consider the recent legal proceedings involving Donald Trump in Colorado. Despite his status as the former President of the United States, he faces repercussions for inciting the protest at Capitol Hill in 2021 and potentially might be barred from running for the presidential position in 2024. In the absence of laws, owing to his wealth and status, Trump could evade responsibility for his actions, potentially leading to more severe consequences in the future.

In conclusion, this essay strongly agrees that a society without legal constraints on individual actions would be non-functional. This is because laws not only safeguard the basic rights and needs of citizens but also ensure the maintenance of societal equality.”

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