Some argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some argue that fashion items cost too much money.Others say that is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. This essay will discuss both the point of agreement and disadgreement with this perspective.
First of all, most people choose to buy expensive fashion items because of the quality they bring. Most of the high-value items are the best quality items and are believed to bring high-tech experiences and satisfaction to users. Besides, sometimes customers do not buy the items they really like but buy them because of the brand of that item. Judging a person by what they use has become familiar to us and when we see people using expensive items from famous brands, most of them will judge them as successful and rich people.
On the other hand, I believe that we should focus on the core values inside fashion items. For example, instead of using items from famous brands, we can buy handmade, domestic items to support the people who make them or our country's economy. In fact, many items are made at very low costs but sold at very high prices because they are made by famous brands. Not only that, using luxury items also makes the gap between rich and poor more obvious because we can judge a person by what they use. Thereby, people who do not dress fashionably and expensively will be considered poor and rustic.
That is my thought on this issue. After all, I think depending on the economy and circumstances, each person can choose the appropriate items for themselves.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some argue" -> "Some individuals argue"
Explanation: Replacing "Some argue" with "Some individuals argue" introduces a more formal and specific subject, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"cost too much money" -> "are excessively expensive"
Explanation: "Are excessively expensive" is a more precise and formal way to describe the high cost of fashion items, aligning better with academic language.
"is acceptable" -> "is justified"
Explanation: "Is justified" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "is acceptable," which can sound too casual and vague in this context.
"This essay will discuss both the point of agreement and disadgreement" -> "This essay will explore both the points of agreement and disagreement"
Explanation: "Explore" is more academically precise than "discuss," and "points of agreement and disagreement" is grammatically correct compared to the original "point of agreement and disadgreement."
"most people choose to buy expensive fashion items because of the quality they bring" -> "many individuals opt for expensive fashion items due to their superior quality"
Explanation: "Opt for" and "superior quality" are more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"Most of the high-value items are the best quality items" -> "Many high-end products are of superior quality"
Explanation: "High-end products" is a more specific and formal term than "high-value items," and "of superior quality" is more precise than "the best quality."
"are believed to bring high-tech experiences and satisfaction to users" -> "are perceived to offer advanced technological experiences and user satisfaction"
Explanation: "Perceived to offer advanced technological experiences and user satisfaction" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better.
"Judging a person by what they use has become familiar to us" -> "It is common practice to judge individuals by their possessions"
Explanation: "It is common practice to judge individuals by their possessions" is more formal and avoids the colloquial tone of "has become familiar to us."
"when we see people using expensive items from famous brands" -> "when individuals utilize luxury items from renowned brands"
Explanation: "Individuals utilize luxury items from renowned brands" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the casual "people using."
"most of them will judge them as successful and rich people" -> "they are often perceived as successful and affluent"
Explanation: "They are often perceived as successful and affluent" is more formal and avoids the informal "most of them will judge them."
"we should focus on the core values inside fashion items" -> "we should prioritize the intrinsic values of fashion items"
Explanation: "Prioritize the intrinsic values" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better than "focus on the core values inside."
"buy handmade, domestic items to support the people who make them or our country’s economy" -> "purchase handmade, domestically produced items to support local artisans and the national economy"
Explanation: "Purchase handmade, domestically produced items" is more specific and formal, and "support local artisans and the national economy" is clearer and more precise.
"Not only that, using luxury items also makes the gap between rich and poor more obvious" -> "Furthermore, the use of luxury items exacerbates the disparity between the affluent and the disadvantaged"
Explanation: "Exacerbates the disparity" is a more precise and formal expression than "makes the gap more obvious," and "the affluent and the disadvantaged" is a more formal way to refer to the rich and poor.
"people who do not dress fashionably and expensively will be considered poor and rustic" -> "individuals who do not dress fashionably or expensively are often perceived as impoverished and unsophisticated"
Explanation: "Individuals who do not dress fashionably or expensively are often perceived as impoverished and unsophisticated" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the casual tone of "will be considered."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the cost of fashion items and their significance in life. The first paragraph presents the argument that expensive fashion items are justified due to their quality and the social perceptions associated with them. The second paragraph counters this by emphasizing the importance of core values in fashion, advocating for supporting local artisans over luxury brands. However, the discussion could be more balanced; while both perspectives are mentioned, the essay leans slightly more towards the author’s opinion without fully exploring the opposing view.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should ensure that both sides are equally represented. This could involve providing more detailed examples or statistics that illustrate the benefits of expensive fashion items, as well as a deeper exploration of the societal implications of fashion choices.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author expresses a clear opinion against the excessive cost of fashion items, suggesting that values should take precedence. However, the transition between discussing both views and presenting a personal stance could be smoother. The phrase "that is my thought on this issue" feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the overall argument.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should use transitional phrases that reinforce their viewpoint throughout the essay. Additionally, reiterating the main argument in the conclusion while summarizing the key points would strengthen the clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the quality of expensive items and the social implications of fashion. However, some ideas lack sufficient development. For instance, the mention of "high-tech experiences" is vague and could benefit from specific examples or explanations. Similarly, the argument about supporting local artisans is introduced but not fully fleshed out.
- How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with concrete examples, data, or anecdotes. This could involve discussing specific brands known for quality or providing statistics on consumer spending in fashion to substantiate claims.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the cost of fashion items and their significance. However, the mention of "judging a person by what they use" could be seen as a slight deviation from the main focus on cost versus value. While relevant, it could be more directly tied back to the central argument about the implications of fashion costs.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking each argument back to the central theme of cost and value in fashion, perhaps by explicitly stating how social judgments relate to the financial aspects of fashion.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, clearer transitions, deeper elaboration of ideas, and tighter focus on the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure by introducing the topic and outlining both perspectives on fashion costs. The first paragraph discusses the viewpoint that expensive fashion items are justified due to their quality and the social status they confer. The second paragraph counters this by emphasizing the value of handmade items and the socioeconomic implications of luxury fashion. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother, as the connection between the ideas is somewhat abrupt. For example, the shift from discussing quality to the socioeconomic implications lacks a clear linking sentence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas. For instance, after discussing the quality of expensive items, a phrase like "Conversely, it is important to consider…" would help guide the reader more effectively into the opposing viewpoint. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph builds on the previous one to create a more cohesive argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively to separate different ideas, which is crucial for readability. The first paragraph focuses on the justification for high fashion costs, while the second presents an alternative viewpoint. However, the conclusion is somewhat weak and does not effectively summarize the discussion or reinforce the writer’s opinion, which is essential for a strong closure.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the key points made in the essay and clearly stating your opinion. For example, you could restate the main arguments for both sides and then decisively express your stance, perhaps suggesting a balanced approach to fashion consumption that considers both quality and ethical implications.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "First of all," "On the other hand," and "After all," which help to structure the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Not only that" could be better integrated into the flow of the argument to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" to create more nuanced connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain the flow of the argument without sounding repetitive.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "expensive fashion items," "high-value items," and "core values." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "items" and "fashion items," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. Additionally, the use of "high-tech experiences" is vague and could be more specific.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "items," alternatives like "products," "goods," or "apparel" could be employed. Furthermore, replacing "high-tech experiences" with something more precise, such as "innovative features" or "advanced materials," would improve clarity.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary choices. For example, the phrase "the gap between rich and poor more obvious" could be articulated more clearly. The term "rustic" is also misapplied in this context, as it typically refers to something rural or simple, which may not accurately convey the intended meaning regarding fashion.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should ensure that vocabulary aligns closely with the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "rustic" with "understated" or "unfashionable" would better convey the idea of not adhering to current fashion trends. Additionally, the writer could clarify phrases like "the gap between rich and poor" by specifying it as "the disparity in social status based on fashion choices."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "disadgreement," which should be "disagreement." Such errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words could also be beneficial. Regular practice with vocabulary quizzes or flashcards might help reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there are notable areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By diversifying vocabulary, ensuring precise word choices, and enhancing spelling practices, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For example, the sentence "Most of the high-value items are the best quality items and are believed to bring high-tech experiences and satisfaction to users" effectively combines clauses to convey a nuanced idea. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, such as starting several sentences with "Most" or "For example," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more varied sentence beginnings and lengths. For instance, using introductory phrases or clauses (e.g., "In many cases," "Although some argue…") can add complexity. Additionally, experimenting with inversion or conditional sentences (e.g., "Had they considered…") could further diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For instance, the phrase "cost too much money.Others say" lacks a space after the period, which is a punctuation error. Additionally, the use of "disadgreement" is a spelling mistake that undermines the overall accuracy. The sentence "Judging a person by what they use has become familiar to us" is grammatically correct but could be clearer if rephrased for conciseness.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread for typographical errors and ensure proper spacing between sentences. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking peer feedback can help catch these mistakes. Furthermore, practicing spelling and reviewing commonly confused words will enhance overall writing quality. Focusing on clarity and conciseness in sentence construction will also improve the essay’s readability.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that fashion items are excessively expensive. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. This essay will explore both the points of agreement and disagreement regarding this perspective.

First of all, many individuals opt for expensive fashion items due to their superior quality. Many high-end products are of superior quality and are perceived to offer advanced technological experiences and user satisfaction. Additionally, customers sometimes do not purchase the items they genuinely like but instead choose them based on the brand. It is common practice to judge individuals by their possessions, and when individuals utilize luxury items from renowned brands, they are often perceived as successful and affluent.

On the other hand, I believe that we should prioritize the intrinsic values of fashion items. For example, instead of using items from famous brands, we can purchase handmade, domestically produced items to support local artisans and the national economy. In fact, many items are made at very low costs but sold at very high prices simply because they are associated with famous brands. Furthermore, the use of luxury items exacerbates the disparity between the affluent and the disadvantaged, as individuals who do not dress fashionably or expensively are often perceived as impoverished and unsophisticated.

That is my perspective on this issue. After all, I think that depending on the economy and individual circumstances, each person can choose the appropriate items for themselves.