some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both view and give your own opinions

In the modern world, some people believe that information in science, business and the academic areas should be shared to everyone freely, there is a contrary view that emphasizes the importance and value of these information requiring control. From my perspective, these information should be accessible to people yet requires appropriate control. In this essay, I will discuss the potential of these information to providing knowledge as well as propose a suggestion in the control of these information.
To initiate my argument, undeniably, sharing information about science, business and academic areas makes a great contribution to take knowledge even further in these areas. Apparently, they are the convincing resources of materials, providing crucial information to universities as well as companies. For example, from New York Times, posting numerous information about scientific experiment, commerce and academic world which attract thousands of people access and read everyday globally.
On the other hand, some people believe that much information such as science, business academic world should be controlledl and not free. This is because of the lack of control, a lot of inaccurate information in these areas are posted on social platforms, resulting in the economic crisis as well as confusing society. For example, during the Covid-19 pandemic time, a lot of individuals shared wrong information about the incidence of Covid, causing frightenment and confusion among residents globally. Thus, sharing any information such as science, business, healthcare… requiring an appropriate control to confirm the accuracy of information before sharing freely in social platforms.

In conclusion, I think sharing as much information as possible in science, business, academic areas is a contributor for people to gain knowledge in these areas, however, it is important to apply suitable control to prevent misunderstanding among people.
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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"some people believe" -> "some individuals contend"
Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "believe," which is often too vague and informal for academic writing.
"there is a contrary view" -> "there exists a counterargument"
Explanation: "There exists a counterargument" is more formal and academically appropriate than "there is a contrary view," which is somewhat colloquial.
"these information" -> "this information"
Explanation: "These information" is grammatically incorrect. "This information" is the correct form to refer to a singular noun.
"requires appropriate control" -> "requires controlled dissemination"
Explanation: "Requires controlled dissemination" is a more precise and formal way to express the need for careful management of information.
"proposing a suggestion" -> "proposing a recommendation"
Explanation: "Recommendation" is more specific and formal than "suggestion" in an academic context, implying a more authoritative and informed opinion.
"undeniably" -> "undeniably"
Explanation: "Undeniably" should be used as an adverb, not an adjective, to modify the verb "makes."
"take knowledge even further" -> "further advance knowledge"
Explanation: "Further advance knowledge" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of continuing to develop knowledge.
"the convincing resources of materials" -> "a valuable source of information"
Explanation: "A valuable source of information" is clearer and more appropriate than "the convincing resources of materials," which is awkward and unclear.
"posting numerous information" -> "posting numerous pieces of information"
Explanation: "Pieces of information" is the correct phrase, whereas "numerous information" is grammatically incorrect.
"attract thousands of people access and read everyday globally" -> "attract thousands of readers globally every day"
Explanation: "Readers" is the correct noun form, and "every day" should be two separate words for grammatical correctness.
"much information such as science, business academic world" -> "a wide range of information, including scientific, business, and academic topics"
Explanation: "A wide range of information, including scientific, business, and academic topics" is more precise and formal than the vague and informal "much information such as science, business academic world."
"not free" -> "unrestricted"
Explanation: "Unrestricted" is a more formal and precise term than "not free," which is too simplistic and informal for academic writing.
"a lot of inaccurate information" -> "a significant amount of inaccurate information"
Explanation: "A significant amount" is more formal and precise than "a lot," which is too colloquial.
"frightenment" -> "frightening"
Explanation: "Frightening" is the correct adjective form, not "frightenment," which is not a word.
"sharing any information such as science, business, healthcare…" -> "sharing information from various fields such as science, business, and healthcare"
Explanation: "From various fields" is more specific and formal than "such as," which is too vague and informal.
"applying suitable control" -> "implementing appropriate controls"
Explanation: "Implementing appropriate controls" is more formal and precise than "applying suitable control," which is less specific and slightly informal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the sharing of information in scientific research, business, and academia. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of sharing information, while the second paragraph presents the opposing viewpoint that emphasizes the need for control over certain information. However, the essay could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. For instance, the discussion on the benefits of sharing information is somewhat underdeveloped compared to the argument for control, which is more elaborated.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that each viewpoint is given equal weight. This could involve providing more examples or elaborating on the implications of unrestricted information sharing. Additionally, a clearer distinction between the two views could help in presenting a more comprehensive discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer presents a clear position in favor of sharing information with appropriate controls. However, the phrasing in the introduction ("these information should be accessible to people yet requires appropriate control") could be clearer. The use of "these information" is grammatically incorrect and may confuse readers. The conclusion reiterates the author’s stance but could be more assertive in expressing the importance of both sharing and controlling information.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using precise language and ensuring grammatical accuracy to maintain clarity. Strengthening the position in the conclusion by summarizing the key arguments made in the essay can also reinforce the overall stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the benefits of sharing information and the risks associated with uncontrolled dissemination. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat lacking. For example, the reference to the New York Times could be more specific, and the example regarding misinformation during the COVID-19 pandemic could be expanded to illustrate the consequences of sharing unverified information.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could involve discussing specific cases where shared information led to significant advancements or, conversely, where misinformation caused harm. Additionally, using data or studies to support claims can strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the sharing of information in the specified fields. However, there are instances where the focus could be sharpened. For example, the phrase "the convincing resources of materials" is vague and could be more directly related to the topic of information sharing. Additionally, the mention of "social platforms" could be more explicitly tied back to the context of scientific, business, and academic information.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate to the prompt. This can be achieved by consistently linking examples back to the main argument and avoiding vague language. A clear structure with topic sentences for each paragraph can also help in staying on topic.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, there is room for improvement in the balance of viewpoints, clarity of expression, depth of support for ideas, and overall focus on the topic. Addressing these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s perspective. The body paragraphs are organized to discuss both views, with the first paragraph supporting the sharing of information and the second paragraph highlighting the need for control. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the benefits of sharing information and the drawbacks of uncontrolled sharing could be smoother. The use of phrases like "On the other hand" helps, but the connection between the two ideas could be more explicitly stated to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits of sharing information, you could add a sentence that acknowledges the potential risks before introducing the opposing view. This would create a more cohesive argument and guide the reader through your reasoning more effectively.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument. However, the introduction could be more clearly defined as a separate paragraph, and the conclusion should also be more distinct. The current conclusion feels somewhat abrupt and could benefit from a more developed summary of the key points discussed.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph is clearly defined with a topic sentence that summarizes its main idea. In the introduction, clearly state the two opposing views before presenting your own opinion. In the conclusion, summarize the main arguments presented in the body paragraphs and reiterate your stance more emphatically to provide closure.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the other hand" and "For example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some sentences could benefit from additional linking words to enhance coherence. For instance, the phrase "this is because of the lack of control" could be better linked to the previous sentence to clarify the relationship between the ideas.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," "Consequently," and "In contrast." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a stronger command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity and coherence in your arguments.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, focusing on improving the logical flow, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will help elevate the score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on common phrases and lacks variation. For instance, terms like "information," "science," "business," and "academic areas" are repeated multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions. This limits the lexical diversity and makes the writing sound somewhat monotonous.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and related terms. For example, instead of repeating "information," alternatives like "data," "knowledge," or "insights" could be used. Additionally, varying phrases such as "academic fields" or "scientific research" can help create a more engaging and diverse vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage that detract from the clarity of the arguments. For example, the phrase "the potential of these information to providing knowledge" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; it should be "the potential of this information to provide knowledge." Furthermore, "these information" is incorrect as "information" is an uncountable noun and should be "this information" or "such information."
- How to improve: The writer should focus on grammatical accuracy and ensure that vocabulary is used correctly in context. Practicing sentence structures and reviewing the rules for uncountable nouns will help. Additionally, using a thesaurus to find precise words that fit the context can improve clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "controlledl" (which should be "controlled"), "frightenment" (which should be "fright"), and "these information" (which should be "this information"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular spelling practice, perhaps using flashcards or spelling apps. Additionally, proofreading the essay multiple times before submission can help catch these errors. Reading extensively can also improve spelling skills as it familiarizes the writer with correct word forms.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, improvements in range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria. By expanding vocabulary, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of a complex sentence in the introduction ("From my perspective, these information should be accessible to people yet requires appropriate control") shows an attempt to convey nuanced ideas. However, the overall range is limited, with many sentences following a similar structure, which can make the writing feel repetitive. For example, the sentence "To initiate my argument, undeniably, sharing information about science, business and academic areas makes a great contribution to take knowledge even further in these areas" could be restructured for better clarity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, consider incorporating more varied sentence types, such as conditional sentences ("If information is shared freely, it could lead to…") or using participial phrases ("Sharing information freely, however, can lead to…"). Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can create a more engaging flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and coherence. For example, "these information" should be "this information" or "these pieces of information," as "information" is an uncountable noun. There are also punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "yet" in the introduction and the incorrect use of "controlledl" instead of "controlled." Furthermore, the phrase "the convincing resources of materials" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, review the rules regarding commas, especially in complex sentences, to ensure clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage, which can serve as a model for your own writing.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, improvements in grammatical range and accuracy will enhance the overall quality of the writing. Regular practice and seeking feedback on specific areas of concern can lead to significant progress.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the modern world, some people believe that information in science, business, and the academic areas should be shared freely with everyone. However, there exists a counterargument that emphasizes the importance and value of this information, which requires controlled dissemination. From my perspective, this information should be accessible to people yet requires appropriate controls. In this essay, I will discuss the potential of this information to further advance knowledge as well as propose a recommendation for the control of this information.

To initiate my argument, undeniably, sharing information about science, business, and academic areas makes a great contribution to advancing knowledge in these fields. Apparently, they are convincing resources of materials, providing crucial information to universities as well as companies. For example, the New York Times posts numerous pieces of information about scientific experiments, commerce, and the academic world, which attract thousands of readers globally every day.

On the other hand, some individuals contend that much information in the science and business academic world should be controlled and not shared freely. This is because, without control, a significant amount of inaccurate information in these areas is posted on social platforms, resulting in economic crises as well as confusion in society. For example, during the Covid-19 pandemic, many individuals shared incorrect information about the incidence of Covid, causing fear and confusion among residents worldwide. Thus, sharing any information, such as in science, business, and healthcare, requires appropriate controls to confirm the accuracy of information before it is shared freely on social platforms.

In conclusion, I think sharing as much information as possible in science, business, and academic areas contributes to people’s knowledge in these fields; however, it is important to implement appropriate controls to prevent misunderstandings among people.