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Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many contend that sharing information intensively is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that unrestrictedly spreading sensitive material can culminate in severe consequences. Both sides of the debate will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter.
Undeniably, the practice of information-sharing can provide some certain noteworthy virtues. One of the most discernable benefits is the enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural disasters. Doubtless, given the spiraling frequency of such events, such as earthquakes, and volcanos, revealing invaluable experience regarding preventive measures against natural catastrophe is frequently an efficacious vehicle for the enhancement of inexperienced individuals’ understanding of knowledge of such disasters, proportionally likely making contributions of great worth to navigating and coping with crisis. As a result, this can potentially mitigate and alleviate casualties and damage.
Nevertheless, sharing sensitive information without restraint is incontrovertibly detrimental. The overriding drawback is the increased risk of financial losses, especially in the context of business. Irrefutably, gaining and exploiting businesses’ plans from rivals for competitive advantages is typically one of the strategic activities that many investors are fully committed, and thereby when business uncontrolledly disseminate valuable information, they will likely be vulnerable to the acute degradation of profit, with the consequence that such losses would presumably leave these entrepreneurs highly susceptible to bankruptcy. Another unquestionable downside is that leaking information freely can spark bloody wars. Indubitably, in sensitive areas, providing unrestricted access to sources of nuclear energy materials frequently engenders favorable conditions for organizations of malicious purposes to spark nuclear conflicts, consequently likely leading to mass massacres.
In conclusion, while the dissemination of information is relatively beneficial, it seems advisable that sharing information without control is a potential detriment. Therefore, the selective release of valuable or sensitive material emerges as a more judicious option.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "intensively" -> "extensively"
    Explanation: Replacing "intensively" with "extensively" enhances the formality of the sentence. "Extensively" is a more precise and academic term in this context.

  2. "undeniably" -> "Certainly"
    Explanation: Substituting "undeniably" with "Certainly" maintains a formal tone while avoiding potential overemphasis. "Certainly" conveys confidence without unnecessary emphasis.

  3. "discernable" -> "discernible"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "discernable" to "discernible" ensures adherence to standard academic writing conventions.

  4. "doubtless" -> "Undoubtedly"
    Explanation: Replacing "doubtless" with "Undoubtedly" adds a touch of formality to the sentence. "Undoubtedly" is a more formal synonym for conveying certainty.

  5. "spiraling" -> "increasing"
    Explanation: Substituting "spiraling" with "increasing" maintains a formal tone and avoids the potential informality associated with "spiraling."

  6. "frequently" (repeated use) -> "often"
    Explanation: Replacing the repeated use of "frequently" with "often" helps to vary the vocabulary and introduces a more formal term without sacrificing clarity.

  7. "efficacious" -> "effective"
    Explanation: Simplifying "efficacious" to "effective" retains the meaning while using a more commonly understood and less formal term.

  8. "unrestrictedly" -> "unrestricted"
    Explanation: Changing "unrestrictedly" to "unrestricted" improves the flow of the sentence and maintains a formal tone. "Unrestricted" is a more commonly used adverb form.

  9. "incontrovertibly" -> "undeniably"
    Explanation: Replacing "incontrovertibly" with "undeniably" maintains the emphasis on certainty while using a more common and slightly less formal term.

  10. "irrefutably" -> "undoubtedly"
    Explanation: Substituting "irrefutably" with "undoubtedly" maintains the meaning with a more commonly used and slightly less formal term.

  11. "uncontrolledly" -> "uncontrollably"
    Explanation: Correcting "uncontrolledly" to "uncontrollably" ensures proper adverb usage and adherence to standard grammar.

  12. "Indubitably" -> "Certainly"
    Explanation: Replacing "Indubitably" with "Certainly" maintains a formal tone while using a more commonly understood synonym.

  13. "consequently likely" -> "potentially"
    Explanation: Simplifying "consequently likely" to "potentially" retains the meaning while using a more concise and academic term.

  14. "mass massacres" -> "widespread loss of life"
    Explanation: Substituting "mass massacres" with "widespread loss of life" maintains formality and avoids redundancy, providing a more precise description.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Many contend that sharing information intensively is scientifically, entrepreneurially, and academically beneficial, while it is also argued that unrestrictedly spreading sensitive material can culminate in severe consequences. Both sides of the debate will be discussed in this essay, which will also advocate the latter."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The introduction is generally clear and presents both sides of the argument. However, it would be beneficial to provide a more explicit statement of your own position on the issue. This would enhance the clarity of your stance for the reader.
    • Improved example: "Many argue that extensive sharing of information brings scientific, entrepreneurial, and academic benefits. On the contrary, there is a viewpoint that unrestricted dissemination of sensitive material can lead to severe consequences. In this essay, I will discuss both perspectives and advocate the latter, believing that certain information should be handled cautiously."
  2. Quoted text: "One of the most discernable benefits is the enhanced chance of human survival, especially in the face of natural disasters. Doubtless, given the spiraling frequency of such events, such as earthquakes, and volcanos, revealing invaluable experience regarding preventive measures against natural catastrophe is frequently an efficacious vehicle for the enhancement of inexperienced individuals’ understanding of knowledge of such disasters, proportionally likely making contributions of great worth to navigating and coping with crisis. As a result, this can potentially mitigate and alleviate casualties and damage."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While you provide a clear example supporting the benefits of information sharing in the context of natural disasters, the paragraph is overly complex. Simplify and streamline your expression for better coherence.
    • Improved example: "Sharing experiences about preventing natural disasters, such as earthquakes and volcanoes, can significantly enhance the understanding of inexperienced individuals. This contributes to better crisis navigation, potentially reducing casualties and damage."
  3. Quoted text: "Nevertheless, sharing sensitive information without restraint is incontrovertibly detrimental. The overriding drawback is the increased risk of financial losses, especially in the context of business. Irrefutably, gaining and exploiting businesses’ plans from rivals for competitive advantages is typically one of the strategic activities that many investors are fully committed, and thereby when business uncontrolledly disseminate valuable information, they will likely be vulnerable to the acute degradation of profit, with the consequence that such losses would presumably leave these entrepreneurs highly susceptible to bankruptcy."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: The point about financial losses due to unrestricted information sharing is valid, but the paragraph is somewhat convoluted. Simplify your language for better clarity.
    • Improved example: "Sharing sensitive business information without control increases the risk of financial losses. When businesses freely disclose valuable information, competitors may exploit it for a competitive advantage, leading to a significant decline in profits and making entrepreneurs vulnerable to bankruptcy."

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic with clear examples, but improvements in clarity and simplicity could enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a clear understanding and organization of ideas on both sides of the argument. It maintains a logical structure throughout, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The ideas are adequately developed and presented coherently. There is a clear progression of arguments within paragraphs, each discussing a distinct viewpoint. The essay effectively uses cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintains a consistent focus on the topic.

The introduction sets the stage by presenting both viewpoints and indicating the essay’s stance. Each body paragraph effectively explores one side of the argument, supporting its points with relevant examples and explanations. Transitions between ideas are generally smooth, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.

However, some minor issues impact the essay’s cohesion. There are instances of overly complex sentence structures that could impede clarity, and the use of vocabulary might be excessively formal in some places, potentially affecting readability.

How to improve:

  1. Simplify sentence structures for greater clarity without compromising the depth of the argument.
  2. Ensure consistency in vocabulary use to maintain readability and coherence.
  3. Review and refine the essay’s flow by strengthening transitions between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents coherent arguments, slight improvements in sentence structure and vocabulary choice could further enhance its cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words and expressions with fluency and flexibility. The writer effectively conveys precise meanings, and the use of uncommon lexical items adds sophistication to the language. There are some occasional inaccuracies in word choice and collocation, but they are minor and do not significantly impede communication. The essay consistently maintains a formal and academic tone, contributing to the overall effectiveness of lexical resource usage.

How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource score to a Band 9, the writer should focus on refining word choice and collocation to minimize occasional inaccuracies. Paying meticulous attention to precision in language use and ensuring that uncommon lexical items are employed with absolute accuracy will further elevate the sophistication of the essay. Additionally, consistent proofreading to eliminate rare errors in spelling and word formation will contribute to achieving the highest band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable grasp of a variety of complex structures, showcasing an attempt at advanced language use. There’s a notable use of a range of vocabulary and sentence structures that contribute to the overall coherence of the piece. The essay also predominantly maintains error-free sentences, displaying a good control of grammar and punctuation, even though there are a few instances where the language could be refined for greater precision and fluency.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, strive for a more consistent level of complexity in sentence structures. While the essay successfully navigates complex constructions, some sentences could benefit from a clearer structure to avoid potential ambiguity. Additionally, a thorough proofreading could address minor errors in word choice and phrasing, ensuring a more seamless flow and precision in expression.

Bài sửa mẫu

The debate over whether extensive sharing of information in scientific research, business, and academia is advantageous or if some information should be safeguarded is a topic of much discussion. Some argue that disseminating information widely has undeniable benefits, while others assert that unrestricted sharing of sensitive material can lead to severe consequences. This essay will explore both perspectives, ultimately advocating for a more cautious approach.

Certainly, there are discernible advantages to the practice of sharing information. One of the most noteworthy benefits is the increased likelihood of human survival, particularly in the face of natural disasters. Undoubtedly, given the rising frequency of events such as earthquakes and volcanoes, sharing invaluable experiences regarding preventive measures against these disasters is often an effective means of enhancing the understanding of individuals who may be inexperienced in dealing with such crises. This, in turn, can undeniably contribute significantly to navigating and coping with emergencies, potentially mitigating casualties and minimizing damage.

However, sharing sensitive information without restrictions is undoubtedly detrimental. The primary drawback is the heightened risk of financial losses, particularly in the business context. Irrefutably, when valuable information is disseminated without control, businesses become vulnerable to profit degradation. Many investors engage in strategic activities such as gaining and exploiting rivals’ business plans for competitive advantages. Consequently, unrestricted dissemination of valuable information can unquestionably lead to significant financial losses, leaving entrepreneurs highly susceptible to bankruptcy.

Another undeniable downside is the potential for unrestricted information sharing to spark conflicts, even wars. Indubitably, in sensitive areas such as nuclear energy, providing unrestricted access to materials can create favorable conditions for organizations with malicious intent to initiate conflicts, potentially resulting in mass casualties.

In conclusion, while the dissemination of information is undoubtedly beneficial, it is advisable to exercise caution and control. Sharing information without restraint poses potential detriments, and therefore, a more judicious option involves the selective release of valuable or sensitive material.

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