Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, bussiness and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give you own opinion.

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, bussiness and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.
Discuss both these views and give you own opinion.

It is believed by certain people that it is good to share as much information as possible, especially in scientific research, bussiness and academic world, while others think that some information is too crutial to be revealed freely. This essay will discuss both two views and from my perspective, i believe everyone has the right to access to the information to develop the community.
On the one hand, sharing and recieving the information may yield numerous benefits, which can help people improve their teaching or learning methods. For instance, on social network apps or websites, individuals often share some skills so as to access to as much knowledge as possible, and people who have difficulties in learning can consult. Furthermore, in bussiness and academic world, sharing some information can support the reliable sources. Thus, sharing information a great thing.
On the other hand, it cannot be denied that some information must have confidentiality, due to their consequences. For example, during the period when COVID-19 viruses spread all over the world, a lot of laboratories conducted various experiments to kill the viruses and deal with this problems. These researchers spent a huge amout of funding and a lot of hard work. When the result came out, that is vaccine, it was sold in an expensive price. It was fair enough to pay for their effort. Therefor, it was understanable that some datas could not be revealed freely.
In conclusion, since sharing information is a good thing to do and paying for information is also fair enough, we have to put it in a particular situation to decide to share or keep the information secret.

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Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "It is believed by certain people" -> "It is widely believed"
   Explanation: "It is widely believed" is more concise and academically appropriate, avoiding the vague and informal phrasing of "by certain people."

2. "bussiness" -> "business"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy in academic writing.

3. "too crutial" -> "too crucial"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to ensure the word is used correctly and maintains the formal tone.

4. "This essay will discuss both two views" -> "This essay will discuss both perspectives"
   Explanation: "Perspectives" is a more formal term than "views," and "both" should be followed by "views" to maintain grammatical correctness.

5. "i believe" -> "I believe"
   Explanation: Capitalizes the first-person singular pronoun "I" to adhere to standard English grammar rules.

6. "access to the information" -> "access to this information"
   Explanation: Adding "this" clarifies the reference to the information being discussed, enhancing clarity and formality.

7. "sharing and recieving" -> "sharing and receiving"
   Explanation: Corrects a spelling error to maintain professionalism and accuracy.

8. "as to access to as much knowledge as possible" -> "to gain as much knowledge as possible"
   Explanation: Simplifies and clarifies the phrase for better readability and formality.

9. "consult" -> "seek guidance"
   Explanation: "Seek guidance" is more precise and formal than the vague "consult."

10. "a great thing" -> "a significant advantage"
    Explanation: "A significant advantage" is more specific and formal than the colloquial "a great thing."

11. "it cannot be denied that some information must have confidentiality" -> "it is undeniable that some information requires confidentiality"
    Explanation: "It is undeniable" is more formal and precise than "it cannot be denied," and "requires" is more specific than "must have."

12. "deal with this problems" -> "address these problems"
    Explanation: "Address" is more formal and appropriate in academic writing than "deal with," and "these" agrees with the plural noun "problems."

13. "a huge amout of funding" -> "a significant amount of funding"
    Explanation: Corrects a spelling error and uses "significant" to enhance the formality and precision of the statement.

14. "a lot of hard work" -> "considerable effort"
    Explanation: "Considerable effort" is more formal and precise than "a lot of hard work."

15. "It was fair enough to pay for their effort" -> "It was reasonable to compensate for their efforts"
    Explanation: "Reasonable to compensate for their efforts" is more formal and specific than "fair enough to pay for their effort."

16. "understandable that some datas could not be revealed freely" -> "understandable that some data should not be disclosed freely"
    Explanation: "Data" should be singular when referring to the general concept, and "disclosed" is more formal than "revealed."

17. "put it in a particular situation" -> "consider the context"
    Explanation: "Consider the context" is more precise and academically appropriate than the vague "put it in a particular situation."

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the sharing of information in scientific research, business, and academia. The first paragraph introduces the topic and presents the two perspectives, while the body paragraphs discuss the benefits of sharing information and the necessity of confidentiality. However, the discussion of both views could be more balanced. The first view is elaborated upon with examples, while the second view is somewhat underdeveloped, lacking depth in the rationale behind the need for confidentiality.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both views are given equal weight. This can be achieved by providing more examples and explanations for the second viewpoint, perhaps discussing specific scenarios where withholding information is crucial for safety or ethical reasons. Additionally, a clearer transition between the two views would improve coherence.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The writer states their opinion in the introduction and reiterates it in the conclusion, indicating a clear stance that favors sharing information. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The phrase "we have to put it in a particular situation" in the conclusion suggests ambiguity rather than a firm opinion.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in each body paragraph, linking back to their stance on the importance of sharing information. Phrases such as "In my opinion" or "From my perspective" can be used to remind the reader of the writer’s viewpoint, especially after discussing the opposing view.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to the benefits of sharing information, such as improved teaching methods and the role of social networks. However, the support for these ideas is somewhat superficial. For instance, the example of social networks lacks specific details about how sharing leads to tangible benefits. The second viewpoint regarding confidentiality is also not thoroughly explored.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. For instance, they could elaborate on how shared research has led to significant advancements in science or education. Additionally, when discussing the need for confidentiality, the writer could include examples of sensitive information in business or research that, if shared, could lead to ethical dilemmas or security risks.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirements. However, there are moments where the focus wavers, particularly in the second body paragraph, where the discussion of the COVID-19 vaccine feels somewhat tangential to the broader argument about information sharing.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every example directly relates to the prompt. They could refine the discussion of the COVID-19 vaccine by explicitly linking it back to the theme of information sharing versus confidentiality, perhaps by discussing how the sharing of vaccine research data could have impacted public health versus the need to protect proprietary research.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, deeper support for ideas, and a consistent reinforcement of the writer’s position throughout the text.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between the two views is somewhat abrupt, and the connection between ideas within paragraphs could be clearer. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of sharing information but lacks a strong link to the second body paragraph, which focuses on the necessity of confidentiality.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" at the beginning of the second body paragraph could help signal the shift in perspective more effectively.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs appropriately, with a distinct introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph mixes examples and explanations without a clear hierarchy, which can confuse readers. The second paragraph also introduces multiple ideas without fully developing them, such as the mention of the COVID-19 vaccine without a thorough explanation of its relevance to the argument.
  • How to improve: Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting sentences that elaborate on that idea. For example, in the first body paragraph, start with a statement about the importance of sharing information in education, then provide specific examples and explanations to support that point. This will create a more cohesive and focused argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively indicate contrasting views. However, there is a limited range of cohesive devices used throughout the essay. For instance, the use of conjunctions and linking words is somewhat repetitive, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Furthermore," consider alternatives like "Moreover," "Additionally," or "In addition." Additionally, using pronouns to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can help create smoother transitions between sentences and improve overall coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "confidentiality," "consequences," and "reliable sources." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the word "information" appears frequently, and phrases like "good to share" and "great thing" lack sophistication. Additionally, the use of "bussiness" (which is a spelling error) detracts from the overall impression of lexical variety.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more advanced terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "information," they could use "data," "insights," or "knowledge." Additionally, varying expressions such as "beneficial" instead of "good" and "advantageous" instead of "great" would elevate the lexical quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that hinder clarity. For example, "access to as much knowledge as possible" could be more clearly stated as "gain access to a wealth of knowledge." The phrase "some information must have confidentiality" is awkward; it would be better expressed as "some information must remain confidential." Furthermore, "the result came out, that is vaccine" lacks clarity and should be rephrased for precision.
  • How to improve: Writers should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. Practicing paraphrasing and using contextually appropriate phrases can help. For instance, instead of "the result came out," one could say "the outcome was the development of a vaccine." Engaging with academic texts can also provide exposure to more precise language.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "bussiness" (business), "crutial" (crucial), "recieving" (receiving), "amout" (amount), and "therefor" (therefore). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy. This could include reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular writing practice and feedback from peers or tutors can also help identify and correct spelling mistakes.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there are significant areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and focusing on spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of passive voice in "It is believed by certain people" shows some variety. However, the majority of sentences are simple or compound, lacking complexity. For example, "On the one hand, sharing and receiving the information may yield numerous benefits" is a straightforward structure. The essay also includes some awkward phrasing, such as "bussiness and academic world," which could be improved for clarity and fluency.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences, such as those using subordinate clauses or varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting sentences with "On the one hand" or "On the other hand," the writer could use phrases like "While some argue that…" or "Conversely, others contend that…" This would create a more dynamic flow and demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For instance, "bussiness" is a misspelling of "business," and "crutial" should be "crucial." Additionally, the phrase "to access to the information" is incorrect; it should simply be "to access information." There are also punctuation errors, such as missing commas that could help clarify meaning, particularly in longer sentences. For example, "Thus, sharing information a great thing" is missing the verb "is," making it grammatically incorrect.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as spelling mistakes and incorrect word forms. It would also be beneficial to practice using punctuation correctly, especially with commas in compound and complex sentences. Engaging in exercises that focus on common grammatical structures and their correct usage can also help solidify understanding. Additionally, reading more academic texts can provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context.

In summary, while the essay presents a clear argument and addresses the prompt, there are significant areas for improvement in both grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and focusing on grammatical correctness, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely believed by certain people that it is good to share as much information as possible, especially in scientific research, business, and the academic world, while others think that some information is too crucial to be revealed freely. This essay will discuss both perspectives, and from my perspective, I believe everyone has the right to access this information to develop the community.

On the one hand, sharing and receiving information may yield numerous benefits, which can help people improve their teaching or learning methods. For instance, on social network apps or websites, individuals often share skills to gain as much knowledge as possible, and people who have difficulties in learning can seek guidance. Furthermore, in business and the academic world, sharing some information can support reliable sources. Thus, sharing information is a great thing.

On the other hand, it cannot be denied that some information requires confidentiality due to its consequences. For example, during the period when COVID-19 viruses spread all over the world, many laboratories conducted various experiments to kill the viruses and address these problems. These researchers spent a significant amount of funding and considerable effort. When the result came out, which was the vaccine, it was sold at an expensive price. It was reasonable to compensate for their efforts. Therefore, it is understandable that some data should not be disclosed freely.

In conclusion, since sharing information is a good thing to do and paying for information is also fair enough, we must consider the context to decide whether to share or keep the information secret.