Some people believe that modern technology is making people more social, while others think it is making them less sociable. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people claim that the ability of human beings to socialize with others is improved by using technologically advanced applications and features, while others think that modern technology actually damages our sociability. Although both schools of thought hold merit, I agree more with the former/latter perspective / In this essay, I would discuss both schools of thought before proposing my perspective on the impact of technology on the relationships of people.

On the one hand, there are some reasons that explain why some people believe that modern technology can improve our ability to socialize. In the past, whenever humans were divided by geographical distances, their relationships could not be maintained due to the lack of communication methods. However, as our world becomes globalized and interconnected by using modern technology, such as globalized and interconnected by using modern technology, such as the Internet and portable devices, we can maintain a connection with anyone we desire to while having our social circles expanded to an international level.

Opponents of the previous view, on the other hand, think that modern technology has a dividing effect on the structure of society. High quality relationships require putting effort and time into having emotional interactions in real-life settings, which can be hard to obtain in the technologically advanced world. As people are too preoccupied with their virtual connections, their ability to concentrate enough on a specific number of relationships has become impaired. As a result, despite having our social circles expanded by technology, we lack profound relationships, leading to social isolation and detrimentally impacting our mental health.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions on determining the impact of modern technology on our sociability, I believe that it is a double-edged sword. While modern technology can expand our social circles and help us stay in touch with friends and family members, over-relying on them could make our relationships superficial and negatively affect our mental health.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Some people claim" -> "Some individuals argue"
Explanation: Replacing "claim" with "argue" provides a more precise term that is commonly used in academic discourse to denote a position or opinion being presented in a formal discussion.
"technologically advanced applications and features" -> "advanced technological applications and features"
Explanation: Rearranging the phrase to "advanced technological applications and features" aligns with the typical order of adjectives in formal English, enhancing readability and clarity.
"I agree more with the former/latter perspective" -> "I concur more with the former perspective"
Explanation: Replacing "agree" with "concur" and removing "latter" (which is vague and less formal) improves the formality and specificity of the statement.
"In this essay, I would discuss" -> "This essay will discuss"
Explanation: Changing "I would discuss" to "This essay will discuss" shifts the focus from the author to the essay itself, which is more appropriate in academic writing.
"such as globalized and interconnected by using modern technology" -> "such as the Internet and portable devices"
Explanation: Removing the redundant phrase "by using modern technology" simplifies and clarifies the sentence, making it more direct and concise.
"we can maintain a connection with anyone we desire to" -> "we can maintain connections with anyone we wish"
Explanation: Changing "desire to" to "wish" and removing "a" before "connection" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances the formality of the sentence.
"Opponents of the previous view" -> "those opposing the previous view"
Explanation: "Those opposing" is a more formal and precise way to refer to individuals who hold an opposing viewpoint in academic writing.
"High quality relationships require putting effort and time into having emotional interactions in real-life settings" -> "High-quality relationships necessitate effort and time in fostering emotional connections in real-life settings"
Explanation: Replacing "require putting effort and time into having" with "necessitate effort and time in fostering" uses more precise and formal vocabulary, enhancing the academic tone.
"which can be hard to obtain in the technologically advanced world" -> "which may be challenging to achieve in a technologically advanced world"
Explanation: Replacing "hard to obtain" with "challenging to achieve" and changing "in the technologically advanced world" to "in a technologically advanced world" uses more formal and precise language.
"As people are too preoccupied with their virtual connections" -> "As individuals become overly preoccupied with their virtual connections"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" and "too" with "overly" refines the language to be more formal and precise.
"our ability to concentrate enough on a specific number of relationships" -> "our capacity to focus adequately on a limited number of relationships"
Explanation: Replacing "concentrate enough" with "focus adequately" and "specific number" with "limited number" uses more precise and formal vocabulary.
"despite having our social circles expanded by technology" -> "despite the expansion of our social circles through technology"
Explanation: Changing "having our social circles expanded by technology" to "the expansion of our social circles through technology" shifts the focus to the action of expansion, which is more formal and direct.
"we lack profound relationships" -> "we lack deep relationships"
Explanation: Replacing "profound" with "deep" uses a more commonly accepted term in academic contexts, enhancing clarity and formality.
"leading to social isolation and detrimentally impacting our mental health" -> "resulting in social isolation and negatively affecting our mental health"
Explanation: Replacing "detrimentally impacting" with "negatively affecting" uses more precise and formal language suitable for academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument regarding the impact of modern technology on socialization. The first body paragraph discusses the positive aspects, highlighting how technology facilitates communication and expands social circles. The second body paragraph presents the opposing view, emphasizing the potential for superficial relationships and social isolation. However, the introduction could be clearer in explicitly stating that the essay will discuss both views before providing the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the introduction should clearly outline the two perspectives and explicitly mention that the essay will discuss both before stating the author’sopinion. This would provide a more structured approach and ensure that all parts of the question are addressed comprehensively.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position in favor of the view that technology has both positive and negative impacts on socialization. The conclusion reiterates this balanced perspective. However, the phrase "I agree more with the former/latter perspective" is confusing and should be clarified to indicate which side the author leans towards.
- How to improve: To maintain clarity, the author should clearly state their position in the introduction and avoid ambiguous phrases. A definitive statement about which perspective they align with would strengthen the overall argument and ensure the reader understands their stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and supports them with examples, such as the historical context of communication and the emotional effort required for real-life interactions. However, the examples could be more specific and detailed to provide stronger support for the claims made. For instance, mentioning specific technologies or studies that illustrate the impact of technology on social relationships would enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the author should include specific examples or studies that illustrate their points. This could involve citing statistics on social media use or research findings on the effects of technology on mental health, which would provide a more robust foundation for their arguments.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the effects of modern technology on socialization. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the phrase "globalized and interconnected by using modern technology" is repetitive and could be streamlined to maintain focus.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should avoid redundancy and ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the main argument. A careful review of the essay for repetitive phrases or ideas would help tighten the writing and keep the discussion relevant to the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-rounded discussion. By refining the introduction, clarifying the position, adding specific examples, and tightening the focus, the author can further enhance the quality of their response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance, followed by two body paragraphs discussing opposing views. The progression from one idea to the next is generally logical, as the writer first presents the benefits of technology in socializing and then addresses the drawbacks. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Opponents of the previous view, on the other hand" could be more effectively linked to the previous paragraph’s conclusion to enhance flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that clearly indicate a shift in perspective. For example, instead of "Opponents of the previous view," you might say, "Conversely," or "In contrast," which would provide a clearer connection between the two viewpoints.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct viewpoint. The introduction and conclusion are also clearly defined. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of the paragraph. The current topic sentence is somewhat vague and could be more direct in stating the argument against technology’s impact on sociability.
- How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each paragraph to clearly reflect the main argument. For example, in the second body paragraph, you could start with a sentence like, "Despite the advantages of technology, many argue that it undermines the quality of interpersonal relationships." This would provide a clearer framework for the discussion that follows.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "on the one hand" and "on the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, there is a repetition of phrases, such as "modern technology," which can detract from the overall cohesion. The use of cohesive devices is adequate but could be more varied to enhance the essay’s fluidity.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, consider using synonyms or related phrases to avoid repetition. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "modern technology," you could alternate with terms like "digital advancements" or "technological innovations." Additionally, incorporating more linking words such as "furthermore," "however," and "consequently" can help to create smoother transitions between ideas.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "technologically advanced applications," "globalized," and "sociability." However, there is some repetition, particularly with phrases like "modern technology" and "social circles," which detracts from the overall lexical variety. The use of "schools of thought" is appropriate, but it could be complemented with synonyms or related phrases to enhance diversity.
- How to improve: To improve lexical range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "modern technology," alternatives like "digital advancements" or "technological innovations" could be utilized. Additionally, using phrases like "interpersonal relationships" or "social interactions" instead of "social circles" could add depth.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "emotional interactions" and "social isolation." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, particularly in the phrase "I agree more with the former/latter perspective," which is unclear. The phrase should specify which perspective the writer aligns with to avoid ambiguity.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should ensure clarity in their statements. For example, instead of saying "I agree more with the former/latter perspective," the writer could clarify by stating, "I agree more with the perspective that modern technology enhances sociability." This specificity will improve the overall clarity of the argument.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling; however, there are minor errors, such as the repetition of "globalized and interconnected by using modern technology," which suggests a lack of proofreading. While spelling errors are not prominent, the overall clarity can be affected by awkward phrasing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling and overall writing quality, the writer should engage in thorough proofreading. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases or repetitions. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through vocabulary exercises can further improve accuracy.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise usage, and focusing on spelling and clarity, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and overall essay quality.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, phrases like "Although both schools of thought hold merit" and "On the one hand, there are some reasons that explain why some people believe" show an ability to use introductory clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetition, such as "globalized and interconnected by using modern technology," which detracts from the overall variety. Additionally, the use of phrases like "the ability of human beings to socialize with others is improved" could be rephrased for greater variety.
- How to improve: To enhance sentence variety, consider using more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For instance, instead of repeating "modern technology," you could use synonyms or rephrase the sentence to maintain interest. Incorporating more compound-complex sentences could also elevate the sophistication of your writing. Practicing sentence transformation exercises can help in this regard.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "I agree more with the former/latter perspective" is unclear due to the use of both "former" and "latter" without context. Additionally, the sentence "High quality relationships require putting effort and time into having emotional interactions in real-life settings" could benefit from a comma before "which," as it introduces a non-restrictive clause. Furthermore, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the ability of human beings to socialize with others is improved," which could be simplified.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on clarity and conciseness. Avoid ambiguous phrases and ensure that each sentence clearly conveys its intended meaning. Regularly reviewing punctuation rules, especially regarding clauses, will help in avoiding common errors. Additionally, consider peer reviews or using grammar-checking tools to catch mistakes before finalizing your essay.

By addressing these areas, you can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that the ability of human beings to socialize with others is enhanced by using advanced technological applications and features, while others believe that modern technology actually diminishes our sociability. Although both perspectives hold merit, I concur more with the latter viewpoint. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument before presenting my opinion on the impact of technology on people’s relationships.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that explain why some people believe that modern technology can improve our ability to socialize. In the past, when humans were separated by geographical distances, their relationships could not be maintained due to the lack of effective communication methods. However, as our world becomes globalized and interconnected through modern technology, such as the Internet and portable devices, we can maintain connections with anyone we wish, expanding our social circles to an international level.

Those opposing the previous view, on the other hand, argue that modern technology has a divisive effect on the structure of society. High-quality relationships necessitate effort and time in fostering emotional connections in real-life settings, which may be challenging to achieve in a technologically advanced world. As individuals become overly preoccupied with their virtual connections, our capacity to focus adequately on a limited number of relationships has become impaired. Consequently, despite the expansion of our social circles through technology, we often lack deep relationships, resulting in social isolation and negatively affecting our mental health.

In conclusion, although there are mixed opinions regarding the impact of modern technology on our sociability, I believe that it is a double-edged sword. While modern technology can expand our social circles and help us stay in touch with friends and family members, over-relying on it could lead to superficial relationships and adversely affect our mental well-being.