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Some people believe that success in sports depends on physical ability. But some people believe there are many factors that contribute to success at sports. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that success in sports depends on physical ability. But
some people believe there are many factors that contribute to success at sports.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The notion of success in sports have been a subject of debate.While some argue that physical attribute is the primary determinant of success,other contend that multiple elements contribute to achievement in sports.This essay will analyse this question from both points of view and explain why i believe other factors except physical ability have the vital roles in sports.

There are certain justifications for why some people believe that physical ability is the only way to get success in sports.They argue that physical traits such as speed,strength,and agility often serve as the primary metrics for success in many athletic disciplines.This seems reasonable since in some sports such as weightlifting or sprinting,individuals who have superior strength and speed can have a natural advantage over others.Moreover,physical strength allows for better control and domination over opponents,which can act as a significant key to get success in some combat sports.In addition,high-level physical conditions reduce the risk of injury, allowing athletes to maintain consistent performance.If athletes maintain their intensity of performance,they can reach the pinnacle of their career and obtain the reputation,allowing them to be considered as a success athlete.

However,there are compelling justifications why the merits of other factors in sports should be emphasized.It is often argued that mastering the specific techniques can sometimes outweigh the advantages of natural physical talent.A compelling example is that Neymar from Brazil football team,he does not have a robust body but utilizing a skillful playing style has made him to be highly appreciated player in the world.Moreover,the ability to stay focused,handle pressure and recover from setbacks of athletes is of paramount importance in their careers that exert a profound influence on their performance.A second point is that years of competition give athletes the invaluable knowledge of how to manage various situations.

In conclusion,after consideration,I believe that both arguments have their own compelling reasons.However,on balance,I maintain that physical attributes and other factors all contribute to achieving success in sports.As well as this,I also contend that considering a range of factors is essential for sustained excellence in sports.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "have been a subject of debate" -> "have been debated"
    Explanation: The phrase "subject of debate" is slightly informal. Replacing it with "have been debated" maintains the academic tone while being more concise.

  2. "other contend that" -> "others contend that"
    Explanation: Replace "other" with "others" for grammatical accuracy. "Others" here refers to another group distinct from the one previously mentioned.

  3. "this question from both points of view" -> "this issue from both perspectives"
    Explanation: While "points of view" is acceptable, "perspectives" is a more formal and succinct term for academic writing.

  4. "i believe other factors except physical ability" -> "I believe factors beyond physical ability"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality by replacing "other factors except" with "factors beyond."

  5. "have the vital roles" -> "play vital roles"
    Explanation: Simplifying "have the vital roles" to "play vital roles" maintains the intended meaning in a more direct manner.

  6. "justify for why" -> "justify why"
    Explanation: Removing "for" improves the sentence’s flow and maintains clarity without affecting the meaning.

  7. "some people believe that physical ability is the only way to get success in sports" -> "some argue that success in sports hinges solely on physical ability"
    Explanation: Rewording to enhance conciseness and precision while maintaining the formal tone.

  8. "metrics for success" -> "indicators of success"
    Explanation: "Metrics" is more commonly associated with measurements. "Indicators" better reflects the varied aspects contributing to success.

  9. "individuals who have superior strength and speed can have a natural advantage over others" -> "individuals with superior strength and speed may possess a natural edge over their peers"
    Explanation: Replacing "can have" with "may possess" and rephrasing for clarity and formality.

  10. "better control and domination over opponents" -> "enhanced control and dominance over opponents"
    Explanation: Using "enhanced" and "dominance" strengthens the expression while maintaining academic tone.

  11. "key to get success" -> "key to achieving success"
    Explanation: Changing "get success" to "achieving success" for a more formal and appropriate phrase.

  12. "athletes maintain their intensity of performance" -> "athletes sustain their performance intensity"
    Explanation: A more formal rephrasing for clarity and precision.

  13. "reach the pinnacle of their career" -> "reach the peak of their careers"
    Explanation: Substituting "pinnacle" with "peak" for a more common term while preserving the meaning.

  14. "However,on balance" -> "However, overall"
    Explanation: A more concise transition that aligns better with formal writing.

  15. "considering a range of factors is essential" -> "considering various factors is essential"
    Explanation: "Range" is replaced with "various" for a nuanced adjustment that maintains academic formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "This essay will analyse this question from both points of view and explain why i believe other factors except physical ability have the vital roles in sports."

    • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: Your introduction does well in stating the purpose of the essay, but it lacks a clear summary of the main points you will discuss. Consider providing a concise roadmap of the factors you will explore, such as specific techniques, mental resilience, and experience. This will enhance the structure and guide readers through your analysis.
    • Improved example: "This essay will analyze the debate surrounding success in sports from two perspectives: the emphasis on physical ability and the significance of other factors. I will delve into specific techniques, mental resilience, and the experience gained through years of competition to illustrate the multifaceted nature of success in sports."
  2. Quoted text: "There are certain justifications for why some people believe that physical ability is the only way to get success in sports."

    • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: Your argument in favor of physical ability is well-presented. However, to strengthen your position, provide specific examples of sports where physical traits such as strength and speed are particularly crucial. This will add depth to your discussion and make your points more persuasive.
    • Improved example: "There are compelling reasons why some assert that physical ability is paramount in achieving success in sports. In disciplines like weightlifting or sprinting, where raw strength and speed are pivotal, athletes with superior physical traits often gain a natural advantage. For instance, in the world of sprinting, athletes like Usain Bolt have showcased how exceptional speed can lead to unparalleled success."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover,the ability to stay focused,handle pressure and recover from setbacks of athletes is of paramount importance in their careers that exert a profound influence on their performance."

    • Giải thích và Gợi ý cải thiện: Your point about mental attributes is valid, but it could be strengthened by providing concrete examples. Share instances of athletes who have demonstrated exceptional focus, resilience, and the ability to handle pressure, reinforcing your argument with real-world examples.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, the ability to stay focused, handle pressure, and recover from setbacks is of paramount importance in an athlete’s career. Consider the remarkable composure of tennis legend Serena Williams, who, despite facing numerous challenges, has consistently displayed mental fortitude, influencing her performance positively. This underlines the significant role mental attributes play in achieving success in sports."

Overall, your essay exhibits a good understanding of the topic, but incorporating specific examples and refining the introduction can elevate its overall coherence and persuasiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an attempt to present coherent arguments and maintain a logical progression throughout. It attempts to organize ideas coherently and does show an overall progression in discussing both views. There’s an effort to use cohesive devices, but their usage within and between sentences could be more effective and less mechanical. Paragraphing is somewhat used, but not consistently and logically throughout the essay.

How to Improve:
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider a more consistent and logical use of cohesive devices. Work on the structural aspect by ensuring a clearer and consistent use of paragraphs. Additionally, strive for a smoother transition between ideas to enhance the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for some flexibility and precision in expression. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. While there are occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay discusses both views on success in sports and provides examples to support the arguments. The vocabulary is varied, with attempts at using less common terms such as "metrics," "robust," and "invaluable knowledge."

How to improve: To enhance the lexical resource, focus on refining word choice to avoid occasional inaccuracies. Additionally, ensure consistent attention to spelling and word formation. Consider incorporating more sophisticated and varied vocabulary, especially in areas where it seems repetitive, to elevate the overall lexical control.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. The writer employs a variety of complex structures, showcasing control over grammar and punctuation. However, there are some noticeable errors, such as inconsistent capitalization, spelling mistakes ("have been" instead of "has been," "argument" instead of "argue," "other" instead of "others," "maintain" instead of "maintains," and "exert" instead of "exerts"), and issues with sentence structure that slightly impact the overall clarity.

How to improve:

  1. Consistent Verb Tenses: Ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. For instance, maintain the present tense in sentences like "There are certain justifications," and "This essay will analyze," for a more coherent presentation.
  2. Proofread for Spelling and Capitalization: Carefully proofread the essay to rectify spelling errors and inconsistencies in capitalization. For instance, correct "have been" to "has been," and "maintain" to "maintains."
  3. Sentence Structure: Refine sentence structure to enhance clarity. For instance, consider revising "The notion of success in sports have been a subject of debate" to "The notion of success in sports has been a subject of debate" for grammatical accuracy.

Overall, while the essay effectively employs a range of structures and demonstrates good control over grammar, attention to detail and careful proofreading are essential to elevate it to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The concept of success in sports has been a subject of debate. While some argue that physical ability is the primary determinant of success, others contend that multiple elements contribute to achievement in sports. This essay will analyze this question from both points of view and explain why I believe factors other than physical ability play vital roles in sports.

Some people assert that success in sports relies solely on physical ability. They argue that traits such as speed, strength, and agility often serve as the primary metrics for success in many athletic disciplines. This seems reasonable since in sports like weightlifting or sprinting, individuals with superior strength and speed can have a natural advantage. Moreover, physical strength allows for better control and domination over opponents, acting as a significant key to success in combat sports. Additionally, high-level physical conditions reduce the risk of injury, enabling athletes to maintain consistent performance. If athletes sustain their intensity of performance, they can reach the pinnacle of their careers and obtain a reputation, marking them as successful athletes.

However, there are compelling reasons to emphasize the merits of other factors in sports. It is often argued that mastering specific techniques can sometimes outweigh the advantages of natural physical talent. A compelling example is Neymar from the Brazil football team, who does not have a robust body but, through skillful playing, has become a highly appreciated player worldwide. Moreover, the ability to stay focused, handle pressure, and recover from setbacks is of paramount importance in athletes’ careers, exerting a profound influence on their performance. Another point is that years of competition give athletes invaluable knowledge of how to manage various situations.

In conclusion, after careful consideration, I believe that both arguments have their own compelling reasons. However, on balance, I maintain that physical attributes and other factors all contribute to achieving success in sports. Furthermore, I contend that considering a range of factors is essential for sustained excellence in sports.

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