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Some people say taxes should be spent on health care. Other people say that there are more important priorities for tax-payers’ money. Discus both these views and give your own opinion

Some people say taxes should be spent on health care. Other people say that there are more important priorities for tax-payers' money.
Discus both these views and give your own opinion

In today's society, the allocation of tax revenue is a topic of significant debate. While some argue that taxes should primarily be spent on healthcare, others contend that there are more pressing priorities for tax-payers' money.

On one hand, proponents advocate for the allocation of taxes towards health care, emphasizing its importance in ensuring the overall well-being of citizens. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, robust investments in health care infrastructure have proven critical in combating the spread of the virus and providing necessary medical assistance. Adequate funding enables the procurement of essential medical supplies, the expansion of hospital capacities, and the recruitment of healthcare professionals, thereby safeguarding public health.

On the other hand, it is crucial to consider alternative priorities that warrant the allocation of taxpayers' money. One such priority is the improvement of transportation systems. In burgeoning cities, traffic congestion hampers productivity and quality of life. By investing in widening narrow public roads, building new highways, or educating people about using private vehicles, governments can alleviate traffic jams and enhance transportation efficiency. Education is another area that deserves significant attention and funding. By investing in educational institutions, governments can enhance access to quality education, develop skilled workforces, and foster innovation. A well-educated population not only contributes to economic progress but also cultivates a knowledgeable and engaged citizenry, vital for the nation's democratic development.

In conclusion , a balanced approach is necessary when it comes to tax spending. While health care is undeniably a crucial area that requires adequate funding, it should not be the sole focus.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "tax-payers’ money" -> "taxpayers’ funds"
    Explanation: The term "taxpayers’ funds" is a more formal and precise way to refer to the money collected through taxes, aligning with academic style.

  2. "proponents advocate" -> "advocates"
    Explanation: Simplifying the phrase to "advocates" maintains clarity while eliminating unnecessary wording, adhering to a more concise academic style.

  3. "essential medical supplies" -> "vital medical supplies"
    Explanation: Substituting "essential" with "vital" adds a touch of formality and emphasizes the critical nature of the medical supplies, aligning with academic language.

  4. "alleviate traffic jams" -> "mitigate traffic congestion"
    Explanation: "Mitigate traffic congestion" is a more sophisticated alternative, conveying the idea of reducing traffic problems in a formal manner.

  5. "well-educated population" -> "educated populace"
    Explanation: Using "educated populace" instead of "well-educated population" maintains the formality of the term while conveying the idea that the population is educated as a whole.

  6. "cultivates a knowledgeable and engaged citizenry" -> "fosters an informed and engaged citizenry"
    Explanation: The phrase "fosters an informed and engaged citizenry" provides a more nuanced and academic expression, replacing the colloquial term "cultivates."

  7. " In conclusion ," -> "In conclusion,"
    Explanation: Correcting the space before the comma to adhere to proper punctuation conventions in formal writing.

  8. "it should not be the sole focus" -> "it should not be the exclusive focus"
    Explanation: Replacing "sole" with "exclusive" enhances the precision of the statement, emphasizing that healthcare should not be the only area of focus for tax spending.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay comprehensively addresses both perspectives, highlighting the importance of healthcare spending and presenting alternative priorities for taxpayer funds. It acknowledges the arguments for both sides by discussing healthcare and alternative areas such as transportation and education.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider delving deeper into the counterarguments against healthcare spending and providing more nuanced reasoning for why other areas might be more critical for taxpayer funds.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position favoring a balanced approach to tax spending. It acknowledges the importance of healthcare but emphasizes that it shouldn’t be the exclusive focus.
    • How to improve: To strengthen clarity, ensure that each paragraph consistently aligns with the central stance. Develop a stronger thesis statement early on to explicitly establish this balanced perspective.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas regarding healthcare spending and provides reasonable support through examples, such as the impact of healthcare funding during the COVID-19 pandemic and the benefits of investing in transportation and education.
    • How to improve: To extend ideas further, consider offering more specific data or statistical evidence to bolster the arguments, especially regarding the benefits and impacts of healthcare spending and alternative priority areas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely remains on topic, discussing healthcare spending and alternative priority areas related to taxpayer funds.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the discussion of taxpayer funds’ allocation and avoid potential tangents that stray from this central theme.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt, effectively discussing both perspectives and presenting a well-structured argument. To enhance the response and potentially move towards a higher band score, consider deeper exploration of counterarguments, strengthening the thesis statement, providing more robust evidence, and maintaining a consistent focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable level of logical organization. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the debate on tax allocation. Each paragraph thereafter is devoted to a distinct viewpoint, providing a systematic and coherent flow of ideas. The use of examples, such as the impact of healthcare funding during the COVID-19 pandemic, adds depth and clarity to the argument.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, consider explicitly signposting transitions between paragraphs. For instance, use phrases like "On one hand," and "On the other hand," to guide the reader through the contrasting viewpoints.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is effectively paragraphed, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction succinctly sets the stage, and subsequent paragraphs delve into the proponents of healthcare spending and alternative priorities. The conclusion provides a concise summary of the main points.
    • How to improve: While the paragraph structure is generally sound, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear central theme. In some cases, like the paragraph mentioning education, a more explicit topic sentence could improve coherence.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transition words such as "while," "on the other hand," and "in conclusion" guide the reader through the different arguments. Additionally, the repetition of the phrase "taxes should" helps link related ideas within the essay.
    • How to improve: To further diversify cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms for key terms and using parallel structures. For example, instead of consistently repeating "taxes should," use alternatives like "government expenditure" or "fiscal allocation" to add lexical variety.

In summary, the essay effectively organizes information, uses appropriate paragraphs, and employs a range of cohesive devices to achieve a Band Score of 7. To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on explicit transitions, ensuring clear topic sentences within paragraphs, and incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices for added lexical variety.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a moderate range of vocabulary. There is evidence of appropriate word choice, such as "allocation," "well-being," "robust investments," and "safeguarding public health." However, the use of vocabulary could be more diverse and sophisticated, and some phrases appear repetitive, limiting the range.

    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider incorporating more synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or specialized terms related to healthcare and fiscal priorities. For example, instead of repeatedly using "allocation," explore alternatives like "apportionment" or "distribution" where context allows.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. There are instances of precise language, such as "combatting the spread of the virus" and "alleviate traffic jams." However, there are also moments where vocabulary could be more precise or nuanced, such as in the phrase "cultivates a knowledgeable and engaged citizenry," where "cultivates" could be more specific.

    • How to improve: Aim for greater precision by choosing words that precisely convey the intended meaning. For example, consider using "nurtures" or "fosters" instead of "cultivates." This will contribute to a more refined and exact use of language.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy is generally satisfactory throughout the essay. There are no blatant spelling errors that significantly impact readability or comprehension.

    • How to improve: Maintain this level of spelling accuracy by continuing to proofread carefully. Consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools to catch any potential errors. Additionally, be attentive to homophones and common tricky words.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates competency in lexical resource, improvements can be made to elevate the vocabulary range, enhance precision, and maintain consistent spelling accuracy. This can be achieved through a deliberate effort to incorporate more varied and precise language while remaining vigilant in proofreading for any potential spelling errors.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It employs various sentence types, including complex sentences ("While some argue…," "Adequate funding enables…," "By investing in…," "In burgeoning cities…," "A well-educated population…"), compound sentences ("On one hand…," "On the other hand…"), and a compound-complex sentence in the conclusion ("In conclusion, a balanced approach…"). These structures enhance the essay’s readability and coherence by providing a mix of simple, compound, complex, and compound-complex sentences.
    • How to improve: To further enrich the essay, consider integrating more transitional phrases and clauses within sentences to enhance coherence and create smoother connections between ideas. Additionally, varying the sentence lengths and structures even more could elevate the essay’s sophistication and engagement.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar. The sentences are generally well-structured, and the majority of grammatical constructions are accurate. For example, subject-verb agreement, proper use of articles, and consistent verb tenses are well-maintained throughout the essay. However, a few minor errors, such as missing articles ("during COVID-19 pandemic," "while health care"), could be addressed to improve precision.
    • How to improve: Review articles and prepositions when expressing specific time periods ("during the COVID-19 pandemic"). Additionally, ensure consistent article usage ("while healthcare is undeniably a crucial area"). Proofreading for these minor errors can further elevate the grammatical accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs punctuation accurately for the most part, including the use of commas, periods, and apostrophes. Commas are appropriately utilized to separate ideas in compound sentences ("While some argue that…," "Education is another area…"). However, a few areas lack punctuation clarity, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("On one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion") and inconsistent usage of capitalization ("during the COVID-19 pandemic," "healthcare").
    • How to improve: Ensure consistent use of commas after introductory phrases for improved readability and adherence to punctuation conventions ("On one hand," "On the other hand," "In conclusion, a balanced approach…"). Additionally, consider proper capitalization ("during the COVID-19 pandemic," "healthcare") to maintain uniformity and clarity.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical structures and punctuation. To enhance the band score further, focus on refining minor grammatical inaccuracies and consistently applying punctuation rules throughout the essay. Expanding the variety of sentence structures and paying attention to punctuation nuances will contribute to a more polished and sophisticated piece of writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s society, the allocation of tax revenue is a topic of significant debate. While some argue that taxes should primarily be spent on healthcare, others contend that there are more pressing priorities for taxpayers’ funds.

On one hand, advocates emphasize the importance of allocating taxes towards healthcare, highlighting its role in ensuring the overall well-being of citizens. For instance, during the COVID-19 pandemic, substantial investments in healthcare infrastructure proved critical in combating the virus’s spread and providing necessary medical assistance. Adequate funding enables the procurement of vital medical supplies, the expansion of hospital capacities, and the recruitment of healthcare professionals, thereby safeguarding public health.

On the other hand, it is crucial to consider alternative priorities that warrant the allocation of taxpayers’ money. One such priority is the improvement of transportation systems. In burgeoning cities, traffic congestion hampers productivity and quality of life. By investing in widening narrow public roads, building new highways, or educating people about using private vehicles, governments can mitigate traffic congestion and enhance transportation efficiency. Education is another area that deserves significant attention and funding. By investing in educational institutions, governments can enhance access to quality education, develop skilled workforces, and foster innovation. A well-educated populace not only contributes to economic progress but also fosters an informed and engaged citizenry, vital for the nation’s democratic development.

In conclusion, a balanced approach is necessary when it comes to tax spending. While healthcare is undeniably a crucial area that requires adequate funding, it should not be the exclusive focus.

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