Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some individuals believe that advertising remarkably succeeds in persuading us to buy things while others reckon that the commonness of advertisements no longer captures our attention. This essay is going to shed light on both sides of this debate before presenting my opinion.

On the one hand, many have their reasons to argue that ads can entice us into purchasing. It is undeniable that advertising plays an important role in promoting the awareness of a brand. To be more specific, frequently shown ads on TV or social media may instill the images of products in the minds of consumers for a long time. As a result, advertising has become a powerful tool to promote brand awareness. In addition, enterprises and organizations often pay a large sum of money to customize their advertisements, which makes them look more attractive and memorable to consumers. Therefore, their ads may be able to raise the attention of the public and mass media about their products or campaigns.

On the other hand, I firmly take the view that advertising has been failing to grab our attentiveness because of its commonness. Firstly, the omnipresence of ads may lead to people’s negative attitudes towards them. Specifically, consumers are bombarded by everyday advertisements since they can pop up everywhere on TV, billboards, or social media. Hence, regarding ads as a usual annoyance, many people tend to avoid watching them in many ways as unconscious habits such as turning off the television or clicking “Skip ad” on YouTube. Second, a variety of buyers mistrust the authenticity of items that are widely advertised. This can be attributed to the fact that advertisements seldom convey true information since advertisers tend to polish the products so that they can boost the sales of companies. As a result, many people no longer dearly pay attention to advertising.

In conclusion, much as I understand the rationale behind the belief that advertisements can succeed in leading us to buying decisions, I would argue that advertising is not able to continue capturing our attentiveness because of its bombardment and the false information about products.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Some individuals believe" -> "Some people believe"
   Explanation: "Individuals" is slightly more formal than "people," but "people" is still appropriate in academic writing. The term "individuals" might sound overly formal in this context, making "people" a more natural choice.

2. "remarkably succeeds" -> "significantly succeeds"
   Explanation: "Remarkably" is somewhat informal and emotional for academic writing. "Significantly" is more neutral and appropriate for formal essays.

3. "reckon" -> "believe"
   Explanation: "Reckon" is a colloquial term that is not typically used in formal academic writing. "Believe" is the standard term for expressing opinion or belief in formal contexts.

4. "the commonness of advertisements" -> "the ubiquity of advertisements"
   Explanation: "Commonness" is vague and less precise. "Ubiquity" more accurately conveys the widespread presence of advertisements, which is more suitable for formal writing.

5. "This essay is going to shed light on" -> "This essay will examine"
   Explanation: "Shed light on" is a metaphorical expression that may seem too informal for academic writing. "Examine" is a more direct and formal verb choice.

6. "many have their reasons to argue" -> "many argue"
   Explanation: The phrase "have their reasons to argue" is redundant and verbose. Simplifying it to "argue" maintains clarity and conciseness.

7. "It is undeniable that" -> "It is evident that"
   Explanation: "Undeniable" can imply a level of certainty that may not be universally accepted. "Evident" is a more neutral term that suggests a clear observation without implying absolute truth.

8. "frequently shown ads" -> "frequent advertisements"
   Explanation: "Frequently shown ads" is informal and imprecise. "Frequent advertisements" is more formal and precise.

9. "instill the images of products" -> "imprint the images of products"
   Explanation: "Instill" is typically used for imparting knowledge or values, not images. "Imprint" is more appropriate for describing the lasting impression of images.

10. "pay a large sum of money" -> "invest substantial funds"
    Explanation: "Pay a large sum of money" is somewhat informal and vague. "Invest substantial funds" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.

11. "look more attractive and memorable" -> "appear more attractive and memorable"
    Explanation: "Look" is less formal than "appear," which is preferred in academic writing for describing visual aspects.

12. "I firmly take the view" -> "I firmly believe"
    Explanation: "Take the view" is a bit verbose and less direct. "Believe" is straightforward and commonly used in academic arguments.

13. "has been failing to grab our attentiveness" -> "has failed to capture our attention"
    Explanation: "Grab our attentiveness" is an awkward and informal construction. "Capture our attention" is the correct and formal phrase.

14. "bombardment" -> "overexposure"
    Explanation: "Bombardment" is typically used in military contexts and may be too strong for describing advertising. "Overexposure" is more appropriate and neutral.

15. "dearly pay attention" -> "carefully consider"
    Explanation: "Dearly pay attention" is incorrect and unclear. "Carefully consider" is the correct phrase for describing thoughtful attention in an academic context.

These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding the effectiveness of advertising. The first paragraph outlines the perspective that advertising is successful in persuading consumers, citing brand awareness and the attractiveness of customized ads as key points. The second paragraph presents the opposing view, arguing that the omnipresence of ads leads to consumer desensitization and mistrust. This balanced discussion of both sides fulfills the requirement of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include more specific examples or case studies to illustrate the points made. For instance, mentioning a particular advertising campaign that successfully influenced consumer behavior or one that failed to capture attention could provide a stronger basis for the arguments. Additionally, a more explicit connection between the two views could help in synthesizing the discussion.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that advertising is ultimately ineffective due to its prevalence and the mistrust it engenders. This position is stated in the introduction and reiterated in the conclusion, which helps to unify the essay. However, the transition from discussing the effectiveness of advertising to the author’s opinion could be more fluid.
  • How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases to better connect the discussion of both views to their own opinion. For example, after presenting the arguments for the effectiveness of advertising, a phrase like "Despite these points, I believe…" could create a smoother transition to the author’s stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The points about brand awareness and consumer desensitization are well-articulated. However, some ideas could benefit from further development. For instance, the claim about mistrust in advertising could be expanded with examples of how this mistrust manifests in consumer behavior.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on key points with examples, statistics, or anecdotes. This could involve discussing specific advertising strategies that have failed or succeeded, or referencing studies that show consumer attitudes towards advertising.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the effectiveness of advertising and the contrasting views on its impact on consumer behavior. There are no significant deviations from the topic, and the discussion remains relevant to the prompt.
  • How to improve: While the essay stays on topic, ensuring that all points made directly relate back to the central question can enhance coherence. The writer could occasionally reiterate how each point ties back to the effectiveness of advertising, reinforcing the relevance of the discussion to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task requirements, effectively discusses both sides of the argument, and presents a clear personal opinion. With some enhancements in examples, transitions, and elaboration on key points, the essay could achieve an even higher score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views on advertising. Each viewpoint is addressed in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain a logical flow. The first body paragraph discusses the effectiveness of advertising in persuading consumers, while the second body paragraph presents the counterargument regarding the oversaturation of ads. This organization allows the reader to follow the argument easily. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases at the beginning of the second body paragraph to signal a shift in perspective. For example, phrases like "Conversely" or "On the contrary" could help clarify the relationship between the two viewpoints.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a single aspect of the discussion. The introduction sets the stage, and the body paragraphs are well-defined, making it easy for the reader to distinguish between the arguments. However, the conclusion could be more distinct by summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs before stating the final opinion.
  • How to improve: To enhance paragraphing, ensure that the conclusion not only states your opinion but also briefly recaps the main arguments presented in the body. This will reinforce the essay’s structure and help the reader recall the key points discussed.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "In addition," and "On the other hand," which effectively guide the reader through the argument. These devices aid in linking ideas within and between paragraphs. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating synonyms or alternative phrases to connect ideas. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "In addition," you could use "Furthermore" or "Moreover." Additionally, using reference words (e.g., "this," "these") to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion and reduce redundancy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to convey the argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and fluidity of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "remarkably succeeds," "entice," "promoting awareness," "omnipresence," and "authenticity." These choices reflect an ability to express complex ideas effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the repeated use of "advertising" and "ads" could be replaced with synonyms like "promotional content" or "commercials" to enhance lexical diversity.
  • How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader variety of synonyms and phrases related to advertising. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "advertising," consider using "marketing strategies" or "promotional campaigns." This will not only diversify the vocabulary but also enrich the overall quality of the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, such as "instill the images of products" and "customize their advertisements." However, there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "the commonness of advertisements" could be better articulated as "the saturation of advertisements" to convey the idea of overwhelming presence more effectively. Additionally, the term "dearly pay attention" is awkward and imprecise; a more suitable phrase would be "pay close attention."
  • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should review their word choices and consider whether they convey the intended meaning clearly. Utilizing a thesaurus can help find more appropriate synonyms, and reading more academic texts can provide insight into how to use vocabulary in context.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the words used. Terms like "persuading," "commonness," "authenticity," and "bombarded" are all spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall clarity of the writing.
  • How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to catch any potential errors that may arise in more complex vocabulary. Additionally, practicing spelling through writing exercises or using spelling apps can help maintain and improve this skill.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7 score, there are opportunities for improvement in lexical variety, precision, and continued attention to spelling. By incorporating a wider range of synonyms, refining word choices for clarity, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively introduces contrasting viewpoints. The sentence "To be more specific, frequently shown ads on TV or social media may instill the images of products in the minds of consumers for a long time" showcases a complex structure that adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "may lead to people’s negative attitudes towards them" could be rephrased to enhance variety.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, using participial phrases, and experimenting with different ways to connect ideas. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "It is undeniable that" or "In addition," try using phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "Additionally," which can help create a more engaging flow. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can also enhance the overall readability and interest of the essay.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the commonness of advertisements no longer captures our attention" is grammatically correct, but the use of "commonness" is somewhat awkward; "ubiquity" or "prevalence" could be more precise. Additionally, punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are some areas where commas could improve clarity, such as in the sentence "As a result, advertising has become a powerful tool to promote brand awareness," where the comma before "which" could be omitted for smoother reading.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to word choice and consider using synonyms that convey the intended meaning more effectively. Additionally, review punctuation rules, especially regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Practicing sentence diagramming can also help in understanding where punctuation is necessary for clarity. Lastly, proofreading the essay for common grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage, can further improve accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of grammatical structures and effectively communicates the argument. With some attention to diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy, the essay could achieve an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals believe that advertising significantly succeeds in persuading us to buy things, while others argue that the ubiquity of advertisements means we no longer pay attention to them. This essay will examine both perspectives before presenting my opinion.

On the one hand, many have valid reasons to argue that ads can entice us into making purchases. It is undeniable that advertising plays an important role in promoting brand awareness. To be more specific, frequent advertisements on TV or social media can imprint the images of products in the minds of consumers for a long time. As a result, advertising has become a powerful tool for enhancing brand recognition. In addition, companies often invest substantial funds to customize their advertisements, making them appear more attractive and memorable to consumers. Therefore, their ads may succeed in raising public and media attention towards their products or campaigns.

On the other hand, I firmly believe that advertising has failed to capture our attention due to its overexposure. Firstly, the omnipresence of ads can lead to negative attitudes among consumers. Specifically, people are bombarded by advertisements daily, as they can pop up everywhere on TV, billboards, or social media. Consequently, many individuals tend to regard ads as a common annoyance and develop unconscious habits to avoid them, such as turning off the television or clicking “Skip ad” on YouTube. Secondly, a variety of consumers mistrust the authenticity of items that are widely advertised. This skepticism arises from the fact that advertisements often do not convey true information, as advertisers tend to embellish products to boost sales. As a result, many people no longer pay close attention to advertising.

In conclusion, while I understand the rationale behind the belief that advertisements can effectively lead us to make purchasing decisions, I would argue that advertising is unable to continue capturing our attention due to its overexposure and the misleading information often presented about products.