Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, government should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax payers’ money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that when deciding how taxes should be spent, government should prioritize health care. Others think that there are more important priorities for tax
payers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Opinions are divided on whether the government should spend tax on health care services or other important priorities for taxpayers' money. In this essay, I would discuss both views and give my opinion regarding this concern.
On the one hand, some people might say that other aspects of life such as education and public transportation should be given the top priority. Education is directly related to human life, especially that of children, who are going to be the future leaders of the country. Therefore, investment in education is definitely a contribution to the future. Besides education, public transportation also needs more money to leverage. Some actions such as building more bridges, and airports or renovating the current infrastructure should be frequently implemented to improve the quality of life. The taxpayers deserve a better quality of life, comparable to the money they pay to the government.
On the other hand, those who advocate for health care services would claim that any other thing does not matter if our health is not secure. Health problems are unexpected and patients can not estimate the amount of money they need to pay. Some diseases may cost a lot of money which raises serious concerns for the patients. The tax, as a result, should be allocated to improve the quality of health care to reduce treatment costs.
From my perspective, there is no uniform approach regarding where the tax should be allocated. The government should consider the actual situation of the country to implement it properly. Whether it is health care or other issues, tax should be used for the citizens’ legitimate needs.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Opinions are divided on whether the government should spend tax on health care services or other important priorities for taxpayers’ money." -> "Opinions are divided on whether the government should allocate tax revenue to healthcare services or other essential priorities."
   Explanation: Replacing "spend tax on" with "allocate tax revenue to" clarifies the financial context and enhances the formality of the sentence. "Essential priorities" is more precise than "important priorities," which is somewhat vague.

2. "In this essay, I would discuss both views and give my opinion regarding this concern." -> "This essay will examine both perspectives and present my opinion on this issue."
   Explanation: "This essay will examine" is more assertive and formal than "I would discuss," aligning better with academic writing. "Present my opinion on this issue" is more formal than "give my opinion regarding this concern."

3. "some people might say" -> "some argue"
   Explanation: "Some argue" is a more direct and academically appropriate way to introduce opposing viewpoints, avoiding the informal tone of "might say."

4. "other aspects of life such as education and public transportation" -> "other vital aspects such as education and public transportation"
   Explanation: Adding "vital" emphasizes the importance of these aspects, enhancing the academic tone.

5. "going to be the future leaders of the country" -> "will become the future leaders of the country"
   Explanation: "Will become" is more precise and formal than "going to be," which is somewhat colloquial.

6. "investment in education is definitely a contribution to the future" -> "investment in education undoubtedly contributes to the future"
   Explanation: "Undoubtedly contributes" is more formal and precise than "is definitely a contribution," which is somewhat redundant.

7. "needs more money to leverage" -> "requires increased funding"
   Explanation: "Requires increased funding" is more specific and formal than "needs more money to leverage," which is vague and informal.

8. "Some actions such as building more bridges, and airports or renovating the current infrastructure" -> "initiatives such as constructing additional bridges, airports, and renovating existing infrastructure"
   Explanation: "Initiatives" and "constructing" are more precise and formal than "actions" and "building," and "additional" and "existing" provide clearer context.

9. "The taxpayers deserve a better quality of life, comparable to the money they pay to the government." -> "Taxpayers expect a better quality of life commensurate with their tax contributions."
   Explanation: "Expect" is more formal than "deserve," and "commensurate with their tax contributions" is more precise and formal than "comparable to the money they pay."

10. "any other thing does not matter if our health is not secure" -> "nothing else matters if our health is not secure"
    Explanation: "Nothing else matters" is a more concise and formal way to express the idea than "any other thing does not matter."

11. "patients can not estimate the amount of money they need to pay" -> "patients cannot accurately estimate the costs of their treatment"
    Explanation: "Cannot accurately estimate the costs of their treatment" is more specific and formal than "can not estimate the amount of money they need to pay."

12. "The tax, as a result, should be allocated to improve the quality of health care to reduce treatment costs." -> "Consequently, tax revenue should be allocated to enhance healthcare quality and reduce treatment costs."
    Explanation: "Consequently" is more formal than "as a result," and "enhance healthcare quality" is more precise than "improve the quality of health care."

13. "there is no uniform approach regarding where the tax should be allocated" -> "there is no uniform approach regarding the allocation of tax revenue"
    Explanation: "Regarding the allocation of tax revenue" is more specific and formal than "regarding where the tax should be allocated."

14. "Whether it is health care or other issues, tax should be used for the citizens’ legitimate needs." -> "Regardless of whether healthcare or other issues are prioritized, tax revenue should be utilized for the citizens’ legitimate needs."
    Explanation: "Regardless of whether" is more formal than "Whether it is," and "utilized" is more formal than "used."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding the allocation of tax money, discussing the importance of health care and other priorities such as education and public transportation. The introduction clearly states the intention to discuss both perspectives, which is a strength. However, the conclusion lacks a definitive stance on which priority should take precedence, which is a crucial part of the prompt. The essay mentions the importance of health care but does not fully articulate a clear opinion on the matter.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the conclusion, indicating which area they believe should be prioritized and why. This would provide a more comprehensive answer to the prompt.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The position is somewhat clear in the introduction and the body paragraphs, but the conclusion dilutes this clarity by suggesting that there is "no uniform approach." This phrase can confuse readers about the writer’s actual stance. The essay does present arguments for both sides effectively, but it fails to maintain a strong, consistent opinion throughout.
  • How to improve: The writer should ensure that their opinion is clearly stated and reinforced throughout the essay. Using phrases like "In my opinion" or "I believe" can help clarify their position. Additionally, reiterating their viewpoint in the conclusion with a strong statement would solidify their stance.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas reasonably well, particularly in discussing the benefits of education and public transportation. However, the support for the health care argument is less developed. While it mentions the unpredictability of health issues and the financial burden on patients, it could benefit from more specific examples or statistics to strengthen this argument.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and evidence for each point made. For instance, mentioning specific health care systems or statistics about health care costs could enhance the argument’s credibility. Additionally, expanding on the implications of prioritizing education and public transportation would provide a more balanced discussion.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the allocation of tax money effectively. However, the transition between discussing education and public transportation could be smoother, as the connection between these ideas and the overall topic of tax allocation is not explicitly stated. The mention of "the quality of life" is somewhat vague and could be more directly tied to the tax spending discussion.
  • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point made directly relates back to the central question of tax allocation. Clear topic sentences for each paragraph that link back to the prompt can help maintain relevance. Additionally, providing a brief explanation of how each point contributes to the overall discussion would enhance coherence.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents relevant arguments, it can be improved by clearly stating a definitive opinion, providing more detailed support for each argument, and ensuring that all points remain closely tied to the central topic of tax allocation.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both views. Each viewpoint is presented in separate paragraphs, which helps maintain a logical flow. The first body paragraph discusses the importance of education and public transportation, while the second body paragraph addresses the significance of health care. The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer’s perspective, reinforcing the idea that tax allocation should be based on the country’s needs. However, there could be a more explicit connection between the two viewpoints to enhance the overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the two perspectives. For example, after discussing the importance of education and public transportation, a sentence could be added to transition into the health care argument, such as, "While education and infrastructure are crucial, the debate also highlights the essential role of health care in ensuring citizens’ well-being."

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific viewpoint. The introduction and conclusion are distinct, providing a clear framework for the discussion. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of the essay.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences of each body paragraph to clearly indicate the main idea being discussed. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Proponents of prioritizing education and public transportation argue that these sectors are fundamental to societal development." This would help readers immediately understand the focus of the paragraph.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," and "Besides," which effectively guide the reader through the different arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more sophisticated linking words and phrases that enhance the flow of ideas. For instance, the use of "Furthermore" or "In addition" could strengthen the connections between sentences and ideas.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of transitional phrases and linking words. For example, when introducing the second viewpoint, consider using "Conversely" or "In contrast" to highlight the shift in perspective. Additionally, using phrases like "This is particularly important because…" can help clarify the significance of each argument and improve the overall cohesion of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of coherence and cohesion, further solidifying its effectiveness in conveying the writer’s arguments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "prioritize," "investment," and "advocate." However, there are instances where the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive or lacks variety. For example, the phrase "should be given the top priority" could be varied with alternatives like "should be prioritized" or "should take precedence." Additionally, the use of "important priorities" is somewhat redundant, as "priorities" already implies importance.
  • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "important," consider using "crucial," "essential," or "vital." Expanding the vocabulary related to the topic, such as terms associated with public spending or healthcare, would also enrich the essay.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "health care services" and "public transportation." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "the top priority" which could be interpreted in various ways. Additionally, phrases like "the actual situation of the country" are vague and could benefit from more specific language to clarify the context.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should aim to use more specific terms that clearly convey their intended meaning. For example, instead of saying "the actual situation of the country," the writer could specify what aspects of the situation they are referring to (e.g., "the current economic challenges" or "the healthcare needs of the population"). This would provide clearer insights into their argument.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling accuracy, with no significant errors noted in the provided text. Words like "government," "taxpayers," and "infrastructure" are spelled correctly, which contributes positively to the overall impression of the essay.
  • How to improve: While spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to proofread their work to catch any potential typos or errors. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers or engaging in peer reviews can help identify any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling accuracy.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and varied clause types. For example, phrases like "some people might say that other aspects of life such as education and public transportation should be given the top priority" effectively use conditional and relative clauses. However, there are instances where the sentence structure could be more varied. For instance, the sentence "The taxpayers deserve a better quality of life, comparable to the money they pay to the government" could be restructured to enhance its complexity and engagement.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and use different introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting sentences with "Some people might say," the writer could use phrases like "It is often argued that…" or "Many believe that…" to introduce different viewpoints. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can create more dynamic sentence flow.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "the top priority" is correctly used, but there is a punctuation error in "Some actions such as building more bridges, and airports or renovating the current infrastructure should be frequently implemented to improve the quality of life." The comma before "and airports" is unnecessary, which can confuse the reader. Additionally, the phrase "patients can not estimate the amount of money they need to pay" could be improved by using "cannot" as a single word for grammatical accuracy.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should pay closer attention to punctuation rules, particularly with conjunctions and lists. Practicing the use of commas in lists and understanding when to use them can help. Furthermore, reviewing common grammatical structures, such as the correct forms of modal verbs (e.g., "cannot" instead of "can not"), will improve overall accuracy. Reading more complex texts can also help the writer internalize correct grammatical forms and punctuation usage.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. Engaging with varied sentence constructions and focusing on punctuation rules will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Opinions are divided on whether the government should allocate tax revenue to healthcare services or other essential priorities for taxpayers’ money. This essay will examine both perspectives and present my opinion on this issue.

On the one hand, some argue that other vital aspects of life, such as education and public transportation, should be given top priority. Education is directly related to human development, particularly for children, who will become the future leaders of the country. Therefore, investment in education undoubtedly contributes to a better future. In addition to education, public transportation also requires increased funding to improve its efficiency. Initiatives such as constructing additional bridges, airports, and renovating existing infrastructure should be frequently implemented to enhance the quality of life. Taxpayers expect a better quality of life commensurate with their tax contributions.

On the other hand, those who advocate for healthcare services would claim that nothing else matters if our health is not secure. Health problems are often unexpected, and patients cannot accurately estimate the costs of their treatment. Some diseases may incur significant expenses, raising serious concerns for patients and their families. Consequently, tax revenue should be allocated to enhance healthcare quality and reduce treatment costs.

From my perspective, there is no uniform approach regarding the allocation of tax revenue. The government should consider the actual situation of the country to implement it effectively. Regardless of whether healthcare or other issues are prioritized, tax revenue should be utilized for the citizens’ legitimate needs.