Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is a question of whether to opt for rivalry in every aspect of our lives or aid each other in the contemporary world. In this essay, I will discuss both sides before siding with a particular standpoint.

It is irrefutable that one of the most notable merits of collaboration is mental well-being. Whenever people confront any hardships or challenges, when they work in a group, there will be those who are willing to assist them with collective effort and mutual support to facilitate them overcome their situation. Therefore, a sense of community and sentimental values are what they will receive. However, in today’s world, it is challenging to proceed with cooperation, as people are in pursuit of social status and a position in society for their own. Even when people back up each other in work, which can boil down to their benefits for later purposes.

On the other hand, competition in our daily life seems prevalent and does good for us in many aspects. Firstly, people can derive motivation from rivalry. Regarding the entrance exam to any level, it is a common belief that there is a wide range of strains, including cut-off scores, examination atmosphere and whether participants can employ their knowledge or not, that people have to overcome. To this end, participants’ time and effort are considered the two factors that they will sacrifice to obtain their goal and act at their full potential despite the challenging entrance exam. Furthermore, competition is also a chance for them to broaden their competencies. To have a position in nowadays workforce, which is limited, craftsmanship is highly valued. They are under the obligation to step out of their comfort zone to enhance their skills with a view to proving that they are qualified and deserved to land that position.

To sum up, although both rivalry and collaboration are beneficial for our development, I am of the opinion that the driving force and competency enhancement are more beneficial than mental well-being, which is attained by collaboration.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"opt for rivalry" -> "engage in competition"
Explanation: "Engage in competition" is a more precise and formal term that accurately describes the act of participating in competitive activities, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"aid each other" -> "assist one another"
Explanation: "Assist one another" is a more formal and precise phrase that is commonly used in academic writing to convey mutual support or help.
"contemporary world" -> "contemporary society"
Explanation: "Contemporary society" is a more specific and academically appropriate term that refers to the current social and cultural context, enhancing the formality of the essay.
"it is irrefutable" -> "it is undeniable"
Explanation: "Undeniable" is a stronger, more academic term that emphasizes the certainty of the statement, fitting better in formal writing.
"Whenever people confront any hardships or challenges" -> "Whenever individuals encounter challenges"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "encounter" is a more precise verb than "confront" in this context, which refers to meeting challenges rather than directly facing them.
"there will be those who are willing to assist them" -> "some individuals will be willing to assist"
Explanation: "Some individuals" is more specific and formal than "those who are willing," and it avoids the vague pronoun "them," which is unclear in this context.
"facilitate them overcome" -> "help them overcome"
Explanation: "Help" is a clearer and more direct verb than "facilitate" in this context, which can be overly formal and vague.
"in pursuit of social status and a position in society for their own" -> "in pursuit of social status and professional advancement for personal gain"
Explanation: "Professional advancement for personal gain" is a more precise and formal way to describe the motivations behind individual actions, aligning better with academic style.
"boil down to their benefits for later purposes" -> "ultimately serve their own interests"
Explanation: "Ultimately serve their own interests" is a clearer and more direct expression, avoiding the metaphorical "boil down," which can be seen as informal and vague in academic writing.
"competition in our daily life seems prevalent" -> "competition is prevalent in our daily lives"
Explanation: "Is prevalent in our daily lives" corrects the grammatical structure and uses the plural form "lives" to match the generalization being made.
"does good for us" -> "benefits us"
Explanation: "Benefits us" is a more concise and formal way to express the positive effects of competition, aligning better with academic style.
"derive motivation from rivalry" -> "derive motivation through competition"
Explanation: "Through competition" is a more precise and formal phrase than "from rivalry," which can be seen as less specific and slightly informal.
"act at their full potential" -> "perform at their full potential"
Explanation: "Perform" is a more formal verb than "act" in this context, fitting better in academic writing.
"broaden their competencies" -> "enhance their competencies"
Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise term than "broaden" when referring to improving skills or abilities, aligning better with the context of professional development.
"step out of their comfort zone" -> "venture beyond their comfort zones"
Explanation: "Venture beyond their comfort zones" is a more formal and precise expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more colloquial "step out of their comfort zone."
"the driving force and competency enhancement" -> "motivation and skill enhancement"
Explanation: "Motivation and skill enhancement" are more specific and academically appropriate terms than "the driving force and competency enhancement," which is vague and less formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views on competition and cooperation, presenting arguments for each side. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of cooperation, highlighting mental well-being and community support. The second body paragraph presents the advantages of competition, focusing on motivation and skill enhancement. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced discussion by elaborating on the potential downsides of both competition and cooperation, which would demonstrate a deeper understanding of the complexities involved in the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include specific examples or counterarguments related to the downsides of both competition (e.g., stress, unhealthy rivalry) and cooperation (e.g., dependency, lack of initiative). This would provide a more comprehensive view of the topic and strengthen the overall argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position, ultimately favoring competition over cooperation. The writer explicitly states their opinion in the conclusion, which reinforces the stance taken throughout the essay. However, the transition from discussing both views to stating a personal opinion could be made more explicit to ensure clarity for the reader.
- How to improve: To improve clarity, the writer could use transitional phrases when shifting from discussing the two perspectives to stating their opinion. For instance, phrases like "Ultimately, I believe that…" or "In conclusion, I strongly support…" would help signal the transition more clearly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas well, particularly in the discussion of competition. The writer provides specific examples, such as the entrance exam scenario, which effectively illustrates the points made. However, the support for the cooperation argument could be more robust; it mainly focuses on mental well-being without exploring other potential benefits or providing examples.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer could include additional examples or statistics related to cooperation, such as successful team projects or studies showing the benefits of collaborative work environments. This would provide a more balanced approach and enhance the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt’s requirement to discuss both competition and cooperation. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of "social status" and "position in society" in the cooperation paragraph feels somewhat tangential and could distract from the main argument about the benefits of collaboration.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central theme of competition versus cooperation. It may be helpful to outline key points before writing to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion.

In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. To achieve an even higher band score, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion, enhance the support for ideas, clarify transitions between viewpoints, and maintain a tighter focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s intention to discuss both views. Each paragraph effectively addresses a specific aspect of the debate, with the first focusing on the benefits of cooperation and the second on the advantages of competition. However, the transition between the two perspectives could be smoother. For example, the shift from discussing collaboration to competition could benefit from a clearer linking sentence that explicitly contrasts the two ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely," or "In contrast," at the beginning of the second paragraph to signal a shift in focus. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the argument.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific viewpoint. The introduction and conclusion are also clearly defined, which aids in the overall readability. However, the paragraphs could be further refined to enhance clarity. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two, with one focusing solely on the benefits of collaboration and the other addressing the challenges of cooperation.
- How to improve: Consider breaking longer paragraphs into smaller ones to avoid overwhelming the reader and to emphasize distinct ideas. Each paragraph should ideally contain a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. This will not only improve readability but also strengthen the argument by making it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "on the other hand," and "to sum up," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. Nevertheless, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, there is a reliance on a few connectors, which can make the writing feel repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "consequently," and "for instance." This will enhance the essay’s coherence and make the argument more engaging. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help to create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "collaboration," "rivalry," "merits," and "competencies" effectively used to convey complex ideas. Phrases like "mental well-being" and "social status" also illustrate the writer’s ability to use topic-specific vocabulary. However, there are instances of repetition, such as the use of "people" and "competition," which could be varied to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To elevate the range of vocabulary, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly using "people," alternatives like "individuals," "participants," or "members of society" could be employed. Additionally, using phrases like "collaborative efforts" instead of just "cooperation" could enrich the vocabulary.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the phrase "boil down to their benefits for later purposes" is somewhat vague and could be misinterpreted. The term "strains" in "a wide range of strains" is also not the best fit, as it typically refers to stress or pressure rather than challenges or factors in an exam context.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should consider the context in which words are used. For example, replacing "strains" with "challenges" or "factors" would clarify the meaning. Additionally, rephrasing "boil down to their benefits for later purposes" to something like "ultimately serve their future interests" would provide clearer intent.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is largely accurate, with no glaring errors that would impede understanding. Words such as "contemporary," "notable," and "collaboration" are correctly spelled, reflecting a good grasp of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular reading and writing practice, paying close attention to commonly misspelled words. Additionally, utilizing spell-check tools and proofreading drafts can help catch any inadvertent mistakes before submission.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary suitable for a Band 7 score, focusing on enhancing lexical variety, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy will further strengthen the writer’s performance in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For example, phrases like "Whenever people confront any hardships or challenges" and "To have a position in nowadays workforce" show an ability to use subordinate clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence patterns, particularly in the second paragraph where similar structures are employed (e.g., "people can derive motivation from rivalry" and "participants’ time and effort are considered the two factors"). This limits the overall range of grammatical structures.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound sentences and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "people," the writer could use phrases like "In many cases," "It is often seen that," or "One can argue that." Additionally, integrating more passive voice constructions or using inversion for emphasis could further diversify the writing style.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few errors. For instance, the phrase "to facilitate them overcome their situation" should be corrected to "to facilitate their overcoming of the situation." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are some areas where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which can boil down to their benefits for later purposes," which could be clearer with a comma after "work."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on common grammatical structures and ensure subject-verb agreement is consistently applied. Reviewing the use of gerunds and infinitives would also be beneficial, particularly in phrases like "to facilitate them overcome." Regular practice with grammar exercises and seeking feedback on specific areas of difficulty can help solidify these skills. Additionally, a careful proofreading process can help catch minor punctuation errors and improve overall clarity.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a question of whether to opt for rivalry in every aspect of our lives or to aid each other in contemporary society. In this essay, I will discuss both sides before siding with a particular standpoint.

It is irrefutable that one of the most notable merits of collaboration is mental well-being. Whenever people confront hardships or challenges, when they work in a group, there will be those who are willing to assist them with collective effort and mutual support to help them overcome their situation. Therefore, a sense of community and sentimental values are what they will receive. However, in today’s world, it is challenging to proceed with cooperation, as people are in pursuit of social status and a position in society for personal gain. Even when people support each other at work, it can ultimately serve their own interests for later purposes.

On the other hand, competition in our daily lives seems prevalent and benefits us in many aspects. Firstly, people can derive motivation through competition. Regarding the entrance exam to any level, it is a common belief that there is a wide range of strains, including cut-off scores, examination atmosphere, and whether participants can employ their knowledge or not, that people have to overcome. To this end, participants’ time and effort are considered the two factors that they will sacrifice to obtain their goal and perform at their full potential despite the challenging entrance exam. Furthermore, competition is also a chance for them to enhance their competencies. To have a position in today’s workforce, which is limited, craftsmanship is highly valued. They are under the obligation to step beyond their comfort zones to enhance their skills with a view to proving that they are qualified and deserve to land that position.

To sum up, although both rivalry and collaboration are beneficial for our development, I am of the opinion that the driving force and skill enhancement derived from competition are more beneficial than the mental well-being attained through collaboration.